User:CartoonDiablo/Microsoft Surface

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Microsoft Surface
MSSurface.jpg
Shit you can touch.
MicrosoftSurfaceBSOD.jpg
A typical Microsoft Surface, experienced by a user.
Mantainer(s)Microsoft
Stable releaseNever
Preview releaseMay 30, 2007
Operating systemWindows Vista
Percentage of users000.327


The only possible use for the Microsoft Surface. Period.
This is where most Microsoft Surfaces end up 2-3 days after their bought.


Microsoft Surface is a newly created Windows computer that's shaped like a coffee table and is designed for causing extreme exhaustion for one or multiple amount of people[1]. Surface is staged to look like a brilliant new invention using features such as touch pad interactivity with photos and videos when in reality it's completely useless and brings absolutely no new, actual, computing features.[2]

Overview[edit | edit source]

The Microsoft Surface in action using it's unique multi-touch software.

Bill Gates creating his Microsoft products to infuriate the user and noticed that while the users were constantly infuriated with the shit quality and constant crashes of their computer they never seemed physically exhausted.[3] So to fix the problem Bill spent years developing the ultimate muscle straining devices that requires people to use their entire bodies to access information slowly instead of the mouse and keyboard which is much faster.

Features[edit | edit source]

The Surface basically acts as an over expensive light bright with a cellphone, GPS, and camera duck-taped to it. It allows wirless wifi sharing with the Microsoft Zune rendering it completely useless as a music sharing device seeing as how the record for most bought Zunes in a country was 8 in Somalia. It also implementsthe use of games and other interactive activities such as creating shit drawlings. Ironicly it doesn't have any compatibility with Microsoft Word [4]

Fanbase[edit | edit source]

Fans of this product consist of Sadists who painfully torture themselves while havening sex on the machine. Other fans are rich and spoiled 13 and/or very old virgin adults (see: The 40 Year Old Virgin for examples of these desperate losers.) year olds with 10,000 dollars to spare who have absolutely nothing better to do then masturbate. Others may include porn stars who want to take their sexual experiences farther. The Other fans are complete retards who were not aware that most phones and cheap computers do exactly what surface does only better.

References[edit | edit source]

  1. ↑ Why Microsoft sucks., page 55. Press, 2005.
  2. ↑ The Dailey Apple., page 85. , 2005.
  3. ↑ Health Today: "The Microsoft Scam", page 32. 2005.
  4. ↑ Mac World., Press, 2006.


Windows logo Proud producers of the Sex Box One.


• Detect "non-genuine" products

• Gather user information and credit card numbers

• Cripple core system components

• Deploy legal team

• Launch civil litigation


Estimated time:

Forever, or if you give me a cookie, I might shorten it to an hour.



Installing Windows has never been easier easy


All you need to do is phone your local Microsoft Customer Representative, write down a very long set of numbers, type it all in, get an error message, phone our Customer Representative again, adjust a few things, get another very long set of numbers, type
it all in again, install a few drivers, activate Windows again, lather, rinse and repeat.




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