User:Ben DeRoy/Professor X

“Get a haircut bald man!”

~ Captain Jack Sparrow on Professor X

“He is a professor.”

~ Captain Obvious on Professor X

Introduction

Professor X (full name unknown) (known as "Charlz" to the Juggernaut) is a shadowy, elusive comic book character in the Marvel Comics universe. He is also an ecstasy dealer on the side, hence the name "Professor X". He is a mutant who have the power to make people forget things, including his real name and most everything else. He is aptly named because nobody really knows anything about him, except that he's apparently bald, sits in a wheelchair, is apparently a professor (well, according to the title at least) and never seem to turn out alright on photos, hence the X. Unfortunately, nobody knows what the "X" stands for. He has probably went to some form of university to earn the professor title. Which is, of course, only an assumption as it is not in his character to reveal anything about himself. He hasn't made any real appearances as he always sits unseen in the shadow or only talks over the phone, never in person. But that's pretty predictable for something who calls himself "Professor X", ain't it? The only thing he has revealed about himself (in a telephone call, of course) is that he is in the X-Men, who are a group of shadowy figures who nobody really knows anything about either, hence the name.

He is a leading authority on amnesia (or so we're told), memory losses and dissociative fugues, has considerable expertise in other forgettable sciences, and is highly talented in creating equipment that makes people forget things, which also happens to include the reader. He runs a school for amnesiac children who may or may not have something to do with the shadowy X-Men, which I might have known if my memory wasn't so blurry. As a leading figure of the X-men it needs to be said that X-men is the short form for ex-men, what would suggest they used to be men, but are no longer men. The X is just used to indicate that we know very little about them. This also suggests that this "Professor X" is an ex-professor.

The Onslaught phase

For some time, Professor X was apparently driven mad after mind-wiping Captain Oblivious into vegetative state and become even more paranoid over exposition and obsessed with not being seen. Therefore, he hid himself inside a giant red suit, modeled after the supervillain Magneto, and began to call himself Onslaught. In this form, he sought to mindwipe all of humanity completely so as to erase even the slightest bit of evidence of who he was, which, to the surprise of the comic book readers, he actually succeeded with. However, since he hid himself in a giant red suit and mindwiped everyone, the storyline STILL did not reveal who Professor X is and what's his real name is. Even when he was defeated and his suit broken under him, impenetrable shadows still concealed his face entirely, just like they always have.

Professor X as depicted in some comic book. Notice how his face is all blurred out, Ringu-style.

Weaknesses

According to a well known source, Professor X had one weakness. Stairs. He's also known to be a pedophile, particularly attracted to teenage freaks with... wait, what was I saying?

Conspiracy Theories - the True identities of Professor X

• Professor X is Stephen Hawking
• Professor X is Mr. T
• Professor X is Mother Superior of a Convent
• Professor X likes men
• Professor X is Anonymous
• Professor X is Captain Jean Luc Picard

Fun facts

• Professor X is bald (judging from the only known photo of him, unfortunately clouded by impenetrable fog)
• Professor X is responsible for turning Captain Oblivious into the amnesiac dimwit he is these days
• Professor X wants YOU for the School for Gifted Youngsters
• Professor X is a professor
• Professor X's face becomes all blurry whenever he turn his face towards the reader
• In Soviet Russia, Professor X forgets YOU!!

See also

• Anonymous
• Professor Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters

The Life, Works & Philosophy of Anonymous