Uncyclopedia:UnSignpost/Press Room/7

Well

this edit made me giggle Not sure if we want to include such things (feeding the whoever or whatever), but hea MrN 22:55, Nov 19

You could always add it here. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 00:46, Nov 20

Eww a girl... They're all bite-y, don't trust em. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 07:42 20 November 2008

6-month milestone issue

Hey, I just read the latest UnSignpost issue, and I want to say I care. Keep up the excellent work! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 16:01, Nov 21

Can we quote you on that? Any of that? "Issue, and I want to" said Necropaxx. --UU - natter 16:10, Nov 21

I only order the unsignpost so I get that orange bar that makes me feel wanted... SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 17:14 21 November 2008

Ban recommendation

• (Block log); 20:37 . . RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Sycamore (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 30 seconds (That's for editing a year old topic and making me think there was actually something exciting happening. Bastard.)

- Admiral Enzo Aquarius-Dial the Gate 20:39, 30 November 2008 (UTC)

Yo!

Well, according to my parole officer, I'm supposed to do something useful. Is there anything I can help with around here? -- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 06:13, 3 December 2008 (UTC)

Thinking of relevant stories would help - either writing them, or just drawing the editorial staff's attention to them. Get out there and investigate! --UU - natter 09:19, Dec 3

Creator of worst articles EVER!

What about an article of me, being one of the worst creator of articles on Uncyc EVER! |Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Aussie CUN|IC Kill | 07:37, 3 December 2008 (UTC)

Oh there have been worse. Much worse. Believe me. You don't even want to know about them. It would blow your mind. -RAHB 07:44, 3 December 2008 (UTC)

Yeah, what RAHB said - your articles aren't VFD material, and therefore there are many, many worse authors out there... --UU - natter 09:16, Dec 3

Some are VFD material, but that doesn't matter. |Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Aussie CUN|IC Kill | 09:44, 7 December 2008 (UTC)

From the Cabal's desk

How is this for the first time?

"Greeting citizens. This post does not exist. We are not addressing you from this paper. We do not exist. We do not sit in dark corners, smoking expensive cigars and smirk when we see you make mistakes. Mistakes on this site do not exist. We do not watch your every step with our ban hammers poised for actions. Mainly because your edits don't exist. We are not tired by your petty dramas and wonder when will you write some new classics. Simply because you do not exist. You are not reading this post. We will not meet again next week. This was not the cabal's weekly address to the citizenry. Keep the peace, obey the cabal. The cabal is your friend." ~ Mordillo where is my PISS ARTIST? 11:45, 3 December 2008 (UTC)

Splendid, thanks. Or it would be, if it existed. Which it doesn't. But thanks for something or other anyway. --UU - natter 11:46, Dec 3

good news

THEDUDEBOT WORKS! Delivery systems can be reactivated on demand. Lieutenant THEDUDEMAN Dude ... Totally UOTM KUN GotA F@H 03:39, 4 December 2008 (UTC)

Cool! That means I get to flip a coin each week between THEDUDEBOT and MrN9001. It's good to have options! --UU - natter 11:49, Dec 4

No "Cajek Ban of the Week" this week?

I just got this weeks Unsignpost in my talk page today and I am wondering why they didn't include a Cajek Ban of the Week this week. I know that User:Cajek was banned at least twice this past week. I wonder why it wasn't included this week? --—The preceding unsigned comment was added by Sawblade5 (talk • contribs) 19:24, 5 December 2008 (UTC)

There was also no "Old School Featured Article of the Week", "Foreign Uncyc page of the Week", "UU's Obscure British Dialect Expression of the Week", "VFD Kept Article of the Week"... I could go on. The ...of the Week boxes are are arbitrary as the rest of the thing. Still, glad to see you read it enough to notice! ;-) --UU - natter 22:12, Dec 5

Can we have an "'...of the Week box' of the Week", where we look back of the good ol' "...of the Week" boxes of yore? Do you mind if I put it together? (don't wanna get banned again :P) -- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 00:35, 6 December 2008 (UTC)

Do it! MrN 00:50, Dec 6

So... do I just edit the unsignpost itself? can i do that!? -- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 04:35, 6 December 2008 (UTC)

Uh, bung it in here for now, and I'll wallop it in the latest handcrafted, painstakingly edited issue. Not that I don't trust you, you understand, it's just that all newspaper editors are control freaks. It's a clause in the contract we sign. Oh, and it'll have to be "classic ...of the Week box of the week" or something - we had an "...of the week box of the week" in our first issue, as I recall. --UU - natter 09:03, Dec 6

Classic "...of the Week" Box of the Week Week Box of the week - by far the most classic Classic "...of the Week" Box of the Week, "Week Box of the week", was featured in the very first edition of the Unsignpost, and for some reason that only the classic writers of the most classic Classic "...of the Week" Box of the Week know, Week Box of the week spoke not of boxes, as you weak-minded simpletons might believe, but of something higher - Dr. Skullthumper or Cajek's "humor juice".

Is it too long already? I keep thinking it's gonna be four times as long once it gets all squished in the USP template. And it doesn't end well, either. Do I still get paid? -- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 19:14, 6 December 2008 (UTC)

It's fine. It means I have less writing to do, and it does the trick. Thanks. And of course you do, if by "paid" you mean "given nothing at all". --UU - natter 10:45, Dec 7

Collin breaks #uncyclopedia

At approximately 7:01 EST, Colin "All your base" Heaney officially fucked everything up yet again. IRC was engaged in what started out as a naturally occurring, all-caps LOL train. However, being the little faggot that he is, Colin decided to join in, effectively making it not funny anymore. This reporter, being an expert witness in cases of dipshittery, quickly came to the conclusion that "Colin makes everything suck."

However, Uncyclopedia's resident shitstain did not stop there. He proceeded to incite bizarre and violent urges within members of IRC, causing them to commit unspeakable acts. This reporter, under Colin's influence, killed both of his parents; deadpidgeon and MrN9000 both became homosexuals as a result. Colin himself was then found to have been responsible for every case of unpleasantness throughout history: the Holocaust, 9/11, and abortion.

As other users unknowingly joined the channel-turned-warzone, they too fell victim to Colin's faggotry. Users were eventually transforming into furries and fucking each other with "furry Disney dicks" just before this reporter relocated to a safer distance. Needless to say, there is now sufficient evidence that everything stupid and gay and unfunny is, in fact, Colin's fault.

sirsysrq @ 01:03 Dec 6

And just when I was thinking about checking out IRC for the first time in awhile...... -- Hi, hey! I'M A MOTERFUCKING NIGGER BITCH LOVER 01:12, 6 December 2008 (UTC)

This is probably still going on now. Go check it out. C'mon. I dare yah. sirsysrq @ 01:14 Dec 6

Just! Just! Oh, I give up... MrN 01:19, Dec 6

This... is a little fucked up, Sissy. I hope Colin knows you're joking... you are joking, right? -- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 01:29, 6 December 2008 (UTC)

This is actually the second funniest thing that I've read all day. -- Hi, hey! I'M A MOTERFUCKING NIGGER BITCH LOVER 01:32, 6 December 2008 (UTC)

This is one of those "you had to be there" type things. And yes, of course he was in on it. Then again though, I would have written this even if he wasn't. He is Colin, after all. sirsysrq @ 01:33 Dec 6

Can't say this is your best work sissy, sorry :( maybe it's just cos I wasn't there. Sir Orian57~Christmas!~Talk 05:17 6 December 2008

It's news, and it's good enough for me as it means I have to make less stuff up. Cheers Sys. --UU - natter 09:07, Dec 6

Keyword there is "good enough". sirsysrq @ 17:25 Dec 6

This one sucks. It left out the part where deadpigeon gave everyone who wanted one free blowjobs and where I started Vietnam. Colin ALL YOUR BASEHeaney! Casa Bey Superfly Portfolio 23:27, 11 December 2008 (UTC)

OH MY GOD COLIN YOU ARE NOT FUNNY YOU JUST FUCK UP EVERYTHING! GO AWAY! Ahem. I'm sorry. I mean, hi buddy. sirsysrq @ 00:09 Dec 12

New Page for bot statuses

So Sence all the bots are never avaliable at normal times, I'm gonna start a subpage for which ones are running and which aren't, and attempt to keep it current. Mostly cause people always dissapear and shit. Its gonna be Uncyclopedia:UnSignpost/bot. Bla. Lieutenant THEDUDEMAN Dude ... Totally UOTM KUN GotA F@H 02:46, 6 December 2008 (UTC)

Cool. I'll add it to my burgeoning watchlist. --UU - natter 09:05, Dec 6

Story Idea!

Chicks, man.

By: Regret Tenenbaum

Hot Chicks. Just the words start your heart racing and your mumble mumble. Hot chicks have long failed to recieve the ample, under-wire support they deserve here on Uncyc, and if it were not for one, soft-drink based, visionary noob, the femme fetals of Uncyc would still be a saggy, wrinkly mess. Now all the babes, sexy ladies, foxy chicks, MILFs, and, yes, even magical anime girls, rest in the palm of your hand, throbbing with their new-found intellectual networking - WikiProject Hot Chicks. When asked how the aforementioned noob came up with such a brilliant idea, he responded: "I don't know what UnSignpost is, my motivation for starting U[N]:WP Hot Chicks was because I thought it was rather humorous, I would like to be adopted, and in Soviet Russia, all your base are belong to YOU !!" (Doctapeppaman was promptly given a stern spanking for such irresponsible use of meme)

The project has already succeeded in tagging several sexy talk-pages with the WikiProject Hot Chicks seal, thereby rating them on a random and baseless scale from A- to D-Cup, and the project will most likely be a success, considering the high ratio of user to pervert present on the site. Perhaps, one day, the project will achieve it's primary goal - making every article without enough pictures of scantily-clad women into an article about cheesecake.

Although UN:WP:HC is still in it's early stages, chances are high that the project will soon blossom into a full, firm, sexy addition to Uncyc's many supple homages the carnal wonder that is the female body, to the delight of the hordes of sexually repressed 13-year-olds who call this site home.

Done, I guess. Edit at will (more sexy puns, maybe?) -- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 04:47, 8 December 2008 (UTC)

New story idea

Kevin Rudd says Uncyclopedia is the worst

By Joe9320 (Source: JNNN TV Anda/Homepage)

Recently, Kevin Rudd said that Uncyclopedia is the worst. In his statement when he was at his speech in Beijing, China, he said "Uncyclopedia is the worst. They put up articles of disgust, nonsense and rudeness. Fuck Uncyclopedia! It's just a plain ripoff of Wikipedia" Then he went on to say how Uncyclopedia is bad. He also said "Illogicopedia is nonsensical, but much better than Uncyclopedia. Even Wikipedia doesn't have anything disgusting on it, despite articles about rude words". As the people of Uncyclopedia, we totally disagree on Mr Rudd's comments on Uncyclopedia. People should realise that this great website is not a ripoff of Wikipedia. Hail Cthulhu!!