Soylent

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Milliliters of Soylent consumed by Redditors since this page has been opened:

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Soylent is a type of "drink" that is meant to act as a meal replacement, it doesn't act well as a meal replacement but it does do a good job at tasting and feeling like the shit they feed cows. Soylent is most likely supposed to be used by people under certain medical conditions where they temporarily can't consume regular solid food, but its main audience are actually Redditors, oh my science! The main audience of these drinks are actually people who are actually too lazy to sit down and eat a regular meal, and they don't use it temporarily either, Soylent is their god. Soylent comes in three forms; Shake, Powder, and Bar (although the bar variants aren't popular because of all the work of chewing food involved), these 3 forms can be fused together and when combined, create the Ultimate Soylent Form, which is a substance used by the CIA as a torture device, since leaving this substance in the same room as any normal human being will cause them to develop SAS (see "Side Effects" for more information) without even needing to consume the Soylent.

Ingredients[edit | edit source]

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For the uncouth among us who choose lies, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Soylent (meal replacement).
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The euphoric geniuses at RationalWiki have an even smarmier article about Soylent.

Soylent is composed of many "ingredients", including:

  • Soy (surprisingly)
  • Semen
  • Vomit
  • Piss (brown piss to be precise)
  • (Insert 100th Soylent Green joke here)
  • Muddy puddle from outside the factory
  • The Flu
  • Blended British breakfast
  • Left overs from the ingredients (for more details, look up how hotdogs are made)
  • Lead (this one isn't actually a joke, look it up)

Side Effects[edit | edit source]

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Did you know? Soylent got banned in Canada for failing to be a meal replacement?

Overconsumption of Soylent has been recognized by the FDA and has been called by scientists "Soylent Abuse Syndrome" (or SAS for short). Other side effects include less money in your wallet (a 12 pack is 42 USD on Amazon, for reference a 12 pack of soda in the US is around 7-8 USD), looking like a loser, BEING a loser, and a bad aftertaste.

Soylent Abuse Syndrome[edit | edit source]

A Soylent user owning a bottle opener because their wife's boyfriend isn't around.

Soylent Abuse Syndrome is a condition that occurs when a person consumes way more Soylent then the recommended FDA amount (4 milliliters), SAS is common in lazy inactive people who are unemployed and don't pay their own bills. There are around 780,000 cases of SAS in the US and in most cases, the issue is chronic and semi frequently fatal.

Symptoms of SAS:[edit | edit source]

  • Weaker/Thinner arms
  • A shitty beard
  • Receding Hairline
  • Wanting to wear a manbun
  • Sudden urge to participate in cannibalism
  • Browsing Reddit (Especially r/soylent or r/atheism)
  • Pale Skin
  • Shrinkage of testicles
  • Vaping (Not like disposable vapes, but those fancy vapes with a screen and DOOM built into it)
  • Repelling Women
  • Being repelled by Women
  • Having 4chan bookmarked
  • Sitting on your tailbone
  • Becoming an editor for Encyclopedia Dramatica instead of Uncyclopedia

See also[edit | edit source]

Are You Going to Eat That?
I WANT MOOOOORE!!!!

Cooking ~ Breakfast ~ Brunch ~ Lunch ~ Dinner

American cuisine ~ Asparagus ~ Awesomesauce ~ Baby food ~ Bacon ~ Bacon and Cheese Sandwich ~ Beaver Delight ~ Boogers ~ Burgers ~ Butter ~ Cabbage ~ Cafeteria food ~ Cake ~ Caviar ~ Cereal ~ Cheese ~ Chicken ~ Chicken 2 ~ Corn ~ Corn 2 ~ Cockroach ~ Crumpet ~ Curry ~ Deviled eggs ~ Endangered specia ~ Fast food ~ Fluff ~ Free lunch ~ Fruit ~ Fudge ~ Gastrorgasmic Cuisine ~ Hot dog ~ Humans ~ Jewish cuisine ~ Kittens ~ Lasagne ~ Magic mushroom ~ Meatloaf ~ Mordor Jalapeños ~ Nouvelle cuisine ~ Poop cuisine ~ Penis ~ Pizza ~ Pie ~ Pills ~ Pudding ~ Orange sherbet ~ Rocky Mountain Oysters ~ Salami ~ Sauce ~ Sausage Butty Batter Nugget ~ Silica gel ~ Soylent Green ~ Spaghetti ~ Spam ~ Soup ~ Taco ~ Toast ~ Tofu ~ Tortilla ~ Turd burger ~ Waffle ~ More...
Are You Going to Drink That?

Liquid ~ Alcohol ~ Drinking games ~ Hyperdrinking

Artificial Fruit Juice Alternative ~ Arizona Iced Tea ~ Blood ~ Breast milk ~ Chocolate milk ~ Folger's ~ Champagne ~ Capri Sun ~ Cider ~ Coffee ~ Cocktail ~ Coke ~ Cthulhu Tequila ~ Cum ~ Dr. Pepper ~ English beer ~ Frappe ~ Frog Semen ~ Gatorade ~ Gin ~ Glass ~ Guinness ~ Grape drink ~ Ginger ale ~ Grimace Shake ~ Irn-Bru ~ Jack Daniel's ~ Juice ~ Karsk ~ Lean ~ Leninade ~ Milk ~ Missing milk ~ Mocha ~ Mountain Dew ~ Powerthirst ~ Slurpee ~ Soda ~ Orange juice ~ Pee ~ RC Cola ~ Red Bull ~ Rum ~ Soy milk ~ Spilt milk ~ Sunny D ~ Tea ~ Tequila ~ Truthful Vending GmbH ~ Ţuică ~ Whisky ~ Wine ~ Water ~ Russian water ~ More...
I WANT MOOOOORE!!!!
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