Uncyclopedia:Wilde
 Irish author, playwright, witty person, Stephen Colbert's long lost brother, and ladies' badminton coach |
Uncyclopedia: The Wilde Project
Look, I simply have no idea whatsoever as to why everyone here at Uncyclopedia makes such a big deal about this Oscar Wilde guy. They just asked me to write something to put here in this box, because it would look bad if it were just a lot of white space. So I did. But none of it makes any sense... I mean, the guy's dead, isn't he? Who cares about what some dead guy said at a tea party for the Duchess of Kent? And who is this "Marquess of Queensberry" character? I seriously just do not get it. And it seems I'm not the only one! I mean, look at some of the pages on this website that link to this one. There must be thousands of them, and not one actually has anything to do with the guy! They all just mention him for no apparent logical reason (except that the whole of this website is a joke, bordering on psychotic mania), because the people who write the articles here probably feel like they're supposed to, like it's some sort of requirement. And of course, they all have the same three pictures on them, because that's how many there are in the world, seems like. And how many lists is he on, ferchrissakes? OMFG, every time you see a list of people or anything else on this crazy-ass website, alive, dead, real, or imaginary, good ol' Oscar's on it, I guarantee you that. And of course they've given him practically every title and honorific ever invented. And the quotations! I mean, shit, it's like every friggin' article has a quotation at the top by this Wilde guy! And I'll bet he didn't say half those things. I guess people think that's a requirement too, because they never seem to get tired of it. And that's what The Wilde Project is all about: adding even more quotations. It will be easy. They're already at every turn. We'll definitely win. And we won't have gone down fighting. |
| Benighted Wildeisms du Jour (edit) | Who Likes a Pram, Then? | |
|---|---|---|
|
Oscar Wilde is drinking raspberry smoothies in a bar on Tottenham Court Road, when the Member of Parliament from Scunthorpe walks in. "Oscar, I do declare," says the MP, in a high, whiny-sounding voice. "You do declare what," replies Wilde. "Why, I've no idea," the MP says. So he and Oscar leave the bar and take a hansom to Harley Street, where Oscar claims to know someone who has some oregano. Only he insists on the British pronunciation of "or-uh-GAHN-oh," so when he gets there the person has no idea what he's talking about, and tells him to "get lost." The MP flies into a rage at this, and strikes the guy with his walking stick, which as it turns out is made of pure swiss cheese. Wilde notices this and asks, "What is the point of having a walking stick made out of swiss cheese? Surely it could not possibly support your enormous weight." The MP thinks about this for a minute, then replies: "How do you think I managed to become this heavy," or some such rubbish. The MP then proceeds to eat the walking stick while Wilde argues with the or-uh-GAHN-oh man for a while. Ultimately, Wilde and the MP, whose name turns out to be Melvin, walk off in search of a poetry contest. Finding one, they sit down and hatch a sinister plot to destroy the world, using nothing but a side of mutton which they intend to buy at the local butcher's. |
How You Can HelpOne way you can help is by not editing this page. Another way is by making a fart joke. You could also join the project, which isn't really a "project" so much as a list of people who like to see their usernames mentioned in highly questionable contexts. Current members are you, Winstanley1, and... well, that's about it. Members may proudly display the {{User Wilde Project}} template on their user pages, as if that's even worth the bother. Why You Shouldn't HelpBecause editing this page is fun, and we already have a lot of fartistic jokes. And I do mean a whole buttload of fart jokes. Please, do not call Mr. Wilde OR yourself the Master Bater. That is me. Where To Send CashPlease send cash to Me, at my address, which you'll have to find out on your own. Sorry. You could Click Here but it won't take you anywhere. |
Sista projectsUncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects as well as some foreign language Uncyclopedias and Illogicopedia.
| |
 Uncyclopedia is made possible through contributions from readers like you. All donations go toward the continuation of Uncyclopedia and its community of volunteer editors. If Uncyclopedia has ever made you laugh then we invite you to donate and help us pay for our expensive server(s). You can make all donations using your PayPal account or debit/credit card here. You can also support your local Uncyclopedia by purchasing merchandise from our merchandise store where 15% of all sales goes toward Uncyclopedia. If you cannot donate but still want to help Uncyclopedia monetarily, you can click some of the ads in our e-store to help us keep the rest of the site ad free. |
 | This article was mentioned in the Guardian (UK), further diminishing what little credibility the media had left. You can read all about it here. |