Hillyard & Brickman Corporation
The Hillyard & Brickman Corporation is a dynamic young company founded in 2002 with one central goal for the 20th century: Excellence through Synergy, and Capital through Innovation™. Leading the field in cutting-edge market endeavors that enhance consumerism and inversely decrease domestic quality of life, mankind is already benefiting greatly from the ingenuity and completely ethical practices of the company that employees affectionately refer to as "The Company". Several prominent, prestigious and highly televised media outlets have even suggested that Hillyard & Brickman is in fact one of the world's most global leaders, internationally championing production of net happiness for all consumers great and small, and greatly streamlining the subsequent distribution of said product to all ports of call. In simple terms, Hillyard & Brickman is a company that works for you. How could that possibly be evil?
Establishment
In 1989, CEO James McBowlstrum had a vision; a vision of ethical business practices, bolstered by a commitment to quality and an emphasis on bold, groundbreaking networks of communication. Founded in the quaint downtown area of scenic Maple Streams, Mr. McBowlstrum built the Hillyard & Brickman Corporation from the ground up, often with his bare hands. In 13 years' time, James McBowlstrum constructed the most solid structural basis for a company of compassion that the world has ever known.
H&B has undergone rapid growth every fiscal year since its humble days of establishment. There is now little doubt that the Corporation's presence has far exceeded the space occupied by its headquarters' 29-story office complex and partial amusement facility (firmly committed to full functionality by 2013). When in the area, passersby enjoy the charming elegance of chestnut trees and camellia flowers decorating the periphery, never thinking of touring the main building (in which tours are not offered). Entrance to Hillyard & Brickman's reception area is strictly prohibited without prior reservations; the waiting list for an RSVP is currently backlogged through June 2011 (now that's progress!). Friendly Security Agents won't hesitate to demonstrate how prohibited entrance is to the less well-informed, but confrontation is rare. Unwitting tourists and other various Nosey Nancys always forget their concerns on the H&B Wild Rapids Log Flume attraction.
Scope
Hillyard & Brickman has an integral role in the research, development, marketing and facilitation of various products and services. Consumers generally love H&B's great leaps and bounds in the field of bound-leaping, and rarely inquire about the company's inner workings. Whether it be the medical, food or beauty industry, H&B has made great strides in completely satisfying the consumer. Clients that utilize H&B's innovated food products, for example, find themselves coming back for more and more regardless of appetite or necessity for nourishment. Satisfied users of the cosmetic products enhanced by the company often use them in amounts that would surely cause asphyxiation if substituted with another company's inferior product. Numerous pie charts and bar graphs all point to H&B at the forefront of global resource maximization, and the customer is taking heed. Numbers can't lie, folks: they're numbers!
The Corporation's popularity has grown exponentially amongst the cross-cultural global community, and is headed in only one direction: a continuation of that valued growth. Whether the consumer decides to contribute toward or hinder this growth is entirely up to the consumer (H&B is a company which proudly supports democracy unless a more suitable form of governance takes power). However, market research and development has conclusively proven that the former is 100% more likely to occur. That is the Hillyard commitment to excellence.
Philosophy
H&B's philosophy is simple: Innovation, Love, Synergy, Excellence, and various other abstract nouns delivered with Confidence. The company innovates because they love the consumer. The synergy exhibited breeds competition, which leads to unchallengeable excellence. This confidence is realized by all takers and is, in turn, reciprocated in the form of amassed gross revenue. A winning combination.
For H&B, love comes in many forms and is expressed in many ways. Sometimes love may be expressed to the consumer's aging mother or pet beagle, when they least expect it. The company can be very innovative in the ways they love.
Values
H&B takes pride in its values and encourages both its employees and the consumer to share the same values with them.
- Loyalty – With H&B, loyalty is not just a virtue; it's a welcomed requirement for all employees, marketeers, customers and most other world citizens. When you choose an H&B innovated product, you improve your quality of life; and there is no turning back from that! You will feel most compelled to make that product your product of choice until your very last day of H&B-manufactured oxygen usage. That day is far off, of course, as long as you remain calm, sensible, and inherently linked to Hillyard & Brickman.
- Perseverance – Humans make mistakes from time to time. Not at H&B of course, but elsewhere in the world. Occasionally, a consumer may handle an H&B product improperly, possibly causing burns, gashes, skin inflammation or internal bleeding. This is not to be viewed as a medical emergency, but rather as a physical trial, and it is well known that humans grow and prosper by passing through trials. The trial you may experience with an H&B innovated product is your own unique experience, and should be endured with profound gratitude to the Corporation (an opinion systematically shared by Mr. John Roberts, Chief Justice of the United States Supreme Court and valued H&B stockholder).
- Selflessness – There are times when an H&B innovated product, such as a vital medication you may be taking regularly, must undergo an unavoidable price upgrade. This price upgrade will raise the amount of money you contribute toward the Corporation's future life-bettering endeavors, and thereby increase your future happiness with your quality of life as a loyal consumer.
Sales endeavors
To the happy-go-lucky international public, Hillyard & Brickman is welcomed into homes like a kindly grandmother, dispensing valued advice, trendsetting modernization and affordable prices. H&B knows that its products are household commonplaces. However, due to generous support from equally friendly print, television and radio media, H&B items are almost omnipresent in the forward-thinking world.
In 2007, 43 of 48 advertisements during the much-lauded Super Bowl were for products under the H&B umbrella. Breaking from popular tradition, none of these advertisements were humorous. But honestly, who cares? H&B Market Research, LLC has determined that the public will respond regardless (with or without subsidiary intervention from Hillyard & Brickman Persuasion, Ltd.). Quality = Assured. 
For.
Statement
As outlined in the Corporation's philosophy, Hillyard & Brickman loves you. However, Hillyard & Brickman does not love suggestions, inquiries, or interference. You have a happy life there with your computer, your arms and legs, and those people you love and share life with. H&B wants to you enjoy those things for a long, long time. What you want to do is consume H&B innovated products during that long, happy life of yours. Don't you ever forget that.
According to H&B Public Opinion Department, you really should be a conscientious pet owner and Hillyard supporter. It'd be a shame for the little guy to go missing.
See also
