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The 10th edition of the Poo Lit Surprise writing competition is now open for submissions.
Somebody touch me.

For every 10 production workers a company has, there needs to be at least one employee who stands there with his arms folded and watches them. However, in modern times, it's not uncommon to have a single yet highly devoted control freak to supervise scores of employees. HowTo: Be A Production Manager is the perfect guide for anyone who finds themselves thrown into this lucrative position through nepotism, extortion or influential friends.

A Production Manager essentially acts as the liaison between the office staff and the dregs of society known as production workers. The unpleasant part of the job is that sales and management are able to use you as the focal point of their rage, due to the inherent responsibilities of the position, and the traditional purpose of the Production Manager is to transfer that abuse to the bottom of the employee food chain. When you play your cards right, everyone will be fighting amongst themselves and the winds of blame shall never touch your sails. (Full article...)

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... that it is most certainly not beneficial to Society to monitor Internet use? (Pictured)

... that Thomas Edison was arrested on charges of pornography following the release of his short film, Woman Whose Ankle is Partly Visible?
... pole dancing was introduced to Egyptian culture by Cleopatra?
... that the song "Harder Better Faster Stronger" by Daft Punk is a giant "That's what she said" joke?
... that while Pong! the Movie followed suit with the wildly popular video game genre, such as The Super Mario Bros. movie and Resident Evil, it did not play out as well in the box offices?
... that Big Pharma wants to get you high?
... that Cup Stacking is a real sport? No, really.
... that Jimmy Mozzarella is pissing in your closet?

... that no, doing this does not make your incompetence any less obvious? (Pictured)

... that bipolar bears are not to be messed with, more-so than polar bears?
... that the brainrot is taking oveBRR BRR PATAPIM, IL MIO CAPPELO E PIENO DI SLIM! TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG SAHUR! BOMBARDINO CROCODILO!
... that the phrase "¡Ay Chihuahua!" can be used to mean both "no, I don't have any bathtub cheese" and "yes, I have a great deal of bathtub cheese"?
... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA
... that the admins will never approve your DYK submission nor will they read these suggestions?
... that you... you should have gone for my head? Oh Snap!
... that at some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser?

... that it is most certainly not beneficial to Society to monitor Internet use? (Pictured)

... that Thomas Edison was arrested on charges of pornography following the release of his short film, Woman Whose Ankle is Partly Visible?
... pole dancing was introduced to Egyptian culture by Cleopatra?
... that the song "Harder Better Faster Stronger" by Daft Punk is a giant "That's what she said" joke?
... that while Pong! the Movie followed suit with the wildly popular video game genre, such as The Super Mario Bros. movie and Resident Evil, it did not play out as well in the box offices?
... that Big Pharma wants to get you high?
... that Cup Stacking is a real sport? No, really.
... that Jimmy Mozzarella is pissing in your closet?

... that no, doing this does not make your incompetence any less obvious? (Pictured)

... that bipolar bears are not to be messed with, more-so than polar bears?
... that the brainrot is taking oveBRR BRR PATAPIM, IL MIO CAPPELO E PIENO DI SLIM! TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG SAHUR! BOMBARDINO CROCODILO!
... that the phrase "¡Ay Chihuahua!" can be used to mean both "no, I don't have any bathtub cheese" and "yes, I have a great deal of bathtub cheese"?
... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA
... that the admins will never approve your DYK submission nor will they read these suggestions?
... that you... you should have gone for my head? Oh Snap!
... that at some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser?

... that it is most certainly not beneficial to Society to monitor Internet use? (Pictured)

... that Thomas Edison was arrested on charges of pornography following the release of his short film, Woman Whose Ankle is Partly Visible?
... pole dancing was introduced to Egyptian culture by Cleopatra?
... that the song "Harder Better Faster Stronger" by Daft Punk is a giant "That's what she said" joke?
... that while Pong! the Movie followed suit with the wildly popular video game genre, such as The Super Mario Bros. movie and Resident Evil, it did not play out as well in the box offices?
... that Big Pharma wants to get you high?
... that Cup Stacking is a real sport? No, really.
... that Jimmy Mozzarella is pissing in your closet?

... that no, doing this does not make your incompetence any less obvious? (Pictured)

... that bipolar bears are not to be messed with, more-so than polar bears?
... that the brainrot is taking oveBRR BRR PATAPIM, IL MIO CAPPELO E PIENO DI SLIM! TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG SAHUR! BOMBARDINO CROCODILO!
... that the phrase "¡Ay Chihuahua!" can be used to mean both "no, I don't have any bathtub cheese" and "yes, I have a great deal of bathtub cheese"?
... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA
... that the admins will never approve your DYK submission nor will they read these suggestions?
... that you... you should have gone for my head? Oh Snap!
... that at some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser?

... that it is most certainly not beneficial to Society to monitor Internet use? (Pictured)

... that Thomas Edison was arrested on charges of pornography following the release of his short film, Woman Whose Ankle is Partly Visible?
... pole dancing was introduced to Egyptian culture by Cleopatra?
... that the song "Harder Better Faster Stronger" by Daft Punk is a giant "That's what she said" joke?
... that while Pong! the Movie followed suit with the wildly popular video game genre, such as The Super Mario Bros. movie and Resident Evil, it did not play out as well in the box offices?
... that Big Pharma wants to get you high?
... that Cup Stacking is a real sport? No, really.
... that Jimmy Mozzarella is pissing in your closet?

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He literally fought nail and tooth for Team America Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey (Pictured); Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters So.. about that Super Bowl.. Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over • Team Canada rethinking life Recent deaths: Brad Arnold • NFL season • Winter Olympics • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • ~~YouTube~~ • Tom Noonan • Eric Dane • Melania Trump's big movie star career • Team Canada hockey, twice, AND their curling team Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy and snow handling capability • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files • the US government, again • Warner Bros. (?) • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to remember • Mexico UnNews – Radio Free Lunch**
On this day...
February 23: Vin Diesel Saying the Word "Family" Day 1455 - The Gutenberg Bible is first printed, God brags that he is now a published author. 1923 - Werner Heisenberg plans to describe the uncertainty principle to his peers, but is unsure if they'll like it or not. 1941 - Scientists first create Plutonium, but instead of getting cool superpowers they just get cancer and die. 1947 - The International Organization for Standardization is founded to make Americans feel insecure about the customary system. 1999 - Kurdish leader Abdullah Öcalan is sentenced to death by Turkey due to mustache jealousy. 2015 - Vin Diesel (Pictured) says the word family so many times it doesn't even sound like a word anymore. View tomorrow – More anniversaries...

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Popular childrens' game involving cocaine. The "I'm a Romanian immigrant snorting myself to death" version will be available in stores in the near future.

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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

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