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Dick Willie Johnson: Hey there folks! Thank you for tuning in to the Presidential Wrestling Classic! As always I'm your host, Dick Willie Johnson, joined by my good friend and colleague, Bud "Lite" Bigmeat. Bud: Yes, let me be the first to tell everyone that we have one hell of a show for y'all tonight. This is something truly special. Dick: Folks, grab a cold beer and just enjoy the show tonight. No matter how old you are, grab a goddamn beer, crack that sumbitch open and get a little buzz going. Bud: Goddamn right, Dick. I got me some Jack Daniels! My absolute favorite, as I'm sure you all know! (Full article...) Recently featured: HowTo:Eat an orange UnNews:A dingo ate my baby Morning Best aristocrat ever Archive · Vote for featured articles · Featured today, a long long time ago Taylor Swift's "psy-op", featured on 8 November 2024: Featured version Did you know... *... that Joe Biden stepped in dog shit? ... that 100% of people who make good life choices die? ... that Joe Biden stepped in dog shit? ... that 100% of people who make good life choices die? ... that Joe Biden stepped in dog shit? ... that 100% of people who make good life choices die? ... that Joe Biden stepped in dog shit?	In the news Free bus passes and shawarma for everyone! Until the money runs out.. New York City goes full Commie, elects Zohran Mamdani as mayor (Pictured) Los Angeles Dodgers win World Series with lucky bullshit, become the Kansas City Chiefs of baseball Dingo eats a woman's baby Interview: A Brief Chat About Uncyclopedia with Uncyclopedian and Lucky star. Indy police: former NFL quarterback Mark Sanchez literally butt-fumbles in real life Trump receives COVID vaccine despite supporters making their entire personalities being against it for years The US government continues to shit itself Starmer unveils new digital ID cards to help further monitor citizens' pornography intake BoJo and Co. politely ask Nigel Farage to stop lifting children Omaha man's order of salmon sliders indistinguishable from salmon burgers Charlie Kirk gets l+ratio'd during a speech in Utah Sheeranism officially legalised in Yankeeland Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE/Antifa clashes • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • Pregnant moms taking Tylenol to give their babies "autism powers" • Democrats and Republicans throwing hissy fits in D.C. • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Republicans and rich people fleeing NYC Recent deaths: Charlie Kirk • Robert Redford • U.S. Federal Government • Jane Goodall • Diane Keaton • Gaza War • Drew Struzan • Windows 10 • D'Angelo • YouTube player's old design • A guitarist and a security guard from KISS • June Lockhart • Nick Mangold • Jamaica, at the hands of Hurricane Melissa • Toronto Blue Jays' World Series dreams • Donna Godchaux • Diane Ladd • Dick Cheney Upcoming deaths: DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • Aforementioned Tylenol moms • Mark Butt-fumble's career• Coral reefs • Capitalism in NYC • Blue Jays fans' livers and kidneys On this day... November 8: Erectional Pleasure Day 1000000 BC - On the plains of Africa, the Australopithecus encounters an eerie black monolith, and for the first time in history, stands erect. Moments later, with "Also sprach Zarathustra" blaring in the background, the Australopithecus realizes his hands are now free and begins to experiment with tool use. If you know what I mean. 1173 - The leaning tower of Pisa gives the first sign of its famous erectile dysfunction problem. 1653 - Taj Mahal, "Man's greatest erection for a woman" built in India. 1889 - Eiffel Tower erected, giving pleasure to all Parisians. Rioting ensues. 1901 - Washington Monument erected as a reminder to all American men that their penis is more important than diplomacy. 1995 - Bill Clinton calls Monica Lewinsky into the Oval Office. Lewinsky walks in and sees Clinton sitting in his chair, with his cock and balls hanging out of his pants. She digs it, and a two-year-long affair occurs between the two. 2016 - Donald Trump wins the 2016 presidential election, simultaneously making all Republican women across the country erect and making all Democrat women un-erect.
Featured picture Even the power of an iPod is no match for the common gun. Image credit: Llama-Llover View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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