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Somebody touch me.

The Autoconspiracy 2000 (more commonly known as the Conspiracy Theory Generator) is a top-secret computer program built by the world's most elite historians and computer scientists for the purpose of expanding historical knowledge beyond that which would normally not be achievable by humans. The goal of the program is to map out and eventually solve every historical uncertainty by "Exploring the Infinite Chronoscape" as the program's metadata puts it.

Early versions of the Autoconspiracy can be traced back to prehistoric times, where archaeological records show evidence of some particularly clever cavemen who had studied the natural patterns of moss and of mud to explain the origins of organic material. More refined methods of discovering hidden truths came later, culminating with the final Autoconspiracy version, Autoconspiracy 2000 c. 2000. (Full article...)

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Did you know...

... that guilt tripping junk mail makes up 12% of Africa's GDP? (Pictured)

... that Phonics (pronounced Pa-hon-iks.) is one of the deadliest and most addictive drugs on the streets? It is said to get children "hooked" in four weeks or your money back.
... God doesn't appreciate those who smoke?
... that the French Revolution was just a rip-off of the American Revolution?
... that babies explode when you put them in the microwave?
... that I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the frickin' frogs gay?
... that no word in the English language rhymes with the word flucumber?
... that I think you know what's happening today?

... that the Qu'ran was originally taken from a page in the Thomas the Tank Engine activity and coloring book? (Pictured)

... that Uncyclopedia regularly kills its editors mid-sent
... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic?
... that compromise is a great diplomatic tool? Although on an international level, a nuclear arsenal is even better?
... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
... that Earth is the best planet in the world?
... that vaccinations and computer games combined make a deadly cocktail for autism?
... that cutting off your hands, nose, and head reduces the spread of germs by 100%?

... that guilt tripping junk mail makes up 12% of Africa's GDP? (Pictured)

... that Phonics (pronounced Pa-hon-iks.) is one of the deadliest and most addictive drugs on the streets? It is said to get children "hooked" in four weeks or your money back.
... God doesn't appreciate those who smoke?
... that the French Revolution was just a rip-off of the American Revolution?
... that babies explode when you put them in the microwave?
... that I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the frickin' frogs gay?
... that no word in the English language rhymes with the word flucumber?
... that I think you know what's happening today?

... that the Qu'ran was originally taken from a page in the Thomas the Tank Engine activity and coloring book? (Pictured)

... that Uncyclopedia regularly kills its editors mid-sent
... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic?
... that compromise is a great diplomatic tool? Although on an international level, a nuclear arsenal is even better?
... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
... that Earth is the best planet in the world?
... that vaccinations and computer games combined make a deadly cocktail for autism?
... that cutting off your hands, nose, and head reduces the spread of germs by 100%?

... that guilt tripping junk mail makes up 12% of Africa's GDP? (Pictured)

... that Phonics (pronounced Pa-hon-iks.) is one of the deadliest and most addictive drugs on the streets? It is said to get children "hooked" in four weeks or your money back.
... God doesn't appreciate those who smoke?
... that the French Revolution was just a rip-off of the American Revolution?
... that babies explode when you put them in the microwave?
... that I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the frickin' frogs gay?
... that no word in the English language rhymes with the word flucumber?
... that I think you know what's happening today?

... that the Qu'ran was originally taken from a page in the Thomas the Tank Engine activity and coloring book? (Pictured)

... that Uncyclopedia regularly kills its editors mid-sent
... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic?
... that compromise is a great diplomatic tool? Although on an international level, a nuclear arsenal is even better?
... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
... that Earth is the best planet in the world?
... that vaccinations and computer games combined make a deadly cocktail for autism?
... that cutting off your hands, nose, and head reduces the spread of germs by 100%?

... that guilt tripping junk mail makes up 12% of Africa's GDP? (Pictured)

... that Phonics (pronounced Pa-hon-iks.) is one of the deadliest and most addictive drugs on the streets? It is said to get children "hooked" in four weeks or your money back.
... God doesn't appreciate those who smoke?
... that the French Revolution was just a rip-off of the American Revolution?
... that babies explode when you put them in the microwave?
... that I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the frickin' frogs gay?
... that no word in the English language rhymes with the word flucumber?
... that I think you know what's happening today?

Archive – Suggest new entries

In the news
He literally fought nail and tooth for Team America Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey (Pictured); Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters So.. about that Super Bowl.. Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over • Team Canada rethinking life Recent deaths: Brad Arnold • NFL season • Winter Olympics • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • ~~YouTube~~ • Tom Noonan • Eric Dane • Melania Trump's big movie star career • Team Canada hockey, twice, AND their curling team • Some Nerd named Robert Carradine Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy and snow handling capability • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files • the US government, again • Warner Bros. (?) • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to remember • Mexico UnNews – Radio Free Lunch**
On this day...
February 25: Gangrene Appreciation Day 1863 - Civil War surgeons discover a cure for gangrene, a rusty hacksaw and a stick to bite on. 1901 - J. P. Morgan becomes a billionaire after inventing the now world-renowned overdraft protection fee. 1945 - Turkey declares war on Germany. A little late to the party but every little thing helps. 1964 - Kim Il-sung turns North Korea into a verdant paradise, a utopia masquerading as a third-world country. It's basically an Asian Wakanda. 1991 - The Warsaw pact is officially abolished, thus ushering in a new era of peace and stability in Europe for a whole two hours. 1992 - The Khojaly Massacre occurs, part of an ongoing conflict between Armenia and Azerbaijan over the enclave of Nagorno-Karabakh aaaaaand you're asleep. Okay. View tomorrow – More anniversaries...

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Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

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