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The 10th edition of the Poo Lit Surprise writing competition is now open for submissions.
Somebody touch me.

The Autoconspiracy 2000 (more commonly known as the Conspiracy Theory Generator) is a top-secret computer program built by the world's most elite historians and computer scientists for the purpose of expanding historical knowledge beyond that which would normally not be achievable by humans. The goal of the program is to map out and eventually solve every historical uncertainty by "Exploring the Infinite Chronoscape" as the program's metadata puts it.

Early versions of the Autoconspiracy can be traced back to prehistoric times, where archaeological records show evidence of some particularly clever cavemen who had studied the natural patterns of moss and of mud to explain the origins of organic material. More refined methods of discovering hidden truths came later, culminating with the final Autoconspiracy version, Autoconspiracy 2000 c. 2000. (Full article...)

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Did you know...

... that Richard Nixon really just wanted a Magnavox Odyssey?

... that you should accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior, today!
... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?
... that Rihanna's hit song Umbrella can cause rain to fall upwards?
... that pillow fighting is a violent trend among the world's pillow population, and must be stopped?
... that I'm better than this person in particular?
... that the Canadian government plans to convert the entire city of Vancouver into a giant marijuana farm by 2050?
... that applause was invented to mock the deaf?

... that silent radio (Pictured) existed before regular radio?

... that you just lost the Game?
... that my girlfriend has herpes? Neither did I.
... that NASA will one day send sharks to space?
... that when a grizzly bear becomes excited sexually it is known as a jizzly bear?
... that Uncyclopedia admins are such lazy bums, they ask their users to think of DYK submissions?
...the Cleveland Indians were about to become the Cleveland Clevelands?
... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?

... that Richard Nixon really just wanted a Magnavox Odyssey?

... that you should accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior, today!
... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?
... that Rihanna's hit song Umbrella can cause rain to fall upwards?
... that pillow fighting is a violent trend among the world's pillow population, and must be stopped?
... that I'm better than this person in particular?
... that the Canadian government plans to convert the entire city of Vancouver into a giant marijuana farm by 2050?
... that applause was invented to mock the deaf?

... that silent radio (Pictured) existed before regular radio?

... that you just lost the Game?
... that my girlfriend has herpes? Neither did I.
... that NASA will one day send sharks to space?
... that when a grizzly bear becomes excited sexually it is known as a jizzly bear?
... that Uncyclopedia admins are such lazy bums, they ask their users to think of DYK submissions?
...the Cleveland Indians were about to become the Cleveland Clevelands?
... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?

... that Richard Nixon really just wanted a Magnavox Odyssey?

... that you should accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior, today!
... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?
... that Rihanna's hit song Umbrella can cause rain to fall upwards?
... that pillow fighting is a violent trend among the world's pillow population, and must be stopped?
... that I'm better than this person in particular?
... that the Canadian government plans to convert the entire city of Vancouver into a giant marijuana farm by 2050?
... that applause was invented to mock the deaf?

... that silent radio (Pictured) existed before regular radio?

... that you just lost the Game?
... that my girlfriend has herpes? Neither did I.
... that NASA will one day send sharks to space?
... that when a grizzly bear becomes excited sexually it is known as a jizzly bear?
... that Uncyclopedia admins are such lazy bums, they ask their users to think of DYK submissions?
...the Cleveland Indians were about to become the Cleveland Clevelands?
... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?

... that Richard Nixon really just wanted a Magnavox Odyssey?

... that you should accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior, today!
... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?
... that Rihanna's hit song Umbrella can cause rain to fall upwards?
... that pillow fighting is a violent trend among the world's pillow population, and must be stopped?
... that I'm better than this person in particular?
... that the Canadian government plans to convert the entire city of Vancouver into a giant marijuana farm by 2050?
... that applause was invented to mock the deaf?

Archive – Suggest new entries

In the news
He literally fought nail and tooth for Team America Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey (Pictured); Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters So.. about that Super Bowl.. Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over • Team Canada rethinking life Recent deaths: Brad Arnold • NFL season • Winter Olympics • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • ~~YouTube~~ • Tom Noonan • Eric Dane • Melania Trump's big movie star career • Team Canada hockey, twice, AND their curling team Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy and snow handling capability • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files • the US government, again • Warner Bros. (?) • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to remember • Mexico UnNews – Radio Free Lunch**
On this day...
February 24: "I don't care what day it is" Day 1803 - In Marbury v Madison, two men named Mr. Marbury and Mr. Madison fight each other with canes, and the Supreme Court decides who wins. 1863 - People on their way to California collapse from heat while traveling across the desert, and rather than dying with humanity, they found Arizona. 1920 - God decides today is a good day to create Nazis, a few select Germans suddenly feel an unusual aversion to international Jewry. 1942 - Aliens attack the city of Los Angeles! (Pictured) They're confused for Japanese soldiers due to racism. 1978 - Five men disappear after attending a college basketball game in California. The bodies of four of them were actually clones of the same person. 2007 - Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe launches a spy satellite to perv on Kim Jong-un's sister, Kim Yo-jong. 2008 - Fidel Castro retires, spends the rest of his days smoking cigars and laughing at assassination attempts. View tomorrow – More anniversaries...

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Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

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