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Somebody touch me.

Much loved '50s, '60s and '70s entertainer Radio Star was found dead at home in Los Angeles County in 1982, aged 47. Radio Star's career had been waning for several years due to the increasing popularity of his rival, Video, and initial reports on the story suggested suicide was a likely cause. However, in a dramatic turn of events, the police announced they were treating the matter as a murder investigation, and shortly afterwards arrested Video for the crime. Radio Star had shot to popularity in the first half of the 20th century, and was a popular fixture on the wireless back in '52. Young people would lie awake intent at tuning in to him, and nothing stopped him coming through. The future was bright for Radio Star, and nothing seemed to stop his inexorable rise. Aided in his early career by the fact that there was nothing worth watching on TV, he monopolized the airwaves in a fashion not seen before or since (notable efforts by the ubiquitous Oprah Winfrey notwithstanding). In the '60s and '70s, he had to contend with a new rival – TV Star, whose hot new gimmicks included "visibility", "motion", and hippy chicks grooving along to the music. Unfortunately for TV Star though, his gimmicks at this time didn't include "endless playback of popular songs", meaning his exposure was limited, and Radio Star was able to survive this initial onslaught. However, it turned out that TV Star was just a forerunner of the much greater threat around the corner, a threat that was instigated by those fiendish international masterminds: Freddie Mercury and Queen. (Full article...) Recently featured: Bill Clinton Buffalo Bills UnGames:Garlic bread Orchid Archive · Vote for featured articles · Featured today, a long long time ago Wheeling Jesuit University, featured on 4 April 2025: Featured version Did you know... ... that the man on the left is late for an important meeting with an international Terrorist and the man on the right is indignant at the increased cost of accessing Internet porn? (Pictured) ... that those actually were the droids you were looking for? ... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it? ... that people residing or visiting Canada often ask themselves, "Why am I in Canada?" ... that Godot isn't coming? ... that it's probably not the weekend (The chance is 5/7)? ... that the dolphin is the only animal other than man that laughs at its own farts? ... that the police are at your door? ... that BET is dedicated to bringing quality entertainment to the masses? (Pictured) ... that rounding up sheep is easiest to the nearest ten? ... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic? ... that on average, humans have less than 2 legs? ...the Cleveland Indians were about to become the Cleveland Clevelands? ... that the Pope recently announced that the whole "Christianity" thing is a whole load of shit? ... that the phrase "¡Ay Chihuahua!" can be used to mean both "no, I don't have any bathtub cheese" and "yes, I have a great deal of bathtub cheese"? ... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank? ... that the man on the left is late for an important meeting with an international Terrorist and the man on the right is indignant at the increased cost of accessing Internet porn? (Pictured) ... that those actually were the droids you were looking for? ... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it? ... that people residing or visiting Canada often ask themselves, "Why am I in Canada?" ... that Godot isn't coming? ... that it's probably not the weekend (The chance is 5/7)? ... that the dolphin is the only animal other than man that laughs at its own farts? ... that the police are at your door? ... that BET is dedicated to bringing quality entertainment to the masses? (Pictured) ... that rounding up sheep is easiest to the nearest ten? ... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic? ... that on average, humans have less than 2 legs? ...the Cleveland Indians were about to become the Cleveland Clevelands? ... that the Pope recently announced that the whole "Christianity" thing is a whole load of shit? ... that the phrase "¡Ay Chihuahua!" can be used to mean both "no, I don't have any bathtub cheese" and "yes, I have a great deal of bathtub cheese"? ... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank? ... that the man on the left is late for an important meeting with an international Terrorist and the man on the right is indignant at the increased cost of accessing Internet porn? (Pictured) ... that those actually were the droids you were looking for? ... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it? ... that people residing or visiting Canada often ask themselves, "Why am I in Canada?" ... that Godot isn't coming? ... that it's probably not the weekend (The chance is 5/7)? ... that the dolphin is the only animal other than man that laughs at its own farts? ... that the police are at your door? ... that BET is dedicated to bringing quality entertainment to the masses? (Pictured) ... that rounding up sheep is easiest to the nearest ten? ... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic? ... that on average, humans have less than 2 legs? ...the Cleveland Indians were about to become the Cleveland Clevelands? ... that the Pope recently announced that the whole "Christianity" thing is a whole load of shit? ... that the phrase "¡Ay Chihuahua!" can be used to mean both "no, I don't have any bathtub cheese" and "yes, I have a great deal of bathtub cheese"? ... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank? ... that the man on the left is late for an important meeting with an international Terrorist and the man on the right is indignant at the increased cost of accessing Internet porn? (Pictured) ... that those actually were the droids you were looking for? ... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it? ... that people residing or visiting Canada often ask themselves, "Why am I in Canada?" ... that Godot isn't coming? ... that it's probably not the weekend (The chance is 5/7)? ... that the dolphin is the only animal other than man that laughs at its own farts? ... that the police are at your door?	In the news Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd. Trump talks to America on Iran, Chuck Norris, the Moon, March Madness, and firing Pam Bondi World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Final Four Recent deaths: Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • UConn ladies' basketball season + Jordan's Furniture customers • Jesus Upcoming deaths: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too • Holostars JP On this day... April 4: National No Spamming Day (Iraq) 3141 BC - The world's first great pi was baked. It took $\pi$ years to eat. 1949 - Iceland's blundered declaration of war on the USA leads to the accidental formation of NATO. 1503 - Disneyland Central America opens in the Aztec city of Tenochtitlan. 1975 - You really should have bought shares in Microsoft, which was formed on this day. 1984 - President Ronald Reagan calls for an international ban on something or other, oh hell I can't remember. (Pictured) 2001 - The butterfly effect is proved in an ingenious experiment, causing devastating hurricane damage in China. 2002 - Actor Mickey Rooney begins his process of decomposition.
Featured picture The future of proctology isn't in your hands, your hands are in it. Image credit: Serge Billault View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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