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The 10th edition of the Poo Lit Surprise writing competition is now open for submissions.
Somebody touch me.

Ahhh. Long day of work over. Time to grab that big-ass bowl of vegetable beef barley soup in the fridge.

Bill, you better not have touched my soup again! Like that time you got so drunk you took a whiz in it. Twice. Come to think of it, it was shitty soup. That probably improved it. Not like this one.

Let's see, cake, milk, horse semen, ketchup, monkey, hair roller thingy, soup! Yes! My life is whole again!

Hold on...

Why is my hair roller in here?

Wait...

This horse semen tastes funny. Did you put your semen in here again, Bill?

Don't ask how I know what yours tastes like. We were drunk. Not my fault.

Just a minute...

WHY IS THERE A MONKEY IN MY FUCKING FRIDGE?!? (Full article...)

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... that Margaret Thatcher (Pictured) died thirty years too late?

... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic?
... that those actually were the droids you were looking for?
... that Bill Cosby and Bing Crosby are the same person?
... that if you fold your arms and try to touch your feet you look like a complete fucking fool?
... that the great Wall Street Crash of 1929 led to many opportunities for great photography of homeless people and farmers covered in dust the following years?
... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die?
... that the Byzantine Empire is pretty much the same as the Roman Empire, only not as cool?

... that you wash your ass not your pussy (Pictured) in the Bidet?

... that women are more likely to have a vagina than men?
... that the Russian Reversal is the common English term for the phenomenon during which a person descended from Russia is spontaneously turned around?
... that dihydrogen monoxide can kill you, specially if you breathe it?
... that ten out of ten cigarette manufacturers agree that Cancer is great?
... that bipolar bears are not to be messed with, more-so than polar bears?
... that I let the dogs out, and you can't do a goddamn thing about it?
... that male vampires are delighted when the female vampire goes on her period?

... that Margaret Thatcher (Pictured) died thirty years too late?

... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic?
... that those actually were the droids you were looking for?
... that Bill Cosby and Bing Crosby are the same person?
... that if you fold your arms and try to touch your feet you look like a complete fucking fool?
... that the great Wall Street Crash of 1929 led to many opportunities for great photography of homeless people and farmers covered in dust the following years?
... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die?
... that the Byzantine Empire is pretty much the same as the Roman Empire, only not as cool?

... that you wash your ass not your pussy (Pictured) in the Bidet?

... that women are more likely to have a vagina than men?
... that the Russian Reversal is the common English term for the phenomenon during which a person descended from Russia is spontaneously turned around?
... that dihydrogen monoxide can kill you, specially if you breathe it?
... that ten out of ten cigarette manufacturers agree that Cancer is great?
... that bipolar bears are not to be messed with, more-so than polar bears?
... that I let the dogs out, and you can't do a goddamn thing about it?
... that male vampires are delighted when the female vampire goes on her period?

... that Margaret Thatcher (Pictured) died thirty years too late?

... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic?
... that those actually were the droids you were looking for?
... that Bill Cosby and Bing Crosby are the same person?
... that if you fold your arms and try to touch your feet you look like a complete fucking fool?
... that the great Wall Street Crash of 1929 led to many opportunities for great photography of homeless people and farmers covered in dust the following years?
... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die?
... that the Byzantine Empire is pretty much the same as the Roman Empire, only not as cool?

... that you wash your ass not your pussy (Pictured) in the Bidet?

... that women are more likely to have a vagina than men?
... that the Russian Reversal is the common English term for the phenomenon during which a person descended from Russia is spontaneously turned around?
... that dihydrogen monoxide can kill you, specially if you breathe it?
... that ten out of ten cigarette manufacturers agree that Cancer is great?
... that bipolar bears are not to be messed with, more-so than polar bears?
... that I let the dogs out, and you can't do a goddamn thing about it?
... that male vampires are delighted when the female vampire goes on her period?

Archive – Suggest new entries

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On this day...
February 23: Vin Diesel Saying the Word "Family" Day 1455 - The Gutenberg Bible is first printed, God brags that he is now a published author. 1923 - Werner Heisenberg plans to describe the uncertainty principle to his peers, but is unsure if they'll like it or not. 1941 - Scientists first create Plutonium, but instead of getting cool superpowers they just get cancer and die. 1947 - The International Organization for Standardization is founded to make Americans feel insecure about the customary system. 1999 - Kurdish leader Abdullah Öcalan is sentenced to death by Turkey due to mustache jealousy. 2015 - Vin Diesel (Pictured) says the word family so many times it doesn't even sound like a word anymore. View tomorrow – More anniversaries...

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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

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