User talk:Gneomi

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“ In Soviet Russia, I speak you!! ”

— Me

You Are An Unwilling Participant in a Nefarious Competition!

BEGIN RECORDED MESSAGE

Hello, Gneomi, and welcome to Uncyclopedia!

You might think that you're being welcomed because you are liked.
Well
You have been misinformed. You are not liked.
Well, maybe a little.
Especially if you made a cake. Did you?
Anyway *clears throat*

The reason you have been welcomed is because members of an evil group, known as The Welcoming Committee are trying to score as many new members as possible to win some obscure statistic. Confused? So are we.

Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the airlock right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Don't forget the big red button marked "EJECT".

Here are a few good links for people new to this psychotic wiki:

• Beginner's Guide
• How to be funny and not just stupid

If you read anything at all, make it the above two links. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these:

• About Uncyclopedia and The five pliers of Uncyclopedia
• How to get started editing on uncyclopedia
• Everything you ever wanted to know, but were afraid to ask
• Help Pages - if you need help with a specific issue

I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button () above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

If you need help, feel free to ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or add the following: {{help}} to this page along with a message and someone will come along and help you if they can.

Consider yourself welcomed. Now get to work! Brigadier Sir Mordillo GUN UotY WotM FP UotM AotM MI³ AnotM VFH +S

END RECORDED MESSAGE

I know you

Similar user page, it's so recognizable. Please don't stay too long in this area. It's unhealthy. Come back to where you belong, pleeease!! .... A lot of people has missed you. :-) Cheeeers !! Nobody (talk) — 11:58, 17 November 2006 (UTC)

Hahaha... I am your genie who is whispering to your ear all the time to go back for the good way and leave behind this evil way forever. ;-) Nobody (talk) 19:11, 18 November 2006 (UTC)

Spagetti Monster Pic

It's Nice, HIGH FIVE!

Thanks,

1R0N_M4N

UN:NUB

I've nominated you for N00b of the month, due to your amazing recent contributions. Unfortunately, I can't vote for you, because I've already spent my one vote :(. Still, Good Luck! -- §. | WotM | PLS | T | C | A 08:21, 18 November 2006 (UTC)

Thanks for the vote!

Somebody has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

Without your vote, surely someone worthy of the award would have actually won. With any luck, you'll win n00b of the Month. -- §. | WotM | PLS | T | C | A 01:08, 6 December 2006 (UTC)

Er... thanks

I think the namecheck in your How to get a quick Pee Review™ response article makes me feel kind of fuzzy and warm inside, but that could just be the air freshner I accidently put in my onion and orphan Gulash I had earlier today.

As it happens half my family died in a freak accident involving a walking chip pan and your pet giraffe last Tuesday on the A4010 near Braddenham and my rabbit got eaten when I was 6 by Margeret Thatcher during one of her feral episodes. If you want to come over to Berlin for lunch anytime for one of my delicious would-have-been-condemned-by-British-health-and-safety cheese and raw duck intenstine toasties then let us know. I would sure love to chat and catch up with you and reminisce about the good old days at the Marlow Concentration Camp in 1673.

However if you dare nominate me for UotM I'll rip the three organs out of your sorry carcass that I can get the most money for on the human organ black market in Speen every Sunday morning.

Take care pal

xxx

--Billsheppard 21:53, 9 December 2006 (UTC)

Thanks

Braydie has awarded you some sweets! For voting for HowTo:Cheat At Scrabble

--—Braydie 17:09, 13 December 2006 (UTC)

Welcome to UnNews

Hey, thanks for leaving your kind words on my talk page. I apologise for being a bit late in giving you one of these official welcome thingys, but we're still working out medication dosages at studio zim_ulator and I'm behind on much of my evil works.

The whole French guy in underpants thing was... well, weird. And that's good... probably. So, here's your crappy welcome, I'm going back to bed. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 19:41, 14 December 2006 (UTC)

On your knees, worthy one! The Right Reverend Major Sir Zim_ulator blesses you. Your blessings are increasing exponentially. In the name of Sophia, the Church of Uncyclopedia and the Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic, kneel and receive the melding of Zim's holy axe and your wetware. Now go write me a good UnNews article. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 03:48, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

the important stuff about UnNews articles

Welcome to UnNews, and thank you for contributing some crap. For a very quick introduction to the ins and outs, please take 30 seconds to read Help:How to write an UnNews article. Please note that proper formatting of an articles title has only the first word (after UnNews:) and proper nouns capitalized. The second offense of this cardinal rule gets your ass banned. Heh, just kidding... maybe.

Also, a perusal of HowTo:Tune up an UnNews article may help you sink to the average level of UnNews mediocrity, and go on to fame, fortune, and celebrity. Cheers!

Prototype: how to do an unnews audio

Note: this crap is a work in progress

Jesus bought the Holy Ass, depicted here as a raptor, from zim in 1066 AD.

As for doing the UnNews Audio Perpendicular Mambo, first you'll need software to record sound files on your computer. I currently use Cakewalk Sonar, but many other applications such as the freeware Audacity, or other commercial applications like Steinberg's Cubase and Pro Tools Digital Audio Workstation will be great.

Having that in place, there ar UnNews jingle files you can download, and add to your files here:

• http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Image:UnNews_Jingle_British.mp3
• http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Image:UnNews_Jingle_American.MP3

You'll need to upload your final audio file in mp3 format.

Once uploaded, you'll need to tag the article you've read like this

{{UnNewsAudio|Your_soundfile_name.mp3}}.

Next, go to this page http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Template:FrontPageMediaMenuBeta, add your file with pointer and file size arranged like this:

Your_soundfile_name.mp3|article_title|<file size>KB|

The file size information can be found on the info page of the audio which you've uploaded.

The procedure for setting up your file for podcast is a secret freemason thingy which Olipro and I currently manage. I'm around almost daily, so I look for new audio files to delete fix, or whatever. If you get hung up with any of these steps, let me know, or alternately check out #unnews and #uncyclopedia on IRC. Cheers!

Xmas

Premier Tom Mayfair does not share in your pagan ways. Nor does he celebrate capitalist retail. He hopes that you convert to Communism before it's too late. Do the right thing. Пролетарии всех стран, соединяйтесь!

|

22:32, 14 December 2006 (UTC)

ḤáρÞў ĤðḸǐḍαȳζ from §ǚρωξλ£μĦΦφ≈€ƏξßÐÆØΞ! You, <insert name here>, have been randomly selected from Squiggle's holiday list of people to send cards to for an extra special Holiday Card! He's too lazy to send them all. Anyway, enjoy this blatant overuse of {{USERNAME}} and template spammage!

And a guitar signed by John Petrucci and Steve Vai. I hope you're happy. I sold my soul for it. -- §. | WotM | PLS | T | C | A 00:22, 19 December 2006 (UTC)

zim_ulator wishes you a Merry Kaizum Me! the first holiday officially sanctioned by the church of zimizm (cOz)!

Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 00:56, 19 December 2006 (UTC)

Braydie was throwing away last year's Christmas cards, and realised they had purposefully forgotten about you. This user doesn't care about Multi-culturalism, and DEMANDS you have a Merry Christmas... NOW!

Hey, where have you been? --—Braydie 16:01, 22 December 2006 (UTC)

Merry Christmas

Santa Claus has given you an UnBooks voucher for Christmas. This voucher can be exchanged at any UnBooks store for an UnBook. If you wish to complain about your Christmas present, do it here. Merry Christmas! From Santa Claus.

If you are another child that thinks they need a present, leave a message here (Santa never forgets, but he is getting on a bit.) Ho Ho Ho from Santa Claus 15:37, 23 December 2006 (UTC)

From me

  Sir Tooltroll, Esq. CUN • Eh? • Oh! • UnTunes! •• I my cat! 11:52, 19 December 2006 (UTC)

Moved page

Your page marked "Work in Progress" was moved to User:Gneomi/HowTo:Avoid misspells after 7 days with no activity. Feel free to move it back when it's ready. -- sannse (talk) 11:18, 28 December 2006 (UTC)

WOTM

Thank you.--Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 08:47, 1 February 2007 (UTC)

hey hey hey

:) Thankyou!!!


- jack mort | cunt | talk - 12:54, 8 February 2007 (UTC)

Thank you!

	NeedABrain has awarded you a pair of rayguns!
	For voting on HowTo:Make Cheesy Sci-Fi.
	"Now remember: the blue stuns, the yellow disintegrates and the red destroys the universe (not yet been tested)."

-- herr doktor needsAgear  [scream!] 17:38, 9 February 2007 (UTC)

Extend WIP time of DEFCON

I've extended to WIP time of DEFCON. —Braydie 14:49, 11 February 2007 (UTC)

Thanks!

	El Zoof has awarded you a special 3D holographic edition of the List of one letter words starting with A!
	For voting on List of one letter words starting with A. If you hadn't guessed.
	Soon: List of one letter words starting with A II: The Sequel - List of one letter words starting with I

Potatochoppers' Guild

RadicalX invites you to join the Potatochoppers' Guild. Please read through our charter and decide whether or not you would like to join. If you would, please contact RadicalX to find out more!

Thank you!

	Congratulation! You are now happy owner of new proud fat kid with an Accordion from El Zoof!
	Much felicitous appreciations for happy double nice good voting for HowTo:Stop Playing the Accordion

--El Zoof 00:15, 22 February 2007 (UTC)

Thanks!

Congratulations Thank you for voting on Evolution of an Uncyclopedia editor. You have been awarded a meaningless template which was adapted slightly from an equally meaningless one by another user! You may now feel part of the Evolver Club, even though the writer has no idea who you are and is only giving you this so you vote for his articles again.

Hmmm, yummy, I rub my tummy!

	Herr Doktor has awarded you a pumpkin pie!
	For voting on Gallows Humor "With your stamina refilled, time to work!"

-- herr doktor needsAsample  [scream!] 18:22, 23 May 2007 (UTC)

Global Cooling

In recognition of your contribution toward maintaining a humourous atmosphere on Uncyclopedia. Thank you for keeping Uncyclopedia cool.

- Slithy Tove 06:45, 31 May 2007 (UTC)

unused image

Hi Gneomi, looks like an old version of your image. Is it wanted? or can it be deleted? Thanks -- sannse (talk) 20:45, 17 June 2007 (UTC)

Bloody Pagans

Pagans, the Whole Lot of Yous Premier Tom Mayfair has been a naughty boy this year, but he still deserves a kiss from under the mistletoe. His external organ is fair game.

Award from UN:REQ

This user created HowTo:Google, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested articles. You're welcome!

MadMax 18:22, 30 July 2009 (UTC)