User:Saberwolf116/You (Pre-colonization)
'You suck.
Current Colonization
“Holy fuck, this article is Encyclopedia Dramatica in disguise!!”
“Me?”
“I once had sex with you. I can't say it was particularly enjoyable.”
“This is good, amirite?”
“YOUUUUUU!!!”
“um, none of this is actually about me...”
“<insert name here> Is not a Developer!”
“If you read this you're gay”
“Every breath you take, every move you make, every bond you break, every step you take, I'll be watching you...”
| You | |
|---|---|
| Useless Text: idiotus retardus | |
| IQ: -32000. | |
| Is a loser: Yes | |
| Cares if called stupid: if the caller is in arms reach. | |
| Exact opposite: Chuck Norris | |
You, <insert name here>, are the person reading this article, unless, of course, you're not. But that would be awkward or sexy, depending on your blood type. You're just a lonely, sad, man, wish that ou were the guy in the porn you just saw getting a dildo stuck in your ass. You're pretty smart, but people don't care.
You are unique — just like everybody else. Ha! You got dissed by an article. That's worse than being dissed by a person!
You are also nothing like the two coolest guys in the universe, Ren and Stimpy.
Get over yourself. You, <insert name here>, suck. Like many of the things going on behind you, your friends are saying bad things about you. All of that is your fault. You need to wise up and stop being so selfish. You're wasting your time. I mean, seriously, who the hell looks up a pronoun?! Obviously, you did.
You have a dim realization that nature has played a cruel trick on you but lack the intelligence to realize the magnitude of that trick. You love to quote Calvin and Hobbes, but not admit it! George Dubya Bush is a moron, but you realized it, as you are not so stupid. In fact, Nobody is like you are. But apart from voting for Oscar Wilde, you are the best idea your parents ever had.
But your sister is hot. And if you don't have a sister, I mean... <insert name here>'s cousin is sexy. Yum yum. But then again, if you lack cousins...your next door neighbor's daughter is a total bitch. C'mon admit it, <insert name here> is probably watching her change through her window, cause her house is THAT close! And if you have no sister's or cousins and you live in the middle of nowhere with no neighbours... then you're worthless.
Time Magazine's Person of the Year 2007[edit | edit source]
Which, by definition, makes you a Time God. It is fortunate that Time Magazine has made such an obvious choice in naming Jacobie Person of the Year for 2006, 2007, and 2008. I guess they noticed how awesome he is, and all the wonderful contributions he made to society *cough* Bull Shit *cough cough*. But, on the other hand, Time does somewhat suck a lot...
You and stupidity[edit | edit source]
WARNING! SEE THE DICTIONARY FOR WORDS YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND IN THIS ARTICLE.
Both words. Scientific studies suggest that they're words (or so says captain obvious), and linguists say that they both exist.
But seriously, your IQ is lower than a speck of dust. You're an idiot. You eat things that people tell you are gross, you get caught cheating on every test ever, you disturb when clearly told not to, and you'll probably get shot for trespassing and the guy who did it won't even get caught because no one cares. I bet you voted for George W. Bush AND John McCain and think that the government didn't do 9/11. That's just how stupid you are. The worst part is that you're reading this article and thinking it's just a joke; plus you're probably editing this and inserting your own name in place of <insert name here>. But you don't realize that all you're doing is making yourself look even more stupid.
Here's an analogy: If all the village idiots, in all the villages in the world, left their villages to form their own village of village idiots, in that village of village idiots, you would be the village idiot, and the Mayor. I mean seriously, WTF!!? Nobody wants to live in a village of idiots! Especially not with you as the Mayor, <insert name here>!
<insert name here> makes Homer Simpson look smart. No, scratch that - you make Paris Hilton look smart. Way to get dissed by an article twice in a row, you idiot.
You're ugly[edit | edit source]
If the Elephant Man were to see you, <insert name here>, he would vomit. Your ass looks like your face, and that's a compliment. I mean, come on! Just look at you! Your face makes shit look like Beyonce. If you were the first person alive, God would kill you and start over.
You're so ugly you break any camera even pointed in your general direction. The person with the one camera that didn't break shot himself before he would have been able to take the picture. And if the picture were somehow taken, it would immediately be uploaded to Fugly.com. If that domain name doesn't exist, it would be instantaneously created to host pictures of your fugliness. Put simply, you are fugly! Now go away! Go! Bog off! Before some crackhead mistakes you for a tree to piss on!
You and Death[edit | edit source]
You will die one day, my son/daughter/illegitimate love child. There are literally twos of ways in which you could die. You could be eaten by a grue. You could be the next victim of the terrible Wikisaurus! You could be tricked by a man telling you that if you look down the barrel of a gun and pull the trigger, candy will come out. You could be in a coconut movie right now and not even know it!
Actually, you're dead already. Nice try though.
You might watch a cursed pumpkin, and a whale will sing. Then you'll answer the whale and a voice will tell you to pass on the pumpkin or you'll die in 7 days. With 5 seconds to go, John Titor will appear and rescue you by taking you to a time loop that begins 5 seconds after the phone rings. After 2^32-1 iterations there is 50-50 chance that either Ganondorf or a Policeman will appear and break the loop. You will die alone.
But nobody really knows or cares about how you will die. We're just speculating. But we do know that on the day of your death, we will all rejoice, as it will mark a new age for mankind, free from you. People will only come to your funeral for the seafood buffet. All your base are belong to us. You have no chance to survive make your time.
And your own soul will be locked away in a tree, forcing you to live as one of Paris Hilton's abused pets forever, and souls from all over the after will come to watch as a display, pointing and laughing at your eternal misery.
DISS COUNT: 3
You and Music[edit | edit source]
My Chemical Romance doesn't love you.
Alanis Morissette thinks you oughta know.
Brand New believes you, but their tommy gun don't.
Nirvana wants to know where you slept last night, and also wants you to come as you are.
NOFX says that you drank, drove, and spilled.
Michael Cera and Ellen Page don't want anyone else but you.
According to Fall Out Boy, you're just the girl all the boys want to dance with (and I'm just a boy who's had too many chances). Fall Out Boy also says: "I used to waste my time dreaming of being alive; now I only waste it dreaming of you." Fall Out Boy also wants to make you bend and break and make the good times roll, in case God doesn't show. Bend her, break her, any way you need her, all Shirley Manson wants is you.
Metallica has declared you Unforgiven three consecutive times, and because you labelled them they will label you. Metallica will also pull your strings, and laugh at your cries.
Everything Bryan Adams does, he does it for you.
Tom Petty says you can believe what you want to believe, but doesn't think you have to live like a refugee.
Slipknot announced that you're gay and said that you can't see California without Marlon Brandow's eyes.
The Beatles can confirm that she loves you (yeah yeah yeah). Also, they want to know why you say goodbye when they say hello.
The Foo Fighters are walking after you. Dave Grohl will walk after you if you walk out on him. And he's on your back.
The Unseen are so sick of you, Senses Fail is going to teach teach you what it's like to be used, and The Outfield don't wanna lose your love tonight.
You are all that Radiohead needs, all they neeeed, and also just what The Cars needed. and all U2 wants is you. You do it to myself, You do. And That's what really huuurts.
Enrique Iglesias just wants to be with you. Chris Martin wrote a song for me and it was all yellow.
James Blunt thinks you're beautiful because he saw your face in a crowded place. Ayreon's heart belongs to you, but she was lonely and her need for passion grew.
You can't touch MC Hammer...but you want to. You think that song Carly Simon wrote is about you. Don't you, <insert name here> (if you think this guy is a douche who needs to shut up, say I *Many people say I*)?
Freddie Mercury wonders if you think you can stone him and spit in his eye.
David Bowie wants you to know that if you say run, he'll run with you. And if you say hide, we'll hide. Because his love for you, would break his heart in... three, if you should fall into his arms, and tremble like a flooooooooooowerrr.
You have the time to listen to Green Day whine. Speaking of Green Day, they want to know: "Who the hell am I to tell me what I am, and what's my master plan?".
According to Weezer, your drug is a heartbreaker. In addition -- much like father and stepfather -- the son (i.e. me) is drowning in the flood.
Jim Morrison greets you and declares his love for you and wants to know your name, and he would also like to jump in your game. Ash thinks you are shining light.
Sting (The Police) says he'll be watching you.
Art Alexakis of Everclear, isn't going to let you overwhelm him anymore and is still dreaming of your face.
The Cardigans don't know what you're looking for, and you haven't found it, that's for sure.
Apparently, you shook Brian Johnson all night long.
According to Chester Bennington, everything you say takes him one step closer to the edge.
you just wish I was queer, so I could get chicks-dig guys that are queer guys-that don't dig chicks-that don't dig guys like me-see I'm not queer I'm too ugly.
Kings of Leon could use somebody like you. and Molly's chambers could change your mind, should you refuse to be used.
Sir Elton John has written a song dedicated to you, and have also stated that you can tell anybody that song is your song, and nobody else's. However, Nobody seems to believe me when I tell them.
Bad Company wants you to know that you are a shooting star, and all the world will love you just as long, as long as you are.
According to Joe Jackson, you can't get what you want 'til you know what you want. He stole that quote from Captain Obvious, by the way.
Despite what you tell anyone, you secretly love Nickelback and wish desperately other people would too. Then Rockstar happened and you realised, damn. Now everyone loves them. I can't even get a ticket for the gig. Life sucks.
According to Matt Davies, he kissed the blood from the red poison of your eyes.
When Divinyls vocalist Christina Amphlett thinks about you, she touches herself.
Coldplay will try to fix you.
Trent Reznor wants to fuck you like an animal. He wants to feel you from the inside. However, he lives in a fantasy world, because there is no fuckin' you, there is only him.
The guys from They Might Be Giants have made it clear that if you've got a date, she's not gonna be waiting in Constantinople, but instead Istanbul. Except that we're talking about you - there's no date for you ANYWHERE.
No Doubt singer Gwen Stefani is a superior mastermind and appearently you don't need to speak because she knows what you're thinking (Also, it appearently hurts what you think).
Lady GaGa wants to take a ride on your disco stick.
Your Saturday To-Do List[edit | edit source]
- Breakfast
- Fap
- After-Breakfast Game
- Fap
- Favourite Website Update Check
- Fap to GayPorn
- Call Your Bitch
- Lunch
- After-Lunch Game
- Favourite Hobby
- Drink out your favorite cup
- Fap
- Dinner
- After-Dinner Game
- Game with Your Best Friend
- Bed
| The Five Greatest Threats to the World |
|---|
| Maozilla • Some Old Guy • <insert name here> • O.J. Simpson • Sarah Palin |