User:Qzekrom/Pokémon
Pokémon (formerly known as Pocket Monsters) is a multi-billion-dollar franchise aimed at children and designed to prevent them from ever becoming mature adults. Developed in Japan in the early 1950s, it was originally intended to avenge the Imperial Navy's defeat in World War II by releasing a variety of powerful, animal-like creatures into delicate ecosystems on Earth. The Pokémon Company International, who runs the Pokémon franchise, has been known to waste time stealing money from fans in the courtrooms rather than commercializing its products properly.
The so-called fans at Bulbapedia have an even funnier article about Pokémon.
Concept[edit | edit source]
The concept of summoning creatures from baseball-like objects may be as old as Japan itself. Maybe even older. Legend has it that Poké Balls have their roots in a form of alchemy in which the goal was to catch as many big game as humanly possible and turn them to gold as an offering to Arceus. Under Japanese law, people are no longer permitted to hunt and kill Pokémon, so Trainers have changed their practice to catching Pokémon to use as pets, slaves, and battling units in sporting events.
Commercialization[edit | edit source]
By 2010, The Pokémon Company International has made an estimated $2 billion in revenue from video games, anime and gambling. They also made $3 billion in advertising, as well as $6.7 billion in stealing Pokémon fans' intellectual property.
Games[edit | edit source]
Pokémon has spent millions of dollars developing video games that are structurally identical to each other except for their colors. It has been shown that there is a negative correlation between the amount of money Pokémon spends on a game and the popularity of that game. Notable examples include Pokémon Emerald Version, which cost US $40 million to develop but got poor reviews, largely due to the fact that although Rayquaza appears on the boxart, it was impossible to catch except by hacking. (The real reason: It was a collaborative effort between Team Magma and Team Aqua and therefore not available in stores.)
To date, the Pokémon games with the worst reviews are Pokémon Black Version and White Version, chiefly because they were considered racist by critics Pokémon flamers. The games were banned in the People's Republic of China because they incorporate human rights-related themes, most notably Trainers rebelling against their Pokémon.
Anime[edit | edit source]
The games were shortly followed by an anime show that is uncontestably the best attempt to Americanize a TV show that kids were comfortable with into a TV show that kids were comfortable with. In one episode, Team Rocket's Meowth can be seen kitten-huffing and wearing what resembled Hitler's mustache. The Federal Communications Commission's decision to ban this episode was met with controversy, as it was the first to feature Tom Hanks and Jennifer Lopez, two of America's best[citation needed] voice actors. (Not that the regular voice acting was that bad.)
Trading Card Game[edit | edit source]
The Pokémon Trading Card Game (TCG) is considered the hugest flop in the history of children's gambling. The Pokémon Company hired 30 wealthy artists to photograph naked Pokémon in their natural environments and Photoshop them onto small rectangles on top of larger rectangles, with enough room for a wall of text. The result: A piece of paper that can be traded or battled with, usually for money. An 8-year-old reported having lost his sanity as a result of playing the Pokémon TCG, because he was forced to hand over $1 in free time and excess cards to his opponent.
Copyright issues[edit | edit source]
The Pokémon Company claims that, like other media companies, it is in a huge deficit and thus needs to protect its intellectual property. In reality, though, 172 percent of Pokémon's high-ranking employees have an annual income of over $250,000, making this hard to believe. Pokémon has allegedly stolen $60 billion in "pirated" videos and fan art from their artistically poor fans, known by the Pokémon fandom as "PokéFans" and by Pokémon itself as "PokéThieves". They attempted to claim copyright on several of their favorite Pokémon, such as Voltorb and Scribble, but in almost every case involving pictures of these Pokémon, the judge deemed the characters ineligible for copyright because they consisted entirely of simple geometry. The same happened with Ditto.
| Pokémon |
Charizard ⊙ Charmander ⊙ Gardevoir ⊙ Grue ⊙ Hyundai ⊙ Ling-Ling ⊙ Meowth ⊙ Mew ⊙ Mewtwo ⊙ Mudkip ⊙ Muk ⊙ Pichu ⊙ Pikachu ⊙ Raichu ⊙ Snorlax ⊙ Teh Cheat ⊙ Typhlosion ⊙ Towelie ⊙ Umbreon ⊙ Wobbuffet ⊙ Yoshi |
| Poképeople |
Brock ⊙ Herman Cain ⊙ Max ⊙ Pokemon Kid ⊙ Team Rocket |
| Poképlaces | |
| Pokéstuff |
Video game series ⊙ Anime series ⊙ Trading cards ⊙ 100 Worst Pokémon Cash-ins ⊙ Christian Symbology ⊙ Gotta Catch 'Em All |
