Windows 8

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Windows 8
Windows 8 logo and wordmark.svg
The imaginitive new logo *cough* *cough*
OS family Windows
Kernel Type Sanders
Company/developer Micro$oft
Source model Ketchup
Available language Gibberish
Would Mel Gibson use it? Hell no

Windows 8 is Microsoft's latest computer virus that installs on your hard drive just like an operating system. It was released in October 2009, .0005 milliseconds after Windows 7 was released and bombed. It took 24 years to develop, and so far has lost Microsoft $90,000,000,000.

History[edit | edit source]

In 1985, two operating systems were being planned out by the Blinky Smoked Meats and Fishes company, which would later become Microsoft. One was a primitive DOS-based 8-bit system codenamed "Lansing", and an NT-based 128-bit OS codenamed "GameCube"not to be confused with the potato sold by Nintendo, under the same name. In alpha tests, GameCube would freeze and crash because its graphics system was incompatible with the primitive computers of yesteryear, so they ditched GameCube,although the Microsoft "GameCube" system became a basis for the aforementioned potato. and continued on with Lansing, which would be released as "Windows 1.01". It sucked.

22 years later, when new, more graphically enhanced technology was being developed, they started working on GameCube again. Unfortunately, it couldn't be completed by the deadline, so Microsoft was forced to copy Windows 2000's source code and repackage it as Windows 8.

Reception[edit | edit source]

Bouncywikilogo.gif
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Windows 8.

Windows 8 is the greatest...all hail Lord Bill Gates...Windows 8 is the greatest...all hail Lord Bill Gates...Fuck Apple Apple will DIE... consuming the wind, the pirates of the operating system raged for the game style on the new Start Screen, breaking the high coded flags and it's sophisticated diary built on adoration on folders and submenus rediscovering the watermarks when clicking it's photographs archives and texting.
the Start Screen turned into blatant presentations and exposed designs in which also could be easily lead the productions conquest for connected services and commentary for onboard of water creatures and disguised crew opinions from the deep sea.
that's when the new design was forged into a selective style allowing the proper updates on view to the desktop, the free shipping had being arrived to the Windows 10 workflow.

Real Reception[edit | edit source]

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However, you can still view this page's censored content by highlighting or hovering the mouse over text. You can also press control A or command A on a mac to view all of its content whether the content is censored or not.

Windows 8 universally got negative feedback that had absolutely no positive reception, by the morons who pretend to be pros that they asked to test this OS's non-existantawesomeness. They expected something good, but got something totally un-original. PC World gave it a 0.5, the only rating they can give anything that is crap, like Microsoft and we hate anything Microsoft.

The disaster that this OS caused macs so much pain with lots of non-existentawesomeness of Windows 8 caused Microsoft to gain nothing, and lose $90,000,000,000, and Bill Gates was so happy he was not going to heaven, but still got kicked out of his posh mansion. You can see him on the corner of 98th and Woodinville in Redmond, working as a guy who helps people. A.k.a. a prostitute. The only person who does not likes it is Bill Gates, but what do you expect? He made it, of course he likes it.

Editions[edit | edit source]

  • Windows 8 + 87 Edition
  • Windows 8 + 90 Edition
  • Windows 8 + 1992 Edition
  • Windows 8 Millennium Edition
  • Windows 8 for Cash Registers & ATMs
  • Windows 8 BSOD Edition
  • Windows 8 for Human Beings
  • Windows 8, sponsored by Bud Light, the World's Most Refreshing Beer!™
  • Windows 8 "In Soviet Russia, Windows installs YOU!!" Edition
  • Microshaft Winblows 8

Easter eggs[edit | edit source]

Typing "Should've got a Mac" on any part of Windows 8 will cause a grue to pop out of your monitor and eat you.

Windows logo Developers. Need we say more?


• Detect "non-genuine" products

• Gather user information and credit card numbers

• Cripple core system components

• Deploy legal team

• Launch civil litigation


Estimated time:

Forever, or if you give me a cookie, I might shorten it to an hour.



Installing Windows has never been easier easy


All you need to do is phone your local Microsoft Customer Representative, write down a very long set of numbers, type it all in, get an error message, phone our Customer Representative again, adjust a few things, get another very long set of numbers, type
it all in again, install a few drivers, activate Windows again, lather, rinse and repeat.




v • d • e


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