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UnNews:Israel's democracy saved by new superheroine

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26 February 2023

I would cast her as April too.

JERUSALEM, Israel -- Perhaps the biggest star of Israeli cinema for the past decade, 27-years old actress Shira Haas, is heavily criticized by Herr Roger Waters for Marvel's plans for a new cinematic Israeli superheroine, called Sabra. Sabra first appeared on The Incredible Hulk comics in 1980. She is a mutant, which is the next stage of human, rat and turtle evolution, in which all humans, rats and turtles are turned into regular non-vampire humans, rats and turtles with vampiric, ninja and super-teen abilities.

In the upcoming Captain America 4 movie, Sabra becomes a Mossad agent to help the supposedly dying democracy of Israel in 2023, but some concerns were raised, regarding Sabra's name in particular. Sabra, in Hebrew slang, is an Israeli who was born in Israel, in contrast to an Israeli who was born in a different country. Sabra is the Hebrew word for the cactus fruit, and the word is used to describe the native Israelis, who are, like the cactus fruit, prickly on the outside and sweet on the inside. The word is not very common these days; it was popular in the early days of Israel, when the country has welcomed many Jewish immigrants from all around the world, who weren't so sure how to act like Israelis.

The word Sabra is also the name of a Palestinian refugee camp, in which many Muslim Palestinians were massacred by Christian Lebanese soldiers in 1982. So some people, like Herr Waters, believe that the name Sabra might be too offensive to describe an Israeli superheroine. Because some people blame Israel, and especially then-Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon, for the massacre. But it's obvious that there is no relation between the Hebrew slang word sabra and the Palestinian refugee camp Sabra. In Hebrew, the word is pronounced as tzabar and not as sabra, and it was most certainly invented long before the camp even existed.

Another claim by Herr Roger is that creating an Israeli superheroine might be offensive to people in general. Giving the fact that WW1 was banned in Lebanon, just for featuring an Israeli superheroine, we at UnNews believe that the Sabra character would be a nice test for the Lebanese authorities, to see if they've matured a little since 2017. But it seems very unlikely that Cap4 won't be massacred by the Lebanese entertainment press and Hassan Nasrallah. Sad as it is, one cannot control all the democracies in the world, even if they live in the Land of the Jews.

As for the Israeli democracy, Jews have always had a hard time agreeing on the smell of shit, but that's exactly what has always made their democracies so strong. Some people just need to start being addicted to superheroines instead of being addicted to pow(d)er. In the meantime, Sabra can rescue Ukraine from Putin or something. Nothing to save here.