Shinkansen

The most advanced Shinkansen unit

The Shinkansen (“New Fuck Line”), colloquially known as “Japan's stainless steel dildo” is a high-speed rail system made specifically for a series of Japanese adult films during the 1960s. It remains a mystery, ranked amongst those of Big foot and the Loch Ness Monster how the steel dildo ended up transporting salarymen to existential dread 5 minutes faster than God intended. Since its 1964 debut, it has maintained a 99.999% on-time record (the 0.001% being when Godzilla held up the Nagoya line in '98, the entire company committed a form of disembowelment known as seppuku, the results of which meant that to this day, all Shinkansens are manned entirely of licensed Hello Kitty tentacle robots). Nowadays, it is proudly managed by the Communist Party of Japan.

Pre-Shinkansen: The Age of Suffering

Before 1964, Japanese people who didn't wish to travel on foot had to resort to ox carts, or on extremely lucky days, hitchhiking Gundam robots. Perhaps most tragic of all, was the declining adult video industry.

Birth of the Sexy Metal Snake

Debuting just in time for the Tokyo Olympics in 1964, the original Shinkansen was so revolutionary that the French promptly surrendered (though that doesn't usually take much to cause anyway). Soon, the newfound Japanese sex icon found its way all over the Japanese Archipelago, including, but not limited to, the following locations.

• Hatsune Miku (Official name of Hokkaido)
• Tokyo-3
• Ninjago City
• Mount Fuji
• Beigeing
• Soul

Modern Days

Its yellow now

The Cena version

These days, the Shinkansen is regarded in Japan as equally indispensable as the Smart Toilet, the entire nation found itself unable to resist the urge to ride this sexy metal snake. The Japanese Communist Party rose to a brand new paramount in popularity as their metallic dildos hypnotizes the nation, proving far more popular than all of their previous policies and initiatives. They also decided to share the technology with the Chinese, damn sellouts.

In Other Media

The sexy metal snake has also slithered its way into many popular media from Japan and beyond, with the following being the most notable.

• In 2016, the Japanese National Diet passed a law that required all Mecha cartoon/anime series to feature one that transforms from a Shinkansen.
• 

  Shinkalion
  In what is perhaps Hatsune Miku's most famous television appearance, the Hentai Robo Shinkalion series featured several robots transformed from Shinkansens.