Notepad (software)

Notepad is a brain child of Bill Gates of Microsoft and is the cornerstone of Windows Architecture. Developed by the Gate himself, it took him fifteen years to write a new GUI after ripping the source code off his nemesis, the then King of Lithuania, Billy Joel. After his eleven hour keynote speech showcasing Notepad, he forgot to tell the world what it actually does. So in the usual way, people drowned in |heretheir ignorance and started using this software to write code. Notepad is also used by script kiddies to write BATCH. The product of this code is now known as ~~Windows XP~~ Windows Vista. As time went on Notepad became more advanced, including such sought after features as Word Wrap and Time and Date. But Microsoft could not control the enthusiasm. After a thirty year period and over five hundred "Microshit Certified" programmers, the company implemented what is now known as "Font". As time went on, the improvements keep coming, such as Print and Page Setup. Many years are to pass before this will be at a beta stage. Notepad is renowned for having the default background color of white (or sometimes off-white, or fuck-off-white). Because of this fact, it is most commonly started (and maximized) to temporarily turn a user's monitor into a light source in a dark office or bedroom, so they can find the Any Key or cup holder. Notepad is also praised for its text wrapping and scrolling support: to distinguish wrapped text from non-wrapped text the next time the file is opened, it inserts not one, but two line breaks at each wrapping position. Unfortunately, scrolling causes the text to overlap the status bar if word wrapping is enabled, so the status bar has to be disabled. Third party hacks allow Notepad users to show the status bar even with word wrapping on, but they cause the program and the entire system to become unstable. There are rumors that the version of Notepad distributed with Wine for Linux doesn't have this ability at all, but such a version was never seen. Its most obvious difference from the Windows version is crappy menu bar font and ugly, Windows 95-stylish gray background. Another thing that sets Notepad apart from the competition is an incredibly useful feature, when users try to save 'AAAA BBB CCC DDDDD' (among other combinations, such as 'bush hid the facts') in a file then reopen it. This results in the computer shitting itself and showing some squares (or Chinese) instead of English letters. How could anyone live without?

In Soviet Russia, Windows installs you!

• Detect "non-genuine" products

• Gather user information and credit card numbers

• Cripple core system components

• Deploy legal team

• Launch civil litigation

Estimated time:

Forever, or if you give me a cookie, I might shorten it to an hour.

Installing Windows has never been ~~easier~~ easy

All you need to do is phone your local Microsoft Customer Representative, write down a very long set of numbers, type it all in, get an error message, phone our Customer Representative again, adjust a few things, get another very long set of numbers, type
it all in again, install a few drivers, activate Windows again, lather, rinse and repeat.

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