Date

A date is a fruit of the date palm tree. The widespread prevalence of this tree and fruit in its native New England has led to a number of date-related expressions entering the English language.

Dating

Many people are like this in asking for a date.

“Yes! I Want To Sleep With You!”

~ Captain Frank on Dating

In early American colonial rituals, later suppressed by hard-line Puritans, courtship was largely centered around sending a ceremonial date (the fruit, mind you) to one's beloved. The date could be sent by courier (especially common for arranged marriages) or sometimes delivered in person. In the case of more passionate relationships the young man would often throw the date at the young woman, sometimes at dangerously high speeds. This came to be known as "dating" someone. The earliest known use of this term was in Oscar's Wilde Almanac in 1646.

Dating yourself

In the 18th century the phrase dating yourself came into vogue. It seems that George Washington developed an aversion to cherry trees after accidentally bulldozing one whilst building his first gas station. He developed a fondness for date palms in his old age and, in a notorious incident publicized in the Village Voice, was beaned in the head by a falling palm whilst sitting under a date palm tree. A prominent Voice columnist, Oscar Wilde, wrote that Washington "dated himself -- I wonder if Martha will mind!"

Over time, dating yourself came to mean doing something stupid. For example:

"Maybe I'm dating myself, but I used to love the Osmonds when I was in college. In fact I still love the Osmonds!"

Carbon dating

Carbon dating is a euphemism for bullets. This term was first used during the Civil War. Bullets were like "carbon dates being hurled betwixt our two parties of American brethren," according to columnist Hiram O. Wilde in the March 1862 issue of Cosmopolitan. Carbon dating came to denote shooting someone, also known as:

• pumping someone full of lead
• blasting a cap in your ass
• gat in yo' mouf

Kurt Cobain carbon dated himself in 1994. It is often said that he lived a half-life.

Dateline

A dateline is a line of poor, hungry people who line up for dates, usually at relief stations in famine zones or after major catastrophes such as losing the Super Bowl. For example:

Dateline NEW ORLEANS: Billions and billions of people lined up for dates after Hurricane Upsilon smashed...

Date With Destiny

Date With Destiny is a long-running promotion at the Lazy Lap Lounge in Shelbyville, Kentucksylvania. The creepy middle-aged patrons valued customers get to eat one end of a date fruit while the Lazy Lap's own superstar stripper performer, Destiny, eats the other end at the same time. It is said to be "the most erotic experience in Shelbyville."

Call 555-6969 for pricing and availability.