International State College of the Philippines (ISCP)

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International State College of the Philippines
International State College of the Philippines.png
Logo
Motto Filipinos Stultus Est
Established 1596
School type Global Public University
Head Prof. Kim Atienza
President Dr. Nickita Marahilig Dominguez Y Alfonso Ramirez LXIX
Location Insert City, Insert Province, The Whole Philippines
Campus multiple locations
Enrollment 69,420,000
nice
Endowment do I look like I know??
Faculty 69,420
Mascot Jollibee

The International State College of the Philippines (ISCP) is a university based in the Philippines. It is the most prestigious and top university in the country, and in the entire universe, beating the University of the Philippines and the Harvard University only recently. It is also known as the jack of all trades when it comes to colleges, as the school offers all courses known by humankind.

History[edit]

1500s[edit]

The International State College of the Philippines was founded in 1596 by Dr. Nickita Marahilig Dominguez Y Alfonso Ramirez I, a relative of Jose Posporo Rizal, who visualized it as the greatest university in the entire galaxy. Construction of the main campus, located in Manila began in the same year, and was finished after a month, thanks to the help of efficiency of the skilled workers with the help of alien technology acquired[1]. Two years later, in 1598, the first satellite campus was created in Birmingham. Said campus specializes in the Fantasy Arts, and is known to be invisible to the human eye at certain times.

1600s[edit]

In 1636, the Twin Campuses, located both in the Sun and Moon, were founded, and specialized in Astronomy and Astrology, in celebration of the school's 40th anniversary. The opening of the twin campuses was a major milestone for the institution, as these campuses were the first two schools to accept alien students and to be the first two campuses built on space, as it was impossible to do so a few years prior. This major achievement then became the inspiration for their school hymn, "Sun and Moon"[2]. Twenty-two years later, in 1658, the Galactic Campus was founded, and specializes in Space Science courses, including Alien Culture courses. On 1666, for the school's 70th anniversary, the university had accomplished another feat by founding their Atlantis Campus, specializing in Marine Biology, as the campus became the first school to accept mermaids and sea monsters and the first to be built underwater.

post-1600s[edit]

The college continued to expand to more campuses, eventually founding campuses in different countries outside of the Philippines, and in different planets outside of the Solar System. Recently, the institution opened its first virtual campus in the sandbox MMORPG, Minecraft, which specializes in Architecture, Combat, and Agriculture[3]. The institution has also opened a ROBLOX campus, specializing in Online Landian (Flirting), located in the MeepCity area.

School Hymn[edit]

The school hymn is titled "Sun and Moon", which was written in honor of the opening of the Twin Campuses, and in honor of the school's 40th anniversary.

Lyrics[edit]

ISCP flag.png
Yeah-yeah

Baby, baby, you're my sun and moon

Girl, you're everything between

A lot of pretty faces could waste my time

But you're my dream girl

You make flowers bloom

Girl, you make the stars collide

And I don't know what I did to get lucky like this

But it sure feels fine

'Cause you give me love and affection

I give you all my protection

And I'm tryna stay by your side 'til the day I die

And you give me all of your loving

And I give you all of my trust

I know you'll never betray me or leave my side, oh my

Baby, baby, you're my sun and moon

Girl, you're everything between

A lot of pretty faces could waste my time

But you're my dream girl

You make flowers bloom (girl you make the flowers bloom)

Girl, you make the stars collide (don't you know you make the stars collide)

And I don't know what I did to get lucky like this

But it sure feels fine

'Cause I see your face when I'm sleeping

I wake up grateful to breathe in

The air you float through

I wrote you a lullaby

A song to sing on your pillow

Swift as a swing on a willow

My sweetest words are mere birds

In your perfect sky, oh my

Baby, baby, you're my sun and moon

Girl, you're everything between

A lot of pretty faces could waste my time

But you're my dream girl

You make flowers bloom (girl you make the flowers bloom)

Girl, you make the stars collide (don't you know you make the stars collide)

And I don't know what I did to get lucky like this

But it sure feels fine (it sure feels fine)

'Cause baby, baby, you're my sun and moon

Girl, you're everything between

A lot of pretty faces could waste my time

But you're my dream girl

You make flowers bloom (girl you make the flowers bloom)

Girl, you make the stars collide (don't you know you make the stars collide)

And I don't know what I did to get lucky like this

But it sure feels fine, oh my, oh my

Oh my

Oh my, oh my, yeah

Oh my, oh my

Baby, baby, you're mine

Mission and Vision[edit]

Disclaimer: Badly translated to English

Araw at gabi hanap-hanap ka sa magdamag,

(Day and night, you're the one I'm looking for,)

Sa dami ng pagpipilian ikaw lang

(Out of all the possible choices, you are)

Ang naibigan ko na mahalin,

(The one I loved to love)

Aalayan ka ng bulaklak,

(Accompanied by flowers)

Mapangiti ka lang ay ayos na

(Seeing your smile makes me feel OK)

Ikaw sa'kin ang tinadhana, ang gusto kong makasama

(You're the one destined for me, the one who I love being with)

Hanggang sa tumanda

(Until we grow old)

Curriculum[edit]

Being the jack of all trades in the colleges of the world, the institution offers all possible courses known by mankind, offering only the best and most efficient teaching strategies for all students studying in each course. All students enter this college as smooth-brained, low-IQ individuals, with the dumbest recorded student having an IQ of -69[4], but after multiple years of brain training, graduating as extremely wrinkle-brained, high IQ individuals, with the smartest recorded student having an IQ of 420, which was also the same kid earlier[5].

Students too tired to continue studying, you have been saved by the heroic monke.

Students have to start their classes at 8 AM, with a 10-minute break between classes, and are dismissed at 6 PM, in order for them to have little time to cram. They also have classes on Saturdays, meaning they only have one day to rest, but use it for cramming, so they are so visibly frustrated by Monday, that they would rather be a monkey[6]. Classes also occur for 10 months, with the summer vacation being used to cram and mentally prepare for the next school year, and only have a one-week midyear break, which happens on Christmas. The school year begins in August, and ends in May, with the summer vacation placed on the worst time.The college is also known to not give any homework for their students in order for them to mentally prepare themselves for the next day and to give them more time to cram for their exams.

All students of the college are also obligated to join the ROTC in order to boost discipline and patriotism. The Saturday classes exist for this reason, and students are required to be at the boot camp at 6 AM and are only dismissed at 6 PM, as the entire day is used for intense military training. Any student who objects to joining the ROTC are immediately expelled.

Before officialy becoming a student in this school, applicants will have to take an extremely difficult test you can probably cheat in using your psychic powers, and if you pass the test without cheating, it's a big miracle. After the great miracle, the qualifiers must also attend an interview with their legal guardian, where the failures among the qualifiers would be given the maximum emotional damage.

Student Life[edit]

Merit System[edit]

StellaStar.png
TonitrusBolt.png

The college is known for their strict merit system, similar to China's social credit system, which is also a source of stress for students who wish to get a good reputation. The merit system is measured by the amount of Stella Stars and the amount of Tonitrus Bolts a student has. Stella Stars are rewarded if a student gets exceptionally high grades, does something good for the society[7] (i.e. participating in outreach programs, saving a life, helping in law enforcement), or being exceptionally skilled in a field in their course. Tonitrus Bolts are given to students as punishment for getting exceptionally low grades, committing a crime, or doing an offense classified as a grave offense in the handbook.

Extra-curricular Activities[edit]

Aside from the curriculum offered by the school, students are also encouraged to participate in extra-curricular activities inside and outside the school. This includes joining at least one school club for special interests, such as the Weeb Club, a club for students interested in anime and Japanese culture in general, the Meme Club, a club for memers, among many others. Students are also encouraged to take out-of-school classes, such as music classes, dance cleasses, and others, or attend cram schools, in order to boost their intellect and IQ, in order to obtain Stella Stars. Aside from this, students are also encouraged to get a hobby in order to unwind, then get mentally stressed for the next school day.

School Events[edit]

The school also holds multiple events within the school year, such as:

  • Culture Festival
The main event of the fairground, the circus of low IQ students.

Coinciding with the founding anniversary of the school, the Culture Festival is a 2-week long celebration of the school's anniversary, where multiple groups of students setting up shops and restaurants in the campus, where 50% of the profits go to charity operations, and 25% going to the school funds. In the two-week celebration, the campus turns into a public fairground for the people within the area, with some campuses even having a few rides for guests and other students. Some students also perform at the event, may it be rock bands, solo singers, stand-up comedians, theater groups, dance crews, and other talented individuals, with celebrities sometimes appearing at the festivities as well. The main spectacle of the event is a grand drone or fireworks display in honor of the school's successes, usually accompanied by the school hymn, and the students returning to their stressed selves by the next school day.

  • Extramurals
The space battle arena, the venue for the battle royale events.

The Extramurals are one of the most anticipated events in the school, technically being the Olympics of the school. All students travel to the InterGalactic Sports Complex, which was originally built for that purpose in order to compete in physical, mental, digital, and magical sporting events, with millions of the universe's residents flocking to the arenas in order to witness the amazing events. The event lasts for 2 weeks, with multiple events occuring in the same day. The event is known for having the most efficient safety measures, to ensure that the students are still alive by the end of the event, as the Frat Wars happen on the week after the Extramurals. The event also features celebrity guest appearances, and is livestreamed on global TV and on the school's social media accounts.

  • Frat Wars
A frat member prepared for the great battle.

The Frat Wars are events that occur on the week after the Extramurals, and occurs during classes, with class schedules adjusted in order for frats and sororities to think and execute their not well-planned strategies, with the climax of the event taking place on Saturday, which is a total war within the campuses, where killing rival frat members is illegal, and will cause the slayer to be expelled, and is also a live-streamed event.

  • Prom Night
Loners attending the disco.

The Prom Night is the most awaited night for the 4th year students,and is where students flex on their hot (in their eyes) girlfriends or boyfriends, depending on the gender and sexuality of the students. Everyone is expected to wear formal attire in this event, as this is a formal event, with the school grounds turning to a ballroom and a night club at the same time, and is an event of red hot romance. Students who don't have a date for the prom are forced to do embarassing things by their peers as punishment for being an incel by not being able to attract a mate.

  • Internship Program
A college intern happily doing her jop efficiently and sloppily (censored as per request).

An event that is part of the regular classes, this event has the 3rd and 4th years getting a job internship related to their course, where they are expected to do their job efficiently and sloppily, resulting in the students becoming memetic mutations, in a span of an entire month. This is usually the most memorable event for these students, as they get experience in their dream job before even getting the real job. The sloppiest of the sloppy and the most efficient of the efficient are awarded 10 Stella Stars for their achievements, and have a higher chance of getting an easy promotion in their careers.

  • Student Council Elections
Student Council, S.Y. 2022-2023 (censored as per request)

The institution has student councils that represent the student body, and are changed yearly. Candidates for the election are mostly students from the Politics courses, with groups of them forming political parties, with a few independent candidates running for a position in the council. The process starts with the campaign period, which lasts for an entire month, where candidates promote themselves to the entire school, may it be in-person, or through live. There are also debates between the candidates, which is live-streamed, where they also argue about the dumbest of things. Then, there is also the meeting de abanse, which is a massive event held the day before the elections, done in a last attempt to indocrinate students into voting them. On average, it takes about a week to get the final results of the elections, which are revealed to the public.

  • Campus Retreat
A team member from the Roblox campus participating in the obstacle course.

The Campus Retreat is a week-long recreational and team building event held in the retreat facilities owned by the institution. Events held here include spiritual guidance, team-building challenges, and recreational activities, depending on the location.

  • Educational Tour
We're going on a trip in our favorite rocket ship.

The Educational Tour is a tour held by the school for the students, and takes place in different locations every year. Commonly visited places include factories, zoos, theaters, historical places, museums, theme parks, and nature reserves, and starts at around 4 AM and ends at around 9 PM.

Fraternities and Sororities[edit]

Every student of the institution is required to join an existing fraternity or sorority or form a new one. It is generally easier to join an existing one than to form a new one, as forming a new one has to be done with the approval of the student council and the faculty. When it comes to initiation rites, it is against the school rules to make it too mild or make it too harmful for the student. Joining a fraternity or sorority is required because of the annual Frat Wars.

Notable Alumni and Students[edit]

Academics[edit]

  • Prof. Samuel Oak, Pokemon Professor, (BS in Pokemon Science (Major in Pokemon Training))
  • Prof. Kim Atienza, Professor, Current Dean of Education, (BS in Matanglawin)

Science and Technology[edit]

  • Dr. Ivo Robotnik, Robotics Expert, (BS in Robotics)
  • Pakalu Papito, Tech Support Worker, (BS in Tech Support (Major in Sarcasm))
  • Just Sul, Marine Biologist, (BS in Marine Biology)

Entertainment[edit]

  • Darren Watkins Jr., also known as IShowSpeed, Twitch Streamer, YouTuber, Professor in Barking Department, (BA in Streaming (Major in Barking)), (BS in Pyrotechnics)
  • Macoy Averilla, also known as Macoy Dubs, TikToker, Content Creator, Current Student, (BA in TikTok)
  • James Caraan, Stand-up Comedian, Professor, (BS in Marketing (Major in Events Management))

Fine Arts[edit]

Athletics[edit]

Politics[edit]

  • Sen. JV Ejercito, Senator, Current Student, (BA in Political Science)
  • Hon. Rowena Guanzon, Lawyer, Politician, Professor, (BA in Law)

Other[edit]

  • Steven He Sr., Professional Asian Dad, (BA in Failure Management (Major in Emotional Damage))
  • Alex Woytkiw, Former Child, (BA in Former Childishness (Major in Maturity))
  • Ed Caluag, Paranormal Expert, (BA in Exorcism (Major in Negotiating with Ghosts))

External Links[edit]

Official Website: [Sun and Moon]

References[edit]

  1. sponsored by the Empire of Mars
  2. best school hymn
  3. the essences of Minecraft
  4. not nice
  5. nice
  6. reject humanity, return to monke
  7. waku waku