Portal:Art

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The Art Portal

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The word art may come from the Germanic word arsch, which, loosely translated, might mean "sexy ginger person." [1]

Art might be the expression of amazing talent and possibly not stupidity or lack of imagination. Art may be generally considered purely a middle/upper class pursuit. However, some examples may have practical applications, meaning that they might also be enjoyed by the working classes.

Art is commonly understood as the act of making love to things that look like nothing much like people and which have no meaning beyond simple description. While art is often indistinguishable from mockery and pointless hobby activities, this boundary can at times be hard to define, as if anyone cares. The term creative arts denotes a collection of disciplines whose principal purpose is the output of material for the viewer or audience to ignore.

As such, art may be taken to include forms ranging from literary forms (posing as a writer or a poet); performance-based forms (a big song and dance over meagre grants; drama about how your genius is not appreciated); visual and "spastic arts" (panting, rupture, pornography); to forms that also have a dysfunctional role, such as pipefitting and pancake design. Art may also be understood as relating to lost creativity, missed æsthetics and the generation of pointless or disturbing emotion that honestly no one cares about.

  1. Interestingly, the modern German word for art is kunst, may be an anagram of a descriptive term possibly commonly applied to artists.
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Featured Artistic Art Article

Women adored her, gay men wanted to be her. What else would you expect from Calvin Klein?

Pop-culture icon and lesbian role-model Frida Kahlo de Rivera (born Magdalena Carmen Frida "Caliente" Kahlo; July 6, 1907 – July 13, 1954) was an international painter known for her (yes, it's a her) ability to illustrate mustaches and unibrows in disturbingly accurate detail. Frida's life wasn't an easy one, but she made the most of it. One of the most recognizably influential artists of all time, her art, like her facial hair, is complex, fascinating and inspiring. This is her story.

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Come across a decent article on art? Well, make sure you wipe it clean, pervert. Then submit it for promotion.
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This Week's Featured Image

Penis de milo.jpg

The first references to Hermaphrodite appeared around 600 B.C. The god(ess) was frequently depicted in artwork and cave drawings in Ancient Greek culture though it was hard to draw both genitalia when hand painting on a wall. The Greek people would pray to Hermaphrodite if they needed help in their love life, or if they desired a sex change. In Greek society, Hermaphrodite was respected as a powerful divinity, and they often made ritualistic sacrifices to appease it them such as slaughtering a prisoner of war bought at the market on discount during the post-Christmas sales. There was even a holiday in their honor where the greeks would change gender roles for the day.…

Archive Article credit: RadicalX (more…)


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Art News on Uncyclopedia


Got an art-related news story? You can add it to this portal here.
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Highlighted Biography

Rohe, with his 1935 Munchen Ant Farm and Municipal City Center.

Ludwig Mies "Vander" Rohe (German for Ludwig Evil Of The Brutality) (March 27, 1886 – August 17, 1969) was a German (or possibly Austrian) fellow who reinvented architecture in the early-to-mid-20th century by creating buildings that looked like big glass cereal boxes.

Origins

Rohe grew up in a small suburban town in the southwest of Germany (or possibly Denmark). His father, Emilio Rohe, is widely credited with inventing the elevator call button-- before him, people had to shout what floor they wanted very loud and hope that someone already inside the elevator would come down to get them. His mother, Mikembe Rohe, died in a tragic blimp accident when Ludwig was three. As a result, Rohe was raised believing that he was pooped out by a pterodactyl...

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Art Quote

“I never said all actors are cattle; what I said was all actors should be treated like cattle”

Got a funny quote that's vaguely related to art? (submit quote...)

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Did You Know...

  • ...that Cosimo de Medici was the actual painter of the Sistine Chapel, but that he gave credit to Michelangelo out of fear that he might attack him through a portal hidden in his toilet?
  • ...that Cosimo de Medici was the actual painter of the Sistine Chapel, but that he gave credit to Michelangelo out of fear that he might attack him through a portal hidden in his toilet?
  • ...that Cosimo de Medici was the actual painter of the Sistine Chapel, but that he gave credit to Michelangelo out of fear that he might attack him through a portal hidden in his toilet?
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Further Reading

Below is a list of some other stuff vaguely connected to art:

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Artsy Art Articles

Art | Photography | Poetry | First Gradeism | ASCII art | Bad Art | Surrealism | Dance | Music | Photoshop | Latte art | Look, It's Art | Graffiti | Fascism (Artistic Movement) | Literature | Artistic licence | Avant-Garde | HowTo:Draw Female Breasts | Abstract expressionism | Baby Impressionism | Conceptual Art | Architecture | UnBooks:Vincent Van Gogh's Things To Do on a Rainy Afternoon

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What You Can Do To Help

  • Find a remarkable article about art, artists, or Art, and suggest it for promotion
  • Help these arty articles. Some will be healed by a simple spell check, others need something a little more drastic
  • Add sombre, boring or otherwise artistic quotes here
  • Found or made an image that'd look nice as a feature? Submit it here
  • Be as artistic as you possibly can
  • Steal a Rembrandt from somewhere and donate it to us
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