Portal:Zoology
The Zoology Portal
Zoology (not to be confused with zooology (the study of animal enclosures) or zoooology (the study of animal eggs)) is the study of animals themselves, and the determination of how they can best be exploited by humans and other extraterrestrial lifeforms.
Highlighted Animal
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| Marmots can smell fear. There is only one thing marmots feed on more than nuts, and that is human fear. |
The Marmot or Le Marmót in French, is the smallest, but by far the most dangerous member of the bear family. Marmots are bears that have mutated as a result of exposure to high levels of radiation. One of the deadliest animals in the world, the elusive marmot stalks it's prey, and can consume up to eight times it's body weight. It is interesting to note that a pack of wild marmots will regularly devour a small elephant in one sitting, and contrary to popular belief, it is not the tiger that is the most dangerous to the African population - it is the Nigerian Marmot that claims more victims.
Marmots on the Attack
Marmots roam the wilds of the northern, central and western parts of the South African Peninsula in small packs. They mainly inhabit deep forests and sparsely wooded mountains, but will hunt the open desert plains and farm pastures when food becomes scarce. They prey on the domesticated animals of farmers, or even the farmers themselves if that is easier. Marmots are also known to infect both cattle and humans with the incurable disease lysdexia.
| Archive | Article credit: Zana Dark | (more ) |
Creature Feature
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| OMG, RUN!! |
A Grue (Gruesomicius ravenousi) is a box-shaped gap-toothed mammal known for eating humans, though more recently they have been known to kill certain lone wolves, construction workers, a gerbil or two, speranah, the occasional monkey, people who send annoying chain e-mails, your pets, and...well, Grues like eating a lot of things. Grues are not often seen roaming the wilderness in herds, whistling old-time Irish pub songs, working on crossword puzzles, and calculating the amount of back taxes owed by car salesmen. The reason Grues are not often seen doing anything is because grues live in total darkness, so the whole "seeing" thing would be kind of hard to do. The likelihood of being eaten by a grue is probably non-zero.
It is widely believed that all emeralds are grue, but in fact, all emeralds are bleen.
There are an estimated 47 grues left in the United States today due to the Grue conservation program - luckily all grues are kept under heavy rocks, or locked away in abandoned biker bars.
| Archive | Article credit: Ghelae | (more ) |
Further Reading
- Oxford Animal Lab
- Funny Farm
- Ingrid Newkirk
- Manning
- Roadkill
- Talking animals in the Bible
- Animal fucking
- Animal Collective
- Invasive Species
- UnNews:Obama cites animal rights for Libya move
- Seventeen spotted eastern-most blue-nailed field wallaby
- Incertae sedis
- UnTunes:Animal (with actual animals)
- Fluffy
- Landlord
- Frog Family
- Ring-Tailed Lemurs
- Female perverts
- Rat
- Bovine
- Moray
- Kit-Kat
Zoological News
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| JAKARTA, Indonesia |
A rare Sumatran tiger dragged a man out of a fight in an Indonesian village and saved his life from friends who had tried to kill him, an official said Monday.
The 26-year-old man, identified as Darmilus, was attacked Sunday while he and seven friends were playing cards in a makeshift hut in Seponjen village near the protected Berbak National Park, a known tiger habitat.
The seven friends lost over 2 million Indonesian Rupiah to Darmilus, and, feeling cheated, set upon the man with intent to kill him and recover their lost fortune.
“Darmilus was being beaten close to the door when a Sumatran tiger suddenly grabbed him and dragged him outside”, said Nurazman, an official with Jambi Province conservation agency. “His friends managed to pursue him but the tiger fought them off.”
“After chasing away the seven would-be murderers, and attending to Darmilus’ wounds, the tiger finally ran away, leaving him at the nearest Church of Good Hope”, said Nurazman, who just wouldn’t shut up.…
| Archive | Article credit: Funnybony | (more...) |
Highlighted Image
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Polly wants a cracker and a worm. A Ritz cracker, don't be stingy.
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Petting Zoo
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| The decisive moment. |
The SOAFARFACC is a contest held annually all across Sweden except when it isn't. It attracts orienteering fans and people who enjoy firing rats from cannons worldwide. The contest lasts for a month during which there is much dancing, playing of marching tunes and of course - juggling. The winner is chosen according to their orienteering skills and the gracefulness of the rat's arc into oblivion.
The Game
The object of the game is to successfully carry a rat from Ystad, in the south of Sweden, to Jokkmokk in the north. Contestants must find their way across the treacherous Swedish terrain using only a map and compass. They are not allowed to buy food or drinks during the journey and must instead catch meatballs in their mouths that are thrown from kitchen windows by local residents.
| Archive | Article credit: Hardwick Fundlebuggy | (more ) |
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