Portal:Zoology
“On Thursday morning, Chief, I bumped into a friend of mine, Herbie Robinson from Cleveland. Water polo player. I thought he was asleep. I reached over to wake him up. Bobbed up, down in the water just like a kinda top. Upended. Well, he'd been bitten in half below the waist.”
– Robert Shaw on the sick realities of Water Polo... With Sharks!
Water Polo... With Sharks! is the hardest game to play, bar none. The sport is exactly the same as regular water polo, but with sharks. The Sharks are not aligned on either of the two competing teams, nor are they their own team, they are just thrown into the pool to add some spice, zest, and lethal danger into what would otherwise be a bland and inconsequential game of water polo. Although extremely difficult, and with a low survival rate, it's a great way to get yourself a scholarship to college. It is also notable for having the least-qualified and worst referees of any sport ever.
The piranha (pronounced Pu-Ron-Uh) is a species of aquatic carnivore. They may look like something you put in your fish tank, but they are not. Piranhas are small fish-like monsters with really big teeth. They are extremely vicious creatures and evil masterminds that are plotting revenge against the world right now. Trust me, they WILL kill you!
History
Nobody is really sure where piranhas came from, although there are many theories.
One theory is that some guy kept flushing goldfish down his toilet. The sewer pipes led to hell, where the goldfish were possessed by demons. They then swam back up the pipes just when a guy was about to take a dump. The poor man sucker was eaten alive ass first! It was then the piranhas acquired their taste for flesh.
Another theory is that piranhas are descendants of the grues. As if the grues weren't evil enough, they wanted to evolve into aquatic creatures. So they started jumping into the ocean and mating with fish. As a result, piranhas were born.
A third theory is that piranhas are yet another abomination spawned upon our world by mad science.
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FLINT, Michigan -- Little Abigail Sweeney's Christmas morning began normally, with her creeping down the stairs, eyes shut with anticipation. Then upon opening her eyes she saw, with joy and surprise, the present her doting parents and Santa Claus had gotten her. A hippo hero standing there. Exactly as she had asked for!
Ms. Sweeney then opened the rest of her presents, ate her figgy-pudding, and drank her egg nog, all the time sharing the experience with her new friend, her hippo hero. The day turned tragic when Ms. Sweeney began giving the hippopotamus a foot massage in her parent's two-car garage and was quickly sat on to death by the two-and-a-half-ton beast.
"We were a little worried that something bad might happen", said her father, Jasper Sweeney, 38. "We explained to her at one point that it would eat her, but she just laughed and said her teacher told her it was a veg-e-tar-ian."…
| Archive | Article credit: KnaveOfWonderland | (more...) |
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