Portal:Zoology

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The Zoology Portal

Zoology (not to be confused with zooology (the study of animal enclosures) or zoooology (the study of animal eggs)) is the study of animals themselves, and the determination of how they can best be exploited by humans and other extraterrestrial lifeforms.

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Highlighted Animal

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A passing ruffian.

Bears are far more intimately associated with the avocation of shystering than one might expect. After developing the concept of imaginary numbers, and inventing a four-dimensional analogue to the Rubik's Cube (constructed entirely of time and pressed ham), bears found themselves bored and undertook to learn the way of the gavel. Ever since, a growing proportion of our nation's most effective judges and advocates have been bears - among them renowned early-20th-century judge Learned Paw and trial counsel Clarence Darrow (who, in the celebrated Scopes "monkey trial" of 1925, decimated William Jennings Bryan's anti-evolutionary campaign by turning into a human over the course of closing arguments). This article spotlights just a few examples of the intimate linkage between pomaded, sanctimonious alcoholics and Giant Furry Blobs of Imminent Death (trademark pending).

Property - Real property

Historically, the Anglo-American common law has recognized two broad categories of easement (i.e., an interest in real property, divorced from fee ownership and consisting in a right to use the property for specified purposes). These are the easement appurtenant and the easement in gross. With bears' growing demands for civil rights and increasing participation in human society……

Archive Article credit: Cruella McYummypants (more…)
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Creature Feature

Treeocto.jpg
Octopus Paxarbolis

The Pacific Northwest Tree Octopus can be found in the temperate rainforests of the Olympic Peninsula on the west coast of North America. Their habitat lies on the eastern side of the Olympic mountain range, adjacent to Hood Canal. These solitary cephalopods reach an average size (measured from arm-tip to mantle-tip,) of 30–33 cm. Unlike most other cephalopods, tree octopuses are amphibious, spending only their early life and the period of their mating season in their ancestral aquatic environment. Because of the moistness of the rainforests and specialized skin adaptations, they are able to keep from becoming desiccated for prolonged periods of time, but usually prefer resting in pooled water.

Psychology

With the largest brain-to-body ration for any mollusc, the intelligent and inquisitive tree octopus explores its arboreal world by both touch and sight. Adaptations its ancestors originally evolved in the three-dimensional environment of the sea have been put to good use in the spatially complex maze of the coniferous Olympic rainforests. The challenges and richness of this environment (and the intimate way in which it interacts with it) may account for the tree octopus's advanced behavioral development.…

Archive Article credit: LeeHarveyKennedy (more…)


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Further Reading

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Zoological News

Camel.jpeg
Toby in happier times.

The government of Mali has been forced to apologise after a camel, given to French President François Hollande as a present, was eaten by a local who later described the beast as 'delicious'.

President Hollande was given Toby the camel in February as a gesture of thanksgiving after France had sent troops to Mali to regain the north from a loose coalition of militant Islamist groups. As is traditional when Western leaders receive weird shit from the natives, Hollande smiled bravely, made a good natured joke, and promptly left the camel with a nearby family, to be "taken care of".

The head of that local family, Dioncounda Yamyam, took care of Toby particularly well for about 10 minutes, posing for photos, before stabbing him through the brain with a dagger and making him into a tagine.

The incident has caused much embarrassment in Mali, and Yamyam was forced into hiding. He told us, "I am really sorry, but when he said 'take care of this for me' I thought he meant it in the Mafia sense.…

Archive Article credit: Leverage (more...)
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Highlighted Image

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Petting Zoo

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A tough match.

“On Thursday morning, Chief, I bumped into a friend of mine, Herbie Robinson from Cleveland. Water polo player. I thought he was asleep. I reached over to wake him up. Bobbed up, down in the water just like a kinda top. Upended. Well, he'd been bitten in half below the waist.”

– Robert Shaw on the sick realities of Water Polo... With Sharks!

Water Polo... With Sharks! is the hardest game to play, bar none. The sport is exactly the same as regular water polo, but with sharks. The Sharks are not aligned on either of the two competing teams, nor are they their own team, they are just thrown into the pool to add some spice, zest, and lethal danger into what would otherwise be a bland and inconsequential game of water polo. Although extremely difficult, and with a low survival rate, it's a great way to get yourself a scholarship to college. It is also notable for having the least-qualified and worst referees of any sport ever.…

Archive Article credit: Squiggle (more…)


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