Why?:Develop Nuclear Weapons
Nuclear Weapons are a key strategic weapon that have been used in warfare since World War II, but quite recently have taken on a new persona and have been developed for reasons other than a country's own military advantage or the exploitation of depleting uranium reserves or simply because they fucking can, which has disturbed and plundered many critics to ask "Why Develop Nuclear Weapons?" Well, these are the reasons many argue to be the best justifications in developing Nuclear Weapons.
Scenario one - The Family Feud[edit | edit source]
In a number of cases a simple argument about whose turn it is to take out the trash or who forgot to turn off the kitchen light, have upscaled into full on nuclear warfare.
Take this simple example:
Wife - I thought I asked you to take out the trash!
Husband - I did it last week, you just don't want to because it's so cold.
Wife - Does it matter, just get it done!
Husband - Do it yourself you lazy slut, or I'll slap you!
Wife - I'LL FUCKING STAB IF YOU SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT AGAIN!
Husband - I'LL FUCKING SHOOT YOU IF YOU DONT GET UP OFF YOUR ARSE AND DO IT NOW!
Wife - WELL GUESS FUCKING WHAT, I'M GONNA DEVELOP NUCLEAR WEAPONS, THEN WE'LL SEE WHOSE LAUGHING!
Scenario two - Peer Pressure[edit | edit source]
An increasing concern is the number of people that say:
| “ | I'm developing nuclear weapons because all my friends are doing it, it's the new hip cool thing | ” |
The most famous example was when US president former US president George W. Bush developed nuclear weapons because his colleague rival Bill Clinton said it would impress the Iranians and North Koreans; unfortunately this accidentally started the Iraq War and that rather unfortunate incident in North Korea that they try not to talk about too much. It also didn't do a lot for his popularity, but the idiots still voted for him, what can I say?
But most importantly George W. Bush developed the nuclear weapons not because he felt they would hold a military advantage but because his peers told him to - this is also only the first example of many cases where Nuclear Weapons have been developed because of Peer pressure.
Scenario three - Blow shit up[edit | edit source]
This is by far the most common and best justification for nuclear weapons development - to blow shit up. When brought before the international court accused of war crimes, terrorist leader Osama Bin Laden was asked, “why did you get a plane flown into the Twin Towers?” He simply replied: “All I wanted to do was blow shit up! If that’s a crime… then by Allah, shoot me in the side of the face!” (Note: They eventually complied.)
The same applies not just in international terrorism and war crimes, but also in nuclear weapons development, as you can use the case of "I simply wanted to blow shit up" in Africa the Middle East and Texas. However, bare caution on what shit you blow up and how close you are to said shit, because radiation is VERY bad.
Below is a list of things that were blown up, because somebody had the balls to do it like a boss. You do not have said balls and never will:
Famous things that were blown up[edit | edit source]
- London (1940s)
- Japan (1940s)
- Marshall Islands (1950s)
- North Korea (recent)
America (not blown up... YET)- Lets pretend you didn't read that, shall we?
Scenario four - Revenge![edit | edit source]
We've all heard the old saying "Revenge is a dish best served cold," right? Well, look at it this way. Now, Revenge is a dish best served with nuclear weapons - and maybe a little bit of fish on the side.
Unlike in the 1840s, when the best way to get back at someone was to get them extremely drunk and then build a brick wall around them which they could not escape and would be doomed to die in, the best option at getting back at someone is to give them the nuclear option.
No matter what the situation was - whether it was because they refused to show you their titties on your birthday; if they raped your dog, stole all your favorite video games and Supertramp albums, then shot you in the knee, locked your door, stole your phone, and left you to behind to die; or if they're just that moron in Spanish class who rambles on eternally about nothing and shit you couldn't care less about - using nuclear weapons to get back at this person is great. Especially if they're that moron in Spanish. God, do I hate wankerish motherfuckers like that. What people like that need is a steaming hot cup of STFU.
Typically the best way to build up to the suspense - you just don't want to kill them straight off the bat, especially if you've been holding a grudge on them for years - like inviting them to a nice shrimp dinner which you pay for. This polite gesture will raise the bar and gives a queasy Hitchcockian feeling, which the victim does not know about, but the hints couldn't be more obvious.
Eventually you become less subtle, and say, "Oh, I got a nuclear bomb heading to your house in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. You better go there, grab all your belongings and then run like hell - if you can. MWAHAHAHA!"
Scenario five - Just for fun[edit | edit source]
Typically, if somebody comes to this option, it either means that they're psychopathic or they're just bored out of their fucking skulls.
We'll make the safe assumption that you're not a psychopath, and explain why would you develop nuclear weapons.
Perhaps, you're getting so sick of school, life, sleep and daily sanitary habits that the monotony and predictability is becoming too dulled out for you to get any more kick out of it. When you realize you're finally sick of binge drinking with your best friends and talking about stupid things like "Would you rather be half-man half-guitar, or half-man half-ice cream?"
What do you do that you haven't done before after you've been there, done that? Obviously, nuke your town, just for fun.
Plus, nuking up your high school would be a great senior prank, and you would be congratulated by any student who isn't dead or can't talk without having their skin fall off every ten seconds.
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