Nuclear Arms

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“Eco-responsible weapons are gay.”

~ Steven Seagal on giant green flying suppositories.

Nuclear Arms is something that you simply, definitely, undoubtedly CAN hug your children with and should do so on a daily basis.

Steven Seagal using his patented kung-fu teaching Nuclear Arms to compose yet another death metal love ballad.

Developed by Steven Seagal as a new form of kung-fu, Nuclear Arms was later discovered to be an excellent way to comfort a small child, pet, or elderly relative, although some have used Nuclear Arms for devious purposes, like hugging an ex-boyfriend and making them feel awkward or imprisoning children so one may breathe cigarrette-tinged halitosis into their faces whilst telling them "how big they've gotten". However, there are many positive uses explained below in detail.

Mass Destruction (Weapon of)[edit | edit source]

Nuclear Arms can be used to wipe out entire cities of people you don't like. For example, during World War II, Nuclear Arms was used on Japan due to their intense penchant for eating raw fish and producing violent and unwholesome anime that threatens divine American values. It can also be used as a reason to start a war with another country, as long as there is reasonable suspicion that those RVs Saddam uses aren't just for golfing trips to the nearest torture center.

Deterrence[edit | edit source]

Nuclear Arms can be used as a means to PREVENT deaths by amassing a gigantic amount of skill in Nuclear Arms and never using it, instead selling it on the black market to help pay off the national debt and invest in oil futures. However, since this also leads to dirty commies amassing a gigantic amount of Nuclear Arms, an Arms Race is inevitable, which is where two contestants sees who can, in the shortest amount of time, kill as many whales as possible.

Some Republicans and Conservatives have conceived the notion that the nuclear weapons held by nuclear weapons states should be shared out among all the nations of the world (Kiribati and Vanuatu being given one between the two of them) thus creating universal and never-ending world peace.

Nuking Whales[edit | edit source]

As mentioned at the end of the last section, an apparently fun and virtuous use of Nuclear Arms is to "Nuke the Whales". The correlation between Nuclear Arms and whale death is not easily recognized until one realizes that whales, being naturally attracted to raw fish, tend to hang out in areas of the world Nuclear Arms are most likely to be used upon. This has often led to worthless hippies protesting the learning of Nuclear Arms by smoking copious amounts of pot and listening to Pink Floyd.

How to learn the use of Nuclear Arms[edit | edit source]

The most obvious way to learn Nuclear Arms is to contact Steven Seagal and request a lesson; however, this will probably only lead to him throwing you through a plateglass window.

The Future Of Nuclear Arms[edit | edit source]

Eco responsible missile.jpg
The eco-responsible missile Guidance System is famous for owning Clint Eastwood.

With concerns increasingly rising about the ozone layer, war is on the brink of becoming greener. As the leaders of the Underdeveloped Countries of Middle Earth (also known as Europe) witnessed the imminent destruction of the planet by Chuck Norris farts, they gathered at Urrzula Von Der Layen's bedroom to hold an extraordinary zession on the theme "Saving Teh planet". This historical moment, although almost nearly ruined by the girl poping out of the birthday cake that was standing at the center of the room, led to a world famous life-changing decision. From now on, every weapon of mass destruction would have to be 100% bio where applicable. This decision, acclaimed by the planet population who watched the entire zession remotely through visio-conference, single handedly reduced the emissions of Chuck Norris farts propelled weapons of mass destruction! It's a significant step in the right direction for humanity who is now looking for ways to minimize the side effects of this technological transition. Effectively, soon after Mine is bigger than yours!eco-responsible weaponry was introduced, the earth population was hit by a wave of obesity.

See also[edit | edit source]