Nuclear vagueness

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May the bomb be upon you all, my friends

“Turn on the damn lights! I can't work like this!”

~ Mordechai Vanunu on Nuclear Vagueness

“The Black Knight always vagues!”

~ Black Knight on Nuclear Vagueness

“Say hello to my little friend!”

~ J. Robert Oppenheimer on a yet another foiled first date

Nuclear Vagueness refers to the act of turning off the lights whilst constructing a nuclear device intended on mass destruction Thus, elevating the level of excitement and enthusiasm from the process to a level of near orgasm.

Origin of Name[edit | edit source]

Upon reaching a near conclusion of the Manhattan Project, the members of the project were bored. I mean REALLY bored. Think about it, how many times can you play kitten huff, "you shall not pass" or perform musicals about sex life in Iceland? "Enough is enough", said Oppenheimer, "I'm shutting down this project" and stormed out of the room turning off the lights as he left. Since it was bloody dark in the lab, the rest of the project members couldn't find the exit or the lights, and were forced to work in the dark suffering from exotic fungi as a result.

The result of working for months on end in the dark (plus the continuous anti-fungal treatments) was vague - a canister of some goo. So they dropped it on Japan to see what would happen. The results were quite entertaining.

Did you see a nuke? I didn't see a nuke. Who told you to use the nuke? Did I tell you to use the nuke? I don't recall telling you to use the nuke! nobody told you to use the nuke! Nobody uses nukes!

Famous cases of Nuclear Vagueness[edit | edit source]

The Chernobyl Vagueness[edit | edit source]

An amusing MMORG (Massively Multiplayer Off Line Role Game) where the Soviet authorities played with the Ukrainians, which consists of the following elements:

  • One must escape Chernobyl in less then 48 hours.
  • The surroundings of the game arena might be a bit vague due to forest fires, mutants and extreme nuclear radiation.
  • The Soviets' role in the game is to deny any nuclear radiation related problems even as they grow a third eye, thus making the situation even vaguer.

The Hiroshima & Nagasaki Vagueness[edit | edit source]

An extreme medical experiment in which the Americans wanted to test the effects of nuclear radiation of the Japanese skin tone, that is due to the extreme fashion code of the 40's stating that a "vague skin tone rocks". The experiment was a complete disaster and Americans abandoned further experiments.

A case of Middle Eastern Vagueness[edit | edit source]

A case of efficient nuclear vagueness

The Israelis, normally being an unbalanced nation decided to endorse the all time popular "It wasn't me" routine and in the process creating the famous hit: "it's my nuke and I'll mutate if I want too":

UN came in and caught me red-handed
Creeping on the nuke next door
Picture this we were both butt-naked
enriching uranium on the bathroom floor
How could I forget
that I had given them an extra key
All this time they were standing there
they never took their eyes off me

Au Contraire - The Persian UnVagueness[edit | edit source]

On the opposite of Nuclear Vagueness we can all find the well known "Persian UnVagueness" which is a leading approach by the Persian monarch, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad who keep claiming that all your base belong to us and that "our nuke is bigger than yours, thick, and leaning just a wee bit to the left". And so, Ahamdinejad keeps turning on the strobes around his nuclear facilities all night long, even though the electricity bill is just terrible.

Further Reading[edit | edit source]

This, is a not the way to vague your nuclears