Article of the weak: "Swells Like Shit Award"
|You have won the Urkel Heart!
This Uncyclopedian is very smart,
The Swells Like Shit Award is exactly what it sounds like, or at least sounds cool enough to say. Founded by by Santa and Count Chocola, this award was to be given to Bat Fuck Insane users, yet ended up being used for music. Music that 'swells' the head and pains your bowels enough for you to 'shit' like fuck, hence the name. The awards were first given out by the spawn of Satan in 1929 and 1666, respectively, and were mostly made from bathroom sticks and used condoms. (Evil, isn't it?) The next year, the awards were improved by rigging hand grenades on the bottom. The awards include, 'Worst Performance', 'Worst Performance without Drugs', 'Worst Performance with Drugs', 'Best Fucking Losers in the Whole Damn Town', and 'I Cant Believe You're Still a Virgin'.
REASONS!!! This award needs no reasons. It is pure and divine, and to ask why it is here is just a fucking waste of your time. You have better things to do, like jerk off. If you need a reason, fine indeed, we shall give you a reason: It is people like yourselves that keep going on Wikipedia and fuck this lovely website all to Hell. Shame on you, buttheads. Like you even care about these awards. I'm Sorry, I have a SERIOUS hormone problem. Maybe you can help me.
article awards started because a Banana went and Helped a certain Ducker to Pop their Banana out of sight, Fudge. Actually, FDR and Hitler where both film and music buffs. Yeah! They were really buff, m-m-good! Even though they were at war with each other, they still went to movie theaters in secret next to Poland, and watched such films like Fiddle Her On My Roof, Dancing with The Hot Foxes, Far Side Story, and Chasitybalaca. Hitler would laugh at the funny Jews and Darkies, while FDR complained about the amount of butter in his popcorn and almost got assassinated by local tourist and workers of the theater. After one movie, Plan 666 from Outer Pacemaker, Hitler suggested making an award for films that made them laugh so much, FDR said 'Dude, WTF?' and mentioned the shitty music around the '40s' era and how it is more important to note the music than the movies. Hitler said 'Oh, Yeah' and then put a gun next to his mouth. (He would die four years later)
However, not before FDR did. He quickly gained Award supporters and beat the living crap out of the U.S of A in a game of computer tennis. He stole the record and won the award.
Juicy Facts about shit
Nothing is really juicy about it, but OK. First, set up the kitchen and turn the oven on to Zero. Then, mixed 2 cups of Shit with Baking Soda and stir until brown. Secondly, add two cups of Baby's Mix Milk from China and put in blender until officially alienated by people forever. Blend until soft and swelling like a bomb and then add both of them together. Add some of John McCain's Attack Adds and sprinkle with sawdust and navel lint. Put in oven for about 4,000 hours, until it forms the shape of an idol. Then, take it out, worship it, pray forgiveness, and give it to the award ceremonies. (Because will kill you if you don't!)
The number of people who have won until Doomsday:
There names (the ones that are winning, Unlike YOU):
Losers, if you want to hear about them
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Little obvious, don't you think?....
The loser of this Nice club are a bunch of
crying bastards jolly, friendly folks. The people of this clan include, Jimi Hendrix, David Beckham, Peat Ross, also Are you single?, with I like your legs!, oh, yeah, wow-wow-wow!, give me a chunk of that Kit-Kat Bar.
“I didn't think I'd lose”
“Shit, I should 'ave gone back to mak'n babies”
“I'd love to stay a little longer”
This article may or may not be
funny. Give us your opinion. No
wait! Better yet, just don't. Jesus is
crying from the last remarks and has
joined St. Peter (...in a game of
poker). So please, No more losers.
We've had enough coming here.
- Bad Tom Cats
- Rough Pubs
- Alcoholics Oblivious
- Free software
- Olsen Twins
- Homer Simpson
- Warm piss water
- You....are a sore piece of shit
- George W. Bush
And now, a word from our sponsors
New Brunswick, eh?
You from around there?
Hi there - mind if I ask what's with moving my article and adding all that stuff to it? I don't think the move helps it - it was featured under its current guise, so I think it's better if it stays there. Perhaps you'd be better off creating a new page with that name and putting your own content into it? That way you can create whatever you like with a lot less chance of being reverted. Just a thought. --UU - natter 09:03, Jan 22
- Let me reiterate that, stay away from that page, you caused enough mess for me to clean and I hate cleaning after careless people. 09:07, 22 January 2009 (UTC)
Award from UN:REQ
|This user created Stockbroker, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested articles. Good for |
(If awarding yourself please update the award statistics)