User:Simsilikesims/Bad Articles

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Were you looking for 90% of the shit on this website?
You make us sick.
...over and over again. an endless loop.

“This article had best chiggidy-check itself, before it breaks itself in a likewise fashion.”

~ Oscar Wilde on His Uncyclopedia Edits

“In Soviet Russia, we write pretty bad articles. I mean, they're REALLY bad.”

“Hey guys. Yeah, I'm here too.”

"Imporperly done quotse that contan vanity adn lack proper spellig, puntuation and forematting"'

~Kerby on Bad Articles

Randomness that appeals to no one[edit | edit source]

“In Soviet Russia, you get squeezed out of Randomness's ass.”

~ Russian Reversal on Randomness

In 1880, Jim Bronson wrote the first bad article. He sat down on his velvet cushion while his butler served him his evening tea on a platter of the purest of pure gold. He looked out his ornate window, decorated in the style of Louis XIV, at the foreboding gray sky and said to himself, "Mayhaps I shall sit down and write an article, LOL!" He then turned on his fancy new 19th century fountain-pen-slash-computer and logged on to as an IP address, and started editing. Before this time, there had been no bad articles, only articles that "needed work".

Mr. Bronson slowly typed out "Fischer Price" on his screen, and discovered that he could create articles! Caloo, Calay, what a wonderful day, he thought, as he constructed his first sentence.

"Fischer Price iz a place wheer peeple by toys suck mah dick go fick yourselves!!"

Congratulations old boy, you've done it! he thought, and decided to turn his computer off for the day.

When Mr. Bronson logged in the next day to find that his "article" had been deleted, he exclaimed, Why, oh Zeus, have I been thus injuriously affected! Mr. Bronson then quickly picked up his pen and inked, very carefully, a letter to one of the sysops.

"Whyd you deleet my artickle? I'll keel you asshoel!!"

Mr. Bronson's IP address was quickly ban patrolled by Scotland Yard, who found the letter offensive and decided that the site would've been much better off without his "shananigans." And no matter how loudly he yelled, he was never let loose upon Uncyclopedia again.

Red Links Section[edit | edit source]

Bad a rticles (also known as over half of this site) are articles in which retards were given high dosages of LSD, and were told they were entered in a "write the most random, satirically devoid shit you can conceive" contest. Usually the edits in these articles are made by anonymous ips, and/or n00bs. according to ED, uncyclopedia is nothing but bad articles. but not this article. its funny. i know its funny because it says so like how the bible says that its true. bad articles usually have a lot of typpos and are in a really ugly format. they typically have really bad puncuation too and unoriginal quotes frm oscar wilde, even though oscar wilde qwuotes arent funny anymore. Whenever you hear a bell ring, an oscar wilde quote just got itz wingz and an extra sentence.

You remember me, dontcha <insert name here>?

Vanity and Inside Jokes and the {{USERNAME}} Template[edit | edit source]

OMG <insert name here>??!

<insert name here>, is that you? <insert name here>! Hey! Hey <insert name here>, remember me?! <insert name here>! Hey! I was that guy that sold you that 4-pair tire set, remember! Hey! <insert name here>! You've gotta remember me, <insert name here>! <insert name here> you old whore, look at me! Remember the tires? You remember? Yeah, of course you do!

<insert name here>, we went to school together, remember <insert name here>?! REMEMBER?! DON'TCHA REMEMBER?! Remember the fuckin' tires and the school? You remember, <insert name here>! <insert name here>, I'VE ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR YOU! <insert name here>, the tires! The school! We went to school together, <insert name here>, I swear to GOD we did! We both went to Francis Winkler Elementary School together! Remember the Fighting Swines? You remember? You remember, don't ya <insert name here>?

<insert name here>, I married your sister, <insert name here>! Do you remember now? I married Quertis, remember <insert name here>? You were the best man, remember? You remember the tires, <insert name here>? You... remember the tires?

Can I please have a debate with the Russian Reversal?[edit | edit source]

In Soviet Russia, bad article writes YOU!! This is odd, considering that articles can't write. In Soviet Russia, odd considers YOU!! That doesn't really make any sense. In Soviet Russia, sense makes YOU!! What? I... I don't... In Soviet Russia, understand doesn't YOU!! I can't... I... I don't... In Soviet Russia, insanity fucks YOU!! I don't want to get fucked by insanity! I'm sorry! so sorry... In Soviet Russia, bad article reads YOU!! Like I said previously, an article can't "do" anything, it's just an article. In Soviet Russia, helm licks YOU!! I'm sorry, what? What the hell are you talking about?

Co-writer of the constitution. Inventor of the Ass Whoop.

That's all well and good, but how does this relate to Chuck Norris?[edit | edit source]

Chuck Norris relates to this article in that he, like this article, exists. Chuck Norris is the most badass, kickass, ...whatever ass person in the known universe. PLEASE don't underestimate him. He's got a huge anger problem, and he could snap at any moment. In fact, he wrote this very article with his masculine fingertips and eye for tomfoolery.

Chuck Norris is in every single bad article on this terrible website. When the writer is like, "oh shit, what do I say now?" New visitors to the website are then tricked into thinking "Oh hey, that's pretty funny!" But after they see him for the 30th time on articles about pencil sharpeners, they tell their friends to never go here again.

Shopping list.jpg

List Section[edit | edit source]

  • Bad articles are short
  • they have a lot of red links
  • they are never categorized because i still cannot figure out how to categorize yet, LOLZ!
  • They have a bunch of links
  • JiM iS gAy
  • They have vandalism
  • Your Mom
  • They have lots of random crap that appeals to no one
  • In Soviet Russia, list makes YOU!

Making Fun of Celebrities BESIDES Chuck Norris[edit | edit source]

There sure are a lot of celebrities that I, User:Farticusmaximus enjoy talking about. I chose my name, for example, from the early Roman Senator of the same name. Boy, he was crazy and famous wasn't he?

But I digress. Paris Hilton, Paris Hilton, Paris Hliton. I LOVE YOU MJ! I HOPE YOU'RE BILLY JEAN-ING UP IN HEAVEN RIGHT NOW! Did you know that Michael Jackson has been accused of having sex with little boys? Isn't that the craziest thing? But now that he's dead, I can't even talk about it, no matter HOW bad an article I am!

OH WHO AM I KIDDING?! MICHAEL JACKSON HAD SEX WITH ELEVEN BOYS AND HAD EMINEM! You see? That had not only random-as-fuck celebrity references, but also sex in there. Sex with children. As an article, I feel ashamed of myself, but I can't stop there. I just can't.

BILL CLINTON ALSO HAD SEX, BUT WITH AN OVERWEIGHT INTERN! Here's a list of Republicans who are at least house representatives who have had sex scandals in the last ten years (Asterixes indicate sex with men):

  • Mark Sanford (Gov-SC)
  • John Ensign (Sen-NV)
  • Larry Craig* (Sen-ID)
  • Joseph M. McDade (Rep-PA)
  • Mark Foley* (Rep-FL)
  • Ted Haggard* (Pastor of a megachurch)
  • Ed Schrock* (Rep-VA)

You see? That was totally biased AND random. Although it was kinda interesting, it still doesn't make sense why it's in the article.

CONCLUSION[edit | edit source]

No, I don't think so. Let's end this NOW before it gets really bad.

Rubbish bin.jpg
This Piss is Poor
This article is utter rubbish, Like most of the stuff in this armpit you call cyberspace.
Please don't delete it, as it fits in.