User:SU182/Microsoft Windows OSTWES

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Microsoft Windows OSTWES (Abbriviated "Operating System That Won't Even Start") is the latest OS Microsoft has made in order to make more money, Windows OSTWES was released on May 14, 2021 Worldwide, and it has released in only one version. It sold 32,000,000 copys in only one week and even kicked off the Microsoft Revolution, Windows OSTWES has only one fatal flaw, It won't start up, Ever, No matter what you do, even when you go in safe mode, You'll get a BSoD (Black Screen of Death) error every time you try to boot it up, but once you get it to boot, You'll find that it is the first stable and bug-free OS[1] that Microsoft has made in a while, and many people imbrase Windows OSTWES as an OS they'd like to use.

History[edit | edit source]

Windows OSTWES started in 2015 as a way to improve on Microsoft's Unrelaible OS Technology, It was actually named Windows Codename Bitch during development, The first build of Windows Codename Bitch (Build 1012) was released in private between Microsoft's workers, It significiantly showed how buggy the OS really is, BSoD every 30 seconds, Program Errors, Random Error Messages, Siginifficantly Faulty Performance, Faulty Programming, and a Virus Ridden System, Yet they had many ideas to add to the already faulty OS, One of those Ideas was a new take on the BSoD (Blue Screen of Death) called the BSoD (Black Screen of Death), and also had the idea of making the OS not start, On Purpose, Microsoft inserted Beta Verions of the DTS (Denial to Start) system, and the BSoD (Black Screen of Death), the beta versions were seviourly coded baddly, and people actually found a way to bypass the DTS system, Future builds improved on the DTS and the BSoD (Black Screen of Death) technology. By the final version, the DTS and the BSoD (Black Screen of Death) systems were seriously perfected, That no one can bypass the system and make it run as a normal OS, on July 16, 2019, Microsoft announced the official name for Windows Codename Bitch, It is now called Windows OSTWES, For the last 3 years, Microsoft has been releasing builds without any major enhancements, In fact, Some say the builds included some hidden features that were included in the final build, Like Voice Command Technology, Support AI, a Interlink Program, and Microsoft AntiSpyware Beta, (MS AntiSpyware Beta was taken out of the final build). Support was originally included for the new Office 12 Pre-Release Beta, (Now with 100% more evil), But was droped near the final build. Microsoft finally released Windows OSTWES on May 14, 2021 after numerous delays, Microsoft has had great success with this OS, There were complaints, But they were ignored and deleted by Microsoft.

BSoD (Black Screen of Death)[edit | edit source]

BSOD (Black Screen of Death) in action.

On Windows OSTWES, The BSoD (Blue Screen of Death) has been replaced with the BSoD (Black Screen of Death), the BSoD (Black Screen of Death) is more evil than the BSoD (Blue Screen of Death) and it makes even less sense trying to figure it out, This places you with lots of useless code snippets and files showing which files failed, this also has the discint honor of failing any driver and windows application, the BSoD (Black Screen of Death) is linked up to the DTS system which means that it is almost impossible to get it to start well without tripping the BSoD (Black Screen of Death), This is the most advanced piece of technology Microsoft has made to date, and will be used in the next Windows OS.

Way to Bypass DTL and BSoD (Black Screen of Death)[edit | edit source]

1 year later, a 1337 cracker has figured out a way to bypass the DTL and BSoD (Black Screen of Death) He wrote a book about it called "How to crack Windows OSTWES", It is a seriously advanced book and only holders of the W.I.N.D.O.W.S. (Wikioligy Instrutmental Necrominical Demonical Optical Webmastering Silicon) Degree can understand what it says, It retails for $399.99 in local book stores, The book tells you how to crack Windows OSTWES so it starts at boot and runs without no error, Here is a sample of what's in the book.

"You must first dig up a earlier windows CD so you can access the recovery console and access the C: drive, Then you must link up the files so it can run on windows startup, Than you must transpose digits, 423013, 953592, 324526, 571245, You must limk digits up to the DTL and the explorer.exe file, Then you must remove the DTL carefully from the system and replace it with a dummy copy, Then link it up with explorer.exe, Than transpose the following digits:

1001010 1100101 1010110 0110101 0100111 0110010 0101010 0001101 0100111 0110100

Than you must execute disable.exe and diable files, dtl.exe dtl.dll, and bsodtech.exe, Than transpose the following digits from the top"

This is really hard to understand and it take ages of understanding of this, and if you follow this guide wrong than you may mess up your OS forever, So far 87,000,667 copies of the book have been sold.

Features[edit | edit source]

  • Internet Explorer Future: This is the latest version of Internet Explorer that was banned for being a copy account of futur, Only on Windows OSTWES, You can hook up your mind to the computer and explore the internet through your eyes.
  • Windows Mailbox: Still in BETA, Windows Mailbox is your source for email, snail mail, postage and package, You can read your messages and even send them back, Plus you can also use Windows Mailbox to generate the items that were sent to you, You must have a digitizer for this.
  • Windows Revealer: Included in Windows OSTWES, This follows your every move and later pops up nude pictures of your mom. Revealer was originally designed as a torture device, but was considered unconstitutional under the 8th amendment (cruel and unusual punishment). It can, however disabled by going to command prompt and typing "OMFG, GRUE!! RUN!!!!!" It will never appear again.
  • Microsoft 666 Suite: Included only with Windows OSTWES, This suite contains everything that Windows 666 had improves it to make it more evil, This also has new apps like Nuke Commander, Military Controller and PowerSurge
  • Extreme Pong: This is the game included with Windows OSTWES, Minesweeper was too boring so they took it out, The premise of the game is to score as many points as possible, You get points by hitting the ball past your opponent, Hitting other balls and making your ball hit other balls, You can upload your score to the Pissing Contest that is the Online High Score Board.

Footnotes[edit | edit source]

  1. ↑ If you follow the directions right.


Windows logo In Soviet Russia, Windows installs you!


• Detect "non-genuine" products

• Gather user information and credit card numbers

• Cripple core system components

• Deploy legal team

• Launch civil litigation


Estimated time:

Forever, or if you give me a cookie, I might shorten it to an hour.



Installing Windows has never been easier easy


All you need to do is phone your local Microsoft Customer Representative, write down a very long set of numbers, type it all in, get an error message, phone our Customer Representative again, adjust a few things, get another very long set of numbers, type
it all in again, install a few drivers, activate Windows again, lather, rinse and repeat.




v • d • e


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