Portal:Literature

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The Literature Portal

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As the generally accepted definition of literature today hugs folktales to its warm bosom, we might well conclude that literature began with one frightened caveman grunting (see language) his fears to his fellows by firelight. This, however, would be wrong. Scurrying, short and bitter academics in dank bare cells have clinically proven that 'literature' is caused by writing down things which never happened and which afflict the reader with acute boredom , in some cases literally boring the victim to death.

Today, the study of literature remains a major academic discipline at nearly every educational institution around the world, often being the most heavily required class for graduation. This is because academics have declared that finding themes (which the author totally intended to put in the work) is far more important than learning first aid, basic home and auto repair, or how to do your taxes. However, there is one major benefit to the study of literature: without it, as many as half of the jokes in your favorite TV shows would fly right over your head. (Full article...)

Why is book? Because book good. If you don't book, you won't good. Book make you good at yes. Grammar make good writing. Write is good so you can make more book. Book good. Make others read book. Book make good write at book. I rest my case. (Full article...)

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Highlighted Articles

Charles Dickens - Project Gutenberg eText 13103.jpg
You, just another pompous nobody who thinks he can write bestsellers.

So you can write English. You're a cool kid, big shot. Hell, you've got it going on. But now, one day, you are strutting around the library, looking down your upturned nose at all the books around you, and happen to glance at the check-out list. What's number one on the list? Surely one of your famed books? Alas, no! Who is this Stephen King bastard, anyway? Well, you've just got to outdo him. That'll show that haughty sonuvabitch. But how? Hmm. Guess you just have got to beat him at his own game.

Step One: A Tangible Plot - When writing a Stephen King novel, you have got to remember that they all have the same basic plot:

“It was a fine day ... AND THEN EVIL CAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

~ Oscar Wilde

I hear your giggles. But, believe me, this is solid gold. It. Will. Sell.

Step Two: Characters - Chief idea of this bit is: you have to make them relatable. Your main character is a male, probably white, and certainly an author.…

Archive Article credit: Vanaelin (more…)



Come across a decent article on literature? Well, make sure you wipe it clean, pervert. Then submit it for promotion.

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Literary News

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Thompson at the peak of his powers.

In a surprising move, acclaimed American author and journalist Hunter S. Thompson has admitted to taking banned drugs at the peak of his career. Thompson, who died in 2005, finally admitted to ingesting a potentially lethal cocktail of banned substances during the late 1960s and "pretty much all of" the 1970s - the period many acknowledge as the peak of his achievements - during a post-mortem interview with our UnNews reporters.

During the period in question, Thompson wrote the series of books that made his name, and most critics agree he "knocked them right out of the park."…

Archive Article credit: Under user (more...)
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Additional 'Referandom'

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UnBooks:

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UnPoetia:

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UnScripts:

Don't forget to check out the Theatre Portal.
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Highlighted Biography

HP Lovecraft.jpg
Everyone's favourite horror writer and hilarious racist.

How the man known as Howard Phillips Lovecraft came to have an Uncyclopedia entry written about him is a fact of whose blasphemous origins we shall never be privileged to know. That it is written at all is miracle enough, for we live on a placid island of literacy in the midst of black seas of slobbering idiocy and it was not meant that we should use a spellcheck. The great unwashed, each mashing their keyboards in the darkness of their parents’ basements, have hitherto harmed us little in our blissful ignorance; but perhaps their random effusions have now conspired to create an article of whose utter, brain-blasting idiocy will send us screaming to our nearest Webster’s (or at least mildly tick us off).…

Archive Article credit: Ben DeRoy (more...)
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Highlighted Articles

Artificial Intelligence Can Now Write Poems

I am a coal-truck
by a broken heart
I have no sound
the sound of my heart
I am not

Nominate stuff Image credit: Cédric Spatiotemprel Image archive


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Poem of the Week

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{{{caption}}}

my friend Big Joe and I

walked into a bar

and Joe said

"man, you can't swing a bag of dicks in

here without hitting

some pretentious asshole"


I laughed at his

little jape…

Archive Article credit: HELPME (more…)


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Further Reading

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Oscar Wilde Quote

Disobedience, in the eyes of any one who has read history, is man’s original virtue. It is through disobedience that progress has been made, through disobedience and through rebellion.'
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