Jimmy McPerson
| |
|---|---|
| Died |
|
| Nationality | American |
| Occupation | Influential person |
| Years active | 1941–1945 |
| Notable work | Killing Hitler |
“If Jimmy was forgotten by history, how do you know about him?”
Jimmy McPerson was a haver of props, master revenge planner, master of stealth and – most importantly – an unwell‑sung hero who was very influential in World War 2. He isn't in any history books, and not many people have even heard of him. Many argue that he was never a documented citizen in the first place. But what can perchance not be argued are the contributions he brought to the nation of America during its most troubled time to date, to wit World War 2. It can, perchance, be said without a doubt that Jimmy McPerson definitely existed. Though he may have been lost to history for a variety of reasons, luckily for Uncyclopedia we aren't history.
Early life[edit | edit source]
Ever since his birth Jimmy McPerson knew he was destined for greatness, though he did not know anything else at the time due to his having just been born. Born to a young African slave couple, Jimmy grew up in Harlem, New York. Like all black youth he joined a gang in order to get his "props", the meaning of which is unknown to us. He and the rest of his unnamed gang in Harlem ran the streets with an iron fist. This allowed his parents to obtain extreme knowledge in medicine and pursue the cure for cancer. Times were good. Or were they?
Japan-induced tragedy[edit | edit source]
Times were indeed good. That is, until the Japanese performed a sneak attack on Jimmy's town, killing his parents instantly. Jimmy swore revenge on all the Japanese and promised to avenge his parents (who were on the verge of curing cancer before they were killed instantly). Jimmy was informed that he couldn't join the military because Martin Luther King Jr. wasn't born yet (he had, in fact, been born) and black people couldn't join the military (they could, in fact, join the military). So, Jimmy McPerson had to form a plan. A deadly plan. For revenge.
Jimmy's deadly plan (for revenge)[edit | edit source]
Using a new name, Jimmy somehow snuck into China and fought off countably many samurai and ninjas. From there, he somehow arrived at the Japanese base in Tokyo and fought off countably more samurai and ninjas. He continued until he came face to face with the president of Japan. "President Maximoto! Now you're going to pay!" Jimmy said. But little did he know that right behind him was ... der Führer! Jimmy fought valiantly, but he was exhausted from fighting all those samurai and ninjas and was no match for both Hitler and the president. With his dying charge, he defenestrated Hitler and himself out the window, causing both of them to fall to their death.
Legacy[edit | edit source]
Jimmy McPerson probably saved the world, because he deprived Japan of countless amounts of its forces, killing Hitler and sacrificing himself in the process. However, since Jimmy used a fake name to do battle in China and Japan, his story was never revealed to the American public. Thus, his efforts would go unnoticed by passersby.
Fortunately we aren't passersby either.
See also[edit | edit source]
Adam West • Biggie Cheese • Billy Mays • Blossom, Bubbles and Buttercup • Blue Beetle • Bob Knight • Bruce Campbell • Bruce Lee • Charles Bronson • Chow Yun-fat • Christopher Walken • Chuck Norris • Clint Eastwood • Dirty Harry • Dolemite • Mr. Garrison • The Green Hornet • Jackie Chan • Jet Li • Joe Camel • Jack Dempsey • James Bevel • Jimmy Blackman • Jimmy Mozzarella • Juggernaut • Knight Rider • MacGyver • Manny Pacquiao • Martin Luther King, Jr. • Michael Biehn • Mike Tyson • The Milwaukee Cheese Bandit • Mohandas Gandhi • Mr. T • Notorious B.I.G. • Popeye • Qin Shi Huang • Quentin Tarantino • Rambo • Red Forman • Rick Astley • Sean Connery • Samuel L. Jackson • Shaft • Scott Aukerman • Steven Seagal • Tony Jaa • Wesley Snipes • Wonder Woman • Yogi Bear • Your Dad
