Portal:Religion

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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Religion portal.

By far the holiest portal you will ever find.

Religion is the act of worshipping a creed or deity in which one has mistakenly attributed supernatural powers. 'True Believers' are also known as schizophrenic or having a neurological disorder in scientific, medical, or sane circles. It was invented by tribal leaders at least 2 million years ago in order to control and financially exploit the citizenry and in the Western proper World was still going strong until the separation of Church and State. In the 3rd or improper World it's business as usual. Typically god is portrayed as a giant bearded man in the sky that flies around granting wishes, but there are some variations.

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Drugs

Drugs are gifts from God to bestow the feeling of ambrosia on mere mortals. Not only are Jesus's Necessary Accessories, as He would have liked to call them, extremely cool, but they are multifunctional as well. Drugs have the unique and beneficent properties of:

Making a person feel happy
Making him simultaneously cool
Making everyone else uncool until they start using drugs too.

Drugs throughout history[edit]

Drugs have a long and fruitful history full of magic, fancy, significance, and extremely likely exaggeration. Drug use dates back to the twentieth century B.C., where the Ancient Sumerians discovered and cultivated the drug opium. Opium served the useful purpose of keeping the Sumerian civilization occupied and satisfied when the grain crop was insufficient. A crisis occurred when the opium crop failed, but this was solved with the cultivation of codeine some two hundred years later.

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Books and Other Media

UnBooks - UnBooks:God's Guide to Parenting

UnScripts - UnScripts:Who built the moon

Unfomercials - Unfomercials:Religious Leader Trumps

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Religion in the News

UnNews:Pope concerned about spherical earth

UnNews:God Rewrites the Bible

UnNews:God found alive, well and working on a much less ambitious project.

UnNews:Bush expected as Redeemer in the Holy Land

UnNews:Pat Boone warns: "Christians, here come the lions!"

UnNews:Falwell starts campaign against God

UnNews:Increased sunspot activity cause for concern at Vatican

UnNews:Michael Jackson reassures fans that "Show will go on" despite untimely death.

UnNews:Seals of the Apocalypse discovered

UnNews:Thou shalt not believe in me

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Quote of the Week

<---Any quotes about Religion you find funny may be added here. You can crop any bad ones you find here.--->

<option>“That was Zen, this is Tao.”

– Lao Tzu on The Hydrogen bomb.

</option>

<option>“Dickness is a side effect of being human.”

– Roshi Rev. Zim_ulator on the human condition.

</option>

<option>“Unputdownable!”

– Bruce Campbell on Necronomicon Ex Mortis.

</option> <option>“YARRR! Avast ye maties, thar be our messiah!”

– Any pirate on Captain Jesus.

</option> <option>“It's the smart way to get out.”

– Oscar Wilde on Jehovah witness protection program

</option>

<option>“It means every reaction is followed by an action.”

– Alfred E. Neuman on Karma.

</option>

<option>“To think I kissed her (or him) there--and there--and there'!”

– Sarah Michelle Gellar on Baphomet.

</option>

<option>“Eh, it's fine, really. No big deal. I'm not offended.”

– God on Apatheism

</option>

<option>“You also agree that you will not use these products for any purposes prohibited by United States law, including, without limitation, the development, design, manufacture or production of missiles, or nuclear, chemical or biological weapons.”

– Apple iTunes EULA Part 10 on stupid policies

(Don't believe me? Google it!}}

</option>

<option>“If you don't agree with absolutely everything I say that means God hates you and you are going to Hell”

– Fred Phelps on Everyone.

</option> <option> {{Q| God told me to touch you there.|Pope Francis|A child..}

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