Somebody

“I am...Somebody”

~ Oscar Wilde on Oscar Wilde

Somebody is the traditional scapegoat for any situation where there is insufficient evidence to incriminate a particular individual. The name is most commonly brought into play when an authority figure is trying to conceal his/her ignorance of a culprit, but still desperately trying to maintain an air of offended dignity and/or justify emotional outbursts. This isn't helped by humanity's general tendency to want to claim responsibility when something good is done, but would prefer to stand back and point fingers when something reprehensible is done. Somebody wishes that he would quit being the fall guy for all of humanity's shenanigans, and that a more deserving scapegoat would be found -- for example Hitler or Mussolini. Experts claim, however, that a number of things really were Somebody's fault, and that Somebody needs to "be a man about it" and admit the error of his ways.

Important Events

Somebody:

• had a romantic dinner last night with your mom
• is the person who set up us the bomb (not to be confused with Someone)
• framed Lee Harvey Oswald for the assassination of John F. Kennedy
• killed Kenny
• founded Canada
• set a precedence for racism
• was found for Freddie Mercury to love
• had been eating the porridge, according to the testimony of an anonymous family of bears, but was later found innocent, as the perpetrator was later found out to be none other than the infamous criminal known as "Goldie Locks", who is currently serving time in Pikachusetts State Penitentiary for a long series of vicious crimes, including but not limited to trespassing, armed robbery and rape
• kicked my dog
• Is actually a bit more ugly than you *Whoa*
• Dies every second
• Is born every second
• is the fifth Beatle
• impregnated your mother
• stole my two cows
• was found singing I Love America with Osama Bin Laden and Brad Pitt
• told me you had a boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend that I had in February of last year
• voted for George W Bush
• won't be too happy about that
• left an awful mess in the men's bathroom
• wants you to clean your room.
• "Somebody is trying to be my baby" - George Harrison
• Is friends with nobody.
• will be six in February
• wrote that somebody wrote that somebody wrote that,etc.
• is not you.
• has shit on the coats!
• made a hole in the ozone lair
• did your mom (Everybody was soon to follow, in yet another attempt to break out of the codependent "Everybody needs Somebody" spiral and move on)
• Is behind you
• Is poisoning the water hole.
• Is writing bad jokes on this page.
• Is following me.
• Could be anybody.
• Could have a life instead of reading this
• Put something in my drink!
• Woz 'ere, 2009
• Gave birth
• Died
• Done somebody wrong
• Was needed by everybody sometimes
• But the bomp in the bomp-sha-bomp
• Wrote this
• Lived to see another day
• Made sure that there were no grammatical errors on this page (lousy bitch)
• Killed the joke
• Ruined your moment
• Showed up your posse
• threw a bottle at Justin Bieber (Somebody with a right mind)
• Invented Air
• Made God create the Earth(Most likely Chuck Norris)
• Once told me

Facts about Somebody

1. He's a doctor.
2. He watches you masturbate.
3. He stole the cookie from the cookie jar.
4. He is Nyxa's father.
5. He watches you while you change.
6. He knows what you did. Oh yes, he knows...
7. He is a cat
8. He has rape charges filed against him (as long as that person's name starts with a K and ends with a obe Bryant)
9. He stole your credit cards.
10. He once drank a gallon of milk in 37 seconds
11. He's knocking, should you let him in?
12. He's also knocking on heaven's door
13. Told Brandon Flowers a girl he was trying to pick up at a club had a boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend he had in February of last year. Which ruined his moonlight
14. Jackson Browne wrote a song about his girlfriend, Baby, and entitled it "Somebody's Baby"
15. He's not necessarily a guy, because the identification somebody is gender neutral.

Quotes

“In Soviet Russia, Somebody is NOBODY!”

~ Russian reversal on Somebody

“Somebody could be anybody, and it likely is”

~ George W. Bush

“Don't you dare quote me”

~ Somebody on being quoted

“Someone sounds better than Somebody”

~ Someone on Somebody

“Somebody wrote this.”

~ Somebody on Somebody

“Be a Somebody!”

~ Somebody on Someone

“I'm Somebody now!”

~ Navin R. Johnson

“Somebody set up us a bomb!”

~ What CATS does on somebody

“Somebody told me you had a boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend I had in February of last year, you skank!”

~ Brandon Flowers on Somebody

Related Entries

1. A Related Link
2. Anybody
3. Nobody
4. Someone
5. No one
6. Anyone

The Life, Works & Philosophy of Anonymous

Somebody has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.