Skete Davidson
It's August 8, 2022. I just walked out of the hospital after bearing witness to the final moments of Pete Davidson's life. I don't really know what to say. All I can say is that you should've let Kanye be the fucking father he was designed to be for his children. You know life's not easy out here, and you know damn well how hard it is to raise four children with only a billionaire salary, multiple mansions, an independently functional clothing brand, and an entire fucking university at your disposal. I cannot believe you have done this to Kanye, who is currently rehabbing at a local trauma unit, shell-shocked and trying to find any remedy to this horrible situation. You deserved to die. You deserved to be beaten, harassed, buried and decapitated by claymation voodoo to properly execute the ritual (and you, too). But I know this war of good and evil is not over.
Ethos[edit | edit source]
I have lived out of trash bags my whole life. All I have is my baseball cap and a goat to keep my mental security and ego intact. I once burned wooden crosses with Taylor Swift's face taped to the top so she be burned for the sins of her fans supporting her. I hate Drake. And Kid Cudi, too. She is a faggot dinosaur, while Kudi is just one of those mentally impaired retards who's hellbent on suicide all because someone vaguely gossipped about how Beavis and Butthead isn't a great show. And the fact that Rihanna is the lead performer at the Super Bowl this year just shows how much of a shit-eating fraud Taylor Swift is, who is making Alex Jones cum so hard over carbon emissions he's becoming the epitome of such. I hate Taylor Swift if you haven't realized. I once exposed the fatherhood of a fan of Taylor Swift. He was a deadbeat dad with an aspiring R&B career. I revealed his hidden child by shooting his girlfriend in the foot and eating his child, named after an Adidas brand of clothing or something. Sometimes I wish I could sever off Taylor's head with a jigsaw and use her raggedy medusa skull as an organic fleshlight for my sexual undertakings and sins, to which I am sorely regretful as an abiding Christian who is wholly fearful of God. But I will do God's work by serving the pop star's innards to my sickly and alcoholic dogs full of maggot infestations. But that will be after I prop my goat's horns onto my head to show you that Kanye West, the G.O.A.T., lives inside me.
Religious faith[edit | edit source]
I have been a long, devoted follower of the millennium's second apostle of Jesus Christ (the second being my childhood hero, Michael Jackson). His scriptures of The Holy Ghost, the divine truth of Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. Sometimes I wonder if God lives within his preachings. I own all eleven books in His biblical essence on many different mediums across multiple platforms. I own articles of His exclusive brands of clothing, which obviously were crafted by the lambs of the Holy Land from Above. I am a proud member of his children, whom I have changed and adopted the suffix -ye to my name, signifying my allegiance to the framework and functionality of His culturally and sexually dominant family. I get so life-threateningly hard when I hear Him saying how godly he is among us hapless bags of meat. I want to aggressively fuck the nearest drunk white bitch so hard her freckles come flying off when he asserts his imperativeness, our savior to our dying reality himself, Kanye West.
Allegiance to The Lord[edit | edit source]
People say He is not my savior, but that only means those idiot losers support transgender rights and female gender mutilation, something the Church has vehemently disgraced for centuries. The Jews deserved to be genocided for their "socially progressive" movements back in The Middle Ages – sometime in the 1900s, I can't remember – and now when they now have control of every financial service in the country, which is why I cannot buy more Kanye merchandise because prices are too high. The Jews raised prices and should be fucking quartered for their allegiance to the Anti-Christ.
My therapist told me a few days ago that my porn addiction is also hampering my ability to make any rational decisions, something the bitch assumes that that is a problem. Does she know that I'm the reason a woman gets raped every nine minutes? I must be excruciatingly horny to fuck and impregnate every woman I see so I can eradicate all the gay people, educate all people to follow God's word, and ban all abortion so all of the disciples of my own cannot escape the assimilation of the reality that I must instigate for my almighty deity. I must restore all disorder on this planet and reintroduce the idea that we are all ruled by one omnipotent being that trumps all other life. Political campaigns, lynchings, riots, race conversion, and castration are part of the process. And the best part about me is that I care about Black people, too.
Which is why I hate Pete Davidson. He stole a black man's children from that black man and attempted to erase their heritage from them by his own white race. He is a shit-eating Liberal who supports Satanic raciness in entertainment and has a transgender mother. He also wears Gap clothing which is so fucking sexist it makes me want to gouge his testicles out with a sickle. He is disdained as a "nigger monkey jigaboo lover" by everyone. He also supports the extremist movement titled "S.M.D." (Systematic Destruction of the Massa), which means that Davidson is an apologist for murdering innocent Black people for their cultural beliefs and heritage and is even a racial stab at the way they pronounce the word "Master" when addressing the Holy One Up in the Sky. Davidson is a creep, a killer, a rapist, and the embodiment of Satan and his plans to take over the planet using suffering, desire, and sin.
But as a loyal bodyguard to His word, I will not let that happen. This is a divine battle of good and evil, and I will stop at nothing to put it in its place. No evil shall ever exist on this paradise of a life that was designed to be as such, but instead, Skete shoved an apple down Eve's salivating hole for her to eat and instill death onto the peaceful haven of our old planet. Pete Davidson is the root of all evil. He took Kanye's children away from him. He should have let him be a father. You didn't. And now you must pay for your evil doings.
Introduction to The Church and its teachings[edit | edit source]
I understand that this is all really confusing for you and is almost frightening, but have no fear. I will show you the holy Scriptures and that nothing is holding you back from accepting His faith and coming into the light as a newborn child of our family. There are eleven books in His teachings, each to be picked up and digested chronologically. It must be practiced this way, or you will spoil your fledgling loyalty and be barred from acceptance into the family.
The Church is always right, unlike my therapists ... Praise the Pope. While we're at therapy, my therapist, Jason, told me today that he's starting to see some symptoms of schizophrenia in me, but poor Jason doesn't know the voice in my head is the voice of Jesus. Jesus leads me and he is the reason of my existence. Jesus is always right and his decision is the best decision. I do everything He says. Jesus is the best. Jesus is love, Jesus is life.
It's very hot here in Detroit, the temperatures reach their all-time high. I am frightened because this may be the work of the devil, or Russian spies. Russia is such an awful country, they are Orthodox and that's bad, because of their thinking. Why would you have a patriarch when you could have a pope? But, at the same time, being united with Orthodox Christianity ... Well, I don't want to be united with those jackasses, their patriarch shit is stupid. Also, that's unity and brotherhood, which is also bad, because it originates from communism, and communism is a yucky Soviet thing. Lenin, Stalin? Eww! Disgusting! God bless America! Long live Capitalism! Hip, hip, hurray! Hip, hip, hurray! Hip, hip, HURRAAAAAAAAAYYY!!!
About communism, I think it is really really bad, I mean, it's Russian. In fact, there is chance that Pete Davidson is a yucky, dirty communist. Yeah, you heard me right. A communist. Like that Dostoyevsky guy. Dostoyevsky is shit! Kanye is much better at writing than this stupid Russian idiot. I have been reading his work, like Notes from Underground. Stupid as hell! Imagine disproving that 2 times 2 is 4. So stupid, everybody knows 2 times 2 is 4. Even the {{#expr:}} template says so. Look: {{#expr: 2*2}} results in 4. See? But, do you know who also said 2 times 2 is 4? Jesus. And when Jesus says it, we know it's right, because Jesus is always right. The Calculator says it's 4 too. And the Calculator is also always right, because the Calculator is a product of God. God created the Calculator. These days, I use the device to communicate with God by sending him cryptic messages. He is always responding and telling me the right thing to do. The God is good, the God is great.
Now that I've taught you that Mr. Dostoyevsky is plain dogshit, let me tell you who is a good writer, besides, of course, St. Peter. You see, there is this guy called Oscar Wilde. He is a great writer. He wrote this little book named The Picture of Dorian Gray, and it is stellar. I cannot say much about it, as I have not read it yet, but trust me, it is a great book. However, my favourite book is still The Oldest Tricks Book. And the Bible too. Never forget the Bible.
An idea[edit | edit source]
I was thinking of maybe launching an internet radio station where I would play Kanye songs and Christian songs, the ones playing in churches. I think it is a great idea. Now, every radio station must have a name, and I haven't thought of any. What name should I select? Jesus?
(The conversation between this crazy schizo idiot and the voice in his head starts. The schizo is asking Jesus.)
ME: Hello, Jesus, what name should I pick for my christian radio station?
JESUS (voice in head): That's an awful idea. Why would you own a christian radio station? Everybody knows that television is Satan's work!
ME: Ha-ha, Jesus, you little doodle-doo. Radio is NOT television!
JESUS: Who are you to correct me? Oh yeah, a retarded peasant!
ME: Huh, that's a nice name. Pleasant FM.
JESUS: But I said peasant-
ME: Yeah, Pleasant FM. Such a pleasant name. Get it? Like Pleasant in-
JESUS: Do you think I am stupid?
ME: Umm, let me think... uhh... no. Thank you, Jesus!
JESUS: I hate schizos.
... Okay, launching the station, and ... ready to go!
Hello, I am your broadcaster, and this is Pleasant FM. Next up: On Sight by Kanye West, then the weekly psalm reading by the local paedophile priest!
One listener![edit | edit source]
After two days from launching the radio, I've finally got one listener! I am so happy right now! He even left a message on our board saying "The broadcaster is a rarely smart person." So nice that he thinks I'm smart. I am already gathering a small following and have created a Facebook page for my radio. I have one follower on it! Mom, get the camera! I'm famous, baby!
I posted a status that says "Pete Davidson was a piece of shit. Thank God he died for all the sins he commited." I got two Ha-ha smileys, one from a person named Pete Davidson Fan Page. How can you be a fan of such a scum? And Ha-ha is good, I mean, laughter is even healthy for our health, right? Right?
A week after[edit | edit source]
The radio station business is going like crazy! I started hosting my own radio-show, titled Help to Society, where I talk about various stuff, like punishments from God, the meaning of the Bible and other religions I don't want to talk about. I am gaining more and more listeners every day. Now I have about 8. It is going well. Wait, what is this? A copyright notice? From ... Kanye West? What? $100,000 tax? Shutting down my station? What is this? I'll write an email back.
Sent to <no-reply@kanyewest.com>
Dear Kanye,
This is promotion of your music on our Christian radio station.
As we know that you respect Jesus a lot, we have opted to include your music on here,
because you are without sins and should be an example to every human that exists.
No promotion is bad promotion, there's only good promotion. Why don't you let us
promote your music on our station? It's a win-win for both sides.
Regards,
Pleasant FM
Shutdown[edit | edit source]
They have forcefully shut down my station, without anybody responding to my email. I hate Kanye! HATE HATE HAT!