Portal:Art

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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Art portal
This is by far more artistic than a steaming pile of feces.
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The word art may come from the Germanic word arsch, which, loosely translated, might mean "sexy ginger person." [1]

Art might be the expression of amazing talent and possibly not stupidity or lack of imagination. Art may be generally considered purely a middle/upper class pursuit. However, some examples may have practical applications, meaning that they might also be enjoyed by the working classes.

Art is commonly understood as the act of making love to things that look like nothing much like people and which have no meaning beyond simple description. While art is often indistinguishable from mockery and pointless hobby activities, this boundary can at times be hard to define, as if anyone cares. The term creative arts denotes a collection of disciplines whose principal purpose is the output of material for the viewer or audience to ignore.

As such, art may be taken to include forms ranging from literary forms (posing as a writer or a poet); performance-based forms (a big song and dance over meagre grants; drama about how your genius is not appreciated); visual and "spastic arts" (panting, rupture, pornography); to forms that also have a dysfunctional role, such as pipefitting and pancake design. Art may also be understood as relating to lost creativity, missed æsthetics and the generation of pointless or disturbing emotion that honestly no one cares about.

  1. Interestingly, the modern German word for art is kunst, may be an anagram of a descriptive term possibly commonly applied to artists.
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Featured Artistic Art Article

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The Antipodean Gallery of Post-Modern Art
On the 4th of February, 2022, The Antipodean Gallery of Post-Modern Art will play host to the art works of one of this countries premier young artists. Pau Pei, originally from the Chinese province of Onthera Dio, is presenting his latest collection “The Concentric Curiosities.” Below is a selection of some of the highlights of the collection for your perusal and prospective purchase.

Pre-display purchases can be made over the phone and via the website. Payment methods taken are Cheque, money order, Credit card (Visa, Mastercard, Diner's Club and American Express accepted), Debit Card, Cash, Paypal, International Draft (excluding the Royal Bank of Nigeria), and Cash Passport.  (more...)

Article Credit: Puppy View All

Come across a decent article on art? Well, make sure you wipe it clean, pervert. Then submit it for promotion.
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This Week's Featured Image

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The first references to Hermaphrodite appeared around 600 B.C. The god(ess) was frequently depicted in artwork and cave drawings in Ancient Greek culture though it was hard to draw both genitalia when hand painting on a wall. The Greek people would pray to Hermaphrodite if they needed help in their love life, or if they desired a sex change. In Greek society, Hermaphrodite was respected as a powerful divinity, and they often made ritualistic sacrifices to appease it them such as slaughtering a prisoner of war bought at the market on discount during the post-Christmas sales. There was even a holiday in their honor where the greeks would change gender roles for the day.  (more...)
Image Credit: RadicalX View All
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Art News on Uncyclopedia


Got an art-related news story? You can add it to this portal here.
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Highlighted Biography

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Rolf Harris has long been forced to disguise his unnaturally long penis.

Rolf Harris was born in a swimming pool in Australia (though it was rumoured he was actually born in a kangaroo's pouch, hence his nickname "Rolfaroo"). Some say he was sent by Satan to rule the world (and KFC for that matter). He was initially christened Jake Peg, (adding "the" later on as an adult) and became a three-legged waltz champion, but his distant cousin Colonel Sanders, (himself a look-a-like of Rolf), was infuriated with this as it was scary for children seeing a picture of Rolf on several KFC advertisments. He paid for his extra leg to be removed and it was then used, in theory, for the 2nd line of the Swastika on the Nazi flag. All together now! Swastika on the Nazi flag.  (more...)

Article Credit: Apage View All
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Art Quote

“If my husband would ever meet a woman on the street who looked like the women in his paintings, he would fall over in a dead faint”

 Mrs. Picasso

Got a funny quote that's vaguely related to art? (submit quote...)

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Did You Know...

 New York's Guggenheim Museum doubles as a fully-functioning giant record player?
 all Wal★Mart stores built since 1990 have been awarded the Pritzker Award for Excellence in Architecture?
 Toulouse-Lautrec, at 2.35 metres, was the tallest artist in history?
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Further Reading

Below is a list of some other stuff vaguely connected to art:

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Artsy Art Articles

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What You Can Do To Help

  • Find a remarkable article about art, artists, or Art, and suggest it for promotion
  • Help these arty articles. Some will be healed by a simple spell check, others need something a little more drastic
  • Add sombre, boring or otherwise artistic quotes here
  • Found or made an image that'd look nice as a feature? Submit it here
  • Be as artistic as you possibly can
  • Steal a Rembrandt from somewhere and donate it to us
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