Laser chickens
“I don't like to eat those.”
– Jack Marston, c. 1899, on Laser chickens
Laser chickens are animalistic cannibal-things who can shoot lasers from their black demon-eyes. Laser chickens also like to make people sad and provoke people with their weird and stupid methods.
Description[edit | edit source]
What do they eat?[edit | edit source]
Well, it depends on who is watching and which season it is. If the farmer is watching they mostly eat worms and disgusting grains like corn and oyster shells. If a kid is watching the chickens, they will stare the kid down. But if no one is watching they will eat EVERYTHING, like the milkman, the neighbour or your mom.
In September, the laser chickens eat newborn babies because there are more newborns in September, nine months after new year. Or maybe they will just eat you and your poor family, but who cares?
How do they eat?[edit | edit source]
Laser chickens have teeth so they eat with those or the beak, both looks scary and disgusting. Laser chickens make everything dirty when they eat the food.
In the lands of Asia the laser chickens eat other chickens who are normal with chopsticks.
Were do they live?[edit | edit source]
Well my son! They live everywhere because they can turn into humans and other animals by eating them up! Your little brother is maybe a laser chicken, and maybe your girlfriend is one also! But mostly they live in chicken coops or in the urban forests or in a Swedish hönsgård. Just look at your girlfriend for a while, does she have eyes that looks like chicken's eyes? If she does, you will have to break up, or she will hurt you.
Religion?[edit | edit source]
This may come as a surprise, but you may have seen their god, and he may want to get your address.
Laser chickens and people[edit | edit source]
How to keep laser chickens[edit | edit source]
“They destroy everything”
– Me on Laser chickens
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Act like it's a normal chicken! Otherwise, it will use its laser eyes and beam you, turning you into a little worm that it will to feast on. You also need someone to keep an eye on them, if you have a newborn, a big rat or someone who does not realise how dangerous laser chickens are.
Then you need to buy much worms like maggots, silkworms or other worms. They also need protein! Just like you when you eat steak or something like that!
The third thing you need is a camera to keep an eye on the chicken so they don't go on a rampage and traumatize the whole town like they did in 1987.
And the fourth thing you need is a TV. the laser chickens also like to watch TV and do nothing sometimes! Maybe you should give it some movies also so it stops going on rampages!
Incidents with laser chickens[edit | edit source]
You know Halloween season, yeah? That's when you can't do anything fun because the laser chickens like to eat children who've had too much candy. They do this because children with sugar tastes just like candy for the laser chickens.
Also, watch out for carving pumpkins, because laser chickens LOVE fresh or moldy pumpkins. Laser chickens often go and destroy children's pumpkins and destroy Halloween decorations without any motive.
On Thanksgiving you should also be careful with the Thanksgiving feast that you eat every single year, because laser chickens LOVE to eat potatoes and turkey. And if you can't keep the laser chickens in their cage, then they will eat all of your food and your family will not be happy!
What to use laser chickens for[edit | edit source]
Well, laser chickens are very useful if you ask famous and smart people like Gordon Ramsay, Ernst, lunch ladies in my school and my dad. Here are some things you can use laser chickens for.
- Soup
- Eggs
- Houseguard
- Sandwich
- Sandpaper
Why laser chickens attack you[edit | edit source]
This is a very bad, but good question! Well, do you have a baguette? Then they only want your baguette. Are you a girl? Well, then they think you are one of them laser chickens. Are you just chilling? Then it's only because you are the easiest prey, or they think that you're their mother.
See also[edit | edit source]
- Chicken, the regular kind.
- Chick-fil-A, they use laser chicken eye goo in their Polynesian sauce.
