Chicken or the egg

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Dawww, Don't make babies cry. You're just jealous.


For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Chicken or the egg.

What came first, the chicken or the egg? It is an old age question, and perhaps only a Chicken somewhere knows the answer. Human scientists have tried to solve the problem, and the results bring about skepticism. If people can't trust their own research - how about Chickens?

Unfortunately, Chickens are not brainy enough to ask the question, so Humans took it completely into their owns, although occasionally dolphins have contributed in alternate timelines.

First thing's first[edit]

A way of beginning an investigation, is to settle first things first, after all, it is the decision of: "What came first?" that is important. Below are common "first things firsts."

  • Old people come first.
  • Babies come first.
  • Breakfast comes first.
  • Money comes first.
  • Particles and atoms come first.
  • Person at the front of the queue comes first.
  • Winners of competitions come first.
  • Cheaters come first.

The technique then involves taking those random observations (which the retard who created them thought were in logical order), and looking at cause and effect, such as the following.

  • Old age,
  • Birth.
  • Breakfast.
  • Money.
  • People queuing.
  • People winning.
  • People cheating.

Result: The elderly give Birth to new young, who have breakfast, get a job and make some money, then wait in a queue for a winning lottery ticket having cheated the queue.

An old chicken gives birth to a new chicken, and the new chicken has an egg for breakfast. It flaps its wings about for currency (bread crumbs) and then queues in a pecking order, but pecks the hell out of other chickens and wins a mate, thus the cycle continues.

Conclusion: An egg might create a new born, but the new born has eggs for breakfast, which is a contradiction (cannibalism is a contradiction; why would a chicken eat another chicken?) Eventually the chicken waits its turn to procreate, which creates another egg, which grows up to eat another egg.

The whole problem is "an egg for an egg." It has been found that no matter the combination, it always ends up as an egg for an egg. The trouble is, as everyone knows, eggs only lead to chickens, which totally rules out evolution theory. To prove this, here is a totally random example of "what comes first."

  • A thirsty monkey that looks like Bill Gates.
  • Penis enlargement.
  • Taking things for granted.
  • Attempted suicide.
  • Star Wars.


A chicken crosses a thirsty monkey that looks like Bill Gates. The monkey gives the chicken a penis enlargement and then takes the chicken for granted, which leads to an attempted suicide, however, the monkey must return to the Star Wars and fire a few more nukes using his super computer, in the hope that the Earth will gain a new species that will have mutated from old species due to radiation poisoning. While the monkey leaves for duty, the chicken lays an egg, which mutates and causes the chicken to have two beaks, but it's still a chicken.

An egg for an egg (Not to be confused with a form of justice known as egg throwing)[edit]

One egg, leads to a chicken, which leads to another egg. Creationists believe that an egg MUST lead to another chicken egg due to another chicken, and they say that all "what comes first" studies, have led to other chickens. Skeptics say that some eggs contain yolk, so that undermines the whole investigation. Buddhists gave a rebuttal saying: "Chickens have souls." Indeed, the yolk still has the capacity for a soul, which promotes Veganism if you take it seriously.

A common criticism is that "nothing comes first, it is only our linear interpretation of time." Steven Hawking posed this question: "What if we took a Chicken and an Egg, then mixed them all up together with feces, and thew them into an unstable time machine. Which would come first?"

Currently, the nearest method of testing Hawking's equations is using a hadron collider. "All you do is pop in the chicken and the egg, and a dash of feces, and give it a stir." Apparently the reason for the feces is that the machine requires metaphorical data as well as physical data. The High Iq society agreed that one single-minded way of thinking does not produce accurate results, so feces has to be thrown into the mix. This isn't suggestive of monkeys throwing feces at each other, because that would be like common low Iq humans. No, it is a metaphor to say that the Chicken POOS out the egg. High Iq people claim to use this kind of thinking responsibly, rather than throwing shit at one another.

Results: The experiment was not approved by governments, however, in the least there was an online simulation conducted by Sega Technologies, that proves there might be problems as a result:

The Christian Conservatives were correct that the collider WOULD cause a rapture in the space-time continuum and the second coming of  
Jesus Christ. However, the experiment went ahead because it was considered very important for its time(Time still pending).
Many alternate realities formed the United Tournament (UT) and a war broke out to determine who would be the ultimate ruler 
of the timelines. The winner was jesus Christ, who thought it necessary to come back as a chicken to stop anything like that happening
once more. Unfortunately, history was altered and there is a defect among living creatures on Earth, which causes feces to be produced 
when giving birth. Some children are born blind as a result.

KFC's opinion[edit]

"There is no such thing as an egg, only pure chicken 100%. We grow our chickens from scratch. What is an egg? Oh it's just something that the dinosaurs used."

Sega saw this coming.

Evolution Theory[edit]

Charles Darwin was a heavy supporter of "The Chicken came first" theory, due to his groundbreaking theories of evolution. The study found that a chicken is better evolved than an egg, thus a chicken must be the winner. Over time, natural selection eliminates the unworthy, and so the chicken comes first without ever the need for an egg. Over time, the egg ceases to exist. In the most obvious way, a chicken breaks out of the egg, does it not? But an existing egg also comes first when dropped off a high building, because it can't flap its wings! In relation to his work, he came up with the term: "Egg Head", which denotes idiocy- a person who's mental functions will break under even the smallest of pressures.

A chicken's opinion[edit]

""Buck, buck, buck, buck."."

A chicken on an egg

See also[edit]

Chicken or the egg was an article written for the Noob only writing competition 2012!
Yay for us!
And yay for them!