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Portal:Film

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The Film Portal
Old film.jpg

Film (pronounced fill-um) is as much an artform as it is a business. It was originally developed as a means to display naked people "getting it on" and distributing it to the masses. Films are more commonly known as Brainwashing Sessions (pronounced Ber-rainwashing Sessions). This name came about from the Baze'd faces people get after watching films.

Movies have baffled psychologists as it was found in a study conducted by the government that the majority of movie goers remain expressionless when watching the loss of life, limb, heartbreak, hatred and racism. Moreover it was found that people were often willing to pay money to see such movies, as well as buy food to enjoy themselves while watching it. To this day psychologists still do not fully understand why human beings enjoy watching such movies. Perhaps it is the thought of paying a lot of money to the movies, sitting with stupid noisy people crunching their popcorn, while getting your eyes and ear bombarded by huge screen and noise. Yes, we love movies.. (Full article...)


Highlighted Images
SavingPrivateElmo.jpg
This film is brought to you by The Number Eight: The number of muppets it takes to save one.
Image by Sonje
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The promotional poster.

Unromantic Comedy is a 2009 UnFilm Production, directed by a bunch of idiots with a video camera, and starring, believe it or not, Cameron Diaz. She obviously hasn't got much good work recently, if this is the kind of thing she is reduced to working in...

Scene 1

A nursery, somewhere sunny and beautiful in California. Jane is helping out some little kids paint.

Jane: Okay, kiddies, it's time to put away the paintbrushes. You're going home now! (muttered) Thank God.
Child: Why are you thanking God?
Jane: Because he made our beautiful world, Ben, now stop licking the paintbrush and put it away.

Sam then walks in to pick up his child.

Child: Daddy!
Sam: Hello, son! Oh, its so nice to see you...
Written by Nameable
Highlighted Biography
Leone1.jpg

[a panoramic long shot of what is apparently supposed to be a valley in the American West; nothing happens; the silence is finally broken by an incredibly fake-sounding gunshot]

[khk-klck]

[ka-PYE-E-E-EW!]

Sergio Leone

[khk-klck]

[ka-PYE-E-E-EW!]

Was an influential Italian filmmaker

[khk-klck]

[ka-PYE-E-E-EW!]…

Archive Article credit: Guildensternenstein (more...)
Did You Know?
  • ... that the Straw Man was a prominent silent film actor until the end of Hollywood's "Golden Age"?
  • ... that the Bogeyman is terrible at golf?
  • ... that the Straw Man was a prominent silent film actor until the end of Hollywood's "Golden Age"?
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