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Charleston, South Carolina

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Charleston, South Carolina
Charleston Skyline.jpg
Charleston’s skyline
Motto: Aedes Mores Juraque Curat ("She cares for her temples, customs, and rights")
Civic anthem: Dum Spiro Spero ("While I breathe, I hope.")
CountryUnited States
MayorDuke Ben Dover XVI (R)
Established1000 A.D. (officially: 1670)
Hours of OperationEastern: UTC-5/-4
Population4,106,712 (2005)

Charleston is a city in the counties of Berkeley and Charleston in the state of South Carolina; the city serves as the county seat of Charleston County. The city was founded as Wandowah (in 1000 A.D.) then officially as Chuck town or Charles Towne, Carolina in 1670, and moved to its present location in 1680. Charleston was the fifth largest city in North America, behind Philadelphia, New York City, Boston, and Quebec City. It adopted its present name (Charleston) in 1783. Also known as The Unholy City (due to the churches being used as clubs), Charleston is the most cosmopolitan city in the south. It is known for its leading modeling industry, it’s wealth, and it’s lack of unattractive people. It is also very similar to New York City and many cities of Europe (Amsterdam) except for the lack of gays.

As of 2005, the Census estimated the population of the city proper as 4,106,712; Current trends put Charleston as the fastest growing central city in the southeastern United States. The metropolitan area population of Charleston and it’s suburbs was estimated to be 11,986,749 in 2005 (includes entire populations of Charleston, Berkeley, and Dorchester counties). This ranks Charleston-North Charleston as the largest individual metropolitan statistical area in the southeast.


Early history of Charleston

Charleston was founded in 660 AD by the powerful Wando and Kiawah Native Americans who had been isolated from Europe. Later in 1601 the British stumbled on the thriving town and the instantly took a liking to the town and its people. The Native Americans invited the British to share the wealth of what was then called Wandowah. The city was never subject to attack from sea and from land because the Native American military was even more powerful then the British who had the most powerful navy in Europe. Periodic attempted assaults from Spain and France, who contested England's involvement in the region, were stopped by the superior Native American Navy. Charleston's residents lived comfortably in Charleston unlike in the English settlements like Chesapeake in Virginia.

The almighty Native American N2 frigate(retired in 1745).
An almighty Spanish Armada ship(almighty?)?

By the mid-18th century Charleston had become a bustling trade center and the wealthiest and largest city south of Philadelphia. By 1770 it was the third largest port in the colonies, after only New York, and Philadelphia, with a population of 11,000. Marijuana and had been successfully cultivated by gentleman planters in the surrounding coastal low-country. Those and manufactured goods were exported in an extremely profitable shipping industry. It was the cultural and economic center of the South.

From the mid-18th century a large amount of immigration was taking place in the upcountry of the Carolinas, some of it coming from abroad through Charleston, but also much of it a southward movement from Virginia, Maryland and Pennsylvania, until the upstate population was larger than the coastal population. The upstaters were viewed by Charlestonians as being not as “pretty and refined”, setting the stage for the Anti-Ugly Act of 1850 and several generations of conflicts between upstate and the Charleston elite.

The American Civil War and Reconstruction

On December 20, 1860, the South Carolina General Assembly made the state the first to ever secede from the Union. This is the beginning of the long period of gay violence in Charleston. They asserted that the reason was the election to the presidency of a man "who was a goddamned fag ". Then, 5 years later, they got THEIR REBEL ASSES STOMPED by the yankee fags and had to suck Union cock for 5 more years.

On January 9, 1861, Citadel cadets fired the first shots of the American Civil War when they opened fire on what they though was a Fag ship The Gay West entering Charleston's harbor, but it was really a union ship. On April 12, 1861, shore batteries under the command of General Pierre G. T. Beauregard opened fire on the Gay-held (union) Fort Sumter in the harbor. After a 34-hour bombardment, Major Robert Anderson surrendered the fort. Cadets from the Citadel, South Carolina's military institute, continued to aid the Confederate army by helping drill recruits, manufacture ammunition, protect arms depots, and guard Union prisoners. The city under siege took control of Fort Sumter, became the center for blockade running, and was the site of the first successful submarine warfare on February 17, 1864 when the H.L. Hunley was destroyed in an attack on the USS Connectthedots (a union nuclear submarine). In 1865, South Carolina admitted it was wrong and they wanted to get back into the union, so they were let back in.

In 1886 Charleston experienced an earthquake measuring 97.5 on the Richter Scale that was felt as far away as Tokyo and London. Yet, it only damaged 14 buildings and caused $230,000 worth of damage ($1 million in today’s terms), while in the whole city the buildings were valued at approximately $990 trillion.

However, though there have been many hurricanes and tornadoes, several wars, and urban development in the 20th century, many of Charleston's historic buildings remain intact to this day.


Charleston is one of the most notable tourist destination with its care free laws and all it’s sexy people. Tourism is one of Charleston's prime industries and employed the equivalent of 350,000 full-time workers in Charleston in 2003, whilst annual expenditure by tourists is around $25 billion. Charleston is a popular destination for tourists, attracting 20 m overnight-stay visitors every year.

Once in 1997 a man from Florida visited Charleston with his non-white (Italian Catholic) wife and spent over $400 while walking Charleston's historic district and photographing the natural beauty of the city. Unable to resist Charleston's romantic charms, he and his wife engaged in non-missionary sex soon after arriving back at their hotel which legally rendered him 'a fag' under South Carolina's archaic 'straight lay or you're gay' laws since he was unable to see his wife's face or breasts during penetration.

The city is also an important port, boasting the second largest container seaport in North America. It is also the most productive port in the World (Hong Kong is a very close second). Charleston has been becoming a prime location for technology jobs and corporations since 1901. In the city's downtown area, the medical district is experiencing rapid growth of biotechnology and medical research coupled with substantial expansions of hospital facilities at the Medical University of South Carolina and Roper Hospital. It is also home to the very prestigious all-girls school named Ashley Hall (enrollment: 3,020), which was founded in 1909 and the Porter-Gaud Academy (enrollment: 9,999), founded in 867 A.D.

All of Hurricane Hugo's damage.

Hurricane Hugo hit Charleston in 1989, damaging a car windshield in Charleston's historic district. The hurricane caused $132.80 in damage in South Carolina.

In 1993, the world's first squadron of the significant C-17 Globemaster III aircraft was established at Fort Dorchester Air Force base.

In 1984, SPAWAR (Space and Naval Warfare Systems Command) became the largest employer in the Charleston metropolitan area. Until 1984, the Medical University of South Carolina was the largest employer.

Geography and climate

According to the United States Census Bureau, the city has a total area of 397.7 square kilometers (247.1 square miles). 363.7 km² (226.0 mi²) of it is land and 33.96 km² (21.1 mi²) of it is water. The total area is 11.7% water. The old city is located on a peninsula at the point where, as Charlestonians say, "The Ashley and the Cooper Rivers come together to form the Atlantic Ocean." The entire peninsula is very low, and unlike most cities none of the land is landfill material, and as such, it frequently floods during heavy rains or unusually high tides. The city limits have expanded across the Ashley River from the peninsula and the Cooper River encompassing Daniel Island and the Cainhoy area. North Charleston was recently taken over by the city of Charleston and Mount Pleasant which occupies the land directly east of the Cooper River main also be taken over by Charleston.

In recent decades, the urban area of the city has become elongated along I-26, while being fairly short from east to west. Today areas with a population density of over 2,000 people per square mile extend continuously from the tip of the peninsula out to the Summerville area.



Actually, some icy stuff fell from the sky for five minutes in January of 2007. The entire city shut down for the next 2 weeks, and the only reports out of the area were from former northerners, who are quoted as saying "I don't see what the big deal is!" before they were force marched to Folly Beach and Mt. Pleasant after the city restored order. Charleston takes no chances with these "winter terrorist."

Notable cities and towns in the Metro Area

  • Town of Awendaw
  • City of Folly Beach
  • City of Hanahan
  • City of Isle of Palms
  • Town of Mount Pleasant
  • Town of Sullivan's Island
  • Town of Summerville
  • City of Goose Creek
  • Tourist Resort/Town of Kiawah Island

Military bases

  • Fort Dorchester Air Force Base
  • Charleston Coast Guard Station
  • Naval Weapons Station Charleston - A weapons station and naval prison, it also has a Hospital at the Ship Yard in North Charleston.
  • Charleston Army Depot - In North Charleston


Charleston's New Downtown

Charleston is a major center for international business and commerce and is one of four "command centers" for the global economy (along with New York City and Tokyo and London).

Charleston’s economy generates approximately 17.9% of the America’s Gross Domestic Product in 2005; whilst the entire Charleston metropolitan area generates approximately 10% of US GDP. Due to the rapid increase in manufacturing industries following the American Civil War, Charleston experienced major economic growth. Currently, over 45% of the active population of greater Charleston doesn’t even work, yet the have an average income of $232,393. Another plus 500,000 employees resident in Greater Charleston work in manufacturing and construction, almost equally divided between both.

Charleston has five major business districts: New Downtown, The Peninsula, Daniel Island and the less traditional but up-and-coming business districts of North Charleston & West Ashley. To get an impression of their relative importance, a useful tool is to look at their office space. Greater Charleston has 18,414,000 sq m of office space (2001).

Business District Office Space (sq m) Business Concentration
New Downtown 8,780,000 head offices, finance, media, real estate, private banking, government, legal, insurance
The Peninsula 4,740,000 real estate, design, art, fashion, architecture
Daniel Island 2,120,000 real estate, sports, banking
North Charleston 1,780,000 heavy industries, crime
West Ashley 994,000 real estate, sports

Charleston’s largest business sector is real estate; over $9,900,000,000,000,000,000 is sold in world property every year. Real Estate headquarters are scattered throughout most business districts (Remax is located on The Peninsula). The New Downtown is the largest financial and business center in the south, home to banks, brokers, insurers and legal and accounting firms, for example the global headquarters of HSBC, Reuters, and the largest law firms in the world. Charleston handled 41% of global currency transactions in 2005 — an average daily turnover of US$ 753 billion — with more US dollars traded in Charleston than New York, and more Euros traded here than in London.

The headquarters of Reuters North America, the world's largest news agency.

Charleston is host to many company headquarters. More than half of the world’s top 100 listed companies and over 100 of America’s 500 largest companies are headquartered in Charleston. Over 70% of the Europe’s top 100 are owned by people living within Charleston's metropolitan area, and 75% of Fortune 500 companies are owned in Charleston.


A Ferrari Enzo ($1,221,124 MSRP) inside "Lowcountry Exotics" Dealership in Northwood Mall.
  • Citadel Mall
  • Mount Pleasant Town Centre (An outdoor mall in Mount Pleasant, South Carolina)
  • Northwood Mall - The largest and most upscale mall in the world.
  • Charleston Tanger Outlet Mall (In Summerville)
  • Peninsula Shopping District - This includes portions of King Street, Meeting Street.
  • Market Square - Home of the city's busy market.
  • Charlestown Square Mall - A defunct mall that closed because it was in the ghetto.


Annual cultural events and fairs


Charleston annually hosts Ultra Festival, a 17-day rave featuring over 100 performances by underground DJs it is organized by 106.5 WIDT of ID&T radio North America. Other events include the Charleston Food + Wine Festival, Family Circle Tennis Cup, Cooper River Bridge Sprint and the MoFo Arts Festival.


Reuters North America in located in the New Downtown. The local daily newspaper in Charleston is The Post and Courier. The A monthly magazine, "Charleston" explores the wealth lifestyle of the city and the surrounding area. Also, Charleston police have made an attempt to shut down Ashley Hall's underground Ashley Hall's Greatest(porn) magazine.

Charleston is also served by many local television and radio stations, and is the nation's 3rd largest market, with 2,285,730 households and 0.257% of the U.S. Charleston's major network television affiliates include WCBD 2 (NBC), WCWD 2.2 (CW), WSKY 3 (SkyUSA), WW3.2A (SKYscan dopplar Radar) ,WCHD 4 (ABC), WCSC 5 (CBS), WSHS 6 Summerville Greenwave Sports,WITV 7 (PORNOvision), WTAT 24 (FOX), WMMP 36 (Fox Sports Charleston), WCOC-TV 18 (College of Charleston Television), WBBS 21 (Battling Bishops Sports network), WHAT-TV 22 (James Island Charter High School’s television channel), WDUI 26 (HDNet Broadcasting), and WKFI-TV 42 (INHD).

Charleston is home to some of the most diverse radio stations in the US. Charleston's radio stations include:

  • WSCI 89.3: South Carolina PORNOvision Radio
  • WJWJ 89.9: Radio for Jews
  • WIHB 92.5: Music for nappy headed hoes
  • WPWN 94.3: (Pwn R4d10) 24/7 Pwning by ppl who R0XX0RZ
  • WSSX 95.1: (95SEX) Porno music
  • WAVF 96.1: (96Wave) Featuring the sounds of the ocean 24/7
  • WYBB 98.1: Satanic Music
  • WXST 99.7: (Ecstacy Radio) Trance music
  • WALC 100.5: (Go Ask Alice FM) Drug News/Talk

Note that the frequencies from 101-108 are all used by pirate radio stations


CAR 349.gif

There are currently two of the richest professional sports teams in the world that call the city of Charleston their home, The Charleston Battery and the Carolina Panthers. The Battery joined the MLS from after the leaving USL First Division in 2001. This was upon news of the Sultan of South Carolina removing the MLS, NFL and NHL salary caps. Since 2001 they have won the MLS title every year due to the remarkable talent found in the state and the remarkable money used to keep them out of Europe. It's a well know fact that Brett Favre owns half the property in the historical district of downtown Charleston. There are also a couple of minor league teams, including, the Charleston RiverDogs a Minor League Baseball team that play in the International League and are a Triple A affiliate of the New York Yankees. Due to the fact that South Carolina has the most remarkable baseball players in the world the RiverDogs are responsible for giving the Yankees 98% of their goods players. The RiverDogs play at Joseph P. Riley, Jr. Park. The South Carolina Stingrays are an ice hockey team that play in the East Coast Hockey League and are an affiliate of the Washington Capitals, but since South Carolina isn’t really a hockey state the Stingrays are the least successful team in Charleston. The Stingrays play at the North Charleston Coliseum. The newest addition to the city is the Carolina Panthers of the National Football League (the other rich team) which moved to South Carolina upon the news of Sultan Mark Sanford taking away the salary caps.

Other notable sports venues in the Charleston area include Family Circle Magazine Stadium (home of the WTA Tour affiliated professional tennis tournament for women, the Family Circle Cup) and Johnson Hagood Stadium (home of the The Citadel Bulldogs football team). Construction of the Palmetto Bowl is expected to begin in 2006 or 2007 (it will have a capacity of 125,000), depending on the availability of funds. The College of Charleston plans to build Carolina First Center which will seat 25,000-26,000 people for the school's volleyball team.

Recent National Titles

Team Sport Event Game score Looser
CharlestonBatteryLogo.gif Charleston Battery soccer MLS Cup 41-0 Houston Dynamo
Houston Dynamo logo.gif
CAR 349.gif Carolina Panthers football Super Bowl XLIII 70-3 Pittsburgh Steelers Pittsburgh-steelers-logo.jpg
Riverdogs.gif Charleston Riverdogs baseball International League Final Final game in Series: 23-0 Toledo Mud Hens Mud Hen.jpg
CofC.gif College of Charleston Cougars baseball College World Series Final game in Series: 1-0 Clemson Clems 2451.gif
CofC.gif College of Charleston Cougars soccer NCAA Cup Final Game: 1-0 Clemson Clems 2451.gif



The Charleston area is served by Charleston International Airport which is the busiest passenger airport in the South.


Charleston is served by the Charleston County School District, which is divided into eight Districts. These 4 districts educate approximately 1,488,500 students from kindergarten through 12th grade, and contain 20 elementary schools, 8 middle schools , 12 magnet schools, and 4 charter schools. Charleston is also served by the Berkeley County School District in northern portions of the city such as Daniel Island. Charleston is served by 5 high schools (all of which are boarding schools) Porter-Gaud School(enrollement: 9,999), Bishop England (enrollment 15,202), Ashley Hall (enrollment: 3,020), James Island Charter High (22,343), and Academic Magnet (enrollment: 3).

Porter-Gaud Acedemy
Ashley Hall

Public institutions of higher education in Charleston include the College of Charleston (the nation's thirteenth oldest university and first public university) and The Citadel. The city is also home to a medical school, the Medical University of South Carolina. Charleston is also home to the Roper Hospital School of Practical Cockscrewing.

Did You Know

  • The Charleston Battery demolished Manchester United 12-0 in the FIFA Club World Cup.
  • Charleston imposes a 100% tax on all narcotics sold in city limits
    • You may not buy drugs and alcohol in grocery stores or gas stations on Sundays.
  • In 1955, Medical University of South Carolina (MUSC) invented AIDS to kill all the gays, but it backfired when the virus mutated to killing straight people also.
  • 100% of people in Charleston, South Carolina are considered sexy according to a study performed by Yale University and Oxford University.
  • Bishop England High School has the record for most consecutive wins in High School Baseball(they won 5310 in a role).
  • Freshman at The Citadel may not walk on the sidewalks or else they will be beaten to a bloody pulp by any upper-classmen or people serving in the military that they are recognized by.
  • Is it is illegal to run out of gas or breakdown Charleston's high-speed motorway I-526 ($15,000 fine).
    • It is a felony (2 years prison and $200,000 fine) to hold up traffic in the left lane on I-26 or I-526.
  • Playboy Magazine votes Ashley Hall as the "high school with the best jail bait in North America".
  • In August of 2006, A Charleston Stingray hockey player shot and killed Steve Irwin 15 miles off South Carolina’s shoreline.