User talk:Kenvalyi

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Welcome![edit source]

Hello, Kenvalyi, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for nooblets:

If you read anything at all, make it the above two links. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these:

I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button (Button sig.png) above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or add the following: {{help}} to this page along with a message and someone will come along and help you if they can. Again, welcome! —Braydie 14:36, 15 December 2006 (UTC)

Added 'People Who've Driven through Ontario' and 'Places to visit in Ontario, but never admit to doing so' before creating an account.

User:Kenvalyi/Cougar[edit source]

I've restored it to here, although, all I found was a construction tag. —Braydie at 14:47, 2 February 2007 (UTC)

Thank you! --Kenvalyi 14:48, 2 February 2007 (UTC)

Template:Hungary[edit source]

I've fixed some of the formatting errors on the template you've created. --General Insineratehymn 16:11, 3 February 2007 (UTC)

I was still working on it. Thanks for the assistance though. --Kenvalyi 16:25, 3 February 2007 (UTC)

Welcome to UnNews[edit source]

Kudos on UnNews:Mitch Hedberg celebrates birthday, in heaven., both on writing and for the audio. Good article, great voice, excellent presentation... I hate you... no, not really, I'm just being a douche bag... channelling John Edward... Below I've attached the standard welcomeing drivel template. Welcome aboard, and thanks for a great contribution! Zimbuddha.jpg Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 01:17, 24 February 2007 (UTC)

Reverend Zim_ulator says: "There are coffee cup stains on this copy, damnit! Now that's good UnJournalism."

Welcome to UnNews, Kenvalyi, and thank you for contributing some crap, or otherwise attracting my attention. For a quick introduction about how you can write a decent or better UnNews article, please take a minute read our spiffy new Style Guide.

I am your humble servant (in your dreams), and if I may be of help to you, please leave me a note on my talk page.

Good things that can happen to you

You can win awards and prizes! You can become a better writer by subjecting your articles to the scrutiny of UnNews critique machine or UnCanninator shit article detection system. You can become a thorn in the side of Journalism as a whole. You can get promotions, ribbons, and free crockery! You can write stuff your mom would be ashamed to show her friends.

What happened to my article?

If you've submitted an article, and it's disappeared, I may have mercy-moved it to your user space. This means I've probably left a message on your talk page, likely in close proximity to this very message, explaining why.

Your article may have been tagged for ICU if it has significant problems meeting our criteria, or I may have deleted it because you did not register as a user.

Finally, maybe you just pissed me off. I mean, I know I'm a Roshi, and I'm supposed to be all "Zen" about everything, but I have bad days too, you know?

UnNews Audio

If you are interested in doing an UnNews audio, check this out.

UnNews UnFunnies

At present, I create UnCartoons for UnNews all by my onesies, for better or worse. Now, I will never claim that I am a good cartoonist. Fortunately, the internet provides us a way to do all sorts of things simply and easily. I found, a great site to create cartoons with a minimum of talent.

This document is an ongoing effort by me to enhance the obfuscation coefficient of Uncyclopedia; productive changes, and criticism are welcome. Cheers! The Right and Left Reverend Major Sir Zimbuddha.jpg Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 17:38, March 28, 2010 (UTC) Zimbuddha.jpg Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 01:17, 24 February 2007 (UTC)

kudos[edit source]

Excellent job with UnNews:Peter O'Toole eaten alive by Last King of Scotland star Forest Whitaker! Keep them coming, please, or face... well, something bad, ok? Need I say more? Zimbuddha.jpg Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 13:23, 25 February 2007 (UTC)

  • -- Thank you man! :) --Kenvalyi 14:33, 25 February 2007 (UTC)

Thanks![edit source]

It wasn't me[edit source]

CommieLeon trotsky.jpg IT WASN'T ME

But thank you for voting. And suffering.

~Jewriken.GIF 13:04, 1 March 2007 (UTC)

World Series Cardinals[edit source]

Uncle J thanks you

Uncle J has awarded you a baseball signed by the Vatican City Cardinals for voting on UnNews: Cardinals beat Tigers in 5 games to win World Series.

You're stuff is good man, I like your writing style, it's similar to mine, your article about the Smith Trade to the Islanders is hilarious, and thanks for your vote on the Cardinals article, you probably saved it from elimination via the Darwin Rule - --Uncle J 03:10, 3 March 2007 (UTC)

Islanders acquire Smith[edit source]

You're article about Anna Nicole Smith and the Islanders is on VFH. It would have been awesome if you put shock jock Howard Stern instead of Howard K. Stern but that may have been too predictable, anyways good job, i thought it was a hilarious article. --Uncle J 05:25, 3 March 2007 (UTC)

You should probably get this tattooed on yourself someplace inconspicuous[edit source]

Congratulations, you are now UnNews:UnNewsAudio#Broadcast_Staff. I believe you've proven your mettle, whatever that means... I think you need a rinse-off now, eh? Zimbuddha.jpg Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 21:47, 7 March 2007 (UTC)

The hosers.jpg YOU'VE BEEN HOZED!!!

The hosers.jpg
Rev_zim has performed a Hozing on your soul; apparently you've done wrong in the eyes of doG. Take off, eh?!.
You know I'm going to spend my wages on hookers and beer right?... Wha?.. What do you mean we don't get wages! --Kenvalyi 21:55, 7 March 2007 (UTC)

meh[edit source]

AtomicPrizeAvatar.jpg Atomic Disturbance would like to thank you for voting for
UnNews:Boy subjected to harsh criticism, cries like little girl.

The Power Is Yours!
449px-Crying boy.jpg
Having your eyes well up is very manly. I remember building my first eye-well... Wait... No... That makes no sense at all. I do apologize. --AtomDsig.png 20:26, 9 March 2007 (UTC)

Thanks for the nom[edit source]

Thanks for nominating Final Fantasy Hockey, I don't think that article will appeal to most people though, there aren't too many hockey fans on here. I don't think they won't get many of the jokes lol. I still think its pretty good, I got my inspiration from Final Fantasy Football. Also I think some people were put off by the tentacle sex (prudes lol). Anyways thanks for the nom man, I appreciate it --Uncle J 16:20, 12 March 2007 (UTC)

J, if this were a Canadian or a console gamer board, it would have made the monthly top 10 nominations. Great article. --Kenvalyi 16:34, 12 March 2007 (UTC)

lol, thanks. Canadians do have the best sense of humour - --Uncle J 17:16, 12 March 2007 (UTC)

Thanks for the mammaries[edit source]

Thanks . I really like the button-thingy you added... I've had a thought about making that portion of my UnNews work easier, and you've nailed it for me, saving me work, making me happy, giving you a Ninjastar.

And for for stepping up, so to speak, and shuffling the lead stories:

Also, for your prolific and UnQuality output in a short period of time:

Cheers! Zimbuddha.jpg Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 23:33, 13 March 2007 (UTC)

Zim, while I love the ninja stars as much as I love the sound of my own voice, but I have to let you know that Sir Braydie made that change, and I agree it's too cool for school, or even the reformatory I spend my mischevious youth in (how I miss tp'ing the neighbours, but I digress). So that too smart for his own good Braydie deserves the star, you gotta love him though, stupid sexy Braydie.
On a serious note, thank you for the fun environment to post my stories in and the accolades, I like shiny. I haven't had this much fun telling lies and slandering the famous and wealthy since... well.. I guess ever. You make that possible. Bless you my brother! --Kenvalyi 00:09, 14 March 2007 (UTC) for to sign before.. sorry.

Another Thanks![edit source]

Colt1812.jpg For voting for Is a 1982 Mitsubishi Colt better than a Bugatti Veyron?, you have been awarded one of Cs1987's many 1982 Mitsubishi Colts!

Sorry I couldn't afford a better present. It might arrive in the mail soon, if you are lucky.

Icons-flag-au.png Sir Cs1987 UOTM. t. c 02:10, 15 March 2007 (UTC)

Thanks for the vote![edit source]

8ball-inside.jpg For voting for her article, UnBooks:Choose Your Own Adventure,
Sanns-sig.gif has awarded you:
The inside of a magic 8-ball. Now all your choices will be easy.

The King and you[edit source]

It was amusing and flattering to see your message about the return of the King, a charge I will haartily dispute. It seems like serendipity that your out put increased enough to cover my audio abscence while I built a PC and had little time or ability to access the net. PC number 2 arrives today, so if you feel so inclined as to continue your drivel output and thereby covering me again, I'll give you another Ninjastar... I may give you one anyway... heh heh, Cheers! Zimbuddha.jpg Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 15:48, 20 March 2007 (UTC)

F@H[edit source]

I have contributed 0 pints points to the Uncyclopedia Folding@home team.

And have a point keepin'userbox as well. Spacer.gifSpacer.gifPremierTomMayfairChe.png RedPhone.png Unsoc.png Hammer and sickle.png 18:33, 26 March 2007 (UTC)

Radio Telescope[edit source]

Go forth and put voice to the hard driving spacecase. I will however expect a footnote in the Kenvalyi autobiogrphy, which is do out soon, according to the rumors." Haze1956 20:24, 28 March 2007 (UTC)

Congrats[edit source]

WTG Broinlaw! I'm proud you won the award. Also, thanks for all your help with everything here. You da bomb!MichaelHax 02:09, 1 April 2007 (UTC)

Congrats to you as well sir. I don't have anything funny enough to say because I'm a noob --RAHB 06:26, 1 April 2007 (UTC)

I congratulate you again sir.-- Captain-Colbert3.jpgMichaelHax  (Y'wanna say that to my face?)

Thank you, thank you, thank you, etc.[edit source]

For WoTM in March. Big Hugs, Dame PPsigPPlips.gifGUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 15:54, 1 April 2007 (UTC)

Congratulations![edit source]

It warms the heartles of my cock to know my evil plan to award you the EAGD... um, whatever it's called. I expect Space Satan will be paying more attention to you now. Cheers! Zimbuddha.jpg Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 19:22, 1 April 2007 (UTC) By the way, I love the "mad as hell" template... a classic movie and sentiment rolled into one fat joint, which I will now bogart. Zimbuddha.jpg Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 23:55, 1 April 2007 (UTC)

I have to join forces with the mad reverend and to clap my hands in delight that indeed my his plan indeed worked. Since all of us, after all, work to honor Zim! ~Jewriken.GIF 23:59, 1 April 2007 (UTC)

Dumpster Dame[edit source]

You eyeing up my lady Ken? - Haze1956 21:44, 4 April 2007 (UTC)

I do like me a biggun'. But that maybe too much woman even for this chubby chaser! Loved the article. --Kenvalyi 21:47, 4 April 2007 (UTC)

Thought you might record it, just wanted a day or two to tweak it if you were. - Haze1956 00:24, 5 April 2007 (UTC)

I too was thinking of recording it, but Zim beat me to it Captain-Colbert3.jpgMichaelHax  (Y'wanna say that to my face?)

Thank You Very Much[edit source]

Thank you for the nomination. I'm glad you think I'm n00b of the MonthWorthy-- Captain-Colbert3.jpgMichaelHax  (Y'wanna say that to my face?)

Cracka What?[edit source]

I gots more'n jus' schoolin' occupyin' mah time. But I shoulds be writin' a new article. Youse be right abouts dat. I just needs um inspurrashun.

Thanks again[edit source]

Uncle J thanks you

Uncle J has awarded you a baseball signed by the Vatican City Cardinals for voting on UnNews: Cardinals beat Tigers in 5 games to win World Series.

Thanks for your continuing support on the Cardinals and Tigers article, damn bastards removed it again, but i'll just keep trying until it gets featured.--Uncle J 23:18, 21 May 2007 (UTC)

You may say I'm a writer...but I'm not the only one[edit source]

Shandon moves in, he's juggling the puck: slapshot! Off the post! Rebound--to Shannahan--the two Sha's pass it back and forth; Shandon shoots: he scooores!!!!

You know, or something. We should talk sometime, I don't really know you. But thanks for the vote!--Shandon 04:59, 1 June 2007 (UTC)

I've been known to ramble, sometimes[edit source]

So I go back to the offices for the New York Times, right? And I'm all, "Who's the idiot now, eh?". And they're all, "Sir, we told you before, this is not the New York Times. Place your order or move along, sir.". So I'm all, "Whopper, please.". And they're all, "This is not Burger King, sir.". So I was shocked, right? Shocked that they would make up such terrible lies to avoid hiring me as their Senior Editor of News and Whatnot...a position that they, incidentally, deny having at all. Oh, and thanks for the vote for the Foolitzer Prize. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 19:20, 1 June 2007 (UTC)

Nevermore![edit source]

Here's another template for you to use! :)

Thanks, appreciated!

~Jewriken.GIF 16:48, 3 June 2007 (UTC)

Need your help buddy[edit source]

Some Christian fundamentalists are trying to delete one of my articles because it is "pornographic", I need you to vote to keep and maybe get a few friends to save it, Rev. Zim thought it was funny but the extremists outnumber us 6 to 2, need your help, your fellow Canadian --Uncle J 17:11, 23 July 2007 (UTC)

You tried buddy, thats ok, Zim liked it too, he planned on recording it and even protected it from vandalism but another overzealous sysop reacted to the votes of 6 totalitarians and voted it off. Don't worry though buddy, I still have the code heehehehehe, the story is still in my email account, and on my computer. Once i noticed it on VFD i saved the text, at least my friends will still get to see it, they are the only people i write for anyways. I find most ppl on this site have no sense of humour except for you and Rev. Zim.

Looks like its back up UnNews:U.K. schoolgirl loses ‘virginity’ court battle; Lydia Playfoot says she should be exempt from school ban on virgins -Uncle J 02:09, 24 July 2007 (UTC)

If Zim doesn't do the audio, you should Ken :) --Uncle J 02:14, 24 July 2007 (UTC)

Thanks Ken, I don't know how that article got back up, some random IP put it up there, possibly one of my friends who had the code lol, if its recorded there is less chance they'll destroy it. I think some of those 6 who voted against it were socks. Me and my buddy James voted for it, I could have created sockpuppets but it would have been obvious, I tried to get you and Zim to get in on it but it was too late, the douchebags had it deleted. If it was deleted because it was a shitty article I wouldn't have cared, i've had a few articles deleted on me and i didn't care cause they sucked. This was a good article and they only deleted it cause it offended their Christian sensibilities. --Uncle J 02:34, 24 July 2007 (UTC)

Ken![edit source]

Are you back? Should we rejoice?! :) ~Jewriken.GIF 23:40, 30 December 2008 (UTC)

Perhaps... I got an idea while reading and came to see how UnNews was doing, and it looked a little too quiet for my liking. No promises. I am however, very happy, to see you're still around old friend! --Kenvalyi 23:47, 30 December 2008 (UTC)

Welcome back[edit source]

Back again after a long hiatus, same here, you still didn't finish that recording about the virgin article lol, I've been off uncyclopedia for about 7 months now, just came back in early December, they deleted the article on Glace Bay while I was gone so I figured I'd recreate it, i think the new one is better than the original anyways, glad to see your back --Uncle J 18:39, 1 January 2009 (UTC)

Award![edit source]

Psqui.jpg While clearing out the shed, Rabbi Techno found some
old pipes with squirrels in them. As he has no use
for them, he decided to give them away as gifts to
everyone who voted for him in January's
Foolitzer Prize. Cheers, everyone!
Rabbi Techno Icons-flag-gb.png kvetch Icon rabbi.gif Contribs Foxicon.png FOXES 11:17, 5 February 2009 (UTC)

I don't know who you are[edit source]

But you look like a nice guy and it's sad to see you leaving. Sir SockySexy girls.jpg Mermaid with dolphin.jpg Tired Marilyn Monroe.jpg (talk) (stalk)Magnemite.gif Icons-flag-be.png GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotYPotM WotM 03:13, 6 November 2010

Ken is (was?) possibly the best audio maker we ever had. Shame you're going! Hope to see you again someday. ~Jewriken.GIF 09:34, November 6, 2010 (UTC)