Portal:Literature

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De Leeteratur Portul
Criticbook.jpg

As the generally accepted definition of literature today hugs folktales to its warm bosom, we might well conclude that literature began with one frightened caveman grunting (see language) his fears to his fellows by firelight. This, however, would be wrong. Scurrying, short and bitter academics in dank bare cells have clinically proven that 'literature' is caused by writing down things which never happened and which afflict the reader with acute boredom , in some cases literally boring the victim to death.

Today, the study of literature remains a major academic discipline at nearly every educational institution around the world, often being the most heavily required class for graduation. This is because academics have declared that finding themes (which the author totally intended to put in the work) is far more important than learning first aid, basic home and auto repair, or how to do your taxes. However, there is one major benefit to the study of literature: without it, as many as half of the jokes in your favorite TV shows would fly right over your head. (Full article...)

Why is book? Because book good. If you don't book, you won't good. Book make you good at yes. Grammar make good writing. Write is good so you can make more book. Book good. Make others read book. Book make good write at book. I rest my case. (Full article...)

Feeturd Articel
You, just another pompous nobody who thinks he can write bestsellers.

So you can write English. You're a cool kid, big shot. Hell, you've got it going on. But now, one day, you are strutting around the library, looking down your upturned nose at all the books around you, and happen to glance at the check-out list. What's number one on the list? Surely one of your famed books? Alas, no! Who is this Stephen King bastard, anyway? Well, you've just got to outdo him. That'll show that haughty sonuvabitch. But how? Hmm. Guess you just have got to beat him at his own game.

Step One: A Tangible Plot - When writing a Stephen King novel, you have got to remember that they all have the same basic plot:

“It was a fine day ... AND THEN EVIL CAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

~ Oscar Wilde

I hear your giggles. But, believe me, this is solid gold. It. Will. Sell.

Step Two: Characters - Chief idea of this bit is: you have to make them relatable. Your main character is a male, probably white, and certainly an author.

Written by Vanaelin
Feeturd Imag
Auteur Spatiotemporel.jpg

I am a coal-truck
by a broken heart
I have no sound
the sound of my heart
I am not

Image by Cédric Spatiotemprel
Poem off da Wik
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my friend Big Joe and I

walked into a bar

and Joe said

"man, you can't swing a bag of dicks in

here without hitting

some pretentious asshole"


I laughed at his

little jape

Written by HELPME
Selectd Biograffie
HP Lovecraft.jpg
Everyone's favourite horror writer and hilarious racist.

How the man known as Howard Phillips Lovecraft came to have an Uncyclopedia entry written about him is a fact of whose blasphemous origins we shall never be privileged to know. That it is written at all is miracle enough, for we live on a placid island of literacy in the midst of black seas of slobbering idiocy and it was not meant that we should use a spellcheck. The great unwashed, each mashing their keyboards in the darkness of their parents’ basements, have hitherto harmed us little in our blissful ignorance; but perhaps their random effusions have now conspired to create an article of whose utter, brain-blasting idiocy will send us screaming to our nearest Webster’s (or at least mildly tick us off).…

Archive Article credit: Ben DeRoy (more...)
In da Neeus
Jonstewart.jpg
"Holy shit, an UnNews reporter and comedic god actually watched my piss poor excuse for a show?..."

NEW YORK CITY, New York -- Jon Stewart, comedian news reporter for the Daily Show, has apparently plagiarized an UnNews column wrote on the 14th of June, titled UnNews:Obama rewards terrorists. Stewart's piece, titled "Guantanamo Baywatch - Uighur, Please", was a thinly veiled remake of the article already appearing on the awarding winning UnNews.

Charges of plagiarism are serious, and outside opinions usually sought, even in obvious cases. New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd was asked for her opinion, she being an expert in plagiarism.…

Archive Article credit: Clemens177 (more...)
Oscur Wyld Quot
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
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