Seven Trumpets

you might hear this strange trumpet noise any moment

The Seven Trumpets (also referred to as a "Trumpets of Doom and Despair" or "7 doom vuvuzelas" or simply "Typa shi that will happen when your GTA 6 is 99.72% downloaded") is a supernatural event that will happen sometime in next year. Totally.

On Revelations 8 through 11 at the Bible, there is something mentioned... which is a strange instrument of doom and despair... that cause lots of chaos, severe destruction, global massive stock market crash, and ANYTHING will be brutally destroyed (including Moccasins, Tree, your hardworks, and every pages in Uncyclopedia.) and it is blown 7 times in a loud way, echoing the whole universe, which is called... The Seven Trumpets. This phenomenon will be heard ominously after the 7th seal is broken... The last three trumpets are sometimes called the “woe trumpets of doom.” You are absolutely cooked when you hear these trumpets

Significance

After the Exodus, God had Moses make two silver trumpets (Numbers 10:2), later called the chazozra. The traditional sacred horn of the ancient Hebrews was the shofar, made from a ram’s horn.

First trumpet

When you’re having a peaceful walk with your dog in a park during a calm sunny day in the afternoon, but then suddenly... you hear those weird, strange-sounding trumpets in the sky (the 7th seal was broken and EVERYONE didn’t expect about that, that broken seal causes the 7 trumpets to blow), then 1 second later, you look at the sky for like straight 30-50 seconds, then the sky turned from blue sky to red blood with clouds appearing, then 10 seconds later, it started raining blood and hail at the same time, and mixing with raining fires thrown to earth that burn down trees and grasses! and there can be grues appearing every 20-40 seconds (they can dodge hazards during the 1st trumpet and beyond, also these grues are fast and can catch you quickly), HIDE NOW TO YOUR SHELTER BECAUSE YOU DON’T WANT TO GET HIT BY A HAIL OR BURNT DOWN IN A FLAME. This trumpet will cause 1/3 of nature to disappear! PROTECT YOUR STUFF AND HARD WORK! And you might see news reports about death, chaos, destruction, despair, and more, and flying religious people. Also, there may be mushroom nuclear clouds everywhere, repeating 10 times every 5 to 10 minutes

Second Trumpet

During the storm of blood, hail and fire mixed while you’re in the shelter, you decide to look at the view of the ocean far away and then you hear the 2nd trumpet and then you say “ANOTHER ONE?”, then the music came out of nowhere, playing in the sky just after the 2nd trumpet blown, looping until the 3rd trumpet sounded... then more than several seconds later, there’s a “great mountain burning with fire” (the mountain, which is coming out of nowhere from the sky, also not made by God) plunges into the sea and turns a third of the oceans to blood. Soon after, a third of all sea life and a third of all ships will be destroyed (including the Titanic). And as you notice the ocean turns blood red, you say “oh great... no... just no...”

Third Trumpet

It’s night time, and the severe storm (of the Blood, Fire, and Hail Mixed) ended, the clouds cleared up, and you see stars in the sky, but the smoke remains... and you keep seeing the trees burning, then 30 seconds later... You hear another trumpet... then the music stops. And more than 10 or 40 seconds after the trumpet is blown, the great, harmful-ass star named “Wormwood” falls down to earth, poisoning a 3rd of the planet’s freshwater sources, such as rivers and springs, they will be contaminated. These will cause nearly an amount of people to be hospitalized and dead by poison contamination, and cause people to not drink contaminated water! SEVERE STARVATION ANYWHERE! (specifically in certain regions of Africa where there were lots of starving and thirsty people)

Fourth Trumpet

While you can’t drink at all because of that star from earlier... then you hear another trumpet. As you hear the 4th one, you start to notice that the 3rd of the light that shines from the Sun, moon, and stars becomes dark from the celestial bodies being “struck.” This catastrophe causes complete darkness for a third of the day, even during night hours. You might use a flashlight to see anything, but the world is now 75-90% dark. This trumpet is the last trumpet before the 1st woe

The Three Woes

Fifth Trumpet (1st woe)

While you’re chilling in your indoor room after days of exploring outdoors (that outdoor adventure was... with your flashlight to avoid those monsters (such as grues) from hunting you down), then moments later you hear these noises before the 5th trumpet, an angel (translated as an eagle in some versions) appears, and warns, “Woe, woe, woe, to those who dwell on the fucking earth, because of the remaining blasts of those vuvuzelas of the 3 angels who’re about to sound!”, followed by the 5th trumpet noise. You’re now in the 1st woe.

That trumpet prompts a human star (a starman) that falls down rapidly from heaven. That star was given a key to the... uhhh... creepy... SCARY... BOTTOMLESS... PIT... After opening it, the smoke that rises out of the pit darkens the air and blocks the sunlight. Then, from out of the smoke, the eldritch locusts are unleashed from the eldritch zone. The locusts are uhh... scorpion-tailed warhorses that have a man’s face with that... brrrrr... lion’s teeth. Their hair is long, and they fly with locust-like wings. They are ominously adorned with golden crowns and protected with iron boob plates. They are commanded by their king, Abaddon, to torment anyone brutally who doesn't have the seal of God on their forehead, by using their scorpion-like tails. It is also made clear to them that they must ACTUALLY "not" kill anyone during the five months of torment.

Sixth Trumpet (2nd woe)

While your room doors are locked to prevent those locusts from coming... then you hear another trumpet. After the sixth one sounds, this is another woe (2nd woe) where those 4 angels are released from their bounds of the river that will soon drain, “great river Euphrates”. They command someforce of 200M (million, not meters) mounted horses of doom, exude the great plagues of smoke, fire, and brimstone from their goddamn mouths. These mounted horsemens wears a boob plate with these colors (it’s Fire and Brimstone with a Hyacinth.) These colors of those mounted horsemen’s boobplate These weird, goofy ass looking eldritch horses will appear like... them with the head and tail of a lion, as creepy well, are like a serpent with a head. These 3 plagues that caused by a horse kill 3rd of all mankind in the world, violently brutally (oh god... you're fucked this time, they may be out to get you...). The text states that the power of the horses is in their mouths and also in their tails. Their tails are like snakes with heads, and they use them to hurt people.

Seventh Trumpet (last woe, last trumpet)

When you’re being chased by some weird creatures and monsters, you dodged and parried their attack and their attack patterns, and you try to reach to your house. But after you enter a house and lock all the doors, then several seconds later you hear the last trumpet that signals the last woe of doom (the earth will be destroyed). Loud voices in Heaven will say, “The kingdom of the world has become the kingdom of our Lord and of His Messiah, and He will reign forever and ever.” Then, after the word speaks, lots of chaos and severe destructive things hits the earth, and more and more global severe disaster (that lasted 5 months) followed (disasters such as a apocalyptic thunderstorms, a big ass tidal wave that crashes down buildings and stuff, hell carousels, massive quakes of doom, big ass sea levels rising severely, Falling big rocks everywhere every 0.1 - 3 seconds to make the earth completely turned burning and volcanic, and etc), then the death star appeared in space, shooting the earth with the beam, to cause the earth to [[a splode] entirely because of a disaster that lasted more than 5 months. And you died, you can’t dodge those destructive attacks anymore.

Convenient times for the trumpets to blow

Here are the examples of when you almost finish things, then you hear those biblical revelation trumpets

• When you almost made it to Ketchikan, but then you hear those trumpets
• When GTA 6 is 99.91% finished downloaded, but then the 1st trumpet blown