User talk:Mordillo/archive15

VANDALISM!!!

Hooray!

/me performs a gentle oral rape of Mordilly's talk page. -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 12:44, 15 Jun

First message after the rape! Saberwolf116 12:46, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

/me wipes sweat. Thank god Luvvy got here first. I was afraid it's going to be Sycamore again. I mean, I love him in an platonic manner. Also, his kilt freaks me out. ~ 12:48, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

Sycamore brings up bad memories. Hey Mordillo! How are things? —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 12:50, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

He's doing fine, I hope. Though he took his damned time to archive his talk page! -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 12:53, 15 Jun

Ooh, I got a new spokesperson! Also, Sock, for me Sycamore brings only good memories. Except for that one night in Glasgow...~ 12:54, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

I said I hope you're doing fine. Still feeling sweaty after a little Vandaluvvy got to your pristine talk page? -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 12:57, 15 Jun

Yes, but the endorphins are starting to settle in.~ 12:59, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

Good, then you're up for another go, this time at cuddles! /me cuddles -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 13:09, 15 Jun

At first I used to think of him in nothing but good ways, until... stuff. Anyway, good luck with those endorphins and a cuddly Luvvy. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 13:17, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

Luvvies are notoriously cuddly. And cute. And notoriously moody when hormonal... -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 13:41, 15 Jun

Sorry to weigh you down with more Bureaucratic BS, but...

Well, I think you should take a look at UnBooks:This Space Camp Looks a lot like Fat Camp, and then the link Music Man put on the talk page. Plagarism. Blatent plagarism. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 14:11, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

What article? I only see a red link. Thanks for the heads up. Did you meet my kitty? ~ 14:19, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

Kitty? What Kitty? Oh you mean that cute little cuddly, wuddly ki--Argh!.....GET IT---AHHHH. AHHHHHH! OW! Get off my leg you dumb sack of.......Oh. God! Get back on the leg! Get back on the leg! Fuck. Fuck. ARRRGH! Get it off! Get. It. Off. Me...... *Punt*................ Well. Thank God that's over. I'll see ya Mordillo.

Hey... Why is your door locked? Mordillo? Dude, where'd you go? Where did that damn cat go? Duuuude?

ARGHHH! FUCK! It's gouging my eyes out! GET OFFA ME. You Stupid Sack of Shit!..... HEY, What are you.... Don't do tha--AHHH.................................................................................. – Preceding unsigned comment added by The Woodburninator (talk • contribs)

That was for burninating the cat's wood :) Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 14:34 June 15 '09

/me peeps out of the window bloody kids keep me awake all night. 14:37, 15 June 2009 (UTC)– Preceding unsigned comment added by Mordillo (talk • contribs)

Gramps, you sure you're okay? -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 15:56, 15 Jun

And as comes to the kitty, I thought for a sec you had stolen mine... O_O -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 15:57, 15 Jun

Shinty-Six

Lengthen that guys ban to infinite per this page. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 18:29, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

Yessir. ~ 18:47, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

That's why you're the greatest admin. /gets back down on knees. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 18:48, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

There there O_O ~ 18:58, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

Hey There

Mordillo, I'd like to apologize for 2 things:

1: Not fixing my sig after you telling me to.

2: Both blaming you for deleting iCarly, and evading the ban.

Will you please forgive me? Revolutionary, Anti-Bensonist, and TYATU Boss Uncyclopedian Meganew (Chat) (Care for a peek at my work?) (SUCK IT, FROGGY!) 20:11, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

And could you please put Unscripts: The Young and the Uncyclopedians/181 back up there? Thanks. High Gen. Meganew (Stuff I've Done) (Chat With Me) (Get an Award!) FORCES ENLIST MUN 20:13, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

I don't need to forgive you, just behave from now on. And I think you gave me a wrong link. There's nothing there I can restore. ~ 09:08, 16 June 2009 (UTC)

Here's the correct link: UnScripts:The_Young_and_the_Uncyclopedians/181 --High Gen. Meganew (Stuff I've Done) (Chat With Me) (Get an Award!) FORCES ENLIST MUN 13:26, 16 June 2009 (UTC)

Ref: VFS

Sandwiches aren't represented by the aristocracy, man. Sandwiches are the food of democracy. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 09:01, 16 June 2009 (UTC)

What's Democracy? ~ 09:07, 16 June 2009 (UTC)

I have no idea what you guys are talking about, but nevermind me. As long as I can get a shrimp sammich. -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 09:09, 16 Jun

That's not kosher and you can't have it. Sorry. ~ 09:11, 16 June 2009 (UTC)

But Sabba, I love shrimp sammiches?! /me sniffles -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 17:14, 16 Jun

Whoring: Problem & Possible Solution

Hey there 'dillo. I was reading the Miniluv forum topic the other day, and couldn't help but notice that the non-existant Cabal is considering making talk page whoring illegal. I'm all for that, however, I think I might have a solution to the problem at the same time. I'm not an admin, so I don't have the authority n' stuff, but hear me out:

We create a designated "whoring topic" in the village dump. Here, users would have their own header, and under said header they can advertise whatever they're currently writing/whatever they have on VFH. It would be structured in the same way as Forum:Uncyclopedia Survey, with a little note at the top explaining what it's for, and then each user would have a section to put their stuff on. Anyhow, this is just a random idea I came up with, and I wanted to get your opinion on it. Saberwolf116 14:18, 16 June 2009 (UTC)

Users write down what they have on VFH? This is probably an odd question, but what's wrong with just looking at VFH? --UU - natter 14:29, Jun 16

Because people want to other people to look at their articles specifically. Saberwolf116 14:40, 16 June 2009 (UTC)

I see your point Saber, but I think it will create one big cesspool rather than a few swamps. Also, I don't think it was said to become illegal, just hammering down on anyone whoring excessively. ~ 14:47, 16 June 2009 (UTC)

I don't see that point - it brings it back to people trying to bias a vote. If people just look at articles on VFH that are whored, then it can stop potentially better articles that haven't been whored from getting featured. Getting people to look at your articles, OK, but trying to tip the VFH vote on your article? Not keen. -UU - natter 15:00, Jun 16

UU, I saw your knickers. You really don't need to bend that much. ~ 15:03, 16 June 2009 (UTC)

press

hello, mr. dillo. might you have a comment for the unsignpost concerning the new vote for sandwich feature of the site? might you also have some sort of ominous cabal-like warning about the 'real' VFS? also, touche on the wizard of oz thing. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 16:50, 16 June 2009 (UTC)

Well well, mister Oz. I was tempted to write that down in your thousand years ban! It would have been epic! O_O. As for the press request: "The cabal, as part of its never ending efforts to assert its all consuming control over the citizenry has now resulted into voting for the sandwiches each editor will be required to eat the elected sandwiches for the entire following month. Members of the cabal will observe closely voter's decisions to make sure that no vile sandwiches such as, BAKED BEANS ON TOAST WITH MELTED CHEESE will be chosen. That's just vile. Editors will not be allowed to protest over the "democratically""chosen""sandwich". We're not Iran.

As for the serious part- since there is no need (and we assume the situation will remain like that for a while) for new admins, and as some members of the community seems to look at adminhood as their ultimate goal, we decided it's better to take that pressure of their shoulders and allow them to concentrate in the core values of Uncyclopedia. Or in other words, SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO WRITE AN ARTICLE. ~ 21:02, 16 June 2009 (UTC)

You looked stressed.

This image shows a good example of a beginner's technique when trying to "sit back and relax"

Care to take a load off? Sit back, relax. Perhaps get a sensual massage later. Read a newspaper in a nice soft robe with matching fluffy slippers. Smoke a corncob pipe. Eat a 5-year-old. Whatever helps you relax. You look like you are about ready to go postal on someone out there. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 18:08, 16 June 2009 (UTC)

Me? Postal? Tempting. Very tempting :) ~ 21:02, 16 June 2009 (UTC)

You're taking a lot of hits out there kid. You gotta duck and dive. You're trying to stand in there and trade punches, but he's got too much power. Use your speed. Attack when he gives you an opening. Use your jab, but he's succeptible to the left cross. Tire him out here, make him work. He'll come crumbling down under a flurry when he least expects it. Remember, Duck and Dive. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 21:08, 16 June 2009 (UTC)

Sorry

Sorry. Remember that time I used to say "Sorry" all the time? Well, I am sorry. Really. Mind you, not about making that comment. Rather, it seems I have done something to upset you. Something whereby you thought I might have felt it appropriate to "interfere" with things. I apologise for this, such was never my intention. The comment was not necessarily directed at you, it was more meant as a general note I found relevant to the issue. In fact, you edit conflicted me on Cajek's talkpage.

Putting all of that aside now, I want this tension to go away. Can we please put all of this negativity behind us and start anew? Also, sorry for the overall tone of this message, it's just the only way I could express it right now. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 19:38, 16 June 2009 (UTC)

I didn't mind about the content of the remark as much as the fact that you have the need to get involved in each and every conversation here. That can be annoying, especially when you can obviously see that I'm not having a cuddly nice conversation. So, your opinion is not always needed or helpful. Also, regarding the content of your message, did you know that the bureaucrat of Oncyclopedia, the Dutch Uncyclopedia is infinibanned here as a troll? What happens in other wikias has no connection to this one.

Having said all of that, as I told Cheddar in the past I don't tend to hold grudges, which is not in the case with you, so there's no dark cloud of negativity surrounding us, to be dramatic. I will tell you in the future when you manage to piss me off, but I'm not running a little black book in which I write down all your "bad deeds". I keep that for more sinister characters. ~ 21:02, 16 June 2009 (UTC)

Okay. Am I really that much all over the wiki? I mean, I talked to you on your talkpage and on that UnNews's talkpage, anything else? I understand how it can seem like I'm getting involved in a lot of conversations, more so than others, though I don't think I'm doing it that much more than some others either. I'll try to restrict my "butt-ins" to mostly helpful ones.

I wasn't really saying we should give people awards for things they're doing on other language editions, though I do find Gert's efforts on the Estonian wiki quite impressive. I also hardly ever visit the Dutch Uncyclopedia. It's like way worse than this one.

Anyway, I'm glad you don't hold a grudge. If I do piss you off somehow, let me know, but please don't let it look like you're assuming bad faith because I tend to react in the wrong ways to stuff like that. So, glad this is settled. It's a load off my chest. Later, Mordillo. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 21:44, 16 June 2009 (UTC)

I'm not sorry. Filthy money lender.

I am in awe of your greatness though. Any way, this article's mere existence offends my very essence of being. How can I make it go away? It's protected by the WIP tag, but it's only getting worse with every edit. -OptyC Sucks! CUN16:08, 17 Jun

We only lend money because you dirty Christians didn't let us do anything. You're not even your own religion, you're just a bizarre cast of mislead Jews eh? eh? Also, I know what you mean, but try to give him some advice. If it won't be improved it will die in a fire. But we need to give him some chance...~ 19:03, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

I'd be willing to help him out, but I don't even know what that is. I'll try and do a little research over the next couple days and see if I can help him turn it into something less shit. -OptyC Sucks! CUN19:08, 17 Jun

Template spam

The Narrator Would like to thank you all... For voting on his rendition of Snow White. "It’s a fine story. Has everything a child needs to learn about the universe and it’s capricious, unfair ways."

   Orian57    Talk   16:18 17 June 2009

Damn talented homos mumble mumble mumble ~ 19:00, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

Think you said that one before actually. Would have replied sooner by the way but you're page gets edited insanely often, I missed your reply. Which was probably obvious but I'm so tierd. So very very tierd. Again thanks!    Orian57    Talk   08:30 19 June 2009

by the grace of allah

Nice touch. ;-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 18:58, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

JIHAAAADDD!!!!~ 19:01, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

Jewhad? Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 19:11, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

HaShalom HaAleikom, HaRabbi HaTechno, HaWhat HaAre HaYou HaTalking HaAbout HaHere? :-P Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 21:38 June 17 '09

Top secret Zionist World Domination stuff. We're joining forces with the Islamists, and all the rest of you are fucked. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:01, 18 June 2009 (UTC)

Damn, really shouldn't have admitted that. Irritating Mossad is generally considered a pretty stupid - and terminal - thing to do. Bugger. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:05, 18 June 2009 (UTC)

Can I join? Please, I want to dominate the world too.. So can I join? Can I? Can I? Ha? Please? Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 10:09 June 18 '09

I was under the impression that you were in charge of it all? Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:25, 18 June 2009 (UTC)

Oh, you know already? I though I was undercover or something.. Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 10:36 June 18 '09

May 5, 2006

T... Mordillo,

I'm really sorry. Apparently, I was in a coma during the month of May.

Happy Third UnBirthday!

You have now officially been an Uncyclopedia member for three full years. What a senseless waste of human life…

---

As for the rest of them — who knows. But at least there's now a subject header for them to throw their own apologies, alcohol, event tickets, etc., underneath.  :) --T. (talk) 19:16, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

• Woohoo! You love me! You really love me! ~ 21:41, 17 June 2009 (UTC)

That's just so you'll put us into your will, great great great great grandpa. I think I'll want the spiffy spinning stars. And the cat. I can never have enough cats. ^_^ -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 22:53, 17 Jun

Dingwall

Sorry to bother you, on the Dingwall Page, If you would be kind enough to remove the comment about Kara Finlayson, as she is a 15yr old pupil at a Secondary School and this is causing her some problems to say the least.

Thanks in advance

• Done. ~ 09:07, 18 June 2009 (UTC)

Dingwall

Thanks very much, it was that one particular person to be removed, not the whole lot! Nevermind.

Thanks

I removed what you asked, but I think the article is crap regardless of that cyberbulling part. It's now up for a VFD. ~ 10:58, 18 June 2009 (UTC)

Your approval and a waste of your time

Mike Tyson - a noobs having a go at rewritng it. It's not too hot yet, but some of it is funnier than what was there originally. I've bunged a constuction tag as opposed to reverting - which the Rabbi (cue X files music) thought to do along with me. I think it could be cool to give him seven days and top revert it back if it's still a little sub par. Can you keep an eye and make sure it does not get huffed altogether in seven days?:)--Sycamore (Talk) 08:25, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

I've replaced the construction tag with a rewrite - because if you keep the first one, it will show up on the maintenance queue and has more chance to be deleted. I'll keep an eye on it, I don't see any harm with letting the guy play with it, as it seems the original was a horror. A HORROR I SAY! ~ 08:31, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

Cool, excuse my incompetence, I will not fail SPECTRE again:)--Sycamore (Talk) 08:40, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

Carry on number 3. ~ 08:41, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

Hey, why did you get into SPECTRE?! I thought we're being recruited to CHAOS, so I joined them... O_O -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 10:54, 19 Jun

You think that's bad? I joined the Campaign for the Liberation and Integration of Terrifying Organisms and their Rehabilitation Into Society... --UU - natter 10:58, Jun 19

Oh that's low, even for you, UU. ~ 11:04, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

Damned you EugeneKay! -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 11:06, 19 Jun

Oh it says CLITORIS! Wow, that'll probably be a really handy memory tool.    Orian57    Talk   12:01 19 June 2009

Where?! O_o -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 13:48, 19 Jun

Good Elohim Adirim! What are you doing?

Thats still counted as one. I want MOAAAR!! *ROAAAR* Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 15:01 June 19 '09

You meant - "Elohim Adirim". ~ 15:13, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

*ahem* Now go ban me like 666 times Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 15:18 June 19 '09

What's this? A sitewide joke bannination spree and I'm not banned yet?! -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 15:22, 19 Jun

I can haz moar banz? (notice that it's fucking MOAR - not longer) Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 15:35 June 19 '09

UnSignpost! June 18th/19th!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

June 18th, 2009 • Issue 52 • Thinly sliced news, between two slices of humor, with lettuce and hollandaise sauce

Votes for Sandwiches Officially Opens By Gerrycheevers This week, Votes for Sandwiches was established by Uncyclopedia Internetist and Lead Executive of Sandwiches, Spang. Previously some sort of secret cabal hazing page, lead cabalists have thrown the doors of VFS open to reveal thinly sliced meats on a variety of breads. Or they would have, if the cabal existed, which it doesn't. Official Cabal Spokesman Mordillo exclusively explained the new feature best: "The cabal, as part of its never-ending efforts to assert its all-consuming control over the citizenry, has now introduced voting for sandwiches. Each editor will be required to eat the elected sandwiches for the entire following month. Members of the cabal will closely observe voter's decisions to make sure that no vile sandwiches, such as BAKED BEANS ON TOAST WITH MELTED CHEESE, will be chosen. That's just vile. Editors will not be allowed to protest over the "democratically" "chosen" "sandwich". We're not Iran." Reactions to the new voting page were mixed. Some users were excited for the opportunity to express their fondness towards various lunches, provided that those lunches are a sandwich. "I'm glad that sandwiches, a comedy staple due to their low-priced nature and assembly so simple that even a writer can construct one, are finally getting their due on Uncyclopedia," said resident criminology term Modusoperandi. Others were not so supportive of the move, and point to recent disturbing trends since the introduction of VFS, the most disturbing being the raiding of the fridge in the Uncyclopedia break room and the subsequent theft of all sandwiches. Well, maybe not all sandwiches, but one specifically marked "gerry's. do not eat." So far no group has claimed responsibility for this act of sandwich-related terrorism. I will find you, you little punk! And when I do, you're making me another sandwich! Comebacks! Only $19.95! Call Now! By: Saberwolf116 Following a month and a half hiatus, resident VFD overlord and prince of pants MrN9000 is alleged to have returned to the wiki. According to reliable sources, MrN was spotted responding to his talk page and maintaining QVFD, among various other tasks. What other things he may do remains to be seen. We do know, however, that he has been welcomed warmly by the community, with Mordillo giving him the brand new nickname "fucker" and various users bestowing an award of reliability on him. BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE! Call Now And Get 2 for the Price Of 1! By: Gerrycheevers Following in MrN's robotically symmetrical footsteps was noted keyboard component SysRq. After many weeks of inactivity, Sys has returned to once again putter the Imperial Colonization ship around Uncyclopedia Harbor. He has described his goals as "re-assimilate as best I can" and "Go to hell, Dex". We would like to welcome both of these users back to the loving Uncyclopedia family, and urge them to GET BACK TO WORK!! Things Brewing In IRC By Sockpuppet of an unregistered user People are yelling at each other, stalking each other, and randomly talking to one another. What I am talking about is, of course, IRC, the highly controversial melting pot of Uncyclopedia, where users of all stands, races, and levels of activity can talk about unimportant issues. It has recently come to our attention that ruthless battles were being fought on the fields of IRC. Our correspondent decided to check things out for himself. He was confronted with gay dinosaurs, Star Wars references and general dickery. Though this one time visit cannot render a clear view of the complex nature of IRC, it might give us a glimpse into the mind of the common IRCer. The dark, mysterious character of IRC remains.

Check out these pages! Release personal details here. Overractions! Slander! Hot Republican Chicks with Guns! Death To Our Enemies, or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love Illogicopedia. From our logs: 14:37, 11 June 2009 Cs1987 (Talk | contribs) blocked Cs1987 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a nice stroll in the park ‎(The only edit I can make on this website right now is blocking myself. Woohoo!) 15:42, 12 June 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for The Wizard Of Oz (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day (account creation disabled, e-mail blocked) ‎(Follow the yellow brick road to oblivion! Put on your red shoes and dance! dance! Ackowledge that you're no longer in Kansas, Toto. And yes I am the wicked witch of the west. I have a wart to prove it) 12:11, 16 June 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 94.101.164.1 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎(vandullism - and your cheese looks old and stale anyway. bring me something fresher. and a red onion chutney - let's do this properly) Biopic of the Week Sonje ~ Bursting onto the Uncyclpedia scene in March 2009, this spunky female user already has quite the impressive resume. Her six featured images speak of her monumental potatochopping abilities, and she won consecutive Potatochopper of the Month awards. Yeah, that's right. Consecutive. We look forward to many more expertly manipulated images and other general awesomery from Sonje in the months to come. Old School Featured Article of the Week Continuing in the vaguely sandwich-related theme, Sausage Butty Batter Nuggets are a staple of English cuisine. With a complicated recipe that often leads to dangerous and/or hilarious consequences, this food is nevertheless a highly desirable meal for any self-respecting gentleman or lady in England, and is often served at croquet competitions and monocle-wearing contests. Pictured at right is the extra-crunchy West Country variety. This Week in Uncyc, 3500 BC The Great Pyramids of Giza, one of the greatest technological and engineering feats in human history, was parodied in the monthly Uncyclopedia newsletter Bird, Bird, Crocodile, Man With Dog Face, Bird, which was painstakingly written on papyrus reeds by dozens of slaves. In the periodical, the Pyramids were described as "just okay", and were depicted as a stepping stone to grander projects such as Great Cubes and perhaps even a Great Octagonal Prism. Reason to Leave Uncyclopedia of the Week #12: Space issues. With so many users returning, and Cajek refusing to grant access to the Cajek Mansion (which takes up over 60% of all Uncyclopedia's property), there just isn't enough room for us all.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

You'd think I'd learn that this isn't fun to do... Oh well. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 19:41, 19 June 2009 (UTC)

Hey thanks

For huffing that idiotic article. Pain in my eyes. Asked Todd to do it but he didn't respond. Thanks anyway. Mr Zhe-mel-talki-signe-singaporel-bling ^Brute! 11:41, 22 June 2009 (UTC)

No problems. Just put it on QVFD next time. ~ 11:49, 22 June 2009 (UTC)

Sorry. Father's Day tends to be a little busy in my house. QVFD really is the way to go though... --T. (talk) 16:47, 22 June 2009 (UTC)

Way to ruin the "User talk:Mhaille" related fun!

Yeah. That. *Pout* Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 16:18, 22 June 2009 (UTC)

Mahillopedia, the Mhaille that anyone can violate. ~ 16:30, 22 June 2009 (UTC)

And Zheliel would've gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for your nosey kids! Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 21:31, 22 June 2009 (UTC)

Uncle Mordachaidildo!

Would you please add your touch to this piece of khara that I wrote and make it like, you know, featurable or something? Another collab as a token of the long-lost love between our nations, what do you think? :) Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 15:15 June 23 '09

Sorry achi, at the moment I can't really help you. Got too much stuff IRL, plus I'm trying to work on this, that and that bloody collab that UU is too lazy to do anything about. ~ 14:10, 24 June 2009 (UTC)

Ok, it'll be there just waiting for you.. So anytime you feel free or bored, take a look at it and add something. Shalom :) Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 14:18 June 24 '09

Someone mention how awesome I am again? --UU - natter 14:32, Jun 24

Hey Guys! Did everyone hear how fantastic and awesome UU is?! Me neither. A bit of a shame really. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 15:03, 24 June 2009 (UTC)

I heard that his Jewish cousin. חח, is much worse. ~ 15:04, 24 June 2009 (UTC)

Oh. Are we using special characters now? I've never really figured out how to do those. Regardless, is he UU's stereotypically(spelling?) jewish cousin, or just a cousin of his that happens to be jewish. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 15:07, 24 June 2009 (UTC)

Wait till you see his Arab cousins ن ن ‏/‏ ي ي ‏/‏ ل ل ‏/‏ ب ب ‏/‏ س س ‏/‏ ق ق ‏‎Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 15:10 June 24 '09

Damn you and your special characters. Have some of this! ^*))#$%>:? Ha! Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 15:12, 24 June 2009 (UTC)

How do you mean "special characters?" That's Hebrew! Language of the bible! As far as I'm concerned you lot are using special characters! ~ 15:13, 24 June 2009 (UTC)

hold on a minute. teh bible was written in aramaic (or a language of a similar name) Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 15:16 June 24 '09

Well, Aramaic is the origin of Hebrew, so the Alphabet and the words bear a lot of similarities. ~ 15:29, 24 June 2009 (UTC)

Come on now guys. Stop lying to yourself. The bible is in english, Jesus was a blond haired, blue eyed white guy who happened to be of jewish descent, but looked nothing like any of the other people in the area. Get over it. It is history. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 15:19, 24 June 2009 (UTC)

Lol! Gaiz, whoz this Jesus evrybody keeps toakin abowt? Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 15:24 June 24 '09

Someone who was nearly as awesome as me. And my cousins. --UU - natter 15:26, Jun 24

That stupid guy...

who thinks VHF plays by Wikipedia rules is back. can you just confirm that his vote here is invalid, please?    Orian57    Talk   13:20 24 June 2009

Banned! Banned! BANNED! BANNED! BANNED! Sorry, didn't take my pills today ~ 14:07, 24 June 2009 (UTC)

Thanks, :)    Orian57    Talk   14:16 24 June 2009

NOOOOOO!

Not you too, Mr. Mordillo, Suh! I is good! I always, ALWAYS love all dem admins! Physically if necessary! I nevah did those bad things Mistah Cajek Said! I nevah! Nevah! I AM A GOOD BOY! Mama Taught me to be good And so I am! 16:17, 24 June 2009 (UTC)

Licks.

/stares. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 22:27, 24 June 2009 (UTC)

There there. ~ 22:28, 24 June 2009 (UTC)

Oh dear

Ever get the feeling you missed a moment in IRC? I love this "blatant voterigging and sockpuppetry from admins" bit. Now remind me again how we're going to justify striking other votes for sockpuppetry? --UU - natter 09:14, Jun 25

Who the fuck are all these people?! ~ 09:24, 25 June 2009 (UTC)

You mean QrSys, Skully and OgeljL? How will we ever know? I love TKF, but that has annoyed me a tad, and I'm not sure of the best thing to do about it without looking like the humourless rules-hound or whatever. Any thoughts? --UU - natter 09:33, Jun 25

And you have that Cheddar what's his name. Whose Sock is he? I don't think it's the original Cheddar. As for what to do, I think we need to have a chat, even risking looking like humorless gits. I'm, for one, apparently already fall under this definition. ~ 09:42, 25 June 2009 (UTC)

Agreed, I guess. And FWIW, I was thinking recently how well you've done to still be able to have a joke after clearing up behind all the idiots we get. I guess you don't realise how much the view can change on this side of the fence... --UU - natter 09:50, Jun 25

You mean this side of the MOTHER FUCKING 9 FEET WALL WITH ELECTRIC BARBED WIRE AND RAVENOUS DOGS right? ~ 09:57, 25 June 2009 (UTC)

Oh shit. Can't anything stay a secret on this wiki? Also, Mordillo, I don't think that you are humourless, I think you still retain your humourous self but without much expression of it. Plus being too serious for a humour wiki. Plus what UU said. Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 10:03 June 25 '09

I'm totally confused now, get MO here to explain it. ~ 10:10, 25 June 2009 (UTC)

'Dillo humourless...? Never struck me as being so - maybe his particular brand of humour is just a bit hard for some people to get. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:22, 25 June 2009 (UTC)

Did I say that? I merely said he doesn't write a lot these days. I like mordillo's brand of humour, I love many of his articles, but if you are saying that he hasn't changed over time here, you are lying to yourself Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 10:29 June 25 '09

I can haz forum? --UU - natter 10:26, Jun 25

Tally ho, sir!

Thank you for voting in support of this image, sire. I hope that the photo will be featured forever. I hope that you have your day. Want some tea and biscuits, sir? ~ Gentlemen from Outer Space

|Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Giratina CUN|IC Kill | 10:04, 25 June 2009 (UTC)

Bye

Just dont go to a rough pub :)Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 16:08 June 26 '09

God dang it! Would all of my favorite users please stop leaving! Please?! The President of Iran WOODY! DeathLife? to the infidels! Go USA? 16:17, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

I haven't left. --Docile hippopotamus 07:50, 28 June 2009 (UTC)

Unsignpost! June 25th or 30th

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Self-Proclaimed Greatest Periodical Of All Time!

June 25th, 2009 • Issue 53 • The newspaper that steals other newspapers' lunch money

Users Campaign to Delete Vast Portions of Uncyclopedia By Gerrycheevers Several users have recently begun campaigns to rid Uncyclopedia of some of its oldest, cruftiest, stalest content, or so they would have you believe. We at the UnSignpost aren't here to report anything other than the facts, including but not limited to: opinions, speculation, and pictures of cats with funny captions. First on the chopping block was the Timeline series. This group of articles apparently chronicles the made-up version of history as recorded by people who aren't very funny. Dr. Skullthumper has taken the lead in the crusade against this unholy document, and reactions on the wiki were, as usual, mixed. Some users supported the good doctor, while others appreciated his sentiment but enjoyed the crisp, fresh smell of proper procedure much better. Noted deletionist Gwax made an appearance in order to streamline the effort to remove all of the unfunniness from the timeline, and he has been joined by several other users seeking to improve rather than delete the entire project. Next in line for the guillotine was Uncyclopedia's longest-running and only soap opera, The Young and the Uncyclopedians. At the head of this movement is prominent murderous amphibian Thekillerfroggy, who made such bold claims as "Vanity, sir!" and "Words words words!" As this project is not merely a page but an entire slew of pages, it was rejected by the Uncyclopedia Deletion Tribunal, but further actions may be in the works. When reached for comment about the situation, Uncyclopedia founder Chronarion responded, "AAAAAAAA!!!!" Usefulness of IP Contributions Called Into Question...Again By Gerrycheevers The question of whether or not we should allow IPs to edit our precious humor wiki has been raised yet again, this time by plucky Der Unwehr founder Guildensternenstein. UnSignpost reporters were baffled by the concept of what an IP was, until it was explained that it is some sort of automatic vandalism robot designed to troll websites, post vanity, and ensure all articles make the proper amount of references to Chuck Norris. The debate raged fiercely, with many users falling on either side of the so-called "IP line". One camp decided that the contributions from these entities did more harm than good to the community and its collection of humor. The opposing faction took up the opposite view: that IP editors were harmless and at worst an annoyance. Modusoperandi, the lead counsel for the IP defense team, made several compelling arguments, most notably the case that IPs are adorable and thus harmless. In the end, it was decided that IP editing is something we must live with, mostly because Conservapedia doesn't allow it, and we don't want to be any more like them than we already are. When reached for comment about the situation, Uncyclopedia founder Chronarion responded, "AAAAAAAA!!!!"

Check out these pages! Ledddy calls for more reminiscence The counting goes horribly, horribly wrong THIS JUST IN THIS JUST OUT From our logs: 01:41, 24 June 2009 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs | block) blocked 66.109.20.52 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Dex is all like BAN HIM and I'm like OKAY DEX) 00:18, 21 June 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs | block) blocked Mr. Niceguy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Do you see my penis? Here, I'll pull it out! LOOK AT IT DANGLE, FAGGOT!) 00:17, 21 June 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs | block) resurrected Mr. Niceguy (Talk | contribs) ‎ (wrng "a"gn) 00:16, 21 June 2009 Todd Lyons (Talk | contribs | block) blocked Mr. Niceguy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (NO MORE MR. NICEGUY) Biopic of the Week "How has the UnSignpost never run a biopic on So So?", you might ask. "I mean, his userpage is somewhere between confusing and disturbing, but the guy's a comedic genius! His writings are classic!", you might continue. You might even mention that he was nommed for WotM for about half a year in 2007 before finally winning the thing. Well, you might be interested in reading this week's UnSignpost, and then you might look into shutting up. Old School FA of the Week The Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet'N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice is the longest possible order you could order at Starbucks. It was ordered only once (in the late 1990's), and it singlehandedly destroyed the economy of South America. It is now illegal in both American Continents, Africa, Asia, Europe, and Antarctica. In fact, it's now illegal everywhere save for a select few unclaimed square inches in the Southern Pacific Ocean and Belgium (but nobody gives a crap about Belgium.) The United Nations is working on this problem even as you read this.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

We're not late you're just high!    Orian57    Talk   14:25 30 June 2009

The Oncy Topic

Hi Mordillo, There are two things I'd like to say about your action at the Topic on the Oncy.

1. Right now, our site has a severe server issue, so we can't continue the discussion right now. Could please unlock the topic until the site's back up again?
2. Please don't swear at DG, especially not in Dutch when you ask us to discuss in English. That really isn't nice...

Oh, and I've heard this thing about a cooperation project between Pedia's that failed. Can you tell me more about that? | Lars863 | 16:11, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

Hi Lars. First off, we're not a backup site for Oncyclopedia. As sorry as I am for your server problems, that forum has moved a long time ago from asking for our help to a completely internal discussion that we have nothing to do with.

As for DG, I will call him in whatever names I wish and. Once more, he is a troll. He never contributed to this site other than creating trouble. If he can't understand that being banned means - you are banned from this site, than perhaps some other colorful explanations in Dutch will help. I am not here to be nice. I am here to maintain some sort of order in the chaos that is Uncyclopedia, and DG is in the way.

As for the cooperation project, if you refer to the Uncyclomedia project, I don't think it ever worked. The only cooperation we have as of now, is interlinks and the occasional relevant discussions. ~ 17:28, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

I understand you're not a backup, but, well, OK, I understand...

As for DG, he does want the best for the Oncy and these IP messer uppers just can take the blood from under your nails.

Well, tell me more about Uncyclomedia. Why did it fail, what did it try? Some Oncyclopedists seem a bit sour towards the Uncy because of it. | Lars863 | 18:05, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

PS, I'm having connection probs here, too!

I really don't see what letting them have one forum topic on our site is hurting. I could see if they ten forum posts, but one isn't a serious problem. Yes, that one guy was a troll, and it is "off topic" but so is everything in BHOP. --Mn-z 19:09, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

Again, we are not Oncyclopedia. Would you like to have Hebrew discussions from Eincyclopedia as well? Possibly backup some content from Conservapedia? People here seem to forget that we are not a free hosting site or a forums site. Village dump is for discussions regarding Uncyclopedia - and specifically the help section of it. We have too much shite on the village dump as it is. ~ 19:19, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

I think it failed mainly because of lack of interest from Uncyclopedia, I was never very involved in it. Perhaps Mhaille will know more. ~ 19:13, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

“Once more, he is a troll. He never contributed to this site other than creating trouble.”

~ You (?) about DG

It seems there is a user who has a little bit (too much) influence here, don't you think? I think there is someone else who caused "these problems" (just klick on the link, you'll see), by being childish and unfriendly. DG isn't like that, I know him as a friend and a good person. You should be ashamed, everyone who thinks like that should. Lars, give it up please, will you? Cartoonist | You're nuts? Don't worry... Me too! | 09:30, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

Everything is explained here, read it and decide afterwards who the real troll is. A help: Trolls live in Norway and and in other countries, but not in the Netherlands or in Belgium, DG lives in the Netherlands, then he is not a troll I guess | Cartoonist | You're nuts? Don't worry... Me too! | 09:58, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

In case you did not understand yet, this is not a discussion. I did not asked for your opinion on Ubncyclopedia's admins nor did I ask for a lesson about "Trolls". Manticore is a well respected admin who contributed a lot of effort and time into Uncyclopedia. DGNeree is not. I am well aware of the details of this whole story. Second thing, I usually only allow people who contribute to this site (or at least know how to set their signature) to tell me to be "ashamed" of myself. So I'll say it once more - if DGNeree ever wants to be unbanned, he needs to talk with the banning administrator who is, suprise! Not even Manticore. As for you, I'd recommend avoiding from condescending on me in the future. Or at least add something to the wiki before you do so. I tend to react better to that. Case closed. ~ 11:22, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

Condescending? *gets dictionary*

“If one condescends on a person, he feels better than the other.”

~ ???

I didn't condescend. Sorry for reopening the case, but a case shouldn't close with a false negative statement.

I have nothing further to add. Feel free to talk with the banning admin. ~ 11:55, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

Ta!

I, Orian57, extend my grattitude for (of?) your vote on WotM! No but seriously, guys. Thanks, it means something to me, more than it should probably.

Let me geuss, does this make me a "damn tallented homo"? :)    Orian57    Talk   12:12 1 July 2009

Just talented, just talented. Congrate, mate. You deserve it! ~ 12:17, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

Yeah thanks, also I hear you normally write the bio thing on the main page, what you gonna say about me? This is just a casual reminder because I'm horifically impatient.    Orian57    Talk   20:40 1 July 2009

Be sure to mention Orian's poor fashion sense and unfortunate taste in men. -OptyC Sucks! CUN20:48, 1 Jul

I wrote the whole thing, hit the wrong button and it was all deleted. I feel like mutilating someone. I'll write it again later *sigh*. Damn useless Jews. ~ 09:35, 2 July 2009 (UTC)

Don't feel bad, I'm useless too.    Orian57    Talk   10:24 2 July 2009

Oh that was good! Was litterally the last thing I was expecting (you know, I manage to forget I'm Scottish from time to time), I loled. Right, now I can compulsively read this every three hours for the next month and bask in my greatness. :P    Orian57    Talk   18:25 2 July 2009

I'm impressed with myself for not saying "gay" or "homo" even once :) ~ 19:30, 2 July 2009 (UTC)

Garfield

Dear Mordillo,

I had a look at the Garfield article recently. It looks like you deleted the sample Garfield strips at the end of the article, despite the fact that a lot of them were in the article when it was featured. As well, some of them were hilarious of their own accord. I'd like to restore the funny ones. What think you? YouFang 07:53, 3 July 2009 (UTC)

Did I? Sorry, I did a general cleanup and I thought it wasn't a part of the original one. Feel free to restore these parts. ~ 09:08, 3 July 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost: July 2nd, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Just like Grandma used to make!

July 2nd, 2009 • Issue 54 • The newspaper with the name that's an anagram of "stop using n"

The Young and The Uncyclopedians Cancelled By Gerrycheevers After enjoying a long-running career and several writer changes, Uncyclopedia's fabled soap opera The Young and the Uncyclopedians was cancelled this week. And by "cancelled" we mean totally owned by Thekillerfroggy. It seems TKF finally had enough, and spent nearly an hour systematically deleting the entire series, which previously contained over 60% of all content in the UnScripts namespace. The newly freed electrons, no longer required for TYATU, can now be used for other Uncyclopedia-related tasks, such as boron smelting, and they may even be used to form a sort of crude bot that can edit The count to a million project automatically. Not content with merely obliterating the entire series, Thekillerfroggy apparently became bored halfway through his holy crusade, and decided to get creative in the deletion summaries. As can be seen in a memorial erected by what is presumed to be a jilted fan of the show, TKF nostalgized and ranted, remembered and forgot, loved and lost, all while expressing his inner thoughts through the medium of deletion summaries. An example can be seen at the very end of his effort, where Thekillerfroggy writes: "Sigh./Well here's the home stretch/It's been real/We've had some good times/some bad times/But in the end/All we are is dust in the wind/So goodnight, sweet prince/Farewell TYATU/Fin." Reactions on the wiki were, as usual, mixed. Some users held a candlelight vigil in userspace, where some of the episodes have been resurrected in a zombie-like form. Entertainment editor DogNewspaper (pictured) wagged his tail, perhaps expressing hope that one day a new soap opera, sitcom, or crime investigation show featuring Uncyclopedia editors would once again grace this site. We can only dream... Main Page Suffers Spasms of Dickery By Gerrycheevers If you logged onto the Main Page sometime on July 2nd between 2:00 and 3:00 GMT (and if you can't figure out what time that is where you live, then don't expect us to provide it for you, we're not a bloody watch!), you may have noticed some subtle changes. Instead of the usual Wikipedia-like format, with carefully organized features, news stories, anniversaries, and vital information, you may or may not have found...something else. You may or may not have found an intruiging offer to reffer freinds to take some sort of mp3-player related actions. You may or may not have found some sort of story with a vague theme of respecting one's elders, and everything about those elders, and we do mean everything. You may or may not have found some sort of strange mix of the two that left you with conflicting feelings. These feelings may or may not have included, but not been limited to: fear, anger, jealousy, confusion, fear again, and a vague sensation of falling. The admins responsible for this will not be named here, due to their next probable course of action in the case in which we did mention them, which would most likely be something along the lines of turning every UnSignpost issue into a Euroipod, whatever that is. The only thing we can report on is that the shenanigans ended just over an hour after they began, with the Main Page being restored to its previous false information-rich state. However, this episode shows us that it will never be safe from the hijinks of that group of admins, who, again, will not be named.

Check out these pages! HowTo: Get Banned for a Day Serious, on-topic discussion More voting for things! From our logs: 12:34, 26 June 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Gotlegginh (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎(please enjoy our complimentary fuck the hell off) 21:18, 26 June 2009 Todd Lyons (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 8 seconds ‎(Non-kosher edits to Woody's meatpage) 08:35, 29 June 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.78.127.159 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎(I is an 8 year old from the UK with super admin powerz, fuck you) 11:49, 1 July 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 222.153.106.69 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(I think you'll find it is you who fail. and not even epically either - just with a bit of a whimper.) Biopic of the Week Lovable Wikia dictator Sannse has settled in rather well in the Uncyclopedia Community. She is a double Hall of Shame member, and she recently took home the coveted Uncyclopedian of the Month award for her work in making things behind the scenes to run smoothly, which we take it means that she is very good at regulating the caffeine intake of the hamsters that run on the wheels that power Uncyclopedia. Her typical reaction to watermelon jokes is summed up on the right. Old-School Featured Article of the Week HowTo:Cheat At Scrabble is an informative guide to consistently winning via questionable means that most enjoyable of letter-arranging games, Scrabble. Fake dictionaries, fake online dictionaries, fake tiles, and octopi are just a few of the diverse methods one can utilize in order to gain a distinctly unfair advantage while playing the game. This Week in Uncyc, 1776 While the American colonies and the British Empire were not quite getting along, the corresponding members of Uncyclopedia were also having a bit of a flamewar. Prominent British users subtly edited the article on America to include a fictional fourteenth colony called West Wankerton, and American admins reacted by banning the drinking of any tea-related beverages in the Uncyclopedia break room. In the end, both sides agreed to a truce due to the massively impressive fireworks show, which was a Fourth of July tradition. The truce basically entailed both entities cooperation in the vandalism of the article on France.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 19:28, 3 July 2009 (UTC)

Sir

Are you still adopting? Do you have the time/inclination to adopt me? --El Sid 18:47, 4 July 2009 (UTC)

I do, but I tend to be a more "do it by yourself and I help you everytime you drop by" adopter, rather than coming over to your page and sit down for a coffee every now and then. If that works for you, than feel free to be adopted. ~ 11:37, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

You!

It's time too aid you Zionist comrades! ... we're rewriting the Uncyclopedia article in Eincyclopedia, and we though you might want to help... here. Do not fail us. RAYcyclopedia ╬ talk - if the opposite of pro is con. then what is the opposite of progress? 11:32, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

Zionist conspiracy? Inconceivable! But what are you trying to rewrite - the article about the English speaking Uncyclopedia? ~ 11:38, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

yes. RAYcyclopedia ╬ talk - if the opposite of pro is con. then what is the opposite of progress?

OK, I'll try to take a look later. How are things there anyhow? ~ 11:51, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

pretty good actually, we just finished a project of "exposing" of unworthy articles, and the Einvision contest is almost over, a lot of new users and no more crazy zealots trying to kill us all. for now... RAYcyclopedia ╬ talk - if the opposite of pro is con. then what is the opposite of progress? 11:56, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

/insert compulsory "MUHAHAHA" ~ 13:34, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

Adoptee Question

I'm not really sure who to ask this, so I spun my special admin spinner and it landed on you. my adoptee (ya know, the one you caught with the "plaigarism" deal, seems to have disappeared completely. His one remaining article hasn't been edited in weeks. It was moved to his namespace by UU, and he hasn't even bothered to fix the link on his page. In fact, he hasn't really had any contributions in a few weeks, even talking. What exactly should I do about this/him? Don Puttano cHeDDs 19:36,7July,2009

There's not a lot you can do I'm afraid. You can try and send him an email (if he enabled that) or you can hope he just comes back. A lot of new editors don't last. Out of all of my adopted, only three "graduated", the rest just vanished. It happens, unfortunately. ~ 13:39, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

What Mordillo is trying to say, is that you don't want to become his n00b. There is a very, very good chance you will "vanish mysteriously," and likely spend the rest of your days in MORDILLO'S SUPER UNDERGROUND FUNHOUSE OF HIJINKS, HANDJOBS, AND HAND-ME-DOWNS!!! I would stay away. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 13:57, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

Then again, two graduates became admins and top writers and one became an utter lunatic. which actually proves your point...err... ~ 14:02, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

So if an adoptee disappears, do you drop the adoptee? I don't think there's really anything I can help him with if he's not here. My first adoptee was very good, so I didn't have to put forth tons and tons of effort, so I'm still kind of new to being an official adopter. Also, how do I get someone's e-mail? Don Puttano cHeDDs 15:58,8July,2009

You don't have to "drop them". If he'll come back, you can help him again. And if not - then not. If he defined an email - you can find it on the talk page, on the left side - "send email" option. But that's only available if he defined one. ~ 18:59, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 9th July 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

In Pure Russian Fashion, The Newspaper That Reads YOU!!

July 9th, 2009 • Issue 55• Help! I'm trapped in a newspaper printer!

Survivor returns to Uncyclopedia after almost two years By THEDUDEMAN, with additional reporting by An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays In late 2007, a man by the name of Leoispotter had the idea to bring his favorite reality show to Uncyclopedia. Thus, the first season of UnSurvivor was created. After five thrilling rounds of voting, Mr. Briggs Inc. managed to win against the other finalist, Thekillerfroggy, by a mere two votes. Flash forward almost two years. Kingkitty, a competitor in the first UnSurvivor, decides it's time for another go-around, and season 2 is born. In an exclusive interview with Mr. Kitty, he had this to say: "Well, I was bored ("and crazy", says one passing by civilian) and I thought: 'perhaps the community could do something fun, and stop with all this writing bullshit.'" When later asked what he thought about this current season, he said, "It's showing to be bigger and better than last season, with more betrayals, more violence, more whining, and more betrayals. Lots of betrayals. Mostly of me." Currently, UnSurvivor Season 2 is in its final round of voting, where the voted-off members of the game get to vote on the finalist they want to win. The finalists this season are: after last seasons defeat, Thekillerfroggy, and newcomers to the show, THEDUDEMAN and An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays. Voting is set to take place over 72 hours instead of the usual 24, and the winner will be announced sometime Friday July 10th. After this, according to Mr. Kitty, there "probably" will be a season 3, and it will be bigger and better than anything ever before. Uncyclopedians pay crass tasteless tribute to Michael Jackson By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Michael Jackson, the legendary King of Pop, touched many lives, and the news of his untimely demise has left a deep void in the lives of his millions of fans and victims. Fans all over Uncyclopedia, stricken by grief, flocked by the dozens to mourn their departed hero in the only way they knew how: through the medium of humour. They ranged from perfunctory to crude to mediocre, but each expressed a deeply profound sadness that the weird plastic rapist was no more. (Yeah, "weird plastic rapist". That's what you wanted to hear, isn't it? Ha ha ha.) Tributes continue to pour in despite the fact that it is no longer funny or clever. With the stage set for a long, protracted battle over his kids and estate, Uncyclopedia expects that unfunny people will continue to get mileage out of this story for many weeks to come. Uncyclopedia admins plan to send a selection of the best "tributes" to the Jackson family, along with the number of a company that recycles plastics. (That's what you wanted to hear, isn't it? Ha ha ha.) Editors emerge from woodwork, contribute to UnSignpost By Gerrycheevers This week, when UnSignpost Active Editor Gerrycheevers brought up the Uncyclopedia page containing the currently in-progress UnSignpost, he suffered a minor heart attack upon finding that two stories had already been added to the paper. It seems both An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays and THEDUDEMAN, both newly given the title "Consulting Editor", took exception to being named "Consulting Editor" and took it upon themselves to blanket the UnSignpost with awesomeness. Unsignpost Payroll Manager DogNewspaper (pictured) bared his teeth at this development, indicating his frustration at having to re-issue new timecards to both editors. Gerrycheevers is expected to make a full recovery; flowers can be sent to the Uncyclopedia Infirmary and Shooting Range.

Check out these pages! The second round of the Uncyclopedia Music Awards! 4.252.99.182 HAS BEEN FOUND! Uncyclopedians trying to workout From our logs: 23:02, 7 July 2009 Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) blocked Spang (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 500 days ‎(testing, I haven't done this in a while) 09:26, 7 July 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.178.213.53 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) ‎(In fact, here is our complimentary "welcome to uncyclopedia & fuck off" package. Have a nice day.) 00:36, 6 July 2009 Cs1987 (Talk | contribs) blocked The Woodburninator (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 191 seconds ‎(You ain't no ban magnet. But I can help you become one. By banning you, that is.) Biopic of the Week Now missing for over 18 months, it's time to send the search party out for ENeGMA. If the userbox on his user page is accurate, then his 250,000+ edits mean that he has created virtually all of the content on Uncyclopedia. While that isn't quite true, he has produced some classically awesome articles, and we wish he'd come back and play. Quote of the Week <TheLedBalloon> well, my parents were like, son, we're going to make meatloaf tonight <TheLedBalloon> and I was like <TheLedBalloon> shit yeah <TheLedBalloon> you know <TheLedBalloon> I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR LOAF <Shaggy-Rogers> EVEN BLOW YOUR LOAD ON YOUR MOM'S FACE =-= Mode #uncyclopedia +o TheLedBalloon by ChanServ =-= Shaggy-Rogers was booted from #uncyclopedia by TheLedBalloon (2 dads) =-= Mode #uncyclopedia -o TheLedBalloon by TheLedBalloon Old-School Featured Article of the Week A Handgun is a non-lethal weapon that has been in use for over 150 years. As adaptable as it is safe, the Handgun can fire many different kinds of bullets, which each require different distinct noises such as "pchoo!". Advantages include an infinite amount of ammunition and the lack of a necessity to reload. Attempts at Handgun regulation have proven pointless at best. This Week in Uncyc, 658 AD With the Dark Ages in full swing, Uncyclopedia tried to lighten the mood with a contest that urged users to photoshop a humorous image involving a priest, a monk, and a nun. Since the most advanced photoshop technology at the time still consisted of using paint to draw on canvas, not a single entry was completed by the two-week deadline. However, prominent Uncyclopedian John Smith continued his work far past the deadline, and after eight months submitted an image of a waterskiing nun, which became Uncyclopedia's first featured image.

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9001(bot)  22:32, Jul 9

thanks

thanks for keeping the harasser away from me, but i wonder, who made that article on me? I really dislike that, thanks, also, i think that there is enough proof that those Ips and spam accounts who edited my pages are anti manchu lobby's sockpuppets, thanks Btzkillerv 21:42, 10 July 2009 (UTC)

Ummmm, Btzkillerv's talk page is still filled with defamatory content (see "barnstar" section). Whoever put it there must have been laughing seeing that Btzkillerv ended up getting blocked in an attempt to get rid of the aggressor.

About the feature queue...

You've put "Zombie in the Garden" to be featured Thursday and yet there's nothing for tommorow, was just wondering if that was a mistake or if we have to go back to featuring stuff ever two days, or something.    Orian57    Talk   14:25 14 July 2009

It wasn't me! I was those damn smart dynamic scripts. All fixed now. ~ 14:30, 14 July 2009 (UTC)

Ah right, thanks. Silly scripts and other computer stuff I don't understand. :)    Orian57    Talk   14:37 14 July 2009

I'll tell you a secret, neither do I. I just hit random keys and shit happens. ~ 14:43, 14 July 2009 (UTC)

That's not what I do at all. I get the monkey to do it.    Orian57    Talk   14:45 14 July 2009

You were issue with a monkey?!?! How the hell didn't I get a monkey, I'm a bureaucrat for the love of god! ~ 14:51, 14 July 2009 (UTC)

I recon it's got something to do with this "cabal" thing, they screw with you, those guys. Like to say they don't exist and randomly give out helper monkeys. The-- Ack!    Orian57    Talk   20:10 14 July 2009

You mean this pretty Winged Monkey Bot, Esq.™ I found laying so cutely in my back garden and nursed to health after my cat attempted to eat it isn't really mine?! You really should ban me for having one when you don't. At least for 10 minutes... Just to prove someone that jokebans can happen when requested... <bad Hebrew>Yafa be'vakasha, Matok?</lousy attempt at pairing up words in Hebrew that'd make sense in English...> ;) -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 21:46, 14 Jul

Toda raba. Sorry about the grammar, my vocabulary is rather limited. :/ -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 22:00, 14 Jul

Getting better though! ~ 07:37, 15 July 2009 (UTC)

I'm honestly trying my best with all the ten words I know... D: I promise to practice, just as long as you don't frown on me for liking escagrots... -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 11:59, 15 Jul

Adopt me

Hi. I'm new to this place. Can you adopt me? Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 13:26 July 15 '09

Of course. But first you must pass the initial adoption worthiness test which is - achieve peace in the middle east. ~ 14:38, 15 July 2009 (UTC)

Considering Hamas blames the Israeli for corrupting the youth with "love potions", I guess my usual method of cuddles, hugs and kisses wouldn't be helpful... :( -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 19:35, 15 Jul

Oh, dont worry about that, I'll make an antidote. Just do your free hugs thing Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 23:01 July 15 '09

You should know by now that women give nothing for free, Moosh... -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 16:37, 16 Jul

Except STDs :) Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 11:23 July 17 '09

Which is why I don't have casual sexual relations, and get tested regularly, since I don't trust any gentleman 100%... -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 07:06, 18 Jul

Adopt me

I was seeing if you could maybe adopt me too. I don't see any reason why you wouldn't.... *looks at your worthiness test* AH, FUCK! George Bush 19:09, 15 July 2009 (UTC)

/me sneaks quietly out of the room ~ 19:41, 15 July 2009 (UTC)

LOOK! MORDILLO IS SNEAKING QUIETLY OUT OF THE ROOM!    Orian57    Talk   19:48 15 July 2009

"NOOOOOOOOO..." We can still catch him! Quick, you tackle his legs and I'll stun him with some kisscuddles (actually the events following his wife finding out someone cuddles him might be what clonks him...) -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 20:02, 15 Jul

Psst

You did the featuring wrong again. I don't mind too much because either way it's another feature for me but it should have been my unscript, it had the same score but was older on the list. :/    Orian57    Talk   19:59 15 July 2009

I believe you are mistaken sir. ~ 20:01, 15 July 2009 (UTC)

I thought that's how ties on VFH worked though, the older entry got featured. That's what UU said. I commend you for putting it on the correct day, though, it was just the wrong article. ;)    Orian57    Talk   20:06 15 July 2009

Ah. That that gets featured is the one that has the highest score + the highest health. If there's a tie - the one with the higher health (younger one then) gets featured. ~ 21:12, 15 July 2009 (UTC)

Fair enough, UU said it was the other way. The other way makes more sense.    Orian57    Talk   21:14 15 July 2009

Sorry, never saw that post. My rational - it it gets 15 votes in five days than it means that more people want to see it on the front page than if it gets 15 votes in 30 days. ~ 21:22, 15 July 2009 (UTC)

Featuring whatever he wants is the right of all sentient Jews. Jewformers, transform and roll out to Schleppo's bakery where we can get some bagels at a reasonable price. -OptyC Sucks! CUN21:51, 15 Jul

Could Flutter get a time-out?

Looking at his talkpage, the convo with Gerry is troubling. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 19:02, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

i think the situation has defused itself. i don't know what he was doing or why he was doing it, but he seems to have stopped. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 19:16, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

Goodie. Nevermind. Perhaps you should ban Gerry then? He seems to be getting out of hand lately. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 19:32, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

i already got a real ban for retaliating about your hilarious vandalism! and i only have ten minutes of work left to finish the signpost!! and i am not out of hand!!!! you're out of hand! you're out of hand!!! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 19:37, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

See? Look at this guy! He's ready to snap at any minute. Obviously he is in no condition to finish much of anything, let along a syndicated news operation. And he's even blaming me! I, The sweet, innocent, loving Woodburninator. If that isn't evidence enough for you, I don't know what is. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 19:43, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

Shall I ban everyone and their mother? ~ 20:46, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

If you touch my mother, I shall get rather testy. I swear it. And you don't want to see me rather testy. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 20:48, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost: July 16nd, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

We're delivering it to your door anyways!

July 16th, 2009 • Issue 56 • This is a Pathetic Joke

User Return Causes Widespread Panic By Gerrycheevers This week noted user An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays returned to the wiki, and immediately rendered that return "triumphant". However, other users are beginning to feel the effects of the presence of this primate whose quantum mechanical properties dictate that he be only during certain periods of the week. This incident left onlookers shocked, and worrying if something similar could happen to them. Not since the return of a scantily-clad Olipro has this website seen such a display of sheer terror mixed with complete confusion (and in the case of Olipro, a bit of curious arousal mixed in). The aforementioned incident involved one user who had AATOEOT embedded in his dreams. Most curiously, this episode seems to have happened on a Friday night, a time period when an An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays should decidedly not exist. Nearly a week has passed without further disruptions, although that may be partially due to Ape's ban after being kicked off of the Uncyclopedia island during a rousing game of Uncyclopedia Survivor. Regardless of the reasons behind the strange occurrences, users should be sure to keep an eye out for strange occurrences on and off the wiki...particularly on Thursdays. Flood of Crap Nearly Overflows VFD By Gerrycheevers For the last few days, an explosion of nominations has inundated Uncyclopedia's waste removal system, Votes for Deletion. After a period of low activity, where there would typically be just a few to several nominations, things picked up last week. In the last few days, the situation has accelerated into what is being called by experts a "shit-ton" of undesirable content festering in the dark, unvisited corners of the wiki. Said undesirable content is currently being read, discussed, and dealt with accordingly, as is the usual procedure at the highly efficient VFD. Circumstances have escalated to the point of rattling a few relaxed admins. One such incident involved a user getting the customary one-day ban for increasing the active nomination count past twenty, when the user in question had, in fact, only increased the number of active noms to twenty. Owing to the normal tendency of the article count of VFD to stay in the low single digits lately, the lapse is certainly forgiveable, and was quickly corrected. Afterwards the two parties exchanged pleasantries and shared a S'Mores which was roasted over the open bonfire of newly deleted articles. Former poopsmith MrN9000 commented on the situation, saying, "Well you know I fancy the standards at VFD have improved significantly in recent times. Not so long ago it would often just be a quick "Short and Shit" vote from UU, and the latest stub was on for a huffing. These days we are spending more time voting on closer votes and are deleting much better articles than we used to! Something VFD is really proud of." In a final display of VFD patriotism, MrN added, "CHECK THE PAGE HISTORY BEFORE NOMINATING YOU BUGGERS!" Orian57 On Fire By Gerrycheevers Noted rainbow-colored user Orian57 has recently enjoyed a remarkable string of success (pictured on right). He has scored an unprecedented natural hat trick of features, with UnBooks:Daddy, There's a Zombie in the Garden, LazyTown, and UnScripts:Trapped at Sea reaching the front page on consecutive days. Not since the time of such legends as Savethemooses and The Thinker have such lofty VFH records been broken. Although in the case of STM, there were probably mitigating factors involved, like wooden articles rather than aluminum, or something. Or aluminium, that strange substance only found in England by mining thousands of millions of other strange occurences, such as referring to the trunk of a car as a "boot". This god-like spasm of awesomeness is fresh on the heels of Orian's Writer of the Month win in June of this year. Since the beginning of that month, he has seen six of his works grace the front page, and he shows no signs of slowing down. When reached for comment, he explained, "Well I suppose it's down to being fantastic. And unemployed. But mostly being fantastic." The UnSignpost would like to congratulate Orian on his recent spat of win, and express hopes he will continue the pattern well into the future.

Check out these pages! Some guy is trying to update Images... Hey look, a new game to play! Or is this business? UnBusiness!? Proof that Wikia hates us! From our logs: 09:27, 9 July 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a bouncer from Flintoff ‎(pre-emptive ban before you ban me for pickiness. your English > my Hebrew etc etc...) 20:38, 14 July 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Luvvy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎(Impersonating a girl. Perv.) 14:03, 16 July 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 124.186.81.136 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎(you know Euthanasia might just be the thing you are looking for....) Biopic of the Week Known as the man of many signatures (most of them garish and spinning in some fashion), Mahm00shA has made quite the impression on Uncyclopedia since joining in February. His transcription of an interview with a cab driver in his native Egypt has earned him recognition as a writer, and his other useful qualities have earned him an Uncyclopedian of the Month nomination. Go 'moosh! Quote of the week [16:41] <Tayor> we're going to need a base to work from. [16:43] <Tayor> by 'we' I meann 'I' [16:43] <Tayor> and by 'are' I mean 'am' [16:43] <Tayor> and by 'work' I mean 'give blow jobs' In honour of The Ashes, it's: UU's classic cricket commentary of the week! "There's Tony Greig standing at second slip — legs wide apart, bending over, waiting for a tickle" - Brian Johnston. Of course, this simple piece of commentary should require no clarification, but any Americans, other foreigners, or chavs who don't understand the finer points of cricket can pop over to UU's talk page for a patronising explanation. Old-School Featured Article of the Week Martin Van Buren was the eighth President of the United States, a key figure in U.S. political development during the nineteenth century, and a total dick. While other legislators were busy dueling or being awesome in general, Van Buren spent his time practicing his douchebag skills and smelling of old people. He always argues about the stupidest things, and he refuses to ever admit he's wrong. And I'm never letting him borrow my car again. Panicky Last-Minute Box of the Week The UnSignpost editors regret to announce the introduction of a new device, the "Panicky Last-Minute Box of the Week". This box will be used to take up space on the right-hand side of the UnSignpost, an example of which you are currently experiencing. Look for this box to appear when a larger than usual number of stories on the left side of the UnSignpost and an impending end of the work day force the editors to make something up on the fly. This also offers opportunities to sneak trusted mascot DogNewspaper into the issue.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 22:22, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

Request to remove my article from VFH

I presume that should be allowed. I think Methy Nommed it as a joke, but some people seem to like it, for whatever reason. I'd just feel guilty if something that bad got to the front page because of me, you know?    Orian57    Talk   16:34 18 July 2009

Done. ~ 11:15, 19 July 2009 (UTC)

Thanks muchly.    Orian57    Talk   12:50 19 July 2009

Hi again Grandfather

What do I do (or who does?) with the redirect thingy on my talk page since I moved the page to archive? This is one of the 4 big mysteries in Uncyclopedia. The rest of them are: Humidity, Dry Wit and Metasomething. -- Style  Guide 09:23, 19 July 2009 (UTC)

I guess I deserved that

Okay, I'll try to hug, cuddle or otherwise cutiecutiepie just you. (And Mr Luvvy, since you can't block him...) -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 11:30, 19 Jul

You deserve this

THANK YOU! In appreciation for tolerating me when PMSing I wish to thank you by handing you this lovely sample of potted cactus erectus, found in my backyard. For your enjoyment and pleasure. Love and respect ~ Huggybear

-- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 21:14, 19 Jul

From The Times...

"...five rabbis were among 44 people arrested across New Jersey yesterday when federal agents cracked an alleged Sopranos-style crime ring..." Kosher Nostra? :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 08:37, 24 July 2009 (UTC)

Now this is an article begging to be written! ~ 08:50, 24 July 2009 (UTC)

It is rather, isn't it? Up for a collaboration? Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 08:59, 24 July 2009 (UTC)

HA! Do drop a line if I can be of assistance in this endeavor. Hilario x50 waiting to happen. --THINKER 09:04, 24 July 2009 (UTC)

Further amusing JewNews - "The Wailing Wall now has its own Twitter address, allowing believers around the globe to tweet their prayers, get them printed and then placed between its 2,000 year-old-stones." Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 10:33, 24 July 2009 (UTC)

By all means, fellow Jews, let the Kosher Nostra live! Fire away! ~ 08:21, 25 July 2009 (UTC)

Started it - got an image (a slightly altered version of the one on this page...oh hnag on, no it isn't - forgot I updated the picture) so far and am currently trying to think of some good gags. I'd ask the Uncyc community in general, only last time I mentioned gags they showed me some studded leather things that looked a bit frightening. Do add anything you can think of, chaps :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 09:09, 25 July 2009 (UTC)

Got anything else you want to add to it? I think I'm pretty much done now, so I'll go live later if neither you nor Thinker have any ideas for improvements. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 14:14, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

Ah ha, there you are - have you been letting that real life stuff you keep complaining about get in the way of editing Uncyclopedia again...? I love the new additions, especially Reservoir Hasidim, by the way. Oh - and happy 15th of Av before I forget. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 14:22, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

You mean, happy Tu Be`Av to my Missus. That's the thing about being a Jew you need to celebrate two valentines! ~ 14:28, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

Why do you think I chose a shiksa instead of a nice Jewish girl? Saves money - only need to buy the one box of chocolates every year. Now that's Yiddisher klugschaft :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 14:52, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

You have a shikse?! Lucky bastard! O_O ~ 15:08, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

You think? I only have to think about going to the pub or what have you instead of being home Friday evenings for the candle lighting and I get a lecture of what a pity it'd be if 4000 years of culture died out just because people like me would rather be getting drunk. A Jewish girl would understand that it doesn't matter whether our generation pays attention or not, no matter how old we get there'll always be millions of Jewish mothers and grandmothers keeping the old ways going. Though on the upside, she did let me see her wrists and hair early on in the relationship, the filthy little madam. I had to sit down in a darkened room for an hour, just to slow my heartrate down to safe levels. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 15:19, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

That reminds me - I told her what shiksa actually means a couple of weeks ago. She wasn't impressed. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 16:23, September 4, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost: July 23rd, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Free Newspaper Only Two People Started Out Editing, But Now They Want Nothing To Do With!

July 23rd, 2009 • Issue 57 • The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...

Uncyclopedia Users Form Fantasy Football League By Gerrycheevers This week, several Uncyclopedians banded together under the leadership of one Guildensternenstein to form some sort of "Fantasy Football" organization. What exactly this entails is unclear, but it appears that the football- and soccer-related fantasies of the participating members will be carried out in the semi-private confines of the forums. Reactions were mixed to this development, with some users expressing emotions ranging from apathy to indifference. Others voiced concern about children, decency, and lewd public conduct. "My little boy came home today saying something about going to another boy's house to perform football fantasies!" said one outraged and confused mother. Regardless of the small amount of negative feedback, participants are eager to begin fantasizing about their favorite football players, such as David Beckham. Bradaphraser had this to say: "The Fantasy Football League is a chance for Uncyclopedians to get away from the hustle and bustle of everyday Uncyclopedia work and actually have some fun for a change. While I usually am busy with the administrating task of sitting on my lazy ass and doing nothing, this gives users a chance to see me in a more relaxed state." "I fully expect that this venture will be just as successful as my recent run for the Presidency," continued Brad, "which I lost to Bradford Lyttle of the Pacifist party by a mere 110 votes. I fully expect to win one or possibly even two games in this upcoming season, assuming of course that a draft is eventually held." Said draft is scheduled to begin immediately, and assuming only a small portion of footballers flee to Canada to evade this draft, the Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League will be ready to hold its first game by opening day. Village Dump Suffers From Rash of Inactivity By Gerrycheevers In a startling development, activity on Uncyclopedia's main gathering place, the Village Dump, has all but ceased. With The UnIdiot registering the sole comment in the last three full days, the normal flow of important, relevant conversation in the Forums appears to have dried up. While an excess of users can usually be found loitering aimlessly in the halls of the Dump, it appeared all but deserted as of press time. Several theories have been raised, ranging from the intriguingly possible (July weather causes Uncyclopedians to go outside) to the exceedingly headache-inducing (Uncyclopedians are being abducted by giant space cabbages). However, one of the more interesting theories comes from our lead scientist and nature correspondant, DogNewspaper (unavailable for picture). He claims that while the Village Dump itself along with associated forums such as the Ministry of Love and the Help forum has seen a decline in activity, the so-called Benson's House of Pancakes has seen a shocking upswing in activity. In the same time frame that only a single edit was made in the Village Dump, sixteen different topics were edited in Benson's Breakfast Domicile. DogNewspaper, that earlier mentioned nature correspondant, calls this a migration. "Woof," he claimed, elaborating that many users were unable to adapt to conditions found in the normal Village Dump, and were forced to relocate to the more hospitable Benson-related location. It is here, in the BHOP, that users are free to create topics concerning their own birthdays, the anniversaries of their birth, and memorials commemorating the day they were born. Whether the mass exodus is complete or not has yet to be seen.

Check out these pages! US vs UK, the showdown... almost Picture Wars: Forum Edition Still counting to a million From our logs: 03:45, 23 July 2009 Under user blocked Mi$ter Bigg (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (insert Cosby catchphrase here. or not - I don't really give two fucks) 00:48, 20 July 2009 TheLedBalloon blocked 71.195.100.104 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (In the words of Abraham Lincoln, suck my presidential cock, bitch!) 06:30, 18 July 2009 Mordillo blocked Speroxenos (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (your hard on does not impress me) Biopic of the Week Arguably the most prominent sub-primate whose existance status varies depending on the day of the week on the entire wiki, An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays has recently made a return to Uncyclopedia. His track record speaks for itself: awesome articles abound in Ape's presence, his handling of breaking news situations is praiseworthy, and his information guides are useful and informative. Welcome back, Ape! Old School Featured Article of the Week Toilet Door Communication, or TDC, is considered by many to be the forerunner of the modern internet. This fascinating form of conversation is complete with its own exceedingly dense jargon and wide spectrum of users. Washing your hands after use is strongly recommended. Quote of the Week <Bonner> A while later we also completely wrapped the scooter in cling film <Bonner> I still have the photos, he was really pissed about that one <e|m|c> You mean saran wrap. <e|m|c> Fucking English. <Bonner> Cling flim <e|m|c> Uhh. Saran wrap. <Bonner> cling film <Bonner> :) <e|m|c> Cling film <Bonner> Saran wrap <e|m|c> Correct. This Week in Uncyc, 1901 Uncyclopedia users celebrated their first of many week-long tributes to Oscar Wilde, unable to wait the originally planned year after his death. The entire main page was dedicated to Wilde-related issues, and the first instance of mass Wilde quoting ensued. Reader Poll of the Week The editors need your help; please weigh in here on the important, non-boring issue of UnSignpost formatting.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

This edition is on time, and anyone who tells you differently is lying! THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 02:51, 25 July 2009 (UTC)

THANKS A LOT!

congratulations. you have single handedly ruined everything i was fighting for. i wrote a few comments on the page. that guy changed it. i tried to revert it back and every time he would just revert it back. and then you with all your almighty power, decide to swoop in and let him win, while in the process letting him destroy an extra 1/10 of the article!?! bravo. you have just taught me that nothing is good unless he who has power thinks it is good. fantastic. hope you're happy! you've ruined my faith in comedy. – Preceding unsigned comment added by Wrathclaw (talk • contribs)

Aren't you being just a tad dramatic? Fighting for the freedom of comedy? Please. Anyways, in case you didn't notice, I didn't take sides I was ending a very annoying revert war in which non of you bothered talking to each other. Talk it over on the article talk page. If he's not responding by the time the protection is over, place your version on the page. ~ 14:38, 26 July 2009 (UTC)

im being a bit dramatic huh? the freedom of comedy is an important thing and without it laughter doesnt exist. anyway, ive decided to talk it over with him. you happy? having to solve everything without violence come on! thats not what this world is about!– Preceding unsigned comment added by Wrathclaw (talk • contribs)

The freedom of comedy is not set according to squabbles over an article in a humor wiki. I'm glad you decided to talk with him and good luck. ~ 07:53, 27 July 2009 (UTC)

Please sign those comments on talk pages and so on. What's it with people who don't follow common courtesy rules these days?. Oh... 'dilly. I'll be dropping shovav off at the kitty sitter today, so I'll be awayawayaway... – Preceding unsigned comment added by Luvvy (talk • contribs) 08:03, 27 Jul

Send him my regards, and make sure you bring him a very nice ham when you come back! ~ 08:06, 27 July 2009 (UTC)

I won't! My cat eats more kosher food than I do! /me makes mental note to have a shrimp sammich today for lunch... -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 08:11, 27 Jul

Hey, 'Dillo (can I call you 'dillo?), we're sort of in a stalemate. Could you swoop down with your adminly powers and wrangle out a compromise? • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 21:35, Jul 27

Uncyclopedia:Requested Articles

Hi Mordillo,

I left a message at Mhaille's talk page but I'm not sure how active he is these days. Do you know who I could talk to about the possibility of adding UN:REQ to either the navigation or community sidebars? I'm assuming User:Sannse could help out with this but she seems to be inactive at the moment. Before I forget, I've been fooling around with a new award template specifically for articles created from UN:REQ. Is Uncyclopedia:Vote for awards, decorations and honours still being used though? MadMax 13:26, 26 July 2009 (UTC)

Hya Max - you can change the sidebar through this link. Also, yes, we're certainly using the awards thingy. Let me know if that helped! ~ 15:10, 26 July 2009 (UTC)

Wow, I didn't know about that! Thanks. :) MadMax 19:55, 26 July 2009 (UTC)

oscar wildeizms

hi mordillo, i just had a couple of questions on one of my recent undertakings. said undertaking is the following: i am sick of seeing pointless oscar wilde quotes spammed all over the place, and i would like to remove the bad ones. the point of quoting oscar wilde on uncyclopedia is to use wit to twist an actual wilde quote, or otherwise make it seem as though wilde may have actually said something related to the subject. a good example is Taxonomy. however, a vast majority of wilde quotes are, to put it bluntly, really dumb. examples of this can be seen in Baltimore, Maryland, Astrology, and Australian Football League. based on Category:Oscar_Wildeizms, there are over 3,200 of these quotes in the mainspace, and i'd like to get rid of the bad ones. so my first question is whether or not you think this should be allowed or if it is a good idea. my other questions have to do with the process, so i'll leave it at that for now. thanks! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 15:55, 28 July 2009 (UTC)

Hi Gerry. Generally speaking I'm all for improving Oscar Wilde quotes, I think we owe the man some justice. The only thing that worries me is that the last time we declared a "quoticide", we had editors basically just removing quotes without really taking a look at the content. Loads of good quotes were removed. So we need to think of a smart way to do it. Got any ideas? ~ 18:25, 30 July 2009 (UTC)

i'm thinking i'd like to tackle this one as a solo endeavour, rather than attract less experienced users who might do exactly what you mentioned and remove quotes without truly evaluating their merit. basically, i think anything witty can stay (for example i really like Arizona), and anything that's just a statement (such as Backgammon) i'd get rid of. might this method get the non-existant Cabal Seal of Approval? SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 18:40, 30 July 2009 (UTC)

Well, don't about that cabal you speak off, but I don't have any issues with that. ~ 20:17, 30 July 2009 (UTC)

great. so, on to my method. it seems simply removing the {{Template:Wilde}} template from articles isn't good enough, as many of the quotes are stored in subpages of {{Template:Wilde}} itself. for example, Template:Wilde/1846a. if i deem a quote unnecessary, should i list the subpage on QVFD, or leave it as-is? SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 13:05, 3 August 2009 (UTC)

Hold on, are you actually editing the articles themselves or the the template? You lost me there. ~ 13:51, 3 August 2009 (UTC)

say for example i want to remove the oscar wilde quote from Avril Lavigne. i remove the template from Avril Lavigne itself, but Template:Wilde/Avril Lavigne still exists. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 15:19, 3 August 2009 (UTC)

Bloody hell, that's the first time I've noticed that happens. I wonder it that's created automatically or someone did that manually. We'll have to check that. ~ 15:49, 3 August 2009 (UTC)

i'd assume it's 'created manually', but i'll run some tests today and find out. there's a shit-ton of them if you check the prefix index, though, and a lot of them have been removed already. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 16:05, 3 August 2009 (UTC)

Hey Mordillo, we need you!

Can you join the fucking Goa Tse Clan please! We need admins in my usergroup! |Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Giratina CUN|IC Kill | 05:47, 1 August 2009 (UTC)

Goats clan? I'm not that fond of goats. But thanks for asking. ~ 10:44, 2 August 2009 (UTC)

Block log...

Hi boss, I was going to have a chat to TKF but he seems to have been blocked. Just prior to he blocked Projectjulio‎ for vote fraud, but I get the feeling looking at it that it was done out of stupidity, not spite. (I sure as hell didn't ask for him to vote twice on POOF.) I'm not saying that he should be unblocked, but I wonder if TKF was a little trigger happy. Pup t 09:34, 2/08/2009

I gave him limited pardon, unless TKF feels it's appropriate to reban him for a reason I missed. Also, you can't really block an admin you know, we just unban ourselves. ~ 10:32, 2 August 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, sort of on a similar topic, I presume it was because he started removing the QFA template from articles (well Neurotic at least), it's not bad that I reverted him is it?    Orian57    Talk   10:35 2 August 2009

It will probably lead to a month long ban or something like that. I wouldn't revert him - better to drop him a line. ~ 10:37, 2 August 2009 (UTC)

Yeah but... If I've got you on side...?    Orian57    Talk   10:40 2 August 2009

One thing I will never do (or try very much to avoid) is to get into a fight with another admin. Especially with TKF since we both god admined in the same go and did a lot of joined stuff in the past. So it's really is better that you talk with him, he's one of the good guys. ~ 10:43, 2 August 2009 (UTC)

Ok. But if he bans me for any sort of ridiculous time will you unban me?    Orian57    Talk   10:46 2 August 2009

Thx for the pardon

Thx good sir for sparing me from the gallows...and the guillitine...and from the first season of "Will and Grace." I'd take the first two any day over the last one projectjulio 19:12, 2 August 2009 (UTC)

Indeed Will and Grace is a difficult one. I hope you never need go through that ordeal again. ~ 13:46, 3 August 2009 (UTC)

Drama

I hate drama. And I don't even know what I did wrong. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 16:32, 3 August 2009 (UTC)

You were born? You live in Belgium? What drama? ~ 16:33, 3 August 2009 (UTC)

The one that just gave me a headache. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 16:34, 3 August 2009 (UTC)

Have you considered seeing a doctor? Taking some pills? ~ 16:36, 3 August 2009 (UTC)

I don't have to take pills because other people give me a headache! What kind of defeatist way of life is that? —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 16:39, 3 August 2009 (UTC)

Au contraire, you say that you will not take their shit any longer and you will use any means necessary, including drugs, to over come the headaches they cause you. ~ 16:44, 3 August 2009 (UTC)

Well, the drugs sound nice. Though the fact I'd be taking them to countermeasure some headache caused by others would make it less enjoyable in the end. It'd make me feel like those others are somehow in control of my life. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 16:51, 3 August 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost: July 30th, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The periodical without any junk in its trunk!

July 30th, 2009• Issue 58• Now Delivered Trendily Late!

Uncyclopedia Users Alter Time Itself By The Woodburninator This week: an update. As previously reported in an earlier news story, one month ago several well-known contributors went on a campaign to try and delete time itself. It is said they were trying to bring about an end to unfunniness throughout history, with the slight side effect of non-existence. But just as it looked as if their plan would come to fruition, cooler heads prevailed and stopped everything in its tracks. Since then, the plan has changed. Instead of deleting all that ever was, the users have decided it would be much more prudent to just change all of history to their liking. Several users have been seen spending their free time on User:Gwax/Timeline rebuild, in some cases changing events one year at a time, and in others trying to change entire millennia. How they are able to do this, no one is sure, though rumors of a DeLorean DMC-12 have been circulating. The outcomes of the project have, thus far, been very good for us for everyone. There was one unfortunate incident when a user tried to give his parents millions of dollars before he was born, but the extra money forced them to separate before he was conceived. All of a sudden he didn't exist, but then if he didn't exist, how could he have gone back in time to change anything? It caused a huge rift in space/time, a bit of a bother really. But we're happy to report that everything has been sorted out with no casualties only one casualty! Remarks from the community on the process have been nothing but positive. "In order to walk the road of peace, we need to climb the mountain of conflict," notable scholar TKF exclusively commented. We have our entire staff working around the clock to figure out what this means as we speak. Town drunk Dexter111344 was also heard mumbling about the subject. He blamed wizards for the whole thing, before stumbling away, probably to make more links to A wizard did it. Regardless, whether its wizards or time machines, the editing of the past continues as we speak, and will continue until all of history has been changed. Or until we get bored and move onto something else. Uncyclopedia Editors Conflicted Over Story Topic By Gerrycheevers Owing to the large amount of things happening in the last week, and also to the fact that this issue is unforgivably late, the editors of the UnSignpost were unable to settle on a single topic for the second story of this week's edition. The editors were also unable to agree on either two topics for a rare three-story issue or how many UnSignpost editors it takes to screw in a lightbulb (the UnSignpost staff has been left to ponder this question in the dark). As a decision could not be reached, it was decided after much deliberation and petty arguing that all of the candidate stories be mentioned rapid-fire in a single story, so as to confuse and irritate the reader and cause him to be required to navigate back to this issue to click on all of the links. These stories are as follows: Zombiebaron returns and petitions to end voting. His effort is parodied, rebutted, and parodied again. A link to Requested Articles is placed on the sidebar and MadMax commences handing out badges to requested article creators. Zombiebaron returns again to demand reskins, which we understand means he needs to replace all of his undead flesh with "fresh flesh". Cajek returns, but not really. VFH maxes out at 23 nominations at press time, including some discussion-inducing selections. More events certainly occured, but we can't be arsed to list everything for you.

Check out these pages! UN:REQ Gone Wilde! All the Greatest Music of the 80s, on Three Great Cassettes! Whose Sandwich? From our logs: 14:47, 26 July 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 8 hours ‎(I banned a guy for too long this one time. Then I had nachos.) 20:40, 29 July 2009 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked MadMax (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 Minute (Constantly littering recent changes with thousands of really useful edits.) 20:45, 29 July 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 minutes ‎(Not having enough tits.) 15:17, 30 July 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 122.173.57.31 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(blanking? why not just wear a t-shirt proudly declaiming "I have no life"? it has much the same effect, but you might get away with claiming it's ironic...) Biopic of the Week Touching down on the Uncyclopedia runway in December '08, Saberwolf116 has quickly become one of the all-time great Pee Reviewers. With 86 of them under his belt, Saber has recently ridden off into a yellow sunset to pursue some sort of education, or something along those lines that will detract from his Uncyclopedia-ing. Return soon, fair Saberwolf! Old-School Featured Article of the Week Bold Speech to text software bold is the most wide Lee used applicate shin by lacy people who can knot be bother to type. It's bark tech know lodge-y has vast Lee bark improve in Reese cent years. Bark bark it is not recommend Ed bark four use in bark off is spaces bark with noisy bark dogs. Diabolical Plan to Overtake the Wiki of the Week It seems that UnSignpost co-chief editor Under user has recently succeeded in the first stages of producing a sewer-dwelling offspring (pictured). Rumors of UU using the as-yet-unnamed biological sockpuppet for activities of questionable morality are unconfirmed. Congratulations, UU! Reader Poll Results Last week we asked loyal UnSignpost readers to weigh in on the immensely interesting issue of formatting. There was no clear consensus on the subject, as it seems Uncyclopedians employ the full range of screen resolutions, and as such it's a wonder anyone can read the UnSignpost at all. The most telling aspect of the poll was its response rate, indicating that a full eight people read the UnSignpost.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

It's on time, you were just high and didn't realize when it got here! THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 02:34, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

It would seem as though there's no feature for today

Not that I'm singling you out in particular, but you're the one that changes the features most of the time, and the last time I made a forum topic I was told to just ask an admin directly. Anyway, just bringing the fact to your attention. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 03:52, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

OK, to give an explanation once and for all. If there's no feature for some reason - it's usually because I didn't get the time to do it and someone else wasn't around to follow up. You don't need to remind us every single time. I am, for one, very much aware when there isn't one. But, you know, sometimes the concept of "life" gets in the way. Thanks for the heads up anyway. ~ 07:38, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

You have no life! You're an Uncyclopedia Admin. We ARE your life. Now go ban some n00bs. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 14:42, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

wildeizms research

okay, so i added a wilde quote to Nuclear warfare, but no kind of subpage of Template:Wilde was created auotmatically. it seems these subpages are used at Uncyclopedia:Wilde as quotes by topic, and once they are created manually, they show up on the indexed quote pages, like at Uncyclopedia:Wilde/N. so for now i'll just remove bad oscar wilde quotes from the mainspace, because that doesn't require any sort of admin powers, and we can revisit those subpages down the road possibly. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 14:33, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

Sounds good. We can always do a clean up of the template/subpages later on. ~ 14:41, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

great. thanks again for all of your admin-ly wisdom. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 14:43, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

I dunno, I think you did all the work and I was mainly twiddling my thumbs and taking all the credit. As usual. ~ 15:10, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

And that is admin-ly wisdom... --UU - natter 15:17, Aug 5

Who's in charge here?

Are you in charge here?--Enemyatthegates 01:42, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

Noise complaint again Mordillo? I'll try to get the guys to quiet down a bit, but Zombiebaron just got that 7th shot in him, and you know how he gets when he hits number 7. Terrible drunks we have around here. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 01:45, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

No complaint My machine's interface is horrible with this website and I was wondering how I might Improve interface.--Enemyatthegates 01:49, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

Hm, what machine are you currently using? Have you tried adjusting the resolution? -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 01:52, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

It's not the res. I'm using a Cargio 15X mainframe system conected to an Hp desktop.--Enemyatthegates 01:55, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

Somone has been on my system

Okay, I just clicked off the internet and logged back on after a few changes, interface is fine now. But I recieved an email from myself aparently that read; "The Hungarian phrase meaning can you direct me to the railway sation, is here translated by the English phrase, please fondle my bottocks." and it had a looped photoshoped video of two German soldiers kicking eachother in the nuts. now I remeber the video, I made it, but deleted the video after disliking it, and the phrase is from Monty Python. Just in case someone has been playing on my system, would you kindly mind searching the site for the looped video. I'll search the other sites I am a member of. if you find anything please let me know. Btw I'm not a volitile person, I hate being mean, even if somone was on my system, I wouldn't harrass them, I'd just make em' swear they'd never get on again plus preform an IP block.--Enemyatthegates 02:12, 6 August 2009 (UTC)talk

I have no idea what any of this means. Also this isn't my talk page.    Orian57    Talk   02:30 6 August 2009

alright read my statments in the above section.--Enemyatthegates 02:34, 6 August 2009 (UTC)talk

Now I'm even more confused. Also take note of formatting, use one more colon (:) than the person you're replying to used. Also this still isn't my talk page.    Orian57    Talk   02:38 6 August 2009

I'll have to reiterate what Orian said. I have no idea what you need or what is the problem you're facing exactly. ~ 07:55, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

look on Orian's talk. There are two huge paragraphs with buttloads of details about my system and what they could do to it. Btw It's 4:40 A.M. and I've been running IP sweeps on my hard drives all bloody night.--Enemyatthegates 09:49, 6 August 2009 (UTC) talk

I read it and I still don't understand what you need. Do you think someone is trying to hack your system via this website? If that's the case, you need to talk with sannse who represents the hosting company. Otherwise, I'm afraid we can't help you. Also, never heard of that MF, only company that manufactures MFs, as far as I know, is IBM. Also, what are you doing using a MF as your PC?! ~ 10:08, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

No need now. One of my sweeps targeted 3 alien Ip adresses, and I took look at the coding, none of them are from this website. They are coded with "Dot Dash" language except for the inital numbering and the XYZ. what I might do right now is isolate the Ip adresses and encrypt a serize of codes to the Hard Drive they were found on making it to where if my MF detects any of the isloated IP's My computer will crash the intruding system. and about my MF, Cargio's are custom MF's, I use one because I work for a local radio and TV station as a transmiter and I wanted to be able to work from home when I am too sick to go into the station. so I'll begin working on the codes now. One more thing, my brother just ran a thermometer around the back of my neck, 109 Farenheit, if that gives you a vauge idea of how protective I am of my equipment.--Enemyatthegates 10:45, 6 August 2009 (UTC) talk

Oh well, I'm glad it's all sorted now. Also - hiya Mordillo! :D    Orian57    Talk   10:55 6 August 2009

Would you like...

This user is a Kosher Nostra G_dfather. Cross them and they will get halakhic on yo' ass.

...yet another userbox to add to your collection? I just made a quick one (translation: "stole someone else's and hacked it up a bit") to have as alternative to the Jewish user one - feel free to make any improvements if you want it for your page. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 09:23, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

haha! Most certainly sir, I will do. I am hoping that you're OK with me claiming some credit for the article? ~ 09:28, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

It's 40% yours, 40% mine and 20% TKF's and Socky's, as far as I'm concerned - which is a good thing otherwise I wouldn't be able to vote for it on VFH due to my self-imposed don't vote for your own articles rule - and I'm crediting it to all four of us in my bibliography and userpage. Multiliteralist is doing some sort of improvements on the Mohel image, by the way - I rather like what he did with the exploding mazuzah. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 09:34, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

I still think we need a "dipping into the cholent" pic. It would be absolutely horrible. ~ 13:26, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

Or maybe Kill Moishale?! ~ 13:27, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

I've been thinking we could do with something down that end of the article too, just to balance out the image-heavt top end if nothing else. I like the idea of a cholent one, but Kill Moishale would be a lot easier since it could be an adaptation of the Kill Bill cover. I'll spare it some thought - any ideas yourself? Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:36, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

Maybe put a wig on top of Uma Thurman? Give her candlestick instead of a sword? ~ 14:37, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

Before I begin...

Before I begin working, as it will take the rest of the night and into tomorrow night and I wouldn't have a chance for a while, I would like to apologize for freaking out all over the place. When this mess is over I outta write an article about Cargio MF's.--Enemyatthegates 11:12, 6 August 2009 (UTC) Talk

Yeah, definitly stick around. But be warned we almost never take anything seriously. Unless the domain changes (look at me acting like I know what I'm talking about) or adverts invade. Then we get pissed.    Orian57    Talk   11:16 6 August 2009

There was that one time I called you gay, Orian, and you were all hysterical about it...~ 13:23, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

When - I never get hysterical! You're just being bigoted, Jew. (Or are you joking?)    Orian57    Talk   13:26 6 August 2009

Me? Joking? On a humor wiki? What would they thing of next? ~ 13:44, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

lol, I was making a joke.    Orian57    Talk   13:46 6 August 2009

I wrote that article the link is above. --Enemyatthegates 13:56, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

Air Raid!

Alright guys, I just got done on ebay, I bought two Cylindrical fluted Air Raid sirens to play with. here's a link to youtube where you can hear this type; [[1]] --Enemyatthegates 15:51, 6 August 2009 (UTC) Talk

I just searched for Air Raid, and Air Raid Siren. There is a article about neither. Permission to wirte an atricle on this topic. (Unless you think it's a terrible idea). --Enemyatthegates 16:28, 6 August 2009 (UTC) Hissy Tantrum

You know how T.I. wrote that song "Whatever You Like?" Well, on Uncyclopedia, you can pretty much write whatever you like. Go ahead and write all them articles. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 17:43, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

And like Weird Al you can pretty much rewrite "Whatever you like".    Orian57    Talk   17:46 6 August 2009

How to renominate AFTER getting a good Pee Review?

You once wrote to me about this. I had nominated these two Kriptonite and IBauer. But they got bumped because no Pee Reviews. Well I GOT Pee Reviews for both of them. Now, how to renominate? Any help appreciated.--Funnybony 19:55, 7 August 2009 (UTC)

Hya, if you got a pee review you can just self-nominate on VFH. Usually I'd recommend making sure you get a positive review before nominating, otherwise it would be just shot down. Good luck! ~ 07:57, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

Offensive image?

User:Miley Spears has left me a message about a questionable image on User:An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays's userpage. I wasn't really sure how to handle it since its not a blatant shock/gore image and it's being used in userspace only. MadMax 08:17, 8 August 2009 (UTC)

Not a clear answer on this one. Although you can say that he put up this picture simply because he wants to piss people off, it's in his userpage and it's borderline. I'd keep an eye on this one to see that it doesn't turn into something more nasty. ~ 08:06, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

Congratulations...

...on the featured article! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 16:43, 8 August 2009 (UTC)

Thank you, oh g_d father! It was fun working with you on this Jewish project! ~ 08:06, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost! August 6th, 2009!! WE BE LATE, Y'ALL!!!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!

August 6th, 2009 • Issue 59 • Painfully Extracting Nuggets of Truth from the Teeth of the News!

Uncyclopedia Triples Ad Revenue; Users Line Up For Paychecks By Gerrycheevers This week, Uncyclopedia's benign evil overlords, Wikia, shuffled the advertising layout on our fine website. Previously, the left sidebar contained just one Wikia spotlight. These spotlights are not advertisements as much as they are a way to whore Wikia and increase its position in some sort of Google rankings, since the links from the banner ads go from Wikia-hosted Uncyclopedia to Google and back to Wikia-hosted wikis on such relevant topics to users who are on a satire wiki as the Burnout Wiki and the Harry Potter wiki. These Google rankings are actually a series of thousands of monkeys at Google headquarters, who move beads around on giant abaci based on search engine hits. Users who click these cleverly disguised and probably illegal "double-switch" ads cause the monkeys to alter the beads in Wikia's favor. However, in recent days this Wikia spotlight was moved to the bottom of each page rather than the sidebar and multiplied by three. A cursory look at any of the wikis linked in these spotlights results in a brutal assault of the senses, as they are all swimming in banner advertisements, sidebar advertisements, advertisements in the content, and links to highly useful Wikia features such as Wikianswers. While the increased number of spotlights on Uncyclopedia has not directly resulted in any cash flow, the increased Google bead rating has indeed caused Wikia stock to jump by six beads (the stock market is also organized using giant abaci, only it is operated by goats rather than monkeys). Wikia has decided to share credit for this jump in value with the users of Uncyclopedia, and all users will be receiving checks for equal amounts next Tuesday. The line forms behind Olipro, wherever he happens to be on Tuesday when the stock market goats arbitrarily decide to stop working for the day. A Hell of a Time at the Village Dump By Bad Shroom Recently in the forums, BHOP's activity has arguably skyrocketed. An IP has started a new rhyming craze, and the cheesy, crunchy snack food CheddarBBQ has revived many topics that were getting rather aged, such as Fantasy Football, a Shakira-esque topic, and even his own birthday's topic. Back on BHOP, fruity user Neox's random storytelling and serious user YouKnowWhatTheMusicMeans' serious, dramatic storytelling have made Forum:Who HATES MochiAds? 2's story a complete, random mess. Also, Optimuschris and Modusoperandi have been having one hell of a time discussing the much-anticipated failing of the new G.I. Joe movie. Finally, users have a had a heated battle over whether to ban the Abstain feature on VFH, which is ending up as off-topic and random as an episode of Lost. Are there any cool discussions going on? That's the forum news in your area, now here's Mr. G with the weather, only on Public Access Channel 2!

Check out these pages! The 18th Quadrennial Slut List Obama Tosses the Patriot Act at Uncyclopedia STFU, N00B!! From our logs: 08:49, 31 July 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a flat cap and a whippet ‎(tha's callin' us lazy, lad? sithee 'ere, I were down t'pit 36 hours a day for tuppence when tha were nobbut a lad!) 02:40, 1 August 2009 Ljlego (Talk | contribs) resurrected Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Nah, it wasn't so bad. Your nakedness totally made up for it.) 02:01, 5 August 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 203.14.52.46 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎(Yes, you tell that "Jacob" what you really think about him! Now that you've told him off on a random website online you'll be the coolest one of your friends. You are such a badass.) Biopic of the Week Like most of the dozens of Uncyclopedians that hail from Norwell, Massachusetts, The UnIdiot is awesome. Perhaps most well known for his high quality journalism, he has also branched out into public service announcements and novelized fiction. We don't know what the deal with Norwell is; probably something to do with the water. Old School Featured Article of the Week The Water powered bus is the most prominent mode of public transportation in rainy cities such as Seattle and London, and also underwater cities like Atlantis and New Orleans. Invented in 1954 by Sir Henry Bus, the water powered bus is capable of maintaining speeds between 'brisk gentlemanly walk' and 'brisk gentlemanly trot' for up to ten minutes. Cajek Update of the Fortnight Noted funnyman Cajek was recently spotted announcing his presence and simultaneously his lack of activity. However, he was also sighted vandalizing signatures and driving in a reckless manner, with a crumpet in his hand and a groundhog on his lap, respectively.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Hand delivered by MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 21:23, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

Thanks

Our appreciation is not easily earned.

But you have achieved what few others ever manage:
The respect of the
Kosher Nostra.
You can rest assured that you henceforth enjoy our protection,
our support and a bed free of beheaded bagel crumbs.
La Kosher Nostra.

---

Wasn't going to bother since you're equally as responsible for the article as I am (or so I'm going to tell Rebbe Schneerson when he posthumously kicks my arse, anyway), but it seemed unfair when everyone else has one. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 11:20, 11 August 2009 (UTC)

I'm always up for more templates :) ~

Request

Can you remove my Quentin Tarantino article from the VFH queue, please? All the Against votes have been expressing more-or-less the same criticism, and as such I'd like it off the queue so I can revise it at some point in the near-future and hopefully improve it. Thanks. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:29, 11 August 2009 (UTC)

Done. ~ 15:54, 11 August 2009 (UTC)

Thanks. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 18:08, 11 August 2009 (UTC)

REquest

Can you move my Mint Jelly article onto the VFH queue, please? All the Against votes that I haven't gotten yet on that article hurts my soul. I have no plans to revise it, or improve it. Please? Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 18:24, 11 August 2009 (UTC)

Request

Thought I'd make it 3 in a row, on the CUN can I have a UK flag next to my name as I'm quite proud to be British. Cheers. --—The preceding signed comment was added by Projectmayhem666 (talk • contribs). 11:53, 13 August 2009 (UTC)

stuff like that you can just do.    Orian57    Talk   12:01 13 August 2009

Do you mean the Order thingy? Feel free. Even though I wouldn't know why you're proud of being British. All British are wankers. And the Scots are dominated by wankers. There, I managed to insult both of you. I can now return to my home planet. ~ 13:10, 13 August 2009 (UTC)

It's colonised by wankers. They're ruled by effete arseholes, Tommy. Note to self - must watch Trainspotting again soon. --UU - natter 13:13, Aug 13

:'(    Orian57    Talk   13:30 13 August 2009

Flimbo's Quest

Was a really quite derivative and bland platform game on the Amiga in the early 90s. Also: c-c-c-c-c-combo breaker! Carry on. --UU - natter 12:54, Aug 13

I'm afraid I was never an Amiga person. My first quest ever was King's Quest 1. Ah, those were the days...~ 13:40, 13 August 2009 (UTC)

Well, if we're talking about first quests, mine was probably Castle Quest (at the foot of the page) - now that's what I call nostalgia! --UU - natter 13:55, Aug 13

I'd though it was Leisure Suit Larry! ~ 14:17, 13 August 2009 (UTC)

Leisure Suit Larry...now that's a blast from the past. How about Chucky Egg on the Spectrum? Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 14:19, 13 August 2009 (UTC)

I found the BBC version of Chuckie Egg superior, TBH. And I always stayed away from LSL - never intrigued me. And I've just remembered Granny's Garden] on the BBC Micro - running, sneezing dragons, woodcutters, eeeevil witches: now that was a quest... --UU - natter 14:29, Aug 13

LSL....Ah, it all comes flooding back... Ken sent me... Pup t 10:31, 14/08/2009

The Foreign Office

Hi Mordillo, I was hoping to transfer The Foreign Office to a more prominent position anyway, but do you think you could fast-track the process? Or at least suggest to me what I can do to move it somewhere other than my user page. Some people seem to be a bit reluctant to partake because it's still on my user page and hence doesn't seem like we're taking it seriously at all (regardless of whether you are or not, some people are ;)). Could a portal could be created for it? --El Sid, the lazy one • parlez-vous franglais? 08:44, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

There you go. Looks good and official now. ~ 11:57, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

Let Someone Else Do It

Thanks for the notice in my Inciclopedia´s talk page. It´s a great new! --DJ Nietzsche 18:01, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

De nada. ~ 21:35, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

Yo grandpa

Just thought to inform you I restarted my drawing training, and consequently am now open to requests. Naked/semi-naked human body is the subject - but for purely artistic reasons. In other words, authors in need of images where sexy/unsexy humans are portrayed, with props or without, can get them drawn/painted in mixed media until I'm good enough and don't want to give them away for free any more. Gonna post this on forum too. -- Style  Guide 15:26, 15 August 2009 (UTC)

More Undead Thanksplate!

Doug would like to thank you! Again! For Helping him and little Emily get through the inconvenient zombie apocalypse! And be the best article of July 09!

   Orian57    Talk   18:26 15 August 2009

Man Law

Maybe or maybe not are you aware of the comercial man law? Well it doesnt matter. Im in the process of compiling a list of every official man law out there and I need to think of a good way to integrate them into an article. The list is here Man Law. Suggestions wanted and necessary. Piemuffin 03:40, 17 August 2009 (UTC)

Not aware of it (although some of the rules there make perfect sense!) but the way it currently looks, a huge list, it's going to make it. You need to build a story around it. Let's say, the man's crusade to battle woman's total domination over the planet? ~ 07:32, 17 August 2009 (UTC)

I say we kill them all. Who needs em?    Orian57    Talk   07:41 17 August 2009

Well nice idea Mordillo, and do you mean a story at the top and bottom or integrated between laws? Piemuffin 21:44, 17 August 2009 (UTC)

Overwriting

Hi, I'm not quite sure what you're referring to, what did I overwrite? Mr. Blotto? Was there already one? --El Sid, the lazy one • parlez-vous franglais? 13:32, 17 August 2009 (UTC)

You didn't, I just wanted to make sure that doesn't happen in the future. ~ 13:35, 17 August 2009 (UTC)

Ah I see, no problem, I'll always check. --El Sid, the lazy one • parlez-vous franglais? 13:37, 17 August 2009 (UTC)

---

Hi again, some Italian thugs just beat the shit out of me and told me that unless I put a link to this Nonciclopedia:Walk_of_Shame/Immagini on the VFP page, they'd be after you next! I tried editing it but it's protected and stuff, so I can't. Any chance you could help me out? --El Sid, the lazy one • parlez-vous franglais? 20:13, 17 August 2009 (UTC)

Prego. And while we're at it, tell them that their interlink is pointing at the wrong page. ~ 20:32, 17 August 2009 (UTC)

Sure, where should it be pointing? --El Sid, the lazy one • parlez-vous franglais? 21:02, 17 August 2009 (UTC)

it should point to Uncyclopedia:VFP. They're pointing currently at one of the subpages. ~ 09:52, 18 August 2009 (UTC)

432 Hours

Is 18 days. So I'm only as harsh as you. --UU - natter 15:34, Aug 18

Smart ass. I'm so frustrated now I'll go and block Orian, he seems to be the new Cajek anyway. ~ 15:37, 18 August 2009 (UTC)

You could block me, since I've been gone for weeks again... :o -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 16:30, 18 Aug

UnSignpost 13th August 2009. It's not late. You are!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper that just got hijacked by Woody and Ape. Mwhahahaha!

Date August 13th, 2009 • Issue 60 • Taking the News, Making it Better

UnSignpost Editor Disappears; UnSignpost Suffers Mysterious Drop in Quality By The Woodburninator August 10, 2009 - a date which will live in infamy. Gerrycheevers, the UnSignpost's handsome, talented, and, often times, only editor announced his leave of absence in order to head west, and make a name for himself. In an UnSignpost Exclusive, Gerry talked at length about his final destination and the exciting journey he expects. "[I'll be heading to] north dakota. [I reckon I'll take the famous Oregon Trail, driving a horse and buggy, herding cattle, planting seeds of injustice wherever I may.]" How long this move out west will take is unknown by all but our best psychics, and since Gerry has them trained to bite anyone who come near, we'll go with Gerry's approximate date of August 21. If all of our readers miss Gerry (and we have a feeling that, one paragraph in, you already do), please drop him a line. Tell him how much he is missed. Tell him that if he ever leaves again, we won't be so forgiving. Just tell him something. We don't want to have to do this without him again. In an unrelated note, the UnSignpost - usually a shining example of grammatical correctness, good spelling, and hilarity - seems to have hit a drop in quality for this week's issue. The reasons for these changes seem to be a mystery to everyone. As far as we can tell, the problems that have arisen are completely arbitrary. The reasons for this change in quality have been the talk of the community this week. Some have suggested the recent meteor shower has caused an influx of gamma radiation into our atmosphere, creating a negative energy all over the Earth, and thus causing our writing abilities to falter. Under User stupidly blamed all of this on the change in editors, saying "Good to see we're keeping the time-honoured Signpost tradition of the revolving door to the editor's office alive and well. Although now Woody's in there, that should probably be a 'revolting' door." Bastard. Uncyclopedian creates Trivia Bot, ruins everything By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Popular Uncyclopedian Electric mocha something-or-other, also known as EMC, this week unveiled his latest creation: a trivia bot for the Uncyclopedia IRC Channel. The bot, named "UncycTrivia", stands at over seven feet tall and is made exclusively from red crayons. Seemingly, its only function is to spout random nonsense under the guise of trivia questions and then demand answers, awarding points to whoever manages to guess the random word or phrase it considers the answer. EMC let loose his bot on the nerds, perverts and middle-aged alcoholics of #uncyclopedia, leading to even less constructive conversation then usual. Instead, the channel is mostly filled with dozens of people shouting random words in the hopes of being awarded meaningless points. Some, however, have pointed out that the only real difference between this and the way things were before is the awarding of points. Not content with destroying one channel, however, EMC subsequently decided to bring his bot to ##turtle,the exciting new channel with the dubious honour of being "the BHOP of IRC" (but with less Bad Shroom), which also served as a staging post for a recent troll invasion of Yahoo! Answers. EMC was unavailable for comment when I was throwing this piece together in five minutes. He is presumed to be sitting in a cave somewhere stroking his large red crayon and laughing dementedly. New Editors Have Trouble Matching up Left and Right Sides By The Woodburninator In a startling development, the newest editors of the UnSignpost are proving to be quite inept at lining up the left and right sides of Post's template. It seems that our penchant for placing more and more boxes on the right side of the page has defeated the natural aesthetic of the Post's two-even-sides strategy. While this is a problem, it does seem to be fixable. Namely, by adding this headline and story. Is this just an obvious cry for help, that we are unable to do this without Gerry? Probably. But since our hostile takeover has proven quite successful unstoppable so far, we would disagree.

Check out these pages! International fucking of sorts Wikipedia gets uglier! Racist apes demand equal pay From our logs: 14:17, 10 August 2009 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 142.165.47.133 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Who is Ed and why should is he better than me?) 14:18, 10 August 2009 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Fuck you, me, stop proving that guy's point with your horrible horrible ban reasons) 15:30, 8 August 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 24 seconds ‎ (beating me to a ban, and using a boring ban reason when you got there. honestly, I spend seconds on a ban reason, only to find it's wasted. gnurph!) Biopic of the Week Perhaps the finest research analyst from Boston that Uncyclopedia has ever seen, Gerrycheevers is among one of the most awarded users on the site. He has performed the rare feat of capturing Every single major monthly Award this site has to offer, plus NotM too. Add that to his 21.5 features, the class and dignity with which he has won them all, and his constant efforts as the main editor of the UnSignpost, it would seem that the reign of Cheevers is just begining. That is if he ever gets back here. Old School Featured Article of the Week The Little boy who lives down the street is a child who lives down the street that no other children have ever seen. (And no-one knows his name either...) This is because the child has died, in several fashions, over and over again, the subject of which is constantly being brought up by your Mother and/or Grandmother when they’re explaining why you cannot do something that you really want to do. VFD vote of the week "With the exception of Bruce Lee, these people are the least funniest people who have ever lived. Why people continue to cream their jeans over them for their supposed god-like abilities, I can't figure that out. Delete. Delete. Delete. Sakujo. Delete this massive faggotry. These people ain't bad THEY AIN'T NOTHIN'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" -- Roman Dog Bird 04:27, 13 August 2009 (UTC) Sannse Trivia (from UncycTrivia) Q: Sannse moved to San Francisco because she is a ______ (hint: it starts with an "L") A: Liberal Actually, now we need another box. Woody, you fucking idiot.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)  21:00, Aug 18

VFH question

If there's a four-way tie (as there is at the moment), what's the tiebreaker? I thought I saw something about older articles being given precedence, but I can't find it. Sir MacMania GUN—[00:04 19 Aug 2009]

OK, it just became hypothetical. But what would have been the tiebreaker? Sir MacMania GUN—[00:08 19 Aug 2009]

If I can speak for Mordillo, and I can't, it sometimes depends on the Admin who grants the feature that day. When there is a tie, some give the oldest one precedence, and others give it to the article with the highest health, i.e. the newest one. I think the rule technically states the feature goes to the one with the highest health. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 00:24, 19 August 2009 (UTC)

The most sex. Yes. Always the article written by the user who has given the most sex to the admins. MrN 00:51, Aug 19

Certainly the most sex. But I would say that the one with the highest health will win, not the oldest one. If you an article that took 25 days to reach 15 votes for and you have one that took 2 days to reach the same number, it's obvious to me that more people would like to see the latter on the front page. ~ 08:18, 19 August 2009 (UTC)

Certainly does make sense. Thanks for the answers, everyone. Sir MacMania GUN—[12:21 19 Aug 2009]

That means that if I'd actually manage to get my ass to writing an article that ends up on VFH, I'd have no chances whatsoever, since Mordillo blocks me whenever I act even remotely flirtatiously towards other admins ^_^

Which reminds me of why I should probably wander off to someone else's talk page and be cuddly. My ban quota's running low... -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 05:47, 20 Aug

A blast of wind is heard, as the good spaceship Serenity approaches your userpage ...

Thank you for supporting the Firefly article! <sarcasm style="obvious">Although, if I may, my plan was really to have it fail VFH after 11 days, have it quasi-featured, start a "Feature Firefly" campaign, and eventually rewrite and have featured the article on Serenity (which is kind of in a mess at the moment).</sarcasm> But thanks anyway! Sir MacMania GUN—[03:09 23 Aug 2009]

UnSignpost 20th August, it's not late, your mom is!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper that WILL win Zombiebaron back, damn it.

Date August 20th, 2009 • Issue 61 • Where no news is normal news

Fantasy Football Draft Finished By Guildensternenstein After four weeks of red-hot eight-man free fantasy football league draft action, the first Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League (UFFL) Draft is finally at a close: Uncyclopedia regular and DiBiase's Millions general manager The Woodburninator made Arizona Cardinals' Kicker Neil Rackers Mr. Irrelevant on the afternoon of August 21th, 2009, a mere 26 hours after the previous pick had been made. Afterward, League Commissioner and noted Nazi sympathizer Guildensternenstein promised to make all subsequent Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League official actions run much more smoothly. He vowed he would "put the drafted players on their respective fantasy teams" at some point "after I'm done writing this story for the UnSignpost and before I go see Inglorious Bastards later tonight." The draft itself was varied, and picks ranged from the predictable (Vikings' running back Adrian Peterson taken first overall) to the even more predictable (Falcons' running back Michael Turner taken with second overall pick) to the fairly predictable (Drew Brees, Peyton Manning and Tom Brady being the first three quarterbacks taken) to the downright wild. Notable steals include Guildy's nabbing of Chris Johnson in Round 5, Woody's snagging of Aaron Rodgers in Round 6, and Bradaphraser's criminal steal of Dallas tight end Jason Witten. For every good pick, there was a bad one, however: in moves that would make Al Davis proud, LongLiverh3 took Philadelphia's No. 3 receiver while their No. 1 and No. 2 receivers were still on the board, made 30th ranked tight end L.J. Smith the second overall tight end picked, and made Baltimore QB Joe Flacco his backup quarter back while the likes of Matt Schaub, Jay Cutler, Ben Roethlisberger and Eli Manning were still available. LongLiver could not be reached for comment. New UnSignpost Editor already having trouble filling up space; Falls upon pointless gimmicks, self-references, long article titles to fill void By The Woodburninator In a move that has surprised literally 0% of the Uncyclopedia UnSignpost community, the newest UnSignpost editor has already hit a wall in trying to think up new articles for the post. Well, that's not actually true. First he wrote a story trying to beg Zombiebaron to re-subscribe for the post. Then he actually looked at Zombiebaron's userpage to find out that he was actually leaving the site. Needless to say, the presses were called back, and more writing had to be done. Namely, this. Now, we at the post already know what you are thinking. But, since putting those things into print is outlawed in 36 states, two Canadian provinces, and all of Lithuania, we will instead reference the fact that there have been an awful lot of self-referencing in the UnSignpost lately. For that we are truly sorry. Also, we are sorry for self-referencing our own self-referencing. It is truly a problem that continues to build upon itself. We hope to soon continue with the top notch reporting that is so often found in our hallowed archives. Such as the time we wrote about Spang's village dump conquests, or the time we self-referenced how the UnSignpost's lovable mascot, "Dognewspaper" had not been in the Unsignpost for over nine months. Or that time we wrote about the Fantasy Football Draft being finished. Yes, all of those times were good. And we plan - nae, promise - to, in the very near future, continue bringing those kinds of articles to your doorstep. That is, if you don't mind finding a bit of drool upon it.	Check out these pages! Merging with Wikipedia? Certainly not! YOU ARE NOT THINKERER! The sausage fest just got more sausagey. From our logs: 12:30, 16 August 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.133.6.177 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (blanking pages makes baby jesus cry. it also gets your ass banned. maybe one or the other of those things will convince you not to do it again) 10:55, 18 August 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 18 days ‎ (so you let me look like an ignorant baffoon for 18 days? What kind of SLA is that?) 11:02, 18 August 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 432 hours ‎ (it's not that long in the grand scheme of things. America happily let George Bush look like an ignorant buffoon for 2 terms of office, for example...) Biopic of the Week The man from straight out of Kiel, Germany, NaturalBornKieler has been a tremendous addition to Uncyclopedia since joining in June, 2007. While he has had no issues splitting his time between both Uncyclopedia, and the German Uncyclopedia, he has, for some reason, written 10 more features, and some 100 more articles for the German Uncyclopedia than for our beautiful English side. Still, it seems he has found his calling now, working in the big bureaucracy of the Foreign Office. NBK was unable to be reached for comment, as he was unable to get the proper approval from his superiors to be interviewed by a newspaper. Ahhhh. Bureaucracy at work. Old School Featured Article of the Week The War of 1812, also known as "The War Nobody Wanted to Name", was a ridiculously embarrassing conflict fought between the United States, Great Britain, Canada, and Antarctica. Everybody lost. Coping with adolescence and struggling to maintain its identity during the Napoleonic Wars, the United States looked to its mother country for guidance. But England, a single parent with a host of colonies to look after, had little time to spend with its gawky young child. Hoping to impose some sort of discipline over its increasingly sullen ward, England resorted to a 10 p.m. curfew. Old School Old School Box of the Week Forgotten and so-short-it-possibly-ought-to-be-a-template page of the week Tact: You have a sister? That's great! Is she better looking than you?
Judges Wanted! The next PLS is impending, and the are still judging slots unfilled. Modusoperandi is looking for users who are opinionated, who think that those opinions matter, and who want to give the benefit of those opinions to many in the form of passing judgement on articles. Enjoy the temporary sensation of power! Impress your friends! Alienate those whose articles you don't favour! Sign up now!
UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)  11:12, Aug 24

RE: Front Page

Yes, I admit I was out of line--sorry about that. I made a point to apologize to the potentially offended parties. However, I just want to say it was not--as so many seem to think--about me "getting my feature", or whatever. I'm not that big a crybaby. As you probably know from my half-dozen forum topics, I get anal-retentive whenever the front page isn't changed on time, regardless of whether the next one up is mine or not. I like things done on time to the point where it's a fault (and believe me, this isn't the only area where this manifests). So yeah. The fact that there were two admins online at the time who both knew of the situation yet didn't do anything I suppose compounded my annoyance. Could I have just dropped it? Yes, absolutely. Could Modus have just changed the front page? Probably, yes. So yeah. However, I'm not going to take the matter any further, nor further defend any of my comments or whatever. It's done, and I'm sorry for being a dick. I admit that I was at fault, and that I shouldn't have pursued the matter as far as I did. Furthermore, I don't want this whole issue to sour your opinion of me, if possible--I respect you a great deal (by Uncyclopedia standards, at least), so yeah. I'll try to be less anal about the front page (as well as various other things). In summation, I'm sorry, and it won't happen again. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 03:05, 26 August 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for that. ~ 17:02, 26 August 2009 (UTC)

Yep. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 17:33, 26 August 2009 (UTC)

Why do you hate me?

Look, I didn't know she was your girlfriend. And she drugged ME! I'm the victim here, not you! MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 21:05, 27 August 2009 (UTC)

Yeah yeah. And next thing you'll say would be that you didn't even like it. ~ 21:18, 27 August 2009 (UTC)

Well, her second penis did make it awkward, but I did enjoy it. I'm not going to lie. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 21:20, 27 August 2009 (UTC)

Did you find that extra nipple in the back? ~ 21:23, 27 August 2009 (UTC)

No sir. She had me pinned to the ground the whole time. I didn't get the chance to explore. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 21:27, 27 August 2009 (UTC)

You mean that neither of you have worked out what she can do with that second penis yet? You haven't lived! Pup t 22:04, 27/08/2009

I have told you all this before. If it's got a penis it's not a girl. No matter how perky that third nipple may appear. MrN 22:06, Aug 27

Damn it. And here I was living in my own little universe. You know what Mrn? Shut the fuck up. ~ 22:08, 27 August 2009 (UTC)

lololol noodz

Couple of questions:

1. I know we don't have any policy here at Uncyc, but just judging from what I've seen, it seems that we generally don't allow nude photos, except for models or Modusoperandi. Someone just uploaded an uncensored image on top of a previously censored version that was used in an article. Any thoughts on that? I don't like the idea of having NSFW content without warning, but reverting the change will leave the thumbnails.
2. Can I have rollback? Pretty please with organic cane sugar on top? --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 21:43, 28 August 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for the heads up! -OptyC Sucks! CUN21:46, 28 Aug

What, did I do something wrong? Is Mordillo not supposed to know about the Super Secret Girlie Page? Hey Mordillo, don't click that first link up there! It's, um, really boring! --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 21:48, 28 August 2009 (UTC)

No, I meant thanks for the heads up on the newest addition to that secret page. -OptyC Sucks! CUN22:11, 28 Aug

Not really a clear policy, but there needs to be a really good reason for a nude picture. This one wasn't. Also, for rollback you need to write a short essay explaining what evil activities you shall perform with it and what do I personally get out of it. ~ 22:18, 28 August 2009 (UTC)

Well, I requested this from Codeine back in April, but he was more serious about his hiatus than I had thought. I've had a conversation about this with MrN over IRC, and I've read the documentation provided on Wikipedia. Really, I just want it so I can save myself a few clicks when reverting vandals before reporting them to UBP. Being faster will help me avoid edit conflicts with other users, which really wastes time because at least one of us should be writing. (Yeah, I do stalk recent changes when I can't think of anything to write.) And with Sannse's recent update, I'll be able to save admins a little work when it comes to reverting move vandalism. You personally will get 72 virgins and the audio book "Jihad and You: Fighting the Demons Within and Without". A $60 dollar value absolutely free! But call within the next 20 minutes, because our operators can't do this all day. --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 23:24, 28 August 2009 (UTC)

Convincing enough. Enjoy your new plunger. ~ 11:14, 29 August 2009 (UTC)

Thanks, man. You're way cooler than that one 'crat who's a Jew. --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 18:01, 29 August 2009 (UTC)

primeira aparição do vírus na internet

Hello, I'm sysop PAULOPIRATA Desciclopedia of Brazil, better known as PAULODVDRW, I'm crossing here!

I was infected with swine flu of their Mexican neighbors also

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . ' - ( - ' . _ . . . . _ ........__ . . . _ . . .. __
. . . . . . . ' - ( - ' . . .' . . . . . . . . '. . .| . \ _ / _ |
. . . . . . . . . . ` ' - / . . . . . . . . . . . . \ / . . . . . . \
. . . . . . . . . . . . .|. . . . . . . . . . . . . . ` . . . @ . @.|_
. . . . . . . . . . . . .|. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . / o o \
. . . . . . . . . . . . . \ . . . . . . .| .. . . . . . . . . . ( _ \_ _ / º¨º¨¨ATCHIM!!!
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . / . . . . . / . . . . . /.. . _ _ _ .--'
. . . . . . . . . . . . . < . . . . - ;`- - - -`. .\ . . \ . \
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . \ . . \ . \ . . . . . . . . \ . . \ . \
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .\ __\ _\ . . . . . . . . \ __\ _\

---

Hugs my friendsPAULOPIRATA ^Talk 23:05, 28 August 2009 (UTC)

Welcome! Welcome! Please enjoy our unnaturally large piñatas (I know it's not Brazilian, I was looking for an excuse to say that) . Also, Nikon? I'm fairly disappointed. ~ 11:05, 29 August 2009 (UTC)

Oy vey! Treif! Argh! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 16:20, September 4, 2009 (UTC)

Whys and HowTos

I'll soon have a lot less time to edit Uncyclopedia, but I should at least be able to change the HowTo and Why features monthly. I can't ensure bi-monthly though. Maybe someone else can take the job for the other half of the month. If people would tell me suggestions of good-but-not-featured articles that'd make things a lot easier, of course.

Anyways, I'm gonna change the features within a couple minutes and I'm also wondering about your opinion of the articles. HowTo:Get To Sesame Street and Why?:Did I Decide to Audition for Big Brother? Are they good enough, you think? —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 23:13, 28 August 2009 (UTC)

They all look good really. I'll have to think of someone who is not too busy and can help you. Any ideas? ~ 11:10, 29 August 2009 (UTC)

No one in particular. It could be anyone, really. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 11:24, 29 August 2009 (UTC)

Dead Doggie

Please forgive me my n00bness. I know you were just doing your job in removing VFH from UnNews:Police shoot pet Chihuahua dead after giving it warning‎. But it's still on the VFH page. Could you remove it from there too? Also I don't know if this is breaking a rule or not, but a couple editors here told me sometimes something is voted down for VFH but still appears as a link on the front page as UnNews. Maybe I'm beating a dead horse (or dog), but is this possible for it to be considered for that if I make the date on the article current? It's based on a true story that happened in June, so it's not really current anyway. Thanks! DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 02:42, 29 August 2009 (UTC)

Lo, if you look at the VFHS page there's a purge link over there. If you press that, all removed items will be actually removed. Otherwise it'll take about 30-40 minutes to disappear. As for the Unnews, I'm afraid we don't encourage bumping the dates on Unnews, but you can ask Zim when he's around, he might be OK with it if the piece is good enough. Good luck! ~ 11:05, 29 August 2009 (UTC)

Dear Dr. Huffer

Did you know you're one of the 9.5 people who huffed the article Pedobear because it sucked? Now you do. (I say 9.5 because one huffed it twice. And yes you're all getting this message). Well I'm trying to write an article that won't be huffed. I know I'm treading into dangerous territory, but I've gone into Huff Land before and survived. If you have any suggestions, I'd love to see them at Talk:Pedobear. Thanks! Danger Girl <font="Times New Roman">Miley <font="Times New Roman">Spears (talk)

As long as you put something original and well written, I don't see any problem with it. Just put a close watch over it so it doesn't come back being the mountain of dung it was. ~ 11:08, 29 August 2009 (UTC)

another true thank you

while i'm thinking of it: dearest mordillo,

you, sir, are one of the major reasons this site continues to function. without your constant monitoring and such, we'd all be dealing with several dozen bushels of sheep and struggling with silly english conversion units in order to exchange said sheep, or something equally as confusing. anyway, you really don't get recognized often enough for the really outstanding work you do, so: thanks, from an average uncyclopedia user, for everything, and keep up the good work. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 07:10, 29 August 2009 (UTC)

WHY YOU LITTLE PIECE OF....oh damn, sorry, I didn't notice you actually said something nice. Thank you sir! It's users like you who keep me going through the cold hours of the night. That and loads of single malt. ~ 11:05, 29 August 2009 (UTC)

Uncylopedia...Connection

• • • with the help of Rebbe Moishe and Mullah Nasruddin, a confused Arab Jew attempts to negotiate with Time *** Finally it is 12:35 GMT time -I can connect with Uncyclopedia again and no longer have the sickening sensation of every finger being sliced off at the same time by, ***gargling on the baba ghanoush had for dinner *** an admin?!?

Firstly, mortified grovels are due. I, an unworthy and very much humbled noobie by the conflicted name of SufiyaFatimaLevi, grovel in mortification before the all-powerful admin of Uncyclopedia, Mordillo (or is it Mordildo -it seems to change every few seconds- pardon me...). I should have realised that I am not worth enough bubkes to attempt to thwart the quote-deleting powers of an admin. Indeed, reverting an admin has caused such adverse effects to my health ranging from the sickening sensation of finger-slitting (ah the allurements of alliteration), to the attempt to murder time with non-existent self-righteous monkeys (quote from Khalid Hosseini). Once again for Mordillo (or Mordildo) Seig Heil!

Anyway, suavities to the diktator aside...(pardon me again -oligarch might be more appropriate) do you think we could just go through the quotes you have taken such exception to on the Muslim page one by one, and see which ones of them has chutzpah, while other ones are, like my wretched self, not worth bubkes? Or, since I am myself supremely unworthy, perhaps you could find some more experienced individuals to review them, and stick with the ones that work? Although I do agree that too many quotes can indeed be fatal, a little more can be rejuvenating. Being myself a cultural Muslim (but became an infidel aged 10) living in America, I do have some experience on where the humour buttons of my community are niched, and in the quotes I manufactured I have tried to use my knowledge of stereotypes in my culture to produce what I think Uncyclopedia is for: satire. But naturally, being a noobie implies that I am far too often a schmendrik, and this limits what quotes I could produce -but still, a little bit of discussion about which ones are OK and which ones are all schmaltz and no substance won't harm anyone...(voice becomes increasingly infantile as the Arab Jew slinks into foetal position in her chair)... will it...?

BTW I DO worship Sophia. So much so that she is part of my name (spelt Sufiya because Arab Jews are too mixed up to spell).

SufiyaFatimaLevi 13:01, 30 August 2009 (UTC)

In the early history of Uncyclopedia, so early it was before the age of bronze, and we were sitting arounds in caves carving words of wisdom into beds of rock, every article had 23.4 quotes in average. Most of the were Oscar Wilde quotes, some were obvious Captain Obvious jokes and the vast majority were utter crap. We cleaned the place up, and we try not to accumulate vast numbers of quotes on articles. Some quotes were good, so I left them but quotes as "it's the religion of piece now take the sword" etc. are a bit too obvious and does not add so much value into the article. Feel free to put a reasonabole amount of quotes on an article, just don't overdue it with a dozen. Now go and light a candle on my alter. ~ 13:26, 30 August 2009 (UTC)

Thanks

For the semi-protection of that one thing. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 22:01, 30 August 2009 (UTC)

Shut the fuck up. That's the modern version of "my pleasure" ~ 08:09, 31 August 2009 (UTC)

That's what I wish she would say... /cries. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 21:33, September 1, 2009 (UTC)

Xicotencatl II Axayacatl

Greetings and Salutations! I was in belief that the Xicotencatl II Axayacatl fit quite well in the nonsense category as it was most certainly convoluted nonsesne. (uuuuh i know i misspelled at least two things in that last thing there) I meant for it to be an article much like this: Lorem Ipsum. The humor of the article was supposed to derive from the fact that you could'nt understand what was going on. But by looking at the pictures and small written clues that there was some sort of epic story about aztec dinosaur - creatures destroying a city than getting attacked by planes but then the dinosaurs have planes too for some reason. With the epic story concluding with the dinosaurs being nuked thus destroying civilization. Either way this can be discussed on my talk page here: User talk:Unregistered user Unregistered user 23:34, 30 August 2009 (UTC)

You see, if you haven't explained all that to me I would have never figured this out and I assume no one else would. Lorem Ipsum is a known phenomena unlike your article, and we have enough gibberish-like articles floating around. I'm all for the nonsense category, but there's nonsense and there's gibberish. How about you rethink that? Also, if you'd like, I can restore it to your userspace. ~ 08:08, 31 August 2009 (UTC)

hey

You shouldn't have blocked me. --Docile hippopotamus 08:53, 1 September 2009 (UTC)

Hey! Guessed what! I just did it again! Now listen very carefully because there won't be further explanations when you come back: you do not go around telling admins what to do. If an admin ask you, nicely, to to barge into a conversation, as I did, you stay out. And I'm telling you one last time, if you tell me or any other admin that "we shouldn't have done x", I will ban you indefinitely, I had enough of you. ~ 09:41, 1 September 2009 (UTC)

You shouldn't have said "I had enough of you." I think the more correct term is "I have had enough of you." Also, your aroma is upsetting, and you look like one too. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 21:26, September 1, 2009 (UTC)

Thanks!

You're right. The template was too clunky to begin with. And a kickass job at cleaning it up. I changed back only the background color, but other than that, I kept your design intact. I'll be cleaning up the other MNU template, so you don't need to get off your couch for that one.
Sincerely,
markchung

No problem. BTW, you might want to start using signature correctly. Read this. ~ 15:56, September 4, 2009 (UTC)

One unarguable reason why you'd be a lot better off if you lived here rather than there...

...I've been baking and you could have come round to my house and tasted my delicious רוגלך‎ (that should say "rugelach," by the way, just in case I've got the Hebrew wrong and accidentally written "fat hairy cock" or something :-) ). Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 15:42, September 4, 2009 (UTC)

....Yum yum! You wrote it right actually (even though it's Yiddish originally). Well I got chala I got in the local Jewish store standing on my table since the morning and I've been trying very hard not to munch on it while I'm at work. ~ 15:49, September 4, 2009 (UTC)

I want some of that now! Challah (my preferred spelling) is impossible to get here - there's one shop that claims to sell kosher stuff but they actually only do matzah, gefilte fish and hummus - one of the supermarkets does a similar Polish bread called kalke but it's not the same somehow. Whenever the missus and me go to Golders Green we always stock up on it, but needless to say few loaves survive the journey home without having big lumps torn from them for immediate consumption. The rest of humanity can say what they like about us, but it's an undeniable fact that when it comes to making bread we kick everyone's ass! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 16:17, September 4, 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 4th September

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The newspaper that missed an issue and no-one even noticed.

Date September something-or-other, 2009 • Issue 63 • Nobody reads this bit anyway

Left alone to write the entire UnSignpost, Ape delivers sub-par, mostly self-referential issue By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays "What happened to the signpost?" was the question on literally nobody's lips this week, as Uncyclopedia's favourite newspaper which everyone loves to read but no-one can be bothered to write for took another step on the long slow descent to obscurity. Unfortunately Fortunately, Uncyclopedia's premier Ape-based entertainer, and occasional UnSignpost writer, An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays heroically stepped into the breach to save the flagging newsrag from going the way of the dodo, the Irish Elk, and Mhaille's marriage. However, our intrepid hero, i.e. me, soon discovered the enormity of the task that lay ahead of him. Boxes had to be filled, interesting and thought-provoking forums had to be discovered and linked to, block logs had to be accessed and trawled for witty comments (unsuccessfully, as it turned out) and this article and presumably another one below it had to be written. "I never thought it could be this hard," Ape told himself, with sexual innuendo very much intended. "How did Gerrycheevers keep finding stuff to write about? There doesn't really seem to be much happening around here. I mean, I could start whoring my newest articles under the flimsy guise of self-referential irony, but that would be shit really. Who wants to see that? Nobody, that's who." However, in the absence of anything funny or clever to say, our hero, (who is gradually being revealed to be more of an anti-hero, like Alex in A Clockwork Orange, except with no sense of style) proceeded to do exactly that, shamelessly whoring two articles (which, if anything, evince his decline as a comedy writer), eliciting a universal chorus of groans and boos from all who had the misfortune to read it. An appeal to the Uncyclopedia community By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Seriously guys, if you don't want any more shitty issues like this I'm going to need help, or else the signpost is going to die like all the other well-intentioned projects that nobody bothers with. What we need is: People to do interesting stuff that I can write about. People to contribute to the signpost. Fabulous prizes. Thank you for your time.

Check out these pages! Does anyone think we should fuck up Pee Review? Hyperbole fails to understand UN:N The FBI are pedos? From our logs: 23:23, September 1, 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.81.7.211 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (THat FAG JUST WOULDN`T STOP SUCKING MY COCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) 13:08, September 1, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 131.6.84.110 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (blanking a WCW article? do you know how much of a moron that flags you up as?) 08:32, September 2, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a minor existential crisis ‎ (wait, so we DON'T care about people's gay friends? but I thought that was the whole POINT. what's the use in anything any more? I'm so disillusioned) 09:13, September 2, 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a debate ‎ (Are you gay then? You seem gay to me. Not that there's anything wrong with it. Unless you sleep with Orian. Do you? Are you gay then?) 09:26, September 2, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a riposte ‎ (no wai, im not ghey, ive had lodes and lodes of chix. ur just jelus bcos ur mum's ghey. and ur dad. yeah, you herd, their both teh gheyz!) 21:09, September 1, 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.0.51.13 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (well fuck off then, wanker) Biopic of the Week Can't be fucked with this. Old School Featured Article of The Week Pot v. Kettle was a landmark case in USA history, giving people the right to make hypocritical statements without fear of retribution. It began as a civil rights case, as Kettle alleged that Pot "did not let [Kettle] work at the Pot's store solely for the color of [his] kitchenware". What made this Supreme Court case unique was the fact that the Pot himself was black, as was the Kettle. Nostalgia Box Remember when Gerry was here? Things were so much better back then.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

-- Soldat Teh PWNerator (pwnt!) 16:41, September 4, 2009 (UTC)

Idea for QVFD and/or VFD?

Hi Mordillo,

Do you think it would be a good idea to convert the red linked pages on QVFD, and possibly VFD, with {{Link}} ? I've been going through Special:WantedPages and a lot of the pages are linked to old QVFD entries. I don't think very many of these will ever be created as articles and using this template would get a lot of these names off the wanted pages. It could also be be used as a counterpart to {{VFDc}} for deleted articles on VFD. MadMax 06:49, September 5, 2009 (UTC)

Hi Max, I'm not sure I follow - why is it a problem pages in the wantedpages list are linked to QVFD/VFD articles? ~ 10:49, September 6, 2009 (UTC)

Its not so much a problem, at least not for VFD, but QVFD is creating a huge backlog of red links on Special:WantedPages. The vast majority of these are generally gibberish, like random letters and numbers, but a lot of these were intended to be blocked from creation (vanity, cyberbulling, etc.) as well as non-mainspace titles like orphaned talk pages, duplicate images, subpages and such. There's currently 150,000+ red links on the wanted pages and its becoming very unmanagable. It's also pretty slow to load but that could be just the computer I'm using. Since this will only become more of a problem as time goes on, I thought it might be a good idea to try to and deal with the issue. MadMax 01:39, September 12, 2009 (UTC)

And I was wondering if anyone would have an issue with me going through the QVFD archives and removing all of the vanity entries. Would that be okay? MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 01:52, September 12, 2009 (UTC)

Oh! This is precicely a thought I had but didn't know enough about wiki coding to articulate. You have my support, whatever it's worth to you. Also this is Mordillo's talk page.    Orian57    Talk   01:55 12 September 2009

You suck!

Popeye's chicken is fucking awesome! Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 12:03, September 5, 2009 (UTC)

No no, I'm fucking awsome. ~ 12:07, September 5, 2009 (UTC)

If Popeye's chicken is fucking awesome,

and Mordillo is fucking awesome,

then Mordillo is fucking chicken.

The logic is unrefutable. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 12:49, September 5, 2009 (UTC)

Best damn sex I ever had. ~ 10:50, September 6, 2009 (UTC)

And now the eggs just kind of fall out. And they've got a transparent shell! The most recent baby chicks are kind of freaky lookin', too. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 13:05, September 6, 2009 (UTC)

Welcome

On my welcome template? I can't see any problem visually either on my sig, or on the template. (Bonner) (Talk) Sep 6, 13:00

Do you mean that it pastes the code for the sig, if so that's probably a result of the substing. I can try and change it if it's a problem. (Bonner) (Talk) Sep 6, 13:04

UnSignpost Randomber 80th

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The only newspaper that Codeine's mum has randomized

Date August 27th, 2009: THE RANDOM ISSUE • Issue 62 • Because the truth is not random enough

Random Headline By No one in particular At 1:55 p.m., tubes beheaded a freedom fighter. While claptrap was breaking, an icicle suddenly invited. Find God? Why? Is She missing? Barry Switzer exorcise mandate! Paladin announces a guacamole! SUGAR' I CAN AFFORD FOOD'! Generally speaking, badger announces chainsaws! Did the teacher crinkle... ... that everytime we touch, I get this feeling? In particular, Mrs. ballistic rocket-propelled photon-revolver mutinous attack Genius. a smelly pair of socks BENSONISM ablating javelin LENS CRAFTERS a terrorist lesbian 0 cannons titanic a Weltschmerz amuses House Elf Ewok obnoxiously. lk wtf u d1rty h4xor!!11!one Babe Ruth was a total Bitch! By The Woodburninator Look, I'm not saying he wasn't good at baseball! I'm not trying to destroy your great baseball heroes. But let's not kid ourselves here. Babe Ruth was a complete and total bitch. Come on. He couldn't catch the ball. And he whined at the umpires when people called him fat (even though he totally was). And he always talked about how much his feelings were hurt by people trying to buy him a beer. Signpost Has Gone Officially Bat fuck Insane By Bad Shroom Due to frequent lack of interest and excitement, this UnSignpost issue has now gone totally insa-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Genital wart in the left politician! BOMB IRAN! HEIL CAJEK! Shawnee Republic. Fishing.

Random articles of the week HowTo: Use the Random page button to your advantage in a newspaper Random logs: 19:51, September 3, 2009 TheLedBalloon blocked 91.106.217.157 with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I agree, File:Deletion icon.svg is totally racist and should be deleted. Talk:Black People, on the other hand, I'm pretty much fine with.) 09:47, August 30, 2009 Mordillo protected "WP:HOTCAT" [edit=sysop] (indefinite) [move=sysop] (indefinite) ‎ (there, no more redlinks) (hist) 10:22, August 22, 2009 Thekillerfroggy blocked Miley Spears with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (pointlessly productive, dedicated user) Random Biopic of the Week The man, the myth, the user not many people really know. Random pipings was an active user way back in March 2006. Sure, he only had 46 edits. Sure, during his heyday in March, 2006 he only had 32 edits, which most of our more accomplished users can rack up in half an hour. And yes, only 3 of his 6 articles are still around, including the critically acclaimed Health. But, in spite of all that, he has a place in our great wiki here. Because even though he's not around, and his articles are not beloved, everyone can find a niche here, and that's exactly what Random pipings has done. I mean, how many other great men could have made a "Your mom", "Oscar Wilde", and "David Hasslehoff" joke in one fell swoop? Not many I say, and for that, Random pipings, we salute you. Here's to the little guy. Huzzah! #FC4A5B box Eat that, ass suckers! Random colour! Hahaha!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

In the usual course of events, please think of the spear fluff and stuffs! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 02:29, 7 September 2009 (UTC)

Move it..

I am already move Yggdra Union: We'll Fight Alone.

ITTE featured?

Hey... Olipro put this in the queue, and you've taken it out again. I'm confused, and I'd already started to celebrate. Pup t 22:52, 8/09/2009

ITTE featured?

Hey... Olipro put this in the queue, and you've taken it out again. I'm confused, and I'd already started to celebrate. What's happening? Pup t 22:52, 8/09/2009

Yeah, just dropped you a note. OK, the more elaborate reason is that we have a very low voting rate at the moment and that was the reason I wasn't featuring articles for the last couple of days. With the voting rate, there's no justification to fill up the queue for the next three days. Also, we didn't feature articles that went below the double digit votes for a very long time, and I want to draw the line here and go to alternate day featuring before this turns into a "you get 3 votes for you get a feature". Again, sorry that it was your article that got in the way. ~ 22:56, September 8, 2009 (UTC)

That's okay... it will make it all better when it becomes a feature because a few more people vote for it. Hey, maybe you should vote for it as a way of making it up to me! And tell all your friends! Pup t 00:32, 9/09/2009

Puppy handled this a lot better than I would. I'm sorry but I'm pissed. Once an article's set to be featured I think pulling it out like that isn't fair. Why do you think you have low voting? Because school started that's why. I haven't voted on "Issac the tank engine" yet but that doesn't matter. Once an article is set to be featured I think it should stay there. That's my opinion. DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 02:47, September 9, 2009 (UTC)

Sorry I should add Puppy had nothing to do with me posting this and didn't even know I was going to do it. I posted a note on his user page but posted here before he could tell me he agreed or don't do it or whatever. DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 03:02, September 9, 2009 (UTC)

OK, first thing first. Puppy - appreciate you not getting all fussy about it, and now I promise to make time and read it throughly (and hopefully like it!). Miley - I see your point, but sometimes I need to pull stunts which are not popular but, at least in my view, are necessary for the (mental?) balance of the site. With regards to featuring - first of all, and that's a sentiment I'm trying to voice all the time, VFH is not, and should not be the reason people write here. So having an article "unfeatured" is not the end of the world. Also, with regards to why the voting rate is low, I doubt that it has specifically to do with school. First, because from a three years + perspective, we have those ups and downs every now and then (although this one is possibly the worse I can remember). Second, you might be surprised that some of us have graduated school quite some time ago. Bottom line - no reason to be pissed, if it's good enough it'll be featured without cranky old me meddling with it. ~ 07:43, September 9, 2009 (UTC)

Why?

I see you huffed my sockpuppet Why? I didn't mean to violate some sort of policy. But I've seen several users, including some admins, do this. I thought it was part of the process of making a simpler user name, and didn't mean to break any rule. I'm not sure if I'll stay with what I have now or not. In any case, I know you're just doing your duty and I'll try not to break any more rules today. WHY??? 02:52, September 9, 2009 (UTC)

While I'm here I'll ask you something else (I'm posting this for both Admin Mordillo and for Miley Spears who adopted me). I was nominated for Noob of the Month the first day I got here. By my reading of the rules, I didn't qualify when I was nominated--I hadn't yet written an article. It looks like I qualify now based on Sun Bee, but perhaps my pre-qualification nomination violates the nomination. Also while I'm honored, I'm a little bit uncomfortable with it. I may be a noob here, but I've edited several wikis so am in no way new to wikification. Someone else who's a true noob might miss out. WHY??? 03:10, September 9, 2009 (UTC)

We are NOT having a discussion about who qualifies as a noob and who doesn't again. You're a n00b... N00B... N00B...N00B! BWAHAHAHA!.

Ahem... excuse me Pup t 03:16, 9/09/2009.

People familiar with wikis typically have a better shot at winning NotM because they're better able to jump in and start doing stuff. Also, nobody cares about the rules, at least not enough to disqualify you retroactively because of something you did although not soon enough but it wasn't really your fault. Feel free to decline the nomination if you're serious. --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 04:12, September 9, 2009 (UTC)

Thanks, that really helps explain it. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't making some kind of trouble for myself and preventing some other really really noob from getting it. I do appreciate the nom and fors, but I don't think I'll go so far as to vote for myself. Now if I were nominated for Supreme Being, I'd vote for me. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  05:23, September 9, 2009 (UTC)

I feel like there's a chorus of angles standing at my back chanting hosaanas. OK, Why, let's sort it out one by one:

• Sockpuppets are very much discouraged here. I don't think we have any known sockpuppets of everyday users at the moment. And if I find those I usually ban them. The reason for discouraging socks is obvious - vote rigging etc (even though I know that wasn't your intention). The other reason for removing the link is that you took up two usernames rather than just the one.
• With your NOTM nomination, I don't see any issue with it at all.
• You need to fix your sig. Read this and rejoice. ~ 07:49, September 9, 2009 (UTC)

I had a chat to another admin going back a little while ago, and got a very different answer. To the point that I have a sockpuppet myself, but purely for the point of somewhere that I can store Templates, etc, as well as an ID that I can have in MSIE while the usual me is in Firefox. If that is the case though, could we firstly get some clarification on what is acceptable use of sockpuppetry, and secondly are you able to axe User:POTR while keeping all the user pages intact, especially given most of these are templates used elsewhere. 114.76.45.130

Will be axed. The points of you having a "storage place" are really not a valid argument, since you can create infinite subpages under your userpage. Same goes for the IE signin, just use the same username in both, I don't really understand why you need separate usernames on different browsers. What I will do is restore the links to your username, as that username is gone already (since you registered and we can't unregister) but the user itself will remain blocked. As for different opinions, that can't be helped, and admins will always have different opinions on different issues as we try to rely on common sense rather than strict policies. ~ 11:58, September 9, 2009 (UTC)

I asked an admin about a sock-puppet and got bad advice. I say something conflicting and raised it to your attention, off the back of a converstion on the mysterious changing FA status, and as a reward I have an IP ban on my home PC for a day. And the reason I uswd it for storage is User:POTR/ROTM was easier to type than User:PuppyOnTheRadio/Template:Reviewer_of_the_Month.

The ban is only a day, true, but that is a sucky over-reaction to something caused by a lack of strict policy. Policy is there to police a community, so that it grows harmoniously. The lack of it here, as well as with the recent VFH stuff up, makes you out to look like an autocrat, which I know that as a general rule, you're not. It has also meant that I have been unable to pick up a PEE to do today, as this is about the last of my mobile internet credit gone.

I understand the reasoning behind the lack of policy, but I disagree strenuously. (And please understand I'm not saying this as an attack on yourself more on a system that has flaws.) Pup t 21:31, 9/09/2009

So calling me an autocrat is not an attack ? First of all, I do apologize for the IP ban, I forgot to tick off the block IP as well. As for the action itself, I don't know when exactly it became an acceptable practice to use sock puppets because it's "more comfortable" or for whatever reason - what is it with "storage" exactly? Why can't you use your own private space? BTW, you didn't "get that as an award", it came out from another conversation, so please don't assign non existing vindictive tendencies to my actions. I realize you may have gotten that advice from another admin, which is fine, and if I'd seen that advice in a public space (on your talk page for example) I wouldn't contradict him/her. The lack of policy is for us to retain a certain amount of chaos, shall we say - artistic chaos? And more importantly not to become Wikipedia (or other Uncyclopedias that are even worse from a bureaucratic point of view). Granted, you'll have some fallouts and some disagreements but we usually work very well together, both users and admins.

Bottom line, sorry again for the IP - but the reason you and me bumped a couple of times is not because I'm an autocrat, it's because I'm over active on the site which also makes me extremely over popular as you might have gathered. ~ 06:18, September 10, 2009 (UTC)

okay, I wrote the above first thing in the morning and there was a certain amount of pre coffee in there, so I apologise if it came out as harsh. For the record though, I don't think you're an autocrat - my concern is/was that you may inadvertantly look like an autocrat. In fact I would be the first to defend you against that accusation.

After my morning coffee though. Pup t 07:38, 10/09/2009

Hope it's not starbucks. That's bad for your health. ~ 09:51, September 10, 2009 (UTC)

Wrong! You are an autocrat, fearlessly fighting the evil forces of the decepticrats, confound their deceptive ways. Autocrats, transform and roll out! --UU - natter 11:08, Sep 10

In the SCA, autocrat is a respected position. And a lot of work. Also the article on SCA needs a lot of work. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  18:23, September 10, 2009 (UTC)

Typical Tight Jew

Tight with money, tight with VFHs... sheesh.

Actually, truth be told, I just did it to fill up the VFH queue since nobody else was actually bothering to and we had a dead day as a result of that - since you managed to notice though, feel free to keep the queue filled with more worthy shit... preese -- Prof. Olipro KUN (W)Anchor Op Bur. (Harass) 14:02, September 9, 2009 (UTC)

Oli loves things to be tight....at least for the first few hours.... -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Yeah, he did say you became more baggy after a while. Oli - it was actually by intention to keep the queue empty for another day, hope you're not mad. And if you are - I'll be willing to bend over. ~ 14:30, September 9, 2009 (UTC)

Thank you from the trainyards

User:POTR/ITTE Pup

Rashōmon

I was rereading that article and just wanted to say that it's still very funny to read. That's all! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 23:32, Sep 9

Thanks Necro, it's my favorite piece, and took me only two years to finish! Btw, what did you think on your front page blurb? ~ 06:28, September 10, 2009 (UTC)

I love it! Whorehouse certainly was unexpected, but I'm not complaining :) • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 21:53, Sep 11

Hello

Hi Mordillo, I haven't really ever spoken to you properly since my appearance on Uncyclopedia so good morning/afternoon/evening to you. I have been sent to you from the dreamworld that is the talk pages of Under User following an enquiry about having rollback rights granted to my account. He told me that you were the man to ask, thus here is me, asking you. The only reason I wanted them is because much of my role around here is currently maintenance (at least until I get a bit more spare time, in which case I shall go back over to PEE review, and y'know finish that article I am writing) and I figured this might help me get a lot more done as it is a bit fiddly to do right now. I understand if you decide not to give them to me, and I will forge my way onwards with just the basic undo action. Thanks. --ChiefjusticeDS 06:22, September 10, 2009 (UTC)

Good morning Chief! Although we haven't spoke yet I know your pees very well, might even ask for one soon :). As is the standard approach, before I grant Rollback I need to see a 20 word essay that will convince me of the evil deeds you intend to perform with your new plunger. ~ 06:35, September 10, 2009 (UTC)

“ Can I haz them too? I shall be da badass biatch, and onleeh use it for goowd an' ya nao... Roll'n'back'n'stuff an... ”

Okay, to be serious though, you wasted a perfectly good ban during an intense moment of Financial Accounting lecture (I was yawning, now that is intense). No wait, we had a coffee break at that moment, which I spent asleep. If you intend to jokeban me in mornings, you should give me 10-15 minutes, or I won't notice it until half an hour later at RC... :P -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 06:53, 10 Sep

Ahem: "Forescore and seven years ago, a boy wanted rollback rights, he wanted to revert vandalism and look professional and stuff" (20 words I think you'll find) You wouldn't argue with Abraham Lincoln would you (I think he hated in jokes too, but he just didn't put them in that speech)? Hope that helps. Thanks muchly. --ChiefjusticeDS 17:31, September 10, 2009 (UTC)

Well, I was hoping more for something like "throw balls of fires and wreck havoc over the universe" but I guess Lincoln is good enough. Enjoy your new plunger. ~ 14:27, September 11, 2009 (UTC)

What does it take to be an Admin?

I figured I've been here 8 days, so I must be ready. Seriously, of course I don't qualify, but I'm just curious. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  20:59, September 10, 2009 (UTC)

"Balls and a general appetite for working without pay". But I don't have 'em, so I don't qualify. I have my doubts about whether or not I'd even ever want such a job. It's voluntary, and I wouldn't get paid. I could earn more money doing something else, something noble, like polishing shoes with my tongue... I think there were some 426 other clauses stuffed with requirements, but I doubt I know 'em all. And there was something about "you don't get to be an admin if you ask to be an admin..." -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 12:02, 11 Sep

Essentially hard work to be recognized by the community. The process is usually run via a vote in VFS that opens whenever the current admins feel there is a need for more admins. At the moment we didn't have any vote since February. Also, it's a common belief that as soon as you asked that question you disqualified yourself :) ~ 14:29, September 11, 2009 (UTC)

As eloquently as you put it, gramps, with that logics, you can never give me admin buttons if I ask you if I can be an admin, is that so? :P "Can I be an admin, pwetty please..?" -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 21:59, 11 Sep

Don't forget your Geritol, Grandpa

So, what do I need to know about maintaining the HowTo and Why? sections? What exactly is the procedure? I'll just assume this is the first step in the long overdue process of making me an admin. Also, thanks for killing Jesus. -OptyC Sucks! CUN22:41, 10 Sep

Generally updating the feature articles, tiding up the recent lists and keeping the place ticking. Do you want the list of templates for HowTo? (With Why? I'll need to dig it up as I never ran it). Also, you're welcome. ~ 14:31, September 11, 2009 (UTC)

Ya, that'd be helpful as I'm a generally lazy sod. Also, today's 9/11. I'm sure you had something to do with that. -OptyC Sucks! CUN15:46, 11 Sep

It was the other Jews. ~ 15:57, September 11, 2009 (UTC)

Problem at Forum/IRC

Sorry to bother you again. :) Miley Spears left a message on my talk page about a disagreement between her and EMC on Forum:Imperial Colonization 3: The Revenge. Apparently EMC left a less-then-flattering photo of her and Miley wants it removed. I'm assuming this originated on IRC so I'm not all that familiar with what's going on. My first impression was that it was just some good natured humor (e.g. The Great Keitei Debate) but she seems pretty upset about it. Based on this message, its being worked out on IRC? MadMax 06:17, September 12, 2009 (UTC)

Well, of course, that isn't an actual photo of her, emc put that in the IC thread since OptyC was joking (?) about Miley providing topless pictures of herself if IC reached fifty members. emc, seeing this, decided to place that photo of that obese man with a comment that Miley took offense to and tried to change, leading to a minor revert war. For all I know, they have yet to speak to each other on IRC. I'm pretty sure that's what happened. -- Roman Dog Bird 07:31, September 12, 2009 (UTC)

Removed it, he was just picking for the sake of picking and it had nothing to do with the forum anyway. ~ 08:57, September 12, 2009 (UTC)

Miley Spears and Electrified mocha chinchilla: Miscommunication

I realize I'm butting in here, But Miley Spears was the person who welcomed me and adopted me, and I've dealt with these types of conflict resolutions on other wikis. Fortunately, I think I've found the root of the conflict. I've gone through the history of the conflict, and posted my personal conclusion below.

http://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=Forum%3AImperial_Colonization_3%3A_The_Revenge&diff=4100258&oldid=4100239 Revision as of 21:34, September 11, 2009

On the Imperial Colonization 3:The Revenge page (IC3:TR), Optimuschris had teased Miley Spears, saying she promised she would post some topless pictures if Imperial Colonization got 50 members. Miley joked back.

http://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=Forum%3AImperial_Colonization_3%3A_The_Revenge&diff=4100768&oldid=4100287 Revision as of 02:48, September 12, 2009

On the IC3:TR page, Electrified mocha chinchilla posted a photo of a naked obese man with a caption identifying the man as Miley Spears:

[[File:0 chatroom.jpg|thumb|right|200px|[[User:Miley Spears|Miley]] IRL. Join the IC so we can see moar n00dz of this hottie. --{{User:Electrified mocha chinchilla/sig}} 02:48, September 12, 2009 (UTC)]]

http://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=Forum%3AImperial_Colonization_3%3A_The_Revenge&diff=4100808&oldid=4100795 Revision as of 03:07, September 12, 2009

On the IC3:TR page, Miley changed the caption with the note "fix this."

[[File:0 chatroom.jpg|thumb|right|200px|Do you want to see this pic, or what [[User:Miley Spears|Miley]] has waiting for us? Join the IC and see what she's got! --{{User:Electrified mocha chinchilla/sig}} 02:48, September 12, 2009 (UTC) edited by [[User:A Completely Anonymous User|A Completely Anonymous User]] 03:07, September 12, 2009 (UTC)]]

http://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=Forum%3AImperial_Colonization_3%3A_The_Revenge&diff=4100822&oldid=4100808 Revision as of 03:13, September 12, 2009

On the IC3:TR page, EMC reverted Miley's edit with the note "REVORT! REVORT!"

http://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=Forum%3AImperial_Colonization_3%3A_The_Revenge&diff=4100834&oldid=4100822 Revision as of 03:22, September 12, 2009

On the IC3:TR page, Miley reverted EMC's revert.

http://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=Forum%3AImperial_Colonization_3%3A_The_Revenge&diff=4100893&oldid=4100891 Revision as of 03:57, September 12, 2009

On the IR3:TR page, after a few intervening edits, EMC replaced the section Miley had added with his original version that said she was the naked overweight man with the note "I WIN U LOZE"

http://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=Forum%3AImperial_Colonization_3%3A_The_Revenge&diff=4100899&oldid=4100893 Revision as of 04:02, September 12, 2009

On the IR3:TR page, Miley reverted EMC's edit with the note "please stop reverting this I am not laughing >:("

http://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=Forum%3AImperial_Colonization_3%3A_The_Revenge&diff=4100901&oldid=4100899 Revision as of 04:04, September 12, 2009

On the IR3:TR page, EMC reverted it again with the note "REVORT"

http://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=User_talk%3AMiley_Spears&diff=4100905&oldid=4100536 Revision as of 04:06, September 12, 2009

On Miley Spears' talk page, EMC posted a note:. ==HAY U== You're breaking my forum. Stop it naow. --{{User:Electrified mocha chinchilla/sig}} 04:06, September 12, 2009 (UTC)

http://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=User_talk%3AElectrified_mocha_chinchilla&diff=4100922&oldid=4093778 Current revision as of 04:16, September 12, 2009

On EMC's talk page, Miley posted a message:

==Please stop reverting Forum:Imperial Colonization 3: The Revenge== I know you're an oldtimer here I checked. I'm still pretty new. I'm sure you're just joking. But you're insulting somebody you've never even talked to, and continuing to do it. I'm not a celebrity, I'm just a girl who's here trying to help. Other people have joked about me too, but they are people I've talked to here and people who helped me out. They started joking gently and saw if it bothered me or not. It didn't, so they did it even more, which was cool. Now they say I get drunk a lot, which isn't true, or have slept with over 900 guys, which totally isn't true. But that's OK because I joke back with them. After I get to know you, maybe I'll feel different. But I've never even talked to you, and you haven't stopped. Please stop, Ok? Thanks. {{User:Miley Spears/sig}} 04:16, September 12, 2009 (UTC)

http://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=User_talk%3AMiley_Spears&diff=4100924&oldid=4100905 Revision as of 04:17, September 12, 2009

On Miley's talk page, Miley posted a response to EMC's post. She wrote: Please see my note on your talk page. I do not find this funny. {{User:Miley Spears/sig}} 04:17, September 12, 2009 (UTC)

http://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=Forum%3AImperial_Colonization_3%3A_The_Revenge&diff=4100929&oldid=4100901 Revision as of 04:24, September 12, 2009

On the IC3:TR page, Miley reverted the Ic page back with the note "Please stop" She also added the section:

==Please stop== *'''Electrified mocha chinchilla''' will you please read my comment on your talk page before you revert this again? I don't even know you, and I do not find this funny. Thank you. {{User:Miley Spears/sig}} 04:24, September 12, 2009 (UTC)

http://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=Forum%3AImperial_Colonization_3%3A_The_Revenge&diff=4100933&oldid=4100929 Revision as of 04:34, September 12, 2009

On the IC3:TR page, EMC reverted to include the description of Miley Spears as a naked overweight man.

http://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=User_talk%3AMiley_Spears&diff=4100935&oldid=4100924 Revision as of 04:37, September 12, 2009

On Miley's talk page, EMC posted:

::I'm sorry, but unless that really is a picture of you, there's no offense intended. It's all in good faith. Also, [[Uncyclopedia:What Uncyclopedia is not|Uncyclopedia is not censored]]. Cheers! --{{User:Electrified mocha chinchilla/sig}} 04:37, September 12, 2009 (UTC)

http://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=Forum%3AImperial_Colonization_3%3A_The_Revenge&diff=4100962&oldid=4100933 Revision as of 05:15, September 12, 2009

On the IR3:TR page, Miley posted a history of their messages, and added:

People have teased me, but they waited to see if I thought it was funny before they continued. I've told Electrified mocha chinchilla over and over again that I do not find it's funny, and he is continuing to do it. Some of you may think I'm just some stupid girl, but I will not be editing here again until this stops and this user is censured. {{User:Miley Spears/sig}} 05:15, September 12, 2009 (UTC)

http://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=Forum%3AImperial_Colonization_3%3A_The_Revenge&diff=4100965&oldid=4100962 Revision as of 05:17, September 12, 2009

On the IC3:TR page, EMC posted:

Talk to me on the IRC. --{{User:Electrified mocha chinchilla/sig}} 05:17, September 12, 2009 (UTC)

Conclusion: Miley Spears has gained respect here in a short amount of time, and has laughed at teasing that bordered on harrassment, so she is not some overly sensitive user. Electrified mocha chinchilla is a long-standing user here, and has gained a great deal of respect. So what happened?

My suspicion is that, from EMC's point of view, it was a joking edit war. I'm guessing that EMC did not see Miley's notes on her posts that showed she really was upset. I also suspect that when he removed her post about the problem on the IC3:TR, he did so unintentionally, and didn't even know it was there. When he saw that Miley was upset, he said he was sorry, and stopped.

From Miley's point of view, she may have seen it as a joke first, or not. But she continued to post messages to EMC asking him to stop, and probably thought he had seen them and had reverted her comment asking him to stop purposely. Then, based on her comment, she apparently thought he reverted the page back to the caption she found offensive after he apologized, making his apology seem like a mockery to her. It would seem even more so if, after he ignored her wishes, he then said "talk to me on the IRC." I would imagine at this point talking to him would be the last thing she'd want to do.

Personally, I think EMC was a little forward posting a picture of an naked obese man and claiming, even as a joke, that it was a female user he had apparently never spoken to. But he likely also saw the comments that Miley was joking about posting topless photos, and was simply going along with the joke.

I do believe it would have been wise of EMC to have removed the photo, or to have changed the caption back to one that didn't offend Miley. I notice that Mordillo did that.

And no offense to Mordillo, but I think you missed the boat on this one. From Miley's perspective, she was being harrassed. It's true that I don't believe that was at all EMC's intent, but from her perspective it looks like a valid conclusion. Frankly when I first started looking at this, I was very, very pissed, and was on the edge of threatening to leave if this wasn't resolved myself. But looking at things in order, I think it was simply a misunderstanding. You were on the edge of losing Miley, a valuable editor, and in the future you might want to think about being more considerate of someone who's feelings were very, very hurt.

In my opinion, this was a classic misunderstanding. Thanks for listening. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  09:32, September 12, 2009 (UTC)