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From today's featured article
WASHINGTON D.C. -- Horror was brought to NASA's headquarters as the north star, also known as Polaris, had suddenly vanished this night. Outcry has spread across the world, as compasses are exploding everywhere, as their only source of direction has unexpectedly disappeared. The subspecies of human known as "flat earthers" claim this as a victory against the globists, although their statements are complete and utter bullshit.
Now, for our non-space fans here, fucking shoot yourself. Why would you read an article about the North Star disappearing... if you don't know about it? But for the majority of you non-space fans who haven't shot themselves, the description of what the north star is... well, in the name. It's a star aligned perfectly north. If we get rid of it... NO MORE NORTH!
... anyways ... (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that Hans Helmuth Saltzman's collection of Camera Obscura images is the best preserved of the Renaissance era? (Pictured)
- ...that Santa sees you while you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake?
- ... that the average human male between the ages of 18 and 42 has thought about sex with Brad Pitt at least once?
- ... that the oozy, off-colored mound of bloody what-ever-it-is stretching its way out of what used to be a tiny hole is a baby's head?
- ... that Ben Stiller's face makes everything funny?
- ... that in Spanish, "chinga tu madre" means "have a nice day"? Tell your friends!
- ... that Earth is the best planet in the world?
- ... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993?
In the news
- Russian AI powered humanoid robot faceplants on stage in front of crowd
- Syrian National Museum gets robbed of six to seven Roman statues
- Cloudy windy Hurricane Melissa hits da Jamaica, mon! (Pictured)
- United Kingdom sends Royal Airforce “specialists” to Belgium to fight Russian drones “invading” airports
- A new candidate enters the upcoming 2028 presidential race
- US government shitdown inundates over 1000 flights with shit
- Democrats finally cave and end the shitdown
- New York City goes full Commie, elects Zohran Mamdani as mayor
- Los Angeles Dodgers win World Series with lucky bullshit, become the Kansas City Chiefs of baseball
- Dingo eats a woman's baby
- Interview: A Brief Chat About Uncyclopedia with Uncyclopedian and Lucky star.
- Indy police: former NFL quarterback Mark Sanchez literally butt-fumbles in real life
- Trump receives COVID vaccine despite supporters making their entire personalities being against it for years
- The US government shits itself
- Starmer unveils new digital ID cards to help further monitor citizens' pornography intake
- BoJo and Co. politely ask Nigel Farage to stop lifting children
- Omaha man's order of salmon sliders indistinguishable from salmon burgers
- Charlie Kirk gets l+ratio'd during a speech in Utah
- Sheeranism officially legalised in Yankeeland
Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE/Antifa clashes • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • Pregnant moms taking Tylenol to give their babies "autism powers" • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Republicans and rich people fleeing NYC
Recent deaths: YouTube player's old design • the guitarist and a security guard from KISS • June Lockhart • Nick Mangold • Jamaica, at the hands of Hurricane Melissa • Toronto Blue Jays' World Series dreams • Donna Godchaux • Diane Ladd • Dick Cheney • U.S. Government shutdown (finally!) • Tatsuya Nakadai • Sally Kirkland
Upcoming deaths: Eurovision Song Contest • DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • Aforementioned Tylenol moms • Mark Butt-fumble's career • Coral reefs • The economy of Capitalism in NYC • Bills Mafia's livers and kidneys after losing horribly to the Miami Dolphins • Weed
On this day
November 13: Quack Like a Duck Day
- 7573 BC - Hermes and Aphrodite have a lovely bouncing boy, Hermaphroditus.
- 832 - Saint Anselm is permabanned from the Vatican for setting fire to the Pope.
- 1972 - Mediocre Britain votes on whether to join the Europe Community, turnout low, result 6-4.
- 1978 - While starring in an open-air production of Shakespeare's Henry V, Sir John Gielgud is carried off by a hunting kingfisher. He is found unharmed some hours later, having tricked the bird into incubating his egg-like head.
- 1990 - The first webcomic is launched, entitled Two Sarcastic Badgers and Some Clipart.
- 2007 - The Gummy Bear™ album gets released in stores much to the exhilaration of a quarter of Earth's population.
Picture of the day
| Though the United States' new strategy in Iraq has proven effective at routing insurgent rebels, it has done little to relieve the stigma of what many perceive as American imperialism. Image credit: Thetoastman |
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