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161 active editors • 41,111 articles in English

From today's featured article 

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You are wasting this internet site's time. You should be writing something, but instead you are just sitting there, waiting for it to entertain you. You could even be the Time Magazine Person of the Year. Don't you have any sense of responsibility? How can you live with yourself? Think about all the times you've laughed heartily at some passing rejoinder in the forums, guffawed mightily at a clever turn of phrase on your talkpage, or even politely smiled at some article during your favorite Uncyclopedia program: HumorSearch. Don't you think you owe it to this wiki to put in at least a semblance of effort to return the favor? You should cease and desist all extraneous and benign activity and write an article.

Okay, that was incredibly rude, mate. Firstly, I think you should be the one writing the article, seeing as you are the one who bloody gives a damn. Secondly, by caring about what I do with every second of my precious time spent on Uncyclopedia and forming an essay on what I should be doing, you have wasted more of the common people's time than I could ever imagine. Thirdly, how can you live with yourself? You think yourself funny, don't you? Well I don't. You are an idiot and have problems. Bugger off.

What? Who says "bugger" besides Captain Price? Probably some British creeper. British creeper, whoever you are, you need to "bugger" off, you filthy "wanker"! (Full article...)

Did you know... 

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  • ... that Malcom X absolutely loved Kentucky Fried Chicken? (Pictured)
  • ... pole dancing was introduced to Egyptian culture by Cleopatra?
  • ... that if you breed a Bulldog and a Shih Tzu; you will get a Bullshit?
  • ... that the handgun is one of the most pitiful guns you can find, seeing as it's part of your hand?
  • ... that Iran is all set to invade itself?
  • ... that nobody can describe what a simile is like?
  • ... that Euroipods is a website giving away free ipods in return for completing offers and reffering freinds to do the same?
  • ... that in a world where movie trailers are crucial to a film's success... one man will provide his voice in innumerable trailers?

In the news 

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Too bad you can't customize this in the original.

Ongoing: Eurovision Green Room in danger of sexual harassment • The wait for GTA VI and Spaceballs 2 • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • New England Patriots fans being insufferable like it's 2016 • r/TheDarnold having a field day • ICE-y chaos in Minnesota • Fallout from the Epstein Files • Winter Olympics

Recent deaths: The MetroCard • Stranger Things • the other Black guy from John Carpenter's The Thing • Bob Weir • Scott Adams • Kianna Underwood • Buffalo Bills', San Francisco 49ers', Houston Texans' and Da Bears' seasons • Bo Nix's ankle • Sean McDermott's Bills tenure • Denver Broncos' and Los Angeles Rams' seasons • Uncyclopedia • Catherine O'Hara • Lamont

Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!!

Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Netflix • Dancin' Maduro • Aaron Rodgers' career • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files (cough cough Bill and Hillary Clinton) • Travis Kelce

On this day 

I can see a worm there.

February 7: Shit! I Forgot My Lines... Day

  • 1599 - Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio, a man of uhh, shit. Line. Line, I need the—
  • 1600 - A man of Infinite Jest. Of most excellent fancy. Wait, asshole.
  • 1601 - Yeah, got it. Ahem. I knew him Horatio, a man of infinite jest. Of most fancy—Fuck—of most excellent fancy.
  • 1602 - If this happens on the night we'll just use the alternate.
  • 1603 - How about you go fuck yourself, I'm the artist around here, you just tell people where to move on stage.
  • 1604 - Whatever, Kenneth Branagh, you do whatever you fucking want.
  • 1605 - I don't need you, nobody needs you, I'll make my own fucking lines. I'm the fucking bard. Motherfucker.

Picture of the day

The Turkish Flag
 The flag of Turkey, as it has appeared since 1844.

Image credit: Sinspawn
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This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 41,111 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.

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