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193 active editors • 41,144 articles in English

From today's featured article 

Holmium schlock 01.png

Let's get one thing straight, my dear Wats-onium.

(Puffs cigar).

When you're talking magnetism, you're talking about me. I've got the highest magnetic moment of ANY naturally occurring element. You could call it a magnetic personality. I pull the facts right out of the air. Things are just drawn to me. Like you, and don't deny it. It's a gift, from me to you.

(Gestures to empty seat in front of desk)

In my pure, elemental form, I'm a bright, silvery character. Soft enough to be cut with a knife, IF you can get close enough. But I don't stay pristine for long.

(Coughs).

The streets of this world, this city, the damp air, they tarnish me, give me a yellowish oxide coat.

(Coughs again).

It adds character, and everyone loves character.

(Throws down cigar and picks up pipe). (Full article...)

Did you know... 

Travolta2.jpeg
  • ... that John Travolta (Pictured) isn't gay?
  • ... that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?
  • ... that other people can prevent forest fires too?
  • ... that every single day, we breathe enough air to continue living?
  • ... that this sentence is incomple
  • ... Altaïr has excelled in the tactics of fooling the mentally challenged?
  • ... that Santa sees you while you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake?
  • ... that in Baltimore, Maryland, it is a violation of statute to dress up as a clown and to make fun balloon animals to give to children and molest them with?

In the news 

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Don't ask what any of this has to do with Christmas.

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI and Spaceballs 2 • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Indianapolis Colts dragging an old man out of retirement • Bills Mafia shitting themselves after losing the division to the Patsies due to a terrible kicker • Nanny state officials breaching people's right to privacy via enforcing social media bans and digital ID on their respective countries under the pretext of "think of the children!"

Recent deaths: Doug Dimmadome • Zed's dead, baby (He was also the bad guy in The Mask) • Animal Farm • Kansas City Chiefs', Dallas Cowboys', Detroit Lions' and Indianapolis Colts' seasons • Rob Reiner • Bowen Yang's tenure on SNL • Patrick Mahomes' and his backup's ACLs • Brigitte Bardot • Carl Yastrzmski • 2025 • The MetroCard • Stranger Things • Kali • Vecna • The Upside Down

Not dead: Eleven

Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • The Pittsburgh Steelers' fucking up once again • Weed • 67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Netflix •

On this day 

Get back to work

January 2: Official End of Festive Season Feeling Day

Picture of the day

America NRV'd
 One of God's many duties involves making sure all the world's contributions are of an acceptable standard. Unfortunately this involves the tedious task of clearing out a large amount of crap every so often. Dissidents who note that this stamping and clearing arbitrarily kills millions are placed on the "naughty" list.

Image credit: Spang
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This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 41,144 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.

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