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From today's featured article 

Sick Orchids.jpg

Orchids are a special family of temptress flowers that bloom around June, totally unlike conservative flowers with upstanding morals and family values. They have delicate bodies, slim stems, and deep orifices, with small follicles emanating from their lower inner region that open up once every 28 days or so to emit a rather fishy yet surprisingly fragrant scent in order to attract insects, which will invade their insides to help pollinate them.

Orchids are considered to be some of the most scrumptious flowers in the plant kingdom, and they are also utterly insatiable. No amount of pollination is enough. Whereas almost all other flowers would be satisfied with one insect pollinator per day, for Orchids, no amount of frequent diverse visitors is enough. They are so good at seduction, bumble bees are known to fight one another to the death in their attempt to mount the stamens of orchids and destroy their tall slender legs in the process. Only the strongest bees with the most cunning, deceptive, and charismatic qualities are able to beat other bees during the frenzied orchid mating season. (Full article...)

Did you know... 

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  • ... that while most Popes don't shit in the woods, sometimes bears are Catholic?
  • ... that nobody asked?
  • ... that Jackson Pollock is the Jackson Pollock of painting?
  • ... that a simile is like a metaphor? And hyperbole is the greatest thing ever?
  • ... that it takes a great amount of sexual commitment to get a computer turned on, but once your computer is properly aroused, it can offer you some of the greatest sexual thrills you may ever experience?
  • ... that if you say peacock, no one bats an eye, but if you say poopcock, everyone blows their minds?
  • ... that on 17 June 2007, Britain was mercilessly hit by an attack of 'falling water'?

In the news 

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Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • Impossibly long lines at American airports

Recent deaths: That guy from Boston, not the city, but the band, from the city • Chuck Norris doesn't die, he goes to Hell to regroup • Buffy • Xander Harris • Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India

Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • TSA agents' bank accounts and sanity • Sora

On this day 

You need a veggie burger with that?

March 26: Fast Food Day (U.S.)

  • 1845 - Fast food, then called fasting from food, is invented in Ireland: millions starve due to new trend.
  • 1940 - First McDonald's restaurant opens in San Bernardino, California, life expectancy drops to levels unseen since the Civil War.
  • 1965 - Fox in Socks, the first depiction of a modern-day rap battle, is published by Dr. Seuss.
  • 1994 - After complaints from vegans, McDonald's switches from beef fat to vegetable oil for their fries, vegans celebrate, give money to company that kills millions of cows.
  • 1997 - Someone orders an iced coffee from Starbucks, destroys the economies of three South American countries.
  • 2011 - McDonald's attempts to make Happy Meals healthier, billions of apple slices rot inside their teeny plastic bags.
  • 2016 - New FCC regulations on misleading advertising forces Carl's Jr. to release new 30 second ad of a fat man crying, alone.
  • 2018 - Wendy's delivers epic clapback against dumb bitch on twitter with sesame seed allergy.

Picture of the day

Stained Glass Mr. T
 Mr. T is a beacon of hope in our cold and dark world.

Image credit: RadicalX
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