User talk:Dr. Skullthumper/Archive 8
PENIS! PENIS! PENIS! PENIS! PENIS! PENIS! PENIS! PENIS! PENIS!
Welcome![edit source]
Hello, Dr. Skullthumper, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for people like you:
- Our Vanity Policies - why we don't care about your friends
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) above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.
At Uncyclopedia, writing articles is not a requirement, but it certainly is a fun and easy way to express your creativity. To write an article, it's recommended that you start it in your userspace (for example, User:Dr. Skullthumper/Article about stuff) so you can edit it at your leisure. If you decide to create it in the cold world of mainspace, make sure it is in accordance with the policies laid out above, and if you're not done put the "Work-In-Progress" template - {{construction}} - onto it as well.
If you want to write and don't know where to begin, consider contributing to Uncyclopedia's current colonization of the week, a group writing project to improve a single popular article. Anyone is welcome to contribute, so come help out!
If the current colonization doesn't suit your fancy, then browse our rewrite and idea categories. We have lots of articles just sitting around for someone to improve, so don't be afraid - dive right in!
If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or ask an administrator on their talk page. Additionally, the Uncyclopedian Adopt-a-Noob program is there to bring experienced editors straight to you. Simply leave a message on an adopter's talkpage to join. Again, welcome! -- 
TKFU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 
04:06, 26 April 2009 (UTC)
Oh Dear![edit source]
Hello, Dr. Skullthumper, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Unfortunately, we've noticed that your contributions - not to put too fine a point on it - have been crap. Basically, we think you're a spammer/vandal/10-year-old. But don't despair! We have ways to make you talk.. ahem. I mean, there are ways to get you out of this mess.
- Beginner's Guide
- Our Vanity Policies - why we don't care about your friends
- How to be funny and not just stupid
If you read anything at all, make it the above two links. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these:
- About Uncyclopedia and The five pliers of Uncyclopedia
- How to get started editing on uncyclopedia
- Everything you ever wanted to know, but were afraid to ask
- Help Pages - if you need help with a specific issue
Good luck and I'm sorry you got off to such a bad start. I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button () above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.
If you need help or think this template has been placed unfairly, please ask me or an admin on their talk page, rather than going bat-fuck-insane. Alternatively you can ask at the Dump, or add the following: {{help}} to this page along with a message and someone will come along and help you if they can. Again, welcome! — Sir Manticore 
11:53, 26 April 2009 (UTC)
Thou shalt suffer[edit source]
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Thou Shalt Suffer Mahm00shA smiteth thee. Fire be upon thee <insert name here>. Mahm00shA maketh thee to burn. Thou who art hateful unto him. Mahm00shA pierceth thy head. He cutteth through thy face. He melteth thine countenance. Lo, thy skull is crushed in his hand. Thy bones are smashed in pieces. |
For what reason didst thee joke-ban me *sniff*? What's wrong with voting templates? Huh? 
18:52, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
- It was for teh ironies. I was the one who started the vote templates. It caused a lot of hubbub. I deem it a continued success. Carry on! – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 19:03 Apr 27, 2009
- when was that? You know, I am still a noob with a
shitting dick nipplepacifier in my mouth.. Anyways, fine, I'll carry on. May Ra bless thee! :þ 19:10, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
- 'tis fine. I'm still a noob. I just happen to have been elected admin. God only knows how that happened. P.S. it was like, late 2008 I think. Or 2007. I dunno, it was on one of those Worst 100 lists. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 19:12 Apr 27, 2009
- elected, my ass! They didnt tell me its a democracy here.. Whatever.. you may also want to tame that wild skype thingy in your sig.. Pffft, noobs! 19:22, 27 April 2009 (UTC)
- elected, my ass! They didnt tell me its a democracy here.. Whatever.. you may also want to tame that wild skype thingy in your sig.. Pffft, noobs!
- 'tis fine. I'm still a noob. I just happen to have been elected admin. God only knows how that happened. P.S. it was like, late 2008 I think. Or 2007. I dunno, it was on one of those Worst 100 lists. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 19:12 Apr 27, 2009
- when was that? You know, I am still a noob with a
History in the making[edit source]
'Ello Doc, I hope I find you well. Now, you may or may not remember creating a newspaper with the fictional entity known as Cajek, but you did nonetheless. And now, god knows how, it has limped spectacularly to its impending first birthday! (Next week). Accordingly, and totally against Signpost tradition, I'm planning ahead and looking to run an article in next week's edition about said anniversary. Of course, any such retrospective will be worthless without comments from the creators, so I was wondering if you had any comments on your creation and the monster it has become? --UU - natter 
09:14, Apr 28
- Well! Working on the UnSignpost in the beginning was a really fun experience, not gonna lie. Cajek and I were both super excited about it. I'm glad it existed through to today, entirely by the help of other people. The setup was seriously the most fun part. We had NO clue what we were doing, we were experimenting with formatting, content, and a bot that only worked half the time. To summarize: It kicked ass.
- I had no idea it was about a year ago that it started. Kind of a coincidence, because I'm starting a brand new project on May 4th. It's a webcomic called 1337sauce. I have no idea how well it will do, but starting out on something I've never done before is just AWESOME in SO many ways. I'll probs make a forum topic on it once it begins, with a link and all. I'd be very happy if you read it! But if you don't, then that's cool too? – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 18:57 Apr 28, 2009
- Thanks Skull, much obliged, and I'll certainly keep an eye out for the webcomic. If you're bored/have a spare minute in the next week, don't suppose you fancy playing about with the formatting of the anniversary issue to make it look extra special and unique? A one-off for old times' sake? At the risk of sounding like a parrot, if you don't, then that's cool too. --UU - natter
08:16, Apr 29
- Thanks Skull, much obliged, and I'll certainly keep an eye out for the webcomic. If you're bored/have a spare minute in the next week, don't suppose you fancy playing about with the formatting of the anniversary issue to make it look extra special and unique? A one-off for old times' sake? At the risk of sounding like a parrot, if you don't, then that's cool too. --UU - natter
UnSignpost! 1st Anniversary Special!!![edit source]
All your readers are belong to us
April 30th, 2009 • Issue 45 • The periodical that - Jesus Christ it's a lion get in the car!
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UnSignpost Editors Too Busy Working on Anniversary UnSignpost to Bother with This Week's Issue  Since next week marks the incredible one-year anniversary of the storied UnSignpost, the editors are focusing all of their efforts on that issue and thus leaving this issue out in the cold. Rest assured that next week's 46th issue, marking the 46 weeks in the year on the Uncyclopedia calendar, will be "a bumper special issue" according to co-chief-editor Under user. The promise of a special bonus issue brings to mind several of the UnSignpost's more notable issues, such as the All-Kitten Issue and the Seventeenth Issue Spectacular. Reactions to the milestone were mixed in the community. "I feel the signpost has in many ways brought a little too much cabal propaganda to the site for my liking," said noted good-looking tree Sycamore. Were there a cabal, cabal authorities would currently be on the way to Sycamore's house to arrest him. Lucky for him there is no cabal. By the way, if you really thought this was the first anniversary issue, you suck. |
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Hand delivered by MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 22:24, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
CSS Tip[edit source]
Testing out CSS on the sitewide CSS probably isn't ideal, so here's a handy bookmarklet you can use to test CSS on a page, as you type it. Makes things a lot easier! If you're not familiar with bookmarklets, they're useful JS scripts that live inside bookmarks. All the other web development bookmarklets on that page are very useful too! • Spang • ☃ • talk • 01:48, 01 May 2009
- Thanks. Fucked up again. Nothing new here. Also, thanks for the link. Turned out all of my constant tweaking was for naught and I had it right the first time, the cache was just screwing things up (whether it was site or browser, I'm not really sure). At any rate, it'll be a while before I attempt anything like that again. Turns out working around the shit RSS reader we have is more annoying, and causes more problems, than anything else. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 05:42 May 01, 2009
- Learning how to use it. It lives inside a bookmark? I can't seem to get it to do anything that's not squarefree.com yet. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 01:01 May 12, 2009
My sig[edit source]
Something is wrong with my sig. The time stuff is always in a box Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 
11:19, 4 May '09
- never mind.. I fixed it up myself.. Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool
11:24, 4 May '09
request[edit source]
howdy doc. i come to you with a problem: our good old friend cajek is teetering on the brink of 100 bans. he's sitting at 99, and i think it would make an excellent birthday present for the signpost if he could reach that milestone just in time? 21:11, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
Why are you huffing your own userpage?[edit source]
Does the doctor need a hug? Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 00:55, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost is proud to present its 1st Anniversary Special[edit source]
The Free Newspaper Only Two People Started Out Editing, But Now They Want Nothing To Do With!
May 5th, 2009 • First Anniversary Issue! • Disdaining news in favour of blatant self-promotion
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Self-Proclaimed Greatest Newspaper on the Wiki Reaches First Birthday
 The early issues were churned out at a great rate by the founding editors, and Cajek was so enthused by the project that he suggested to Skullthumper that they should move to a twice-weekly release - fortunately, this suggestion was shot down in flames by the doc, or the paper may never have celebrated a second month, let alone a full year! Skullthumper was first to leave the Signpost behind for pastures new, perhaps feeling his work was already done. Looking back nostalgically now at those heady early days, Skull exclusively observed: "Well! Working on the UnSignpost in the beginning was a really fun experience, not gonna lie. Cajek and I were both super excited about it. I'm glad it existed through to today, entirely by the help of other people. The setup was seriously the most fun part. We had NO clue what we were doing, we were experimenting with formatting, content, and a bot that only worked half the time. To summarize: It kicked ass. I had no idea it was about a year ago that it started."  With only Cajek powering it, the Signpost forged onwards, but was beginning to run into troubled waters - even Cajek's legendary enthusiasm was beginning to founder, and when he began to struggle for time, he asked DJ Irreverent to take the helm. We asked Cajek for a nostalgic comment about the Signpost, but he was unavailable, so instead here's a random line from one of his articles: "Also, don't be surprised if you go to jail for what society deems "gross", "horrible", and "Satanic": it's all part of being an ant keeper... and an ant "watcher"". The DJ managed to steady the ship (how long can we sustain this metaphor?), but struggled to handle the torch he'd been passed by his adopter (looks like we didn't sustain it very long - never mind!). Asked to comment on this turbulent period, the DJ exclusively remarked: "I dropped said torch like a ton of bricks as a good child should always do. I could not take on the family business, I needed to dance. Anyway, I wrote about 2 articles".  So the pattern of users taking over the paper, only to burn out and abandon it again was becoming well established. Next in the editor's chair was UU, who lasted about 6 issues, before becoming so overwhelmed by the pressures of the paper that he went and got married in order to have a good excuse to get away from it for a few weeks. Recalling those halcyon days, UU told us exclusively: "I love the Signpost, and have had a great time working on it. It does get in the way of writing real articles though, as some users might testify, and it can be a pain to come up with stories each week - hopefully this issue might spark a few people to put some more ideas in the press room".  Fortunately, UU had taken the foresighted step of questioning the staying power of one Gerrycheevers in a previous issue's "comeback of the week" box, and Gerry was so determined to prove he had what it took, that he took over the paper while UU swanned off around the world. Cheevers's time at the helm brought such classic issues as the all-kitten issue, and his exclusive dewy-eyed remembrances run thusly: "I'm proud for having successfully stolen this periodical from Cajek and Skull, and I look forward to many more years of turning forums into news stories, dredging up old features that nobody cares about, and of course making tedious Cajek ban jokes. I also demand a raise and Cajek's office!"  Unfortunately, Cheevers's staying power lived up to UU's expectations, and Gerry took another small break. UU returned to the paper, and frantically enlisted contributions from the likes of Orian57 and Heerenveen to keep the wheels of news turning smoothly. Asked for comment on his input, Orian exclusively told us: "It's a been a great help in bonding together this community. And it's made things more interesting, what with everyone trying to do news worthy things just to get their names in the paper. Or something, I can't manufacture funny under pressure and this is pressure because you're gonna put this in the paper just to humiliate me now, aren't you?". Hv, meanwhile, exclusively commented: "It's amazing that our wonderful newspaper has lasted for so long, especially when you figure Gerrycheevers has been fully back on board since early this year, UU is still hanging around in between banning people and huffing stuff, and with other contributors still pitching in, plus a plentiful supply of Cajek bans to use as padding (see next story), it looks like the immediate future of the paper is in Wish we'd gotten a quote from Cajek though. Bastard. Cajek 100 Ban Extravaganza During the very same week that Uncyclopedia's most well-known journalism source (suck it, UnNews!) celebrates its first birthday with much cake and punch, one of its co-founders achieved his own personal milestone by being banned for the one hundredth time. Rumors of making Cajek an admin when he reached the milestone have thus far not proven to be true, although he may have magically gained sysop powers upon entering triple-digit territory and we just won't know it until he comes back from wherever he's hiding in a hailstorm of admin-related activity (whatever it is that they do). The milestone was reached largely thanks to users such as Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, who took to the streets in a grassroots effort to raise awareness, and Gerrycheevers, who went directly to certain sysops with demonstrably active bansticks pleading for a "Cajek-whooping." The landmark 100th ban was achieved yesterday, with the good Dr. Skullthumper blocking Cajek with an expiry time of "a milestone". The UnSignpost would like to congratulate Cajek, and also plead for his return. Cajek was unavailable for comment, and this reporter was once again chased off of the grounds of the Cajek Mansion, this time by the abstract philosophical concept of existentialism. From the desk of the Cabal Special
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Hand-delivered by —Sir Socky
(talk) (stalk)
GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 18:12, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
UnSignpost May 14th[edit source]
Good things come to those who wait. So does the UnSignpost.
May 14th, 2009 • Issue 47 • And you will know our name is the UnSignpost when we lay our news upon you!
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Wales Speaks Exclusively to UnSignpost!
 When pressed on these vital issues, Jimbo confided to us: "You kids get offa my pipe! Now, where's my lawn?" These are words that every user will interpret in their own special way - Jimbo, like all great orators, has the ability to make profound pronouncements that each and every listener will put their own unique spin on, so that it seems he is talking to them alone. Whatever pearl of wisdom you find in this oracular utterance, we are sure it is exactly what you were intended to find. Crowning Acheevement
Rules < Funny: The Essay
 Is it a Usergroup if there are no Users Grouped in it?
 In January 2009, archaeologists from the Philippines dug through the ruins of the usergroups and found compelling evidence that there is still a small amount of activity in the UNSOC group, whose interim leader Necropaxx was heard to observe "UNSOC has about 3 or so active users right now; we just keep that gigantic list to inflate our numbers". The non-existent Cabal have not made any comment about this being a dastardly plan of theirs to ensure the "golden Age" of Uncyclopedia 2005-2007 remains sacrosanct. Because they don't exist, obviously. |
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| UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | ||||||
Hand-delivered by —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 18:45, 15 May 2009 (UTC)
???[edit source]
Why no userpage? You know you deserve one right? I was not expecting this, doctor. I had it all dreamt up and everything, and now, bam! - NOTHING. What a sad day. --noamshouseparty 19:58, 20 May 2009 (UTC)
- it was huffed, its history was merged with something else, its currently protected by a magical spell or something like that. Oh, those nerdy admins and their practical jokes Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 22:36, May, 20 '09
UnSignpost May 21st[edit source]
The Newspaper Whose Mom Said It Was Cool!
May 21st, 2009 • Issue 48 • I've seen news you... people wouldn't believe
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Glorious Cajek return story
 People disappearing, people reappearing, people with little time on their hands, bots unavailable  In the mean time, fortunately, several other users have made glorious returns to Uncyclopedia. As documented elsewhere, a Cajek is apparently back and doing stuff. MNM5150 has been doing some things around places, mostly the forums. Readmesoon has been spotted at VFH and a few talkpages. Yettie has been sporadically active. And Todd Lyons has been doing more stuff recently than he was doing less recently.  A lot of users seem to be unable to contribute as their work/school requires them to spend their time on "useful" things. The more young adult users/little kids seem to be struggling with certain "finals", like Mahm00shA for instance. SysRq appears to be working on his graduation. Statistics show that Hyperbole's activity has been rather low, but recently increased dramatically. For how long this trend will continue is uncertain. UU has been here intermittently, but keeps proclaiming himself to be "busy". He commented "I don't have time. In fact, I may not even have time for banning and deleting today, things are going fucking nuts! [...] I have teetering mounds of work, and nowhere near enough time! Arrrrrgh! (I almost feel a second exclamation mark coming on, but nothing's that bad...)" He then proved himself to be a big fat liar by editing this story and various other bits of the UnSignpost.  Additionally, while Wikipedia is being overrun by bots, they seem to have gone completely extinct on Uncyclopedia. This has led to our beloved Socky becoming partly mechanized in order to fill the role of paperbot. However, he is currently planning to get his bot operational so he won't have to tire his arse off every week. Porn! Porn! Pr0n!
 There has been somewhat of a controversy as of lately about the existence of supposed pornographic images on Uncyclopedia. Some support the view "Only if it's funny.", while others say "Meh." The controversy led Orian57 to put all his gay porn on QVFD. Optimuschris was quoted saying "I don't know what the fuss is all about, there's no porn on Uncyclopedia!" The discussion seems to have concluded in something like "If it's really bothering you and isn't funny in any way, delete it!" Mnbvcxz might also want to add that pictures showing prominent nudity could give rise to some legal issues, though he wasn't actually available for comment, so we can't really be sure. Usergroups! Usergroups! Usergroups!
 War is raging in usergroup land. IC, suffering major losses, has been grinded to a halt and was forced into defensive strategy, regressing to trench warfare. But UNSOC, with masses of new recruits, has declared an all out war against any potential competition. Meanwhile, a new powerful group has arisen, Der Unwehr, and they have established themselves as a force to be reckoned with. The Goa Tse Clan has gone into hiding and remains a mystery to most Uncyclopedians. "The End" is being foretold once more
Since this UnSignpost issue almost didn't make it to the press, it was inevitable that there would be foretellings of "The End" and it being "near". On Forum:Count to a million, Orian57 was found stating "we could all die [...] then how stupid would we look?" A lot of users made somewhat eccentric speculations on how several issues were related to this "impending doom". Multiliteralist, Cajek and Optimuschris posted the following "articles" in response to a request to write something for the UnSignpost. Porn and the impending doom As we all know, the impending doom to all good things is caused by porn. This vile practice of drawing pictures of naked women has spread so wide among our young men that it is almost impossible to get them to do anything else. User groups and the impending doom
No wai, the impending doom is caused by user groups! Impending doom and porn
Our porn! The usergroups are coming, and with them...impending doom! Treasure these last few mumble with your porn for the end is nigh! First person article about porn and impending doom I was in a usergroup, watching porn. Suddenly I understood watching porn in a usergroup would do nothing against the impending doom. I got rather stuck, and forgot the reason. Later, I forgot about the impending doom as well. That's what watching porn in a usergroup will do to you. Suddenly I understood: if you are the first person in a usergroup, nobody can make you watch porn. My advice
The perfect solution to problems with porn, usergroups, and the impending doom Form your own usergroup and make others watch porn! |
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Brought to you by —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 22:30, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
Mechanical thingies[edit source]
If you're still around now and then, could you explain to me how bots work? I'm kinda tired of hand delivering the UnSignpost. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 08:46, 22 May 2009 (UTC)
- wikipedia:Wikipedia:AWB. Bam! – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 00:37 May 27, 2009
- Bam! He's like Emeril with html. Colin
ALL YOUR BASEHeaney! Casa Bey Superfly Portfolio 19:32, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
- Bam! He's like Emeril with html. Colin
UnSignpost! May 28th, 2009[edit source]
Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay
May 28th, 2009 • Issue 49 • The kind of news your momma warned you about
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Going Portal
 What, some of you may ask, are portal pages? Well, rather than have us explain it laboriously for you (because that sounds like, you know, effort), why not take a look at the following highly sexy portals: Politics; Games; Science; History and Art. And with more to come including the intriguing concept of a Quaint portal from Cajek, one thing's for sure: there has recently been an increase in the number of portals on Uncyclopedia. What? Nile and Nile related articles invade Uncyclopedia!  We also asked the wealthy Egyptian and Babylonian antique collector Mr. Great Lung Sphincter of Nebuchadnezzar the 1st to comment and he exclusively replied: "Nile doesn't have any power. Now the Tigris-Euphrates, that's a different story". Not only does this tell us that the Tigris-Euphrates conspiracy theorists are cooler than Nile conspiracists, but that Nile could not invade Uncyclopedia even if they wanted to, and you should be afraid of the Tigris-Euphrates conspiracy theorists - very afraid. To sum it up, there is no Nile and Nile related articles invasion of Uncyclopedia, just as there is no cabal. |
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The only newspaper to be delivered by MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 19:38, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
Bots[edit source]
Hey Sir/Dr. Do you think it might be possible to set up a bot using AutoWikiBrowser that me and Multiliteralist could use to update all of the new portal pages every week? I have the program downloaded and got as far as signing in but it wont let me create and 'bots' because I am not on that page, so I am requesting that either a bot be made for this purpose or that I could create one because over 10 portals arnt going to run themselves. - - - 
Silly Angel Speak Contribs 22:23, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
- I'm not good with bots / I'm not sure who is. Someone would have to do it themselves. When you get a bot account you'll want two things: An admin to add it to the page with the list of bots (I'd do that now, but I'm just passing through and don't know the bot name), and a Wikia staffer to change the account's status to a bot account. That's all the info I can offer you. Dr. Skullthumper, too lazy to sign in.
AWB[edit source]
I downloaded the AutoWikiBrowser, but there's something wrong with my config file. Can, you post the content of yours so I can compare them? —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 12:17, 30 May 2009 (UTC)
- I haven't used AWB in months; the computer I used to have it on has since been wiped. Try the AWB support channel. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 15:30 May 30, 2009
- So Fnoodle is dead? (Also, my computer won't process this IRC stuff. Don't ask me why.) —Sir Socky
(talk) (stalk)
GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 15:36, 30 May 2009 (UTC)
- So Fnoodle is dead? (Also, my computer won't process this IRC stuff. Don't ask me why.) —Sir Socky
You're back![edit source]
I saw you! I SAW YOU EDITING UP THERE! • <6:08 Jun 01, 2009>
- Oy, Cajek, I've had it up to here with the Internet. I don't honestly know why I'm still around. The more accurate presumption is that I'm not, really. I've wasted too much of my life on here, and on the rest of the Internet. My life - my actual life - is going great, and the Internet's been doing nothing but dragging it down or distracting from it. I don't bloody need it, but I keep coming back to it, and as a result, I get angry, or upset, or annoyed, or sad. It's stupidity, that's all it can be described as. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 04:12 Jun 02, 2009
- I've only been back two weeks, but that's cuz I have a month off... or I did! Stupid jackass website! • <4:44 Jun 02, 2009>
- We're like the Hotel California: You can log out any time you like, but, you can never leave! *EPIC GUITAR SOLO* The only difference is that we don't have a hotel or a desert or a californian location or a chick that lures people to us or an epic guitar solo or a lot of the other stuff that gets mentioned in the song besides that one line that isn't even really in the song anyways. Like I said, we're just like the Hotel California. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 19:06, Jun 2
[edit source]
why isn't your userpage protected from creation? It was protected, it appears it isn't now. --Mnb'z 04:50, 3 June 2009 (UTC)
- Also, your bot changed an intentional "teh" to "the". I might need to create a template to keep that from happening again. --Mnb'z 04:50, 3 June 2009 (UTC)
UnSignpost June 4th, 2009[edit source]
The Newspaper With No Ambitions, Goals, Hopes or Dreams!
June 4th, 2009 • Issue 50 • I love the smell of news in the morning!
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Todd not Lionised by all?
 Lyons himself was deeply touched by the tribute, exclusively telling the USP: "I'm a bit surprised (though not touched, like the WotM nomination this month), because I generally shy away from the snappy/nasty ban summaries that would guarantee me a spot in the UnSignpost. Really, RDB is my #1 pick for this, and richly deserves to have a hate group on Facebook (if not several dozen by now). :) Second, if I had any insecurities that I'd lost my touch with the ban hammer after being on hiatus, they're gone. The arm's feeling great. The surgery seems to have been a 100% success. I'm feeling good that I'll be able to finish out the season and hopefully garner some interest as a bureaucrat when I become a free agent this fall." The group's creator was unavailable for comment, probably due to being banned. Comings and Goings As you may or may not have noticed, there recently seems to be a flurry of returns and hiatuses (hiati?) on this silly wiki that some of us like to call Uncyclopedia. This could be due to a number of things: the end of the school year and thus the end of studying and finals; the summer season causing new and strange emotions in internet comedy writers; the revolving door recently installed at the Uncyclopedia headquarters. Regardless of the reason, those returning have been 'welcomed', and those leaving have been warned that their userpages will be mercilessly vandalized should their vacation extend overly long. Popular aquatic creature user Finnius claims to have returned. His contributions since returning have thus far been limited to announcing his return in the forum (as required by Uncyclopedia Bylaw #435), but the Unsignpost is confident of a return laced with quality pee and other, less pungent useful contributions. The elusive Cajek, a mythical creature once thought to exist only in the surreal dreams of squirrels, has returned gloriously upon the back of a giant squirrel. So at least some part of the myth was true. Take that, science! Other returns include Dexter111344 after a brief hiatus and Gouncyclopedia!, who evaded a years-long block to announce his return in the forums (UB435 again). Perhaps the most noted of all, faithful new dog Dognewspaper returns from a one-month hiatus to appear in this story. Other users have seen a decline or all-out drop-off in their contribution level. SysRq remains on an indefinite hiatus. Gerrycheevers has seen his number of edits dwindle as of late. MrN9000 is still among the missing. Codeine is apparently gone as well, and Necropaxx will be losing his precious internet. We bid these users to hurry back, lest their userpages and works be smited with the hammer of pointless vandalism. |
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Delievered by Saberwolf116 00:17, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
UnSignpost June 11th/12th/whatever[edit source]
Now with 20% more ninjas!
June 11th, 2009 • Issue 51 • Also available in convenient suppository form!
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"Uncyclopedia Worst, Boys Smelly" Declares User  In a move that shocked the Uncyclopedia community, female user Kamikazewatermelon09 this week posted a topic in the lovable Pancake House of Benson. The shocking part of the incident was that an actual girl visited Uncyclopedia. Hooray! Our numerous virgin users can now cross off 'make contact with a woman (without giving a credit card number) over the internet, phone, or via smoke signal' from the list of steps towards achieving manhood. Though we can't help you with that face-to-face stuff...we hear that genre of contact is terrifying. The content of the post was too lengthy and riddled with cooties for the male, attention span deficient UnSignpost editors to actually read. Furthermore, the UnSignpost Executive Board refuses to add cootie insurance to the UnSignpost employee health plan. However, resident awesome potatochopper and known girl Sonje was recruited to read the message and react as if she had been asked a clever question by a hypothetical handsome UnSignpost reporter. From her exclusive comments, it seems that the topic poster was disappointed in the vulgarity and immaturity displayed by many of our gentlemen users. "I find the crassness rather endearing," Sonje responded, "in moderation." So, the moral of the story is: the users who really count will forgive us our occasional desire to cuss a blue streak or upload some boob-related images. So...go nuts! Cabal Criticism of the Week
 This week, lead Cabalist Mordillo blocked The Wizard Of Oz with an expiry time of Judgement Day, and did not provide a reason for the epic pwning. We here at the UnSignpost would like to call out Mordillo on this lack of explanation. Not as a courtesy to the user, which he certainly did not earn through his insertions of a weird version of a California article into several unseeming places. No, we would like to know why Mordillo did not take advantage of an opportunity that was ripe with comedic potential. Surely this poor soul's username could have resulted in a ban reason referencing shiny red shoes or flying monkeys? A statement concerning the location of the user being a place that is not Kansas? We would have settled for a measly 'looking for a brain' line. But instead, you left us hanging, Mordillo. We'd like to officially call you on it, and we take comfort in knowing that though you can ban the editors, and you can ban our freedom, you can never ban the UnSignpost. Though, on second thought, you could delete it. |
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I think I'm going crazy. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 12:51, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
query[edit source]
do you want to have a nonexistant userpage for the reason of your name being a cool-looking redlink (like Dr. Skullthumper), or for some other reason? you are still referred to often in the signpost, as you remain its co-founder, executive board member, and lead janitor (the toilet is backed up in cajek's office again, by the way), and i've been linking your name to Image:Skullthumper.jpg. which do you want? 13:15, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
- The previous incarnation of my userpage had information on UnSkype, a group I started and I no longer support for personal reasons (but which exists nevertheless). So until I figure out what to do with it, I'm leaving it blank for the time being. Better to have a blank userpage than a half-assed one, I'd say. It'll be back soon enough, so feel free to keep it linking to Dr. Skullthumper. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 01:00 Jun 14, 2009
UnSignpost! June 18th/19th![edit source]
The Newspaper That Openly Admits Its Liberal And Conservative Biases!
June 18th, 2009 • Issue 52 • Thinly sliced news, between two slices of humor, with lettuce and hollandaise sauce
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Votes for Sandwiches Officially Opens  This week, Votes for Sandwiches was established by Uncyclopedia Internetist and Lead Executive of Sandwiches, Spang. Previously some sort of secret cabal hazing page, lead cabalists have thrown the doors of VFS open to reveal thinly sliced meats on a variety of breads. Or they would have, if the cabal existed, which it doesn't. Official Cabal Spokesman Mordillo exclusively explained the new feature best: "The cabal, as part of its never-ending efforts to assert its all-consuming control over the citizenry, has now introduced voting for sandwiches. Each editor will be required to eat the elected sandwiches for the entire following month. Members of the cabal will closely observe voter's decisions to make sure that no vile sandwiches, such as BAKED BEANS ON TOAST WITH MELTED CHEESE, will be chosen. That's just vile. Editors will not be allowed to protest over the "democratically" "chosen" "sandwich". We're not Iran." Reactions to the new voting page were mixed. Some users were excited for the opportunity to express their fondness towards various lunches, provided that those lunches are a sandwich. "I'm glad that sandwiches, a comedy staple due to their low-priced nature and assembly so simple that even a writer can construct one, are finally getting their due on Uncyclopedia," said resident criminology term Modusoperandi. Others were not so supportive of the move, and point to recent disturbing trends since the introduction of VFS, the most disturbing being the raiding of the fridge in the Uncyclopedia break room and the subsequent theft of all sandwiches. Well, maybe not all sandwiches, but one specifically marked "gerry's. do not eat." So far no group has claimed responsibility for this act of sandwich-related terrorism. I will find you, you little punk! And when I do, you're making me another sandwich! Comebacks! Only $19.95! Call Now! 
Following a month and a half hiatus, resident VFD overlord and prince of pants MrN9000 is alleged to have returned to the wiki. According to reliable sources, MrN was spotted responding to his talk page and maintaining QVFD, among various other tasks. What other things he may do remains to be seen. We do know, however, that he has been welcomed warmly by the community, with Mordillo giving him the brand new nickname "fucker" and various users bestowing an award of reliability on him. BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE! Call Now And Get 2 for the Price Of 1! 
Following in MrN's robotically symmetrical footsteps was noted keyboard component SysRq. After many weeks of inactivity, Sys has returned to once again putter the Imperial Colonization ship around Uncyclopedia Harbor. He has described his goals as "re-assimilate as best I can" and "Go to hell, Dex". We would like to welcome both of these users back to the loving Uncyclopedia family, and urge them to GET BACK TO WORK!! Things Brewing In IRC People are yelling at each other, stalking each other, and randomly talking to one another. What I am talking about is, of course, IRC, the highly controversial melting pot of Uncyclopedia, where users of all stands, races, and levels of activity can talk about unimportant issues. It has recently come to our attention that ruthless battles were being fought on the fields of IRC. Our correspondent decided to check things out for himself. He was confronted with gay dinosaurs, Star Wars references and general dickery. Though this one time visit cannot render a clear view of the complex nature of IRC, it might give us a glimpse into the mind of the common IRCer. The dark, mysterious character of IRC remains. |
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You'd think I'd learn that this isn't fun to do... Oh well. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 19:36, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
You're backkk!!![edit source]
Twitter told me you were back anyways. This better be true, I never get on Uncyc with a load in my pants. (Okay, that's not true.) —Sir SysRq (talk) 04:25, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
It seems[edit source]
That your VFD nomination was invalid. I guess you'll have to do them one at a time. Saberwolf116 14:37, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
- Wow, that could hardly have sounded more patronising... Orian57 Talk
14:39 23 June 2009 - edit conflict It would seem. However, several suggestions were made in the comments box about having the articles redone, so I can't say straight off that another VFD nom is going to be the way to go - also, it'd really clog up VFD. Instead, I'm gonna start a forum topic. Also, thanks for the support, Orian57, but that didn't come across as patronizing to me. =) Maybe you read it differently? – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 14:43 Jun 23, 2009
Your back?[edit source]
Finally! Nice to see your still kicking. -OptyC Sucks! 
CUN15:23, 23 Jun
Hestian's banning[edit source]
Hi, I got the message when I tried to add to the post from the Village Dump. Boy you are quick.
Unsignpost! June 25th or 30th[edit source]
STOP... SIGNPOST TIME!!
June 25th, 2009 • Issue 53 • The newspaper that steals other newspapers' lunch money
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Users Campaign to Delete Vast Portions of Uncyclopedia  Several users have recently begun campaigns to rid Uncyclopedia of some of its oldest, cruftiest, stalest content, or so they would have you believe. We at the UnSignpost aren't here to report anything other than the facts, including but not limited to: opinions, speculation, and pictures of cats with funny captions. First on the chopping block was the Timeline series. This group of articles apparently chronicles the made-up version of history as recorded by people who aren't very funny. Dr. Skullthumper has taken the lead in the crusade against this unholy document, and reactions on the wiki were, as usual, mixed. Some users supported the good doctor, while others appreciated his sentiment but enjoyed the crisp, fresh smell of proper procedure much better. Noted deletionist Gwax made an appearance in order to streamline the effort to remove all of the unfunniness from the timeline, and he has been joined by several other users seeking to improve rather than delete the entire project. Next in line for the guillotine was Uncyclopedia's longest-running and only soap opera, The Young and the Uncyclopedians. At the head of this movement is prominent murderous amphibian Thekillerfroggy, who made such bold claims as "Vanity, sir!" and "Words words words!" As this project is not merely a page but an entire slew of pages, it was rejected by the Uncyclopedia Deletion Tribunal, but further actions may be in the works. When reached for comment about the situation, Uncyclopedia founder Chronarion responded, "AAAAAAAA!!!!" Usefulness of IP Contributions Called Into Question...Again The question of whether or not we should allow IPs to edit our precious humor wiki has been raised yet again, this time by plucky Der Unwehr founder Guildensternenstein. UnSignpost reporters were baffled by the concept of what an IP was, until it was explained that it is some sort of automatic vandalism robot designed to troll websites, post vanity, and ensure all articles make the proper amount of references to Chuck Norris. The debate raged fiercely, with many users falling on either side of the so-called "IP line". One camp decided that the contributions from these entities did more harm than good to the community and its collection of humor. The opposing faction took up the opposite view: that IP editors were harmless and at worst an annoyance. Modusoperandi, the lead counsel for the IP defense team, made several compelling arguments, most notably the case that IPs are adorable and thus harmless. In the end, it was decided that IP editing is something we must live with, mostly because Conservapedia doesn't allow it, and we don't want to be any more like them than we already are. When reached for comment about the situation, Uncyclopedia founder Chronarion responded, "AAAAAAAA!!!!" |
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We're not late you're just high! Orian57 Talk 
14:08 30 June 2009
Missing User Project[edit source]
Hello Dr. Skullthumper,
- I happened across Forum:Missing User Project awhile ago and I wanted to add User:Splaka but the page was closed to editing by that time. I wasn't sure how active the project was but I thought it was a great idea. Have you considered moving page to an Uncyclopedia namespece ? MadMax 00:30, 6 July 2009 (UTC)
- It's pretty inactive due to current lack of interest (and being locked from editing). If you think it's a good idea, I'd be honored if you'd mainspace it. Perhaps one of us could start a forum to revive the movement? It's not often I see you around the forums and I think it'd be awesome to collaborate with you on this. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 01:43 Jul 09, 2009
- As much as this is a good idea, I think Splaka is long gone due to an old feud with Spang. But if we renew this project, I'll make some efforts to bring back some other contributors back. ~
10:23, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
- As much as this is a good idea, I think Splaka is long gone due to an old feud with Spang. But if we renew this project, I'll make some efforts to bring back some other contributors back. ~
- It's pretty inactive due to current lack of interest (and being locked from editing). If you think it's a good idea, I'd be honored if you'd mainspace it. Perhaps one of us could start a forum to revive the movement? It's not often I see you around the forums and I think it'd be awesome to collaborate with you on this. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 01:43 Jul 09, 2009
Sure, that would be great. Do you think it should be moved before or after starting a forum discussion? MadMax 03:01, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
- I think we should mainspace it first, then open a forum discussion to "advertise" and pique interest in it, like what was done with the successful IC revival. --
TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 
03:11, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
Its now officially been moved to Uncyclopedia:Missing User Project. :) I've also created two shortcuts (Uncyclopedia:MUP and UN:MUP). Could the page do with some reformatting or would it be better to leave as is? MadMax 05:07, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
- I think it functions fairly well in its current incarnation, but that's just me. Also, thanks for your interest! This is awesome. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 22:38 Jul 11, 2009
Glad I could help. Thekillerfroggy and I have added some names, moved general discussion to the talk page and made some minor edits so far. MadMax 09:52, 13 July 2009 (UTC)