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There is nothing wrong with your computer screen. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. I am controlling transmission. If I wish to make it louder, I will bring up the volume. If I wish to make it softer, I will tune it to a whisper. I control the horizontal. I control the vertical. I can roll the image, make it flutter. I can change the focus to a soft blur or sharpen it to crystal clarity. For the next three decades, sit quietly and I will control all that you see and hear. I repeat: there is nothing wrong with your computer screen. You are about to participate in a great adventure. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind to Zombiebaron. (Full article...)
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Did you know...
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- ... that the "special ingredient" for Wendy's chili is a closely guarded secret? (Pictured)
- ... that you can always pay your credit card bills using your credit card?
- ... that Joe Biden stepped in dog shit?
- ... that air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings.
- ... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? But all of them are wiki editors?
- ... that sex in the ear canal is called CANAL (pronounced like anal but with a C in the beginning)?
- ... that you should accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior, today!
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In the news
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On this day...
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July 12: Feast of Peter and Paul (Catholic Church), Feast of a Thousand Lasagnas (Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster) (pictured)
- 1870 – In the midst of high school, and without the convenience of LiveJournal, Oscar Wilde expresses his angst and sorrow by composing the poems Poems.
- 1917 – The The Bisbee Deportation occurs as vigilantes kidnap and deport nearly 1,300 minors from Bisbee, Arizona. The children are forced to wander the Arizona desert in search of shelter and sustinence.
- 1993 – The sale of Chex Mix is officially banned in the United States after disturbing trends regarding improper usage come to light.
- 1998 – Icelandic megastar Björk is arrested for allegedly causing several thousand dollars worth of damage to an Icelandic bed and breakfast. She is later acquitted after testifying "I am the round and the square, the ocean is sea."
- 2004 – Harold And Kumar finally make it to White Castle.
- 2008 – The United States Presidential race heats up, as Senator John McCain reveals his platform and begins intensive campaigning.
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| Colonization of the Week
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For the glory of her majesty
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.
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Recent Articles ---------------------- -->
Writer and Noob of the Month
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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!
So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.
Let us all clap for him because I said so.
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Uncyclopedia's sista projects
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| Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects as well as some foreign language Uncyclopedias and Illogicopedia.
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Uncyclopedia Languages
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| This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 40,293 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages, including Zombiebaron/Uncyclopedia Reskin Committee/zork!:
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Protected by the Fair Use Clause, and an elite clan of Clinjas.
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