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Reformed Orthodox Rabbi William "Bill" Clinton (born August 19, 1946) is an American politician, former childcare worker, former amateur saxophonist, and swingin' bachelor. As the 42nd President of the United States, and the horniest man to hold that position since JFK, he led America through the economic golden age of the '90s.

Clinton is famous for being the first president to institute the Opposite Presidential Term, in which everything he said during his second term is the exact opposite of what he said in his first term. In his first term, he was a Liberal, but in his second term, he was a Neocon; that was his way of bringing about change.

Clinton's term in office was marred by economic and political reform. The most serious was some bitch named Hillary, who kept insisting she was his wife and had actually slept with him. This was widely ignored by everyone until it was revealed that Bill had been secretly cheating on the First Lady with Hillary, in a perverse affair that culminated in a media frenzy. (Full article...)

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Did you know...

... that Vincent Price is laughing at you from the grave? (Pictured)

... that the Angel of Death is after you? (Pictured)

... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun?
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... that Uncyclopedia regularly kills its editors mid-sent
... that a bomb shelter is the safest place to hide explosives?
... Jared Leto fucked your bf and he totally enjoyed it?
... that we must nuke the whales, or the hippies will win?

... that a smiling Joe Pesci is never a good thing? (Pictured)

... that Wikipedia features DYKs about mosaic floors that were discovered between 1932 and 1939?
... that there is a simple, easy solution to the fact that you cannot understand the foreigners who are sitting next to you?
... that Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination A, the sister drug to Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination B, is very effective against Stupendous Tropical Meningitis?
... that we all smell a little bit like teen spirit, if we go a while without washing?
... that if you fold your arms and try to touch your feet you look like a complete fucking fool?
... that suicide is an answer to every problem, just not a very good one?
... that this sentence is incomple

... that the man on the left is admiring the bare torso of the man on the right in a purely non-sexual manner? (Pictured)

...Funkytown was a Scientology commune in the 60s?
... that there is no consensus among experts on vice presidential history that Al Gore exists?
... that there is a pipe bomb placed in your mailbox?
... that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help?
... that the French Revolution was just a rip-off of the American Revolution?
... that if you poke a whale in the tummy it will giggle like a schoolgirl?
... that it's been proven beyond reasonable doubt that 50% of modern marriages end in divorce because of arguments inside IKEA stores?

... that the Angel of Death is after you? (Pictured)

... that my girlfriend has herpes? Neither did I.
... that the entire world rightfully belongs to Albania?
... that testicles are edible and a good source of protein?
... that I just had sex, and hey do you got any napkins?
... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic?
... that solid, liquid, and gas all come out your ass?
... that Godot isn't coming?

... that Kilroy was here? (Pictured)

... that I just had sex, and hey do you got any napkins?
... that the Pope recently announced that the whole "Christianity" thing is a whole load of shit?
... that your baby boy would one day walk on water?
... that en passant is actually French for "inventing new rules as you go along?"
... that originally, Hell was an acronym for "Happiness, Euphoria, and Lively Laughter?"
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... taht wrods and snetnces are raedalbe eevn wehn tehy are toatlly fckued up?

... that Canadian baseball (Pictured) is a thing?

... that there is a 9 out of 10 chance that New Jersey is actually a state?
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... that the butler did it?
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... that while Pong! the Movie followed suit with the wildly popular video game genre, such as The Super Mario Bros. movie and Resident Evil, it did not play out as well in the box offices?
... that I am inside your walls?

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In the news
Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd. World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Elite Eight Recent deaths: Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • Duke's basketball season Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too UnNews – Radio Free Lunch**
On this day...
March 31: Condom Appreciation Day 4000 BC - Babylonians create the first wooden condoms (Pictured), resulting in much fewer unexpected pregnancies and many, many, many more splinter-related injuries. 1865 - The modern condom is introduced, consisting of sheep stomach lining coated with sulfuric acid. It is quixotically not well received. 1939 - With the invention of latex, the modern modern condom is introduced, single handedly ending the Great Depression. 1961 - Condoms are mentioned on television for the first time, in an episode of The Flintstones entitled Put It Back In. 1970 - National No-Condom decade kicks off at Studio 69 in New York City. 2009 - The Pope claims that condoms increase the number of people with AIDS in sub-Saharan Africa, in a similar manner to how exercise is unhealthy and cheeseburgers eat people. View tomorrow – More anniversaries...
Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty Help us clear the ivy of crap, and plant the seeds of humour.

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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

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