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Jesus has always been a touchy subject. Not many people want to talk about our Lord and Savior. Some even go so far as to consider it awkward when Jesus is brought up in polite conversation. Due to this inclination to believe that Jesus kills a conversation, many people don't get to know how truly amazing the man who died for our sins really is.

Sure, we all know that Jesus was white, had long flowing hair, a perfectly trimmed beard, and a Californian complexion. That much is obvious from any photograph or painting of Jesus. But what about the smaller details about Jesus that people just ignore nowadays? Maybe if people weren't so quick to slam the door in the face of a religious scholar they would know more facts about Jesus. For instance... (Full article...)

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Did you know...

... that 10 minutes of Super Bowl XLIII was mysteriously interrupted? (Pictured)

... that Malcom X absolutely loved Kentucky Fried Chicken? (Pictured)

... that someone reading Uncyclopedia has an erection right now, even though we barely have pornographic content?
... that rounding up sheep is easiest to the nearest ten?
... that "Rosebud" was his sled? Oh wait, everyone knew that.
... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank?
... that the rumors that you are paranoid were started by someone who's out to get you?
... that Iran is all set to invade itself?
... that the moon is not made of cheese, but magnesium of milk powder, which explains why everyone that ever goes there feels sick when they come back?

... if you are right brained or left brained? (Pictured)

... that in an experiment known as Monty Hall problem, if you never make up your mind about which door to choose, the goat behind the door will grow tired and burst out?
... that your baby boy would one day walk on water?
... that the Japanese have a saying: "A man cannot read the same Wikipedia page twice"? The pages are constantly being edited, and the act of reading it will make you a different person. Therefore, when a man goes back to re-read it, both the text and the man have been changed.
... that the butler did it?
... that 100% of people who make good life choices die?
... that bipolar bears are not to be messed with, more-so than polar bears?
... that torture is better to give than to receive?

... that the Southern United States is well-known for its "Southern Hospitality"? (Pictured)

... that the Pope recently announced that the whole "Christianity" thing is a whole load of shit?
... that Jackson Pollock is the Jackson Pollock of painting?
... that the first use of "LOL" is in Shakespeare's play, As You Like It, and that the first use of "OMG" may be found in Macbeth?
... that I'd rather be a hammer than a nail?
... that Heaven has met its quota, and your dead granny has just been waitlisted?
...Jacking off to more exotic fetishes doesn't make you special?
... that Billie Jean was not Michael Jackson's lover but Macaluey Culkin was?

... that liberals want to eat your children? (Pictured)

... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic?
... that the phrase "¡Ay Chihuahua!" can be used to mean both "no, I don't have any bathtub cheese" and "yes, I have a great deal of bathtub cheese"?
... that Uncyclopedia admins are such lazy bums, they ask their users to think of DYK submissions?
... that St. Peter's Basilica is a large reptilian creature with breath of fire and a gaze that can turn people into stone?
... that Richard Nixon was well-known for his honesty and often referred to as Honest Dick?
... that The Oldest Trick in the Book was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians, who lived on the windswept steppes of Mesopotamia?
... that 100% of divorces start with marriage?

... that Pennywise the Clown wants to entertain you? (Pictured)

... that Calvin and Hobbes was an action-packed buddy comedy series that ran from 1542-1549, featuring philosophers John Calvin and Thomas Hobbes as themselves?
... that bestiality just got 15 percent more legal?
... that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man? Withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death?
... that Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination A, the sister drug to Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination B, is very effective against Stupendous Tropical Meningitis?
... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word?
... that 69% percent of statistics contain sexual innuendo?
... that every time you blink, you get transported to another alternative Universe?

... that the history of Great Britain (Pictured) is greater than Frosties?

... that you have probably broken at least three of the Ten Commandments just by visiting this website?
... that Liechtenstein is completely pointless?
... that Alaska is a mooseocracy, in which citizens select a moose to lead them?
... that your baby boy would one day walk on water?
... that Witch-Hunting For Fun and Profit has mostly turned into Witch-Hunting For Fun in this modern era of cheaply produced Chinese assembly line witches?
... that recent advances in nanobiotechnology have led to advanced, implantable music players capable of holding up to three seconds of low-quality MP3 audio?
... that the Welsh language was created when someone fell asleep on a keyboard?

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In the news
Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize (Pictured) Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Winter Paralympics • Saturn Awards • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed Recent deaths: Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • Ali Khamenei • Team Italy sled hockey • Miami Dolphins, twice • That guy from Boston. The band, not the city. But isn't the band from the city? Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • Weed • Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons UnNews – Radio Free Lunch**
On this day...
March 19: Peanut Allergy Awareness Day (U.S.) 1649 - Bengal Death cultists breed a strain of peanut that is fatal to a tiny percentage of the population, for they believe the souls of those who die by the peanut are raised again to fight for their goddess Kali. 1877 - The first child to die of a peanut allergy is called a giant pussy by teachers and school staff instead of getting medical attention. 1931 - Gambling is legalized in Nevada, first casino game is like Russian Roulette, except the gun shoots peanut powder, and rat poison. 1962 - Bob Dylan releases his first album, Nutmeg. The cover actually smells like peanuts and not nutmeg. 1994 - Congress passes the Allergy Awareness Act, which legally puts the onus of responsibility on You to cater to everyone's allergy problems. Sort your fridge asshole. 2008 - Vince from Slap Chop accidentally gets his testicles trapped in the butterfly mechanism of his Slap Chop. 2018 - Parents protest animated movie Peter Rabbit after the titular character chokeslams the allergic antagonist into an industrial vat of peanut butter. View tomorrow – More anniversaries...
Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty Help us clear the ivy of crap, and plant the seeds of humour.

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Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

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This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 40,973 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages, including Moccan!:

	Uncyclopedia English United States 40,973	Desciclopédia Português Brazil 50785	アンサイクロペディア日本語 Japan 19194	Nonsensopedia Polski Poland 17766	Nonciclopedia Italiano Italy 14423
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Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on November 1, 2016.

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	Ebatsüklopeedia Eesti Estonia 96	Neciklopēdija Latviešu Latvia 159	Juokopedija Lietuvių Lithuania 267	Neciklopedio Esperanto Esperanto 3176	Unsaiklopedia 𐌲𐌿𐍄𐌹𐍃𐌺‬ Goths 14
	Desgalipedia Galego Galicia 5009	Oisquipèdia Occitan Occitania 33	Necyclopædia Latina Vatican City 279	Hatsiklopedia Malagasy Madagascar 8	Zombiepedia Zombie Chapel 7
Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on November 1, 2016.