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Orchids are a special family of temptress flowers that bloom around June, totally unlike conservative flowers with upstanding morals and family values. They have delicate bodies, slim stems, and deep orifices, with small follicles emanating from their lower inner region that open up once every 28 days or so to emit a rather fishy yet surprisingly fragrant scent in order to attract insects, which will invade their insides to help pollinate them.

Orchids are considered to be some of the most scrumptious flowers in the plant kingdom, and they are also utterly insatiable. No amount of pollination is enough. Whereas almost all other flowers would be satisfied with one insect pollinator per day, for Orchids, no amount of frequent diverse visitors is enough. They are so good at seduction, bumble bees are known to fight one another to the death in their attempt to mount the stamens of orchids and destroy their tall slender legs in the process. Only the strongest bees with the most cunning, deceptive, and charismatic qualities are able to beat other bees during the frenzied orchid mating season. (Full article...)

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... I could absolutely kill for something to eat right now? (Pictured)

... that there's only one way to party? (Pictured)

... that there is a 9 out of 10 chance that New Jersey is actually a state?
... that en passant is actually French for "inventing new rules as you go along?"
... that every single day, we breathe enough air to continue living?
...Jacking off to more exotic fetishes doesn't make you special?
... that a bomb shelter is the safest place to hide explosives?
... that two peanuts were walking down a street and one was a salted?
... that the Red Baron, in addition to being the deadliest ace fighter pilot of World War I, traveled through time?

... that Elvis is NOT dead? (Pictured)

... that compromise is a great diplomatic tool? Although on an international level, a nuclear arsenal is even better?
... that Liechtenstein is completely pointless?
... that the universe is made up of protons, electrons, neutrons and morons?
... that if the earth were the size of an apple, we would fall off?
... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word?
... that midget cockpunching terrorists are a threat to the US and her allies?
... that communist jokes are only funny if everyone gets them?

... that in another time and place Rod Serling existed as a discarded cardboard cutout on the set of the Twilight Zone? (Pictured)

... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
... that you've just lost the game?
... that doody played a very important role in the development of quantum physics?
... that every time you shoot yourself in the head, someone somewhere in the world dies?
... that the Pope recently announced that the whole "Christianity" thing is a whole load of shit?
... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside?
... that an umbrella is a magical object that is used in many cultures to discourage rainfall?

... that Japanese ninjas are among those who have tried to find a way to get across the Great Wall of China? (Pictured)

... that your opinion does count, but the admins think otherwise?
... that the police are at your door?
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... that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"?
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... that Wikipedia contains millions of articles written by countless anonymous contributors? (Pictured)

... You can do anything with creativity, determination, and the exploitation of the working class?
... no, you didn't! Stop lying!
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... that liberals want to eat your children? (Pictured)

... that St. Peter's Basilica is a large reptilian creature with breath of fire and a gaze that can turn people into stone?
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World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump *still really, really* wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Saturn Awards • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • Impossibly long lines at American airports Recent deaths: Miami Dolphins, twice • That guy from Boston, not the city, but the band, from the city • Chuck Norris doesn't die, he goes to Hell to regroup • Buffy • Xander Harris • Robert Mueller Upcoming deaths: Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • TSA agents' bank accounts and sanity UnNews – Radio Free Lunch**
On this day...
March 23: Take Your Fish To Work Day 139 AD - Roman historian Erraticus publishes the fourth version of Life of Trajan, this one portaying Trajan as an emperor and retracting the previous version's claims that Trajan was a talking donkey. 1097 - St. Peter's Basilica was first used outside of the Vatican city during the first Crusades. 1952 - Beloved British children's author Enid Blyton publishes her most famous work, The Three Golliwogs. Please don't google it. 1956 - Pakistan declares itself to be an Islamic Republic, which is like the Old Republic except without the Jedi. 1962 - Dozens of women march on Washington D.C. to politely request feminine rights, their husbands sit at home without their supper. 1974 - The last dirty liberal is sent to serve in the Vietnam War, rendering America a perfect utopia of conservatives for nearly eighteen months. View tomorrow – More anniversaries...
Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty Help us clear the ivy of crap, and plant the seeds of humour.

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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

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