User:TheLick/Main Page

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Today's featured article

Bill Clinton.jpg

Reformed Orthodox Rabbi William "Bill" Clinton (born August 19, 1946) is an American politician, former childcare worker, former amateur saxophonist, and swingin' bachelor. As the 42nd President of the United States, and the horniest man to hold that position since JFK, he led America through the economic golden age of the '90s.

Clinton is famous for being the first president to institute the Opposite Presidential Term, in which everything he said during his second term is the exact opposite of what he said in his first term. In his first term, he was a Liberal, but in his second term, he was a Neocon; that was his way of bringing about change.

Clinton's term in office was marred by economic and political reform. The most serious was some bitch named Hillary, who kept insisting she was his wife and had actually slept with him. This was widely ignored by everyone until it was revealed that Bill had been secretly cheating on the First Lady with Hillary, in a perverse affair that culminated in a media frenzy. (Full article...)

Did you know?

Shoved into stove.jpg
  • ... that the classic fairy tale Hansel and Gretel was blamed for hundreds of accidental deaths involving elderly women being pushed into ovens by children? (Pictured)
  • ... that the French Revolution was just a rip-off of the American Revolution?
  • ... that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish?
  • ... that the amazing sensation of excruciatingly warm liquid on the genitals is just one of many reasons to pour boiling hot water down your trousers?
  • ... that sovereign citizens have all the rights of U.S citizens, without having to follow any of the laws?
  • ... that Santa sees you while you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake?
  • ... that sarcasm is totally the highest form of wit?
  • ... that contrary to popular belief, she never actually sold seashells by the seashore?

In the news

Norris4.jpg
Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd.

Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Final Four

Recent deaths: Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • Duke's basketball season, choked away at the last moment

Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too

On this day

The Rite of Spring, you had to read the alt text to get it didn't you

April 3: Vivaldi Appreciation Day

  • 1220 - Rampaging crusaders drive a trebuchet through the walls of two towers in Ancient Syria.
  • 1666 - Sir Marquis Baron Vivaldi walks to the crossroad and sells his soul to Satan
  • 1888 - Vivaldi composes new record "A Change of Four Seasons", inspired by regressive metal band Dream Theater.
  • 1945 - Scientists discover that if you play John Cage's 4'33" backward you'll hear someone cough, but backwards.
  • 1974 - Tornadoes sweep the U.S.A, inspiring the invention of the tumble drier.
  • 1986 - D.J. murder rate at all-time high, blamed on the provocative lyrics of The Smiths.
  • 1996 - Ted Kaczynski, the Unabomber, is arrested for crimes against tasteful nomenclature, and killing like six people.


Picture of the day

Whoop-Ass of Mass Destruction
 Although Whoop-Ass is a commonly available weapon (with 12 oz versions legally available to the public) if ever war should break out, the US has 55 gallon drums at their disposal. A single barrel could wipe out the entirety of Cuba. Distributed by Chuck Norris on a regular basis.

Image credit: Splaka
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