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Today's featured article

Lockheed Martin Logo.png

The Lockheed Martin Nuclear Attack Force and Creators of All Things Aerial and Destructive Corporation, often shortened to read Lockheed Martin Corporation, sometimes Lunkhead Moron Corporation, or even just Lockheed Martin, is an American offense defense company with the singular goal of designing weapons that can more easily turn a person into a fine red mist for the low cost of $5,000,000 per shot. Lockheed Martin is considered the holy grail of job opportunities for anyone interested in engineering, math, ethics, or just the opportunity to obliterate things. They are most well known for their consumer products including the F-22 Raper, the Orion-class spaceships, the C-130 Hunkules, and most notably "Project Pat" missiles. (Full article...)

Did you know?

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  • ... that the man on the left is admiring the bare torso of the man on the right in a purely non-sexual manner? (Pictured)
  • ... that midget cockpunching terrorists are a threat to the US and her allies?
  • ... that it takes a man about thirty-four months to cross the Atlantic ocean on a turtle?
  • ... that Liechtenstein is completely pointless?
  • ... Jared Leto fucked your bf and he totally enjoyed it?
  • ... that the oozy, off-colored mound of bloody what-ever-it-is stretching its way out of what used to be a tiny hole is a baby's head?
  • ... that pillow fighting is a violent trend among the world's pillow population, and must be stopped?
  • ... that sex in the ear canal is called CANAL (pronounced like anal but with a C in the beginning)?

In the news

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Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd.

Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Final Four

Recent deaths: Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • UConn ladies' basketball season + Jordan's Furniture customers • Jesus

Upcoming deaths: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too • Holostars JP

On this day

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April 6: Arson Wednesday (New Zealand)

  • 612 - Arab popstar Mohammed declares he is "more popular than Jesus now."
  • 1522 - Mary had a little lamb. Yankee Doodle claims to be father.
  • 1593 - John Greenwood, English Congregationalist, hanged. His last words: "Get this fucking rope off of me!"
  • 1935 - AT&T formed. Its first disgruntled customer is created moments later.
  • 1955 - Hell freezes over, Devil forced to skate to work.
  • 1974 - ABBA wins Eurovision, marking the beginning of the Mamma Mia Invasion.
  • 1985 - Video games are first cited as a precursor to juvenile delinquency.
  • 1994 - Kurt Cobain's attempt to win a posthumous Grammy backfires tragically.
  • 1999 - Chinese Democracy is released and subsequently pulled off shelves after the U.S. Government denies reports of its existence.

Picture of the day

Stained Glass Mr. T
 Mr. T is a beacon of hope in our cold and dark world.

Image credit: RadicalX
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