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Today's featured article
Many eons ago, homosexuals were unilaterally banished from mathematics faculties all over the Christian world as their sensitivity, hygiene and fabulous fashion sense showed up the serious failings in these areas by heterosexual mathematicians. This left gay scientists pondering how to find and hook up with other gay mathematicians who shared their passion for opera, rodeos and solving quadrilaterals in tight fitting shorts.
The urge to square root a whole bunch of logical chuckle buddies has been the driving force behind the majority of all scientific advances since the renaissance:
- Galileo Galilei's invention of the telescope
- Leonardo Da Vinci's invention of the bouncy castle
- The invention of male figure-skating auditions
Yet these all led to embarrassing situations that served no purpose other than providing the plots of Shakespeare's most famous farces ("All's Well That Bends Well", "Much Ado About Muffin", "Romeo & Julio", "Twelfth Knight" and "What Can We Do With A Problem Like Aksapada Gautama?". (Full article...)
Did you know?
- ... that Gerry Adams IS the Lord of the Dance? (Pictured)
- ... that the only way the bible could have more holes is if it were written on Jesus's skin?
- ... that you have probably broken at least three of the Ten Commandments just by visiting this website?
- ... that air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings.
- ... that Cup Stacking is a real sport? No, really.
- ... that contrary to popular belief, the emoticon ":3" is a depiction of someone with a scrotum for a mouth?
- ... that the Canadian government plans to convert the entire city of Vancouver into a giant marijuana farm by 2050?
- ... that the Kingfisher does not dine exclusively on kings, but also hunts queens, emperors, princes, dukes, viceroys and any other high-ranking members of the nobility?
In the news
- Labour approval hits record low during Starmer premiership, PM resorts to "getting down with the youth" (Pictured)
- The New York Yankees now fucking suck
- Russian ship shines annoying red laser pointer at British planes
- Ron DeSantis passes Florida bill allowing seniors to hunt zoomers for their skin and organs
- Russian economy on life support after barely growing in 3rd quarter
- The UK to ban the resale of tickets
- Bill passed in Pennsylvania to legalise flying cars because why the fuck not?
- Trump kills the penny after realizing spending four cents on a one cent coin isn't the best idea
- Russian AI powered humanoid robot faceplants on stage in front of crowd
- Syrian National Museum gets robbed of six to seven Roman statues
- Cloudy windy Hurricane Melissa hits da Jamaica, mon! BOMBOCLAAT!
Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE raids • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • the New England Patriots suddenly being good again
Recent deaths: YouTube player's old design • Nick Mangold • Jamaica • Donna Godchaux • Diane Ladd • Dick Cheney • U.S. Government shutdown (finally!) • Tatsuya Nakadai • Sally Kirkland • The penny • Udo Kier • Jimmy Cliff
Upcoming deaths: Eurovision Song Contest • DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Chiefs Kingdom's livers and kidneys after realizing they might actually miss the playoffs • Weed
On this day
November 29: Magic Appreciation Day (Hogwarts)
- 1983 - In a publicity stunt gone bad, Christian Pop singer Carman decapitates R&B star Marvin Gaye.
- 1983 - Band Aid release the little known Do The Welsh Know It's Christmas?.
- 1984 - Chocolate rations are increased from thirty to twenty grams.
- 1991 - David Copperfield stuns world by vanishing the Statue of Liberty, reappears three hours later in New Jersey.
- 1993 - The NYPD start investigation against Copperfield after the mysterious disappearance of Queens.
- 2003 - Donald Rumsfeld attempts to find WMDs with divining rod, finds three cursed talismans and a forest dryad instead.
Picture of the day
 |
August 6, 1945: After being given superpowers by the Manhattan Project, Harry S. Truman, the Truman Torch, personally drops the atomic bomb on Hiroshima, Japan, signalling the beginning of the end of World War II.
Truman's flight was the culmination of the Manhattan Project, a sustained secret project by the United States military to develop superpowers in order to resurrect the American Justice Coalition. Because superhero technology was so valuable, the project was disguised as an effort to create a nuclear bomb, a deception that was so complete that the nuclear bomb was also developed. Subsequently, all American presidents have been endowed with superpowers and occasionally fight together as the New American Justice Coalition. |
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