User:TheLick/Main Page
Today's featured article
Tesco, officially the Federal Union of Autonomous Shopping Republics, is a large country that has grown in size since its origin in 1917. It is the largest thing in the world by some considerable distance. It was founded largely on Marxist shopping principles, somewhat of a contradiction you might say, but they sure as hell have found a way! While inside, please refrain from buying Nando’s new Mouth-Roasting-Japan-Hiroshima-Bomb-Devil’s-Blood-Extra-Spicy sauce.
Tesco recruits its staff by loitering outside school gates, waiting for school dropouts. It has a strict policy of not employing anybody with 5 GCSEs or more. If you send them 10 or more CVs they send you a polite letter to tell you to stop sending fucking CVs.
So if you're looking for an exciting, well paid and mentally stimulating career that allows you to express your creativity, get lots of fresh air, make lifelong mates and meet lots of interesting people, then working for Tesco is not for you. (Full article...)
Did you know?
- ... that in China, there is no MySpace, but a communist alternative? (Pictured)
- ... that hitting your kids may be beneficial to their health, or at the very least amusing to you?
- ... that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"?
- ... that water is bad for your health because fish have sex in it?
- ... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside?
- ... that many diseases can be prevented by washing your hands before eating, after eating, during eating, and another couple of times just in case?
- ... that the phrase "¡Ay Chihuahua!" can be used to mean both "no, I don't have any bathtub cheese" and "yes, I have a great deal of bathtub cheese"?
- ... that forgetting to carry the one is the leading cause of disaster for world domination plans?
In the news
- North Sentinelese discover fire, accidentally burn down entire island (Pictured)
- Elon Musk: "Cancel Netflix! I don't care if Max wakes up."
- 6 or 7 buildings burn in Hong Kong
- Labour approval hits record low during Starmer premiership, PM resorts to "getting down with the youth"
- The New York Yankees now fucking suck
- Russian ship shines annoying red laser pointer at British planes
- Ron DeSantis passes Florida bill allowing seniors to hunt zoomers for their skin and organs
- Russian economy on life support after barely growing in 3rd quarter
- The UK to ban the resale of tickets
- Bill passed in Pennsylvania to legalise flying cars because why the fuck not?
- Trump kills the penny after realizing spending four cents on a one cent coin doesn’t "make cents"
- Russian AI powered humanoid robot faceplants on stage in front of crowd
- Syrian National Museum gets robbed of six to seven Roman statues
- Cloudy windy Hurricane Melissa hits da Jamaica, mon! BOMBOCLAAT!
Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 volume 2 and Spaceballs 2 • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • The New England Patriots barely beating crappy opponents • Mike Tomlin screwing the Pittsburgh Steelers • Giants fans hiding in a corner • Bears invading Tennessee
Recent deaths: YouTube player's old design • Nick Mangold • Jamaica • Donna Godchaux • Diane Ladd • Dick Cheney • U.S. Government shutdown (finally!) • Tatsuya Nakadai • Sally Kirkland • The penny • Udo Kier • Jimmy Cliff • Warner Bros.
Upcoming deaths: Eurovision Song Contest • DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Chiefs Kingdom's and Ravens Flock's livers and kidneys after falling to 6-7 • Weed • 67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • The MetroCard
On this day
December 9:
- 1337 - Time for a plagarized, boring, cliched, 1337 reference! L0L!!1!ONE@
- 1946 - The Doctors' Trial (for crimes committed during episodes of Doctor Who), begins at the BBC.
- 1958 - The John Birch Society is founded to fight the perceived threat of certain types of trees.
- 1967 - Canada invades Greenland, prompting what most historians regard as the most boring war in the history of mankind.
- 1976 - The CIA fabricates much of the Western United States from Balsa wood and duct tape.
- 1982 - December 8 outstays welcome.
Picture of the day
 |
Jo(h)n is far from able to grasp the grim reality. Image credit: OPOSSUM, Alula, DaniPine3, L10nM4st3r, as well as YouTube’s PilotRedSun, whose video inspired this image. |
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