User:TheLick/Main Page
Today's featured article
John Marshall was a professional floor-is-lava player who lasted 34 years until he touched the floor and died. He played on the Supreme Court team and had the role of the fourth Chief Justice, which he served for three point four decades before dying. He arrogantly held the role and thought no one else was good enough to wear a robe and scream "constitutional law" at people. Marshall even copyrighted black bathrobes, so anyone who wanted the role would instantly have to pay Marshall $97.99 (plus shipping and tax). He was famous for vastly improving the Supreme Court team by inventing the established judicial review move. This allowed the Supreme Court team to respond 
to any attacks by the Congress team, making them a worthy team. (Full article...)
Did you know?
- ... that in Israel, chess sets contain rabbis rather than bishops? (Pictured)
- ... that 100% of people who make good life choices die?
- ... that nobody can describe what a simile is like?
- ... that dihydrogen monoxide is a substance found in car exhaust, pesticides, acid rain, and your energy drink?
- ... that recent advances in nanobiotechnology have led to advanced, implantable music players capable of holding up to three seconds of low-quality MP3 audio?
- ... that your boss is behind you watching you waste time?
- ... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?"
- ... that the Canadian government plans to convert the entire city of Vancouver into a giant marijuana farm by 2050?
In the news
- So.. about that Super Bowl..
- Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows
- GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
- Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
- Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April
- Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
- Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez
- Buffalo Bills owner Terry Pegula proven to be clueless, fires the wrong guy
- Denver Broncos quarterback Bo Nix accidentally curses himself in playoff win
Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • ICE-y chaos in Minnesota • Fallout from the Epstein Files • Winter Olympics • Seattle flooding the streets with Starbucks coffee to celebrate the Seahawks' win • New England Patriots fans hiding in a corner after being exposed • r/TheDarnold having a MASSIVE field day
Recent deaths: Scott Adams • Kianna Underwood • Uncyclopedia • Catherine O'Hara • Lamont • Brad Arnold • NFL season • New England Patriots fans' insufferability, for now • Lindsay Vonn's leg • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • Dawson (Pictured)
Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!!
Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Netflix • Dancin' Maduro • Aaron Rodgers' career • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files (cough cough Bill and Hillary Clinton) • Travis Kelce • the US government, again
On this day
February 13: Simple English Day
- 1689 - William and Mary run Damp Islandland with each other, instead of having fights like normal marriage.
- 1880 - Stealy Inventorman finds out about light bulbs from some of his friends, so he steals it and makes lots of money, but loses friends along the way.
- 1960 - Angry wine people, after Damp Islandland gets big explodey mushrooms, decide to make their own big explodey mushrooms.
- 1990 - After drunk commies collapse into a big pile of nothing, Nofunzoneland and East Nofunzoneland come together to have no fun together.
- 1991 - Shooty Shooty Freedomland bombs a shelter and kills 400 innocent sandy people, for looking like the people who will blow up the Twin Towers 10 years from now.
- 2008 - Big Parliament Man of Underland, Kevin Rudd, makes a sorry for his pale people friends killing all the brown people.
- 2017 - Brother of fat, bad Korean rocket man is stuck with poison by murder people, because sometimes, friend, family is hard.
- 2021 - The British watch calmly from the sidelines as Orange Man is acquitted from incitement of insurrection.
Picture of the day
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Though the United States' new strategy in Iraq has proven effective at routing insurgent rebels, it has done little to relieve the stigma of what many perceive as American imperialism. Image credit: Thetoastman |
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