User:TheLick/Main Page

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Today's featured article

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Foreign accent syndrome is a rare psychiatric disorder that, in its milder form, causes people it affects to pronounce words in a foreign accent. The disorder usually follows a brain injury caused by non-perforating head trauma, as perforating head trauma is much too gory for a proper mental illness. In extreme cases, victims of FAS can actually acquire knowledge of the foreign language associated with their new accent, slang terms and humorous exaggerated versions of national stereotypes included. A victim who develops a Lithuanian accent might acquire the Lithuanian language, tell other people to "Laizhyk asilo shikna", piss on bottles of Švyturys Ekstra, and date his sister.

As of the present, there is no known cure or treatment for FAS, and scientists have yet to completely unravel how the disorder works. People afflicted with the disorder are usually shunned within their community and turned into social pariahs. Fortunately, there are government sponsored programs that let victims of FAS assimilate in foreign countries where their accents are accepted. (Full article...)

Did you know?

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  • ... that other people can prevent forest fires too?
  • ... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die?
  • ... that two peanuts were walking down a street and one was a salted?
  • ... that the sport of Water Polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?
  • ... that two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane?
  • ... that you have probably broken at least three of the Ten Commandments just by visiting this website?
  • ... that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help?

In the news

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Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over • Team Canada rethinking life

Recent deaths: Brad Arnold • NFL season • Winter Olympics • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • YouTube • Tom Noonan • Eric Dane • Melania Trump's big movie star career • Team Canada hockey, twice, AND their curling team • Some Nerd named Robert Carradine • Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • M-m-m-Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and other Iranian leaders

Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (according to Wikipedia) • Avicii (according to Wikipedia)

Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy and snow handling capability • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files • the US government, again • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to remember • Mexico • Smiling Friends

On this day

Who even plays melee anyway.

March 3: Beat Strangers to Death With a Lead Pipe Day

  • 1800's - The inventor of modern pizza gets brutally hit with a comically large rock, it was not a welcoming "per favore".
  • 1938 - Oil is discovered in Saudi Arabia, camel herders use it as a garnish for their camel steaks.
  • 1972 - Jethro Tull releases an album based on what they consider "the most epic poem they've ever read in their life".
  • 1991 - An amateur video captures Rodney King rudely getting in the way of an LAPD officer's jackbooted foot.
  • 1992 - The practice of beating strangers to death with lead pipes (Pictured) first emerges in Post-Soviet Belarus.
  • 2007 - A misplaced comma found in the 1st edition of Infinite Jest haunts David Foster Wallace for the rest of his days.
  • 2017 - Nintendo releases the Nintendo Switch, a device used to preoccupy your little brothers while you wash the pots and pans.
  • 2018 - The UN bans the practice of beating strangers to death with lead pipes, due to concerns about lead poisioning, and advises everyone to instead follow David Harbour's instructions for dealing with strangers.

Picture of the day

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