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Pope Francis (Latin: Franciscus [franˈtʃiskus], Italian: Francesco [franˈtʃesko]; born Jorge Mario Bergoglio on 17 December 1956) is the 377th and current Pope of the Catholic Church, elected in 2013. As such, he is Bishop of Rome, the head of the worldwide Catholic Church, NAMBLA's ambassador to the UN, and president of the Vatican City chain of pizzerias. He also played in the NBA for the Los Angeles Lakers for the 1982-83 season.

A native of Buenos Aires, Argentina, Bergoglio was ordained as a priest in 1987 after a successful career as an international footballer. In 1998 he became the Archbishop of Buenos Aires, and in 2001 an Arizona Cardinal.

Following the resignation of his predecessor Pope Benedict XVI, over allegations that he sexually abused a child while shouting at an African man for wearing a condom, Bergoglio won the papacy after the traditional game of rock paper scissors, and chose his papal name in honour of Pixies lead singer Black Francis.

Francis is the first pope to be a Jesuit, the first to come from the Americas, and the first to have scored a headed goal in the World Cup.

In 2013, like most of his predecessors, Pope Francis was honored as Time's Person of the Year for making the world safe for pedophiles.(Full article...)

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Switzerland wins Eurovision
- Netherlands disqualified in final shocker
YouTube is dead
D.C. stink-bombed by Jihadists and Nazis
Colombia Protests Exclusion from Eurovision; Britney Joins in Support (Pictured)
Ship captain who wrecked Baltimore bridge defeated by Upstate New York bridge
NFL imposes speed limit and bans trick plays
Forecast calls for a leapin' Lousy Smarch weather
Larry David gets Hinkled by Anti-Israel Protesters
Taylor Swift's favorite NFL team wins rigged Super Bowl, big whoop
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Climate activists ruin Jackson Pollock painting, no one notices
Stalemate in Ukraine: Zelenskyy flees for greener pastures
Steamboat Willie enters public domain, several Mickey Mouse horror films and games announced
Santa's Elves on strike
UnNews finally able to write obituaries for Shaft, Bull and Chandler
Will Barbenheimer beat JigSaw in his own game?

Ongoing: Russian Invasion · Eurovision
Recent deaths: Bernard Hill · Nemo's first trophy · Roger Corman · Chrissie from Jaws · Drake's "whole mans career" · Dabney Coleman
Upcoming deaths: Kris Kristofferson · Jimmy Carter · Vladimir Putin · The U.S. Federal Budget · Richard Simmons · Kate Middleton · Market demand for Tesla cars · "New York Knicks suck" jokes (watch this jinx them lol)

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On this day in history

"I got that Wikia money, brah. You can smell but you can't touch pleb bitches." - Jimbo Wales

May 19: Shill Your Products on Wikipedia Day

π - Mathematicians decide to stop writing all infinite digits of π and just scribble some fucked up looking h thing instead.
1922 - The United States quota on immigration is repealed after Congress unanimously votes to force everyone on Earth to live in the United States.
1971 - The Soviet Union's space program releases Mars 2, the sequel to the hit planet Mars. Due to budget cuts, Mars 2 is hollow and only has two dimensions.
1999 - Jar Jar Binks's lead role in The Phantom Menace earns him an Oscar nod, critics cheer: "George Lucas is back!"
2005 - To pay off his severe gambling debts, Jimbo Wales invites different companies to edit their own Wikipedia pages. (Pictured)
2025 - Uncyclopedia finally stops sucking.

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Did you know?

... that Elvis is NOT dead? (Pictured)

... that Earth is the best planet in the world?
... that bestiality just got 15 percent more legal?
... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it?
... that the world will beat a path to your door if you build a better Mousetrap?
... that 5/3 people cannot do fractions?
... that abstinence is only 99.999% effective?
... that the process of dying and coming back to life as a cow is known as reincownation?
... that every time you shoot yourself in the head, someone somewhere in the world dies?
... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?
... that the A-bombs dropped on Japan were awarded the Nobel Peace Prize?
... that this is just a distraction while we take your car?

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Today's featured lists

Featured today a long time ago[edit | edit source]

Pope Francis, featured on 19 May 2015: Featured version
UnNews:Abducted Ohio girls check MySpace, featured on 19 May 2013: Featured version
HowTo:Reenact History, featured on 19 May 2011: Featured version
Bob the Sperm, featured on 19 May 2010: Featured version
Kinsey Report No. 3: Sexual Behavior in Hamsters, featured on 19 May 2009: Featured version

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Bolivian signpost featuring the latest language symbolism to aid foreign visitors.

Image credit: Mhaille
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