Uncyclopedia Guide to Latin Phrases

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“Just grab the slippery bugger will you?”

~ Noel Coward on Carpe Diem

Welcome to the Uncyclopedia Guide to Latin Phrases. Once the domain of pompous inbreeds and socially awkward college professors, Latin Phrases are now seen as a useful tool for the common man (or plebs). It is a well attested to fact that anything said in Latin sounds deeply profound and anyone who takes the time to memorise lists of quotations can use them to impress the more feeble-minded amongst us. For the more romantically inclined whispering "Certe, toto, sentio nos in kansate non iam adesse..." into your loved ones ear should have wonderful results. Overall, regular use of Latin Phrases is shown to advance careers, sex lives and social standing within the community.

Some of the phrases are themselves translations of Greek phrases, as Greek rhetoric, literature and snappy comebacks were highly regarded in ancient Rome where those qualities were still immaturing. Many of the most popular phrases have been utilised in the works of some of the world's best writers, as well as providing an easy to use method of appearing slightly smarter than you actually are.

Usage

Latin Phrases such as "Citius! Altius! Fortius!" are often heard issued from the full pouting lips of Latina women mounted upon stallions.

Historically the use of Latin Phrases was first seen within the Ancient World from people who contributed to the many language guides that became increasingly necessary as the Roman Empire expanded throughout Europe, North Africa and the Middle East. Many of these phrases have made it into modern usage, including alibi, affidavit, agenda, cum laude and quid pro quo.

In English and Scottish heraldry mottoes are usually taken from Latin Phrases and are considered a component of the grant of arms. A motto may be in any language, but Latin is most frequently used. Heraldic slogans such as these frequently represent a battle-cry, its use remains popular in the UK despite Latin giving way to regional dialects such as Glaswegian, Estuary English and Polish. The practice remains in use within less civilised parts of the world, particularly amongst business organisations, legal institutions and people who generally want to feel superior.

In recent years fake Latin phrases have featured heavily within modern literature, having been utilised to great effect within the Harry Potter series of novels by British author I. M. Felching. Additionally, for those interested in Time Travel learning even rudimentary Latin can help you to avoid getting nailed to things due to a lack of communication skills.

Common Phrases

A number of popular and common phrases include:

Annus Horribilis

Although the term was in general use for a number of decades before, Elizabeth II brought the phrase to prominence following her first viewing of the infamous internet shock site Goatse.cx. whose front page featured a picture, entitled hello.jpg, highlighting a grossly distended anus. Her reaction to Tubgirl or 2 Girls, 1 Cup remains unknown at this time.

Carpe Diem

Although the phrase originally only related to various species of the freshwater Carp, later years have seen an increase in the use of a number of alternative fish, such as the above Bass and the ever popular Trout.

The Latin phrase "carpe diem", which translates as "Grab the Fish" was first used by the Roman satirist Horace in OHNOES (1. 11) It has since become a standard term, used in works as diverse as Ovid, Shakespeare and Peyton Manning.

The phrase is usually used in conversation as an existential cautionary term in the sense of "you must take hold or that fish and prepare to utilise it as a weapon", that is to say that the moment may come swiftly that you must act and that you must always be on guard and prepared for action, or some such shite.

Ex Terra Lucem

Many people have tried to work out the etymology of the expression "ex terra lucem", with a number of outlandish theories published every year. The earliest use is in a Latin translation of the hits of the Beatles with "ex terra" used for "sky" (from above the earth) and "Lucem" a Latinisation of the name "Lucy".

Favete Linguis

A phrase used by both sexes within Ancient Rome and some of the more popular parts of the Empire. In Vulgar Latin the phrase translates as "favour me with your tongue", although many add the restriction of "but don't hum the theme from The Dambusters". The term would later become the motto of the Royal Shakespeare Society, and utilised by Thesbians the world over.

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet...

A choral work by Italian composer Giuseppe Verdi, written sometime around 1450 BC, the lyrics are now used as a testing tool for publishers and web designers, although nobody is actually sure what the text means. Many suggest that it has something to do with the infamous Illuminati, but Verdi denied that he had any involvement with this curious organization. Another widely accepted theory is that it was actually a codified passage which inspired Giacomo Puccini to write his famous aria Che gelida manina (Your tiny hand is frozen), from the opera La Bohème. This results from an oft-cited scholarly tranlsation of "Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet" as "Your red arse is very cold".

The piece begins thunderously, and is notable for its extremely dense harmonies numbering 700 parts. Due to the difficulty in producing such a cumbersome piece, it has never been performed live, mainly because the scoring requires the following instruments:

Clamo, clamatis, omnes clamamus pro glace lactis.
  • Three-manual clavicytherium (upright harpsichord)
  • Wooden door (tuned to B)
  • Twenty prong Fromitz Board in F minor
  • Eighteen-hand piano (one piano, played by nine pianists)

Memento Mori

Refers to the quality of understanding Christopher Nolan's 2000 movie "Memento" and the ability to be able to mentally work through the timeline of the story in its correct chronological order. Bizarrely the phrase is mostly used by people who wish to feel as though they are achieving something within their lives but spend much of it procrastinating, often by learning latin phrases to use at inappropriate times.

Other Popular Latin Phrases

UN:LEGAL UN:LEGAL Legal Department
Uncyclopedia Notitia Probata
"Crede Quia Absurdum Est "
  • Amare et sapere vix deo conceditur - Even a Love God needs it hard.
  • Quod erat demonstrandum - No Running in the Quad.
  • Sobria inebrietas - Hilariously Shitfaced.
  • Reddite ergo quae sunt Caesaris, Caesari - What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
  • Romani ite domum - No Gypsies.

See Also

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