User:Shabidoo/arist2009

The BEST of the WORST, or vice versa

The Competition

What exactly IS The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball? To put it simply it is a festival of frivolity and bad taste, highlighting all those fine, fine contributions we never want to see featured.

Who can enter?

Anyone and everyone. All registered members of Uncyclopedia are encouraged to enter as long as they are not judges in the competition. Judges are not allowed to enter the competition as writers. You may enter only once for each category for which you are eligible (one article per category per person). If you wish to collaborate with other eligible contestants, you may do so, but that will count as your one entry in the category. Collaborative efforts will have to decide who is the "team leader," who will house the article on his/her name space and receive the prize if your collaboration wins, at which point (it is assumed) s/he will distribute the winnings among the other members of the team. If a user wishes to enter in more than one category (for which s/he is eligible), s/he is welcome to do so, either collaborating or alone, but may, again, only enter one per category. Two collaborations do not count as one entry; they count as two.

How does it work?

As with the PLS competition, compose your work in your user space and submit below the relevant category sections. The competition will remain open for 2 weeks from its start date (in this case on the evening of 26th November), after which the page shall be protected and judging will commence. The results of this will be announced a week following that.

Do pieces entered in the competition have to be NEW and ORIGINAL?

YES!

Again, just like PLS, any works entered in this competition must be original, and created after the contest's official start date. You'd think this concept would be self-explanatory, but here it is now, in print, for all to see.

Also, pee review is not allowed. All rules pertaining to peer evaluation present in the traditional Poo Lit Surprise writing competition are common here. Just puttin' that out there.

When is the competition held?

Writing starts NOVEMBER 26th and will last for two weeks. All entries will be locked for judgery at December 11th, 00:00 GMT.

Judgery will last for a week thereafter. All winners will be announced on the December 18th.

The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball

JUDGES:

1. The Thinker
2. TheLedBalloon
3. 15Mickey20

CONCEPT:

The Aristocrats is often lauded as the world's dirtiest joke. But to seasoned purveyors of this joke, it is an opportunity to make the bizarre, grotesque and immoral become a platform for insane hilarity. As we enter this season of blessings-counts and humble pie, this platform seems all-too-perfect for the sick and twisted minds of Uncyclopedia. A beautiful expression of the first amendment in all her Norman Rockwellian glory.

In the contest, editors shall create a subpage in their Userspace solely devoted to their telling of the joke. Length, formatting and delivery are left discretion of the editor. Once the contest commences, a 3-person panel of judges shall elect one winner and two runner-ups.

RULES:

1. All registered users may submit one (1) entry to the contest.
2. While portions may overlap, any reproduction of another person's telling of the joke (be they regular people, fellow editors, or comedians such as those seen in The Aristocrats film) is grounds for instant disqualification.
3. Out of fairness to all participants, users may NOT record audio versions of their work.
4. Banned or suspended users and/or sock puppet users are ineligible for participation.
5. Judges are ineligible for participation.

JUDGING:

The 3-person judging panel shall individually score each entry using a specified 1-to-10 scoring template not unlike the one used for Pee Review. The elements in question shall include:

1. Overall Humor – Judges shall decide this field based on the entry they find the funniest, regardless of other judging fields.
2. Delivery of Humorous Elements – As the delivery of this joke shall be textual, judges shall decide this field based on their perception of the joke's delivery in this medium.
3. Use of Obscenity and Profanity – Profanity, obscenity, debauchery and lewdness are inherent elements of The Aristocrat's. However, it is the clever utilization of these elements that determine their effectiveness in conveying the humor of the joke. As such, herein judges shall decide the effectiveness of this field.
4. Miscellaneous – Points awarded for style, originality, design flourish, etc. depending upon the opinions of the judge.

WINNERS: The contest's winner shall be dubbed Uncyclopedia Aristocrat en Regalia, and receive an honorary template to that effect. First and second runners up shall receive Uncyclopedia Aristocrat Honoree templates.

Grand Finale

• User:So_So/crats
• Tied for 2nd place - User:An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays/Aristocrats
• Tied for 2nd place - User:Syndrome/crats

Username	Entry	Comment
Kakun	User:Kakun/The Arichardgoldstonecrats	I'm still thinking how to fit some feces in there. --~ Kakun · talk 20:34, November 27, 2009 (UTC)
PuppyOnTheRadio	Fuckwit - English translator	Back by popular demand. More aristocratic then ever! Pup
Happytimes	User:Happytimes/The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball	I supposed I could pepper in some profanity, obscenity, debauchery and lewdness in there, but F**k that F*****g W*******d on a Q********s L*******g S**t H*****d.  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  14:15, November 29, 2009 (UTC)
So So	User:So So/crats	Aristocrats backwards is starcotsira and wearing crotchless panties bent over backwards is yo mama. --S0.S0S.0S.0S0 13:31, December 1, 2009 (UTC)
Sockpuppet of an unregistered user	User:Sockpuppet of an unregistered user/ARISTOCRATS	You just wait and see! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 12:51, 2 December 2009
An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays	User:An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays/Aristocrats	I went to a very dark place. -- morbid Ape (dehydrate) (Riot Porn) 15:45, December 3, 2009 (UTC)
GlobalTourniquet	User:GlobalTourniquet/The Aristocrats	priorities...-- GlobalTourniquet: UnAstrologer, UnJournalist, shameless narcissistic America-hating liberal atheist award-winning featured writer 00:15, December 4, 2009 (UTC)
Hey people!	User:Hey people!/Hey people it's The Aristocrats	A wholesome family act.--Hey people! 22:23, December 7, 2009 (UTC)
Syndrome	User:Syndrome/crats	Now what would you call a service like that? ~ 23:31, December 10, 2009 (UTC)
Sockpuppet of an unregistered user	User:Sockpuppet of an unregistered user/ARISTOCRATS	And this time they take over the world. ~ 00:06, December 11, 2009 (UTC)

Best Bad Taste Article

JUDGES:

1. Mhaille
2. Electrified mocha chinchilla
3. Rabbi Techno

CONCEPT:

For articles of inappropriate or offensive subject matter, those deemed to be of "bad taste". Drawing upon many timeless classics, from the gentle subtleties of Holocaust Tycoon, the sensitivity of The Diary of Anne Frank or the information packed knowledge-base that is Anal Glands, this is your chance to join a select genre of quality humour.

RULES:

1. All registered users may submit one (1) entry to the contest.
2. Banned or suspended users and/or sock puppet users are ineligible for participation.
3. Judges are ineligible for participation.

JUDGING:

The 3-person judging panel shall individually score each entry using a specified 1-to-10 scoring template not unlike the one used for Pee Review. The elements in question shall include:

1. Overall Humour – Judges shall decide this field based on the entry they find the funniest, regardless of other judging fields.
2. Miscellaneous – Points awarded for style, originality, design flourish, etc. depending upon the opinions of the judge.

WINNERS: The contest's winner shall be dubbed Uncyclopedia Aristocrat en Regalia, and receive an honorary template to that effect. First and second runners up shall receive Uncyclopedia Aristocrat Honoree templates.

Grand Finale

• Under user - Ich Bin Ein Celebrity Juden, Get Me Out Of Here!
• 2nd - Zim_ulator - Wii Fisting Controller * Tied for 3rd -Mahm00shA - UnScripts:The cannibal, the necrophile and the coprophagist
• Tied for 3rd - PuppyOnTheRadio - Search for God -

Username	Entry	Comment
PuppyOnTheRadio	Search for God	Wow - this inspiration stuff is fantastic. I gotta get me some more of this. Pup
Sockpuppet of an unregistered user	User:Sockpuppet of an unregistered user/Obsessive-compulsive vomiting disorder	It tastes bad, trust me. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 12:53, 2 December 2009
UU	User:Under_user/Celeb	This just popped into my head. I'm now worried about my head.
M00fasa	The cannibal, the necrophile and the Coprophagist	I'd like to thank the guy who writes Cannibal Corpse's lyrics for making this possible. • FreddThe Metalhedd • • • 00:33, December 4, 2009 (UTC)
reverend zimulator	UnNews:Nintendo introduces Wii Fisting Controller	I don't think I originated the idea, but hopefully it's of sufficient bad taste for The Ball. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 04:22, December 4, 2009 (UTC)
Kakun	user:kakun/UnTunes:They R e-Stalk 'Crats	I've already done an aristocrats so I put this one here. ~ Kakun · talk 04:22, December 4, 2009 (UTC)

The Master Goa Tse Award for Digital Imagery

QUALITY images only please!

JUDGES:

1. Modusoperandi
2. Colin "All your base" Heaney
3. Multiliteralist

CONCEPT:

This category is designed to highlight images that, although are painfully funny, inspire the viewer with the desire to spork out their eyes due to guilt and self loathing at finding them amusing. As with the other categories this is NOT about shock or gore images, it is primarily about well crafted imagery that may just happen to press the wrong buttons.

RULES:

1. All registered users may submit one (1) entry to the contest.
2. All pictures must be original to the author in some way, either 'chopped to some degree, done entirely by the author, or be otherwise edited in some meaningful way. Basically, don't steal other people's images. You've been warned.
3. Banned or suspended users and/or sock puppet users are ineligible for participation.
4. Judges are ineligible for participation.

JUDGING:

The 3-person judging panel shall individually score each entry using a specified 1-to-10 scoring template not unlike the one used for Pee Review. The elements in question shall include:

1. Overall Humour – Judges shall decide this field based on the entry they find the funniest, regardless of other judging fields.
2. Quality - Just how well made IS the image?
3. Cleverness - Points are awarded for creativity, for well thought out images.
4. Miscellaneous – Points awarded for style, originality, design flourish, etc. depending upon the opinions of the judge.

WINNERS: The contest's winner shall be dubbed Uncyclopedia Aristocrat en Regalia, and receive an honorary template to that effect. First and second runners up shall receive Uncyclopedia Aristocrat Honoree templates.

Grand Finale:

• User:PuppyOnTheRadio, File:John McEnroe Pong.gif
• User:Zana Dark, File:Paulwalrus.jpg
• User:RAHB, File:Lolaisaho.png

Username	Entry	Comment
CheddarBBQ		Still to be finished, but I'm working on it.. Finished, but now I feel dirty... I'm over it. In fact, I already know what I'm gonna do next year. Wish I could nom two...
Necropaxx		Surprisingly, several of the natives took ill after sampling Mrs. Bradford's famous home-style smallpox cookies. (Click to enlarge)
Sockpuppet of an unregistered user		I call it "Fire Breathing Turkey, An Impression". —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 20:37, 2 December 2009
PuppyOnTheRadio		John McEnroe, the legendary bad boy of tennis, was one of the first sports stars to sponsor a computer game. John McEnroe Pong.
RAHB		Bathroom stalls: An innovative and invigorating way to call important and thought-provoking social commentary to attention: Yes. An appropriate place for expressing one's sentimental feelings for a deceased loved-one: NO.
Zana Dark		Coo-Coo Kachoo! Gesundheit.
Happytimes		You can often gauge the penis width of one's lover simply by measuring the circumference of their cocker-ring. (Click to enlarge.)
Joe9320		The candy that is made from 25% turkey Goatse. The other 75% is made from Aristocrat's Goatse.
So So		Penis.

Competition wrap up

It was, as with every year, hot and sweaty, bloody and obscene, tasteless and marvelous. I'd like to thank all the writer,choppers and judges for performing in an outrageous manner. I'd like to thank my parents who brought me here as my car broke down. as soon as I'm back on my computer I'll sort out moving all the crats jokes into a proper location. And until next year, toodaloo and hip hip. ~ 22:31, December 19, 2009 (UTC)