User:Mr C. Norris
These are people who have accepted Chuck Norris's amazing leadership skills, and now serve him, or just plain admire him.
“This page is from the past - Mr C. R. Norris roundhouse kicked it into next week”
“I pity the foo who tries to pity this foo”
“In Soviet Russia, Norris still roundhouse kick YOU”
“He may win in a fight”
“He pissed on my car once now it doesn't work”
You may note that I am British. I emigrated. You should see that page of my buddy "AnarchyUK". He survived being roundhoused by me and pitied by Mr T. Be warned! An alcholic he is and Yoda he talk like! That said he is the love child of Stalin and Hilter.
Articles I have written:
- This one
- Soviet Britain
- Game: Kroz
- Chuck Borris --watch this space
-- C. Norris (talk) (Read my Uncybiography)
For your own safety, please contact a professional before adding any additional Oscar Wilde or Chuck Norris related content.
Chuck Facts[edit | edit source]
- If you have five pounds and Chuck Norris has five pounds, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
- There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
- Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 pence every time he listens to a song.
- Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open and his mouth closed.
- Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
- Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
- Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
- When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
- There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
- Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
- Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
- Chuck Norris is the reason why Wally is hiding.
- Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
- There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
- When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
- Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
- Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
- Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
- Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
- Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
- Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
- Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
- Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter
- Chuck Norris doesn't need eye beams but has them anyway
- Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
- When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
- Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
- Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"
- Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
- Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
- Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them
- They say a picture speaks a thousand words, Chuck Norris speaks a thousand pictures with one word
- Chuck Norris knows who you are, <insert name here>!
This user is reading your thoughts!
Philosophical Problems[edit | edit source]
“The Chuck Norris paradox is the paradox of Chuck Norris beating or not beating himself up in a second. It is believed that Chuck Norris could beat anyone up in less than a second. Also, no one can defeat him. This brings us to a problem - if Chuck Norris tried to fight himself, he could not lose (because nobody can defeat him), and he could also not win (because winning a Norris-Norris fight would mean that Chuck Norris lost). A related problem is determining what would happen if Chuck Norris ran around the world so fast that he could punch himself in the back of the head.”
History[edit | edit source]
“Some of these events may have happened in the past”
- In the beginning...
See article on Mr. T for our involvement in the big bang
- I was born to my "mother"
- I kill a Grue with my bare teeth
- My first and last paper round
- See self on TV, thus discovering the roundhouse kick and creating yet another paradox
- My attempts to throw a Frisbee end in the Roswell incident
- First met Mr. T
- Discover that by self roundhouse kicking, I can travel back in time, having travelled faster than light
- Discovered how JFK ‘’really’’ died
- Founded Ingsoc
- Star in film and TV in my past, allowing me to watch my future self as a child
- Cure Mr. T of cancer –that dance of his really was moving
- Bush announces that “we are addicted to oil”
- I immigrate to the UK
- Following the Time War and the destruction of the Eye of harmony, I refuel the Doctor’s TARDIS with a roundhouse kick
- Universe ends
See article on Mr. T for our involvement in the end of time
“Aliens (Klingons?) are waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they invade, shame he’ll never die”
Victims of Chuck Norris[edit | edit source]
Number of people Chuck Norris has defeated, divided by infinity, Since you opened this page. We cannot show the exact figure as it is too large.
Darth Vader[edit | edit source]
A long time ago, In a Galaxy far, far away, Darth Vader foolishly led the Empire in an invasion of Chuck Norris. After quickly relising that sending Stormtroopers at him was hugely futile. Vader chalenged Chuck Norris to single combat. Vader attemped to force choke Norris and at first was succesful. However, as Chuck Norris doesn't have to breath. Vader was quickly roundhoused to a Galaxy far, far, far away.
James T. Kirk[edit | edit source]
“The one place one should not, boldly go, where, no man has ,,, gone, before,”
On a interstellar, 5 minute walk, Chuck Norris was disscoved by the USS Enterprise and was mistaken for a bird of pray (yes pray) by an increasing parnoyed Sulu. The Enterprise, promtly fired a voley of photon topedoes and phasor shots, all of which were deflected by Chuck Norris' corbomite reflector (or maybe a hard stare?). Kirk then hailed Chuck Norris only to find that the signal was roundhouse kicked back, causing Uhura to have a conversation with herself for about half an hour. Kirk then went back in time via the Guardian to prevent Norris' birth and genally muck about with time. Unfortuatly for Kirk, whether or not Norris was born is in dispute so all that was achieved was some woman in the '40s dying at random. Kirk then tried Kirking Norris but this failed due to Norris not being some miscalanious alien bird. Kirk finally tried his over use of comma attact, only to find that this was useless against the telepathic Norris who imediatly responed with a semi-colon. This was more than Kirk could withstand and he withdrew (no, not what your thinking!!) and was forced to wear a toupee and feel attracted to shapesifting aliens that morph into little girls for the rest of time.
This Chess Board[edit | edit source]
Chuck Norris can check mate both sides in one move
Other[edit | edit source]
Chuck Norris has also defeated:
- <insert name here>
- Nuck Chorris (younger brother)
- Chuck Borris (Russian cousin)
- Your Mum
- All your friends
- All your base
- Everyone you know
- Everyone you don't
- Everyone you passed in the street this morning
- Your teachers/employers
- Everyone from any SCI-FI or fantasy ever made
- Everyone who has every died
- Everyone who has every lived
- Those who don't exist
- Everyone basically
Chuck Norris has not defeated:
CATS Norris[edit | edit source]
Chuck Norris is now known to have stared in a badly translated Japanesse Video Game
- Narrator: In A.D. 2101, war was beginning.
- Captain: What happen ?
- Mechanic: Somebody set up us the roundhouse.
- Operator: We get hurt.
- Captain: What!
- Operator: Main screen turn on.
- Captain: It's you!!
- CATS Norris: How are you victims!!
- CATS Norris: All your trophies are belong to us.
- CATS Norris: You are on the way to kicked.
- Captain: What you say!!
- CATS Norris: You have no chance to live make your time.
- CATS Norris: Ha Ha Ha Ha ....
- Operator: Captain!!
- Captain: Take off every 'block!!
- Captain: You don’t know what you doing.
- Captain: Move 'block'.
- Captain: For great defence.
This person has successfully registered on Uncyclopedia.
They should be proud of themselves for making such a smart move.
“I pity the fool who puts Chuck Norris and Mr. T. in the same article.”
“The only thing worse than having Chuck Norris and Mr. T. in the same article is having Chuck Norris, Mr. T, and Oscar Wilde in the same article.”
“Chuck Norris is not afraid of being hit by a .600 Nitro Express round. The .600 Nitro Express round is afraid of being hit by Chuck Norris”
“ In soviet russia, chuck get roundhouse kicked by YOU!!!!”
Things relating to our hero Chuck Norris. He demanded his own category, threatening to roundhouse kick us. This page was duly created, and he kicked us anyway. We should have seen it coming...
- Chuck Norris
- British Uncyclopedians
- Wilde Project Members
- Eye Beams
- Uncyclopedians who know where their Towel is
- Members of the Order of Uncyclopedia
- People who have their own category
- Bad Motherfuckers
- Why everyone hates Americans
- Old Farts
- One True Gods
- Actors Who Unbefuckinglieveably Suck So Much Balls It's Hard To Imagine What Money Grabbing Cocksucker Gave Them An Acting Role
- Things you can't destroy with a million daleks
- People you wouldn't piss off
- Living people
- Internet memes
- Awesome People