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HowTo:Walk

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This guide aims to teach you the basics of bipedal propulsion (also known as walking). This skill will enable you to move. Being able to move has many notable benefits, from accomplishing basic human functions to realising your deepest dreams. Experienced walkers often describe walking as a useful skill to have, especially in activities such as running away from terrorists or buying a coffee from Starbucks.

Although walking is an activity suitable for most people, there are still some requirements:

  • You must have at least two legs (three is fine, but a hundred is a bit too many). If you are unable to find them, locate them by looking down. They should come with the necessary bones, ligaments, and muscles for walking. If they do not, file a complaint to your mom.
  • You must be able to tell your left from your right (and your Trump from your Biden). Failure to do so can cause a major political scandal and/or the storming of your country's political legislative building. You can also trip and skin your knees.
  • Although a full brain is not required, a functioning motor cortex is preferable when learning to walk. If you discover that you do not have a functioning motor cortex, take one from a friend/family member or borrow one from your local library.

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