HowTo:Convert to Sheeranism
Are you sure about this- bang!
Hi, and welcome to the Church of Sheeranism. I'm Leader Rick, the leader of the Church of Sheeranism in Hell, Michigan. What you saw was a traitor trying to suppress our religious freedom. If you don't know what Sheeranism is, Sheeranism is about the ways of our Lord and Savior, Ed Sheeran. Sheeranism is unlike any other religion, as we pray to one of the biggest popstars in the world. However, if you betray us in any way, shape or form, we might have to...well...I guess maybe end up like this poor guy that I killed just now.
Eh, never mind. Let's get to the basics, shall we?
Step 1: Research[edit | edit source]
Every religion needs a research study. In our case, listen to our Lord and Savior's songs for maybe about a month. Any streaming service is welcome (and also streaming is much easier), but it doesn't matter. Going to one of His concerts before you convert (even once) will grant you instant membership, so you don't need to do the other steps. Otherwise...
Step 2: Consultation[edit | edit source]
Meet up with a Sheeranist leader to understand the requirements for joining. In most cases, you will have to show them your listening history. While you may be allowed to listen to other musicians, our Lord and Savior must appear at least once in your streaming stats for 6 months. If you listen to CDs or vinyl or any form of physical media, you might have to jot down how many times you've listened to Him versus all other artists.
Step 3: Participate[edit | edit source]
Sometimes we organize listening parties in our churches. We also do watchalongs (such as watching our Lord and Savior's movies), and make crafts as well. At times, we might even go to His concerts as well. We also celebrate His birthday on the 17th of February, and when that day comes, there is a huge celebration. We even do karaoke at times too. So, in order to get converted, you must at least participate in our activities for a year.
Step 4: Conversion[edit | edit source]
Now that's all set and done, the ceremony of Sheeranist conversion begins. One of our leaders will give you a certificate showing that you have done all the necessary requirements. That way you can let your family and friends know that you are a Sheeranist.
Step 5: [REDACTED][edit | edit source]
Wait, we do not need an extra step! Look, it's fine if you want to leave our religion. But, the thing is, you can still go back to Sheeranism if you attend another one of His concerts. But if you don't, it's okay. However, if you really think Sheeranism is really, really blasphemous, then, I'm afraid this might happen to you...
Wait, why are the police here?
Put your hands up! NOW!
What? I did nothing wrong! All I said was steps on converting-
It doesn't matter. You are getting arrested for murder.
Uh oh. Well, I'll see you next time when we do a how to on making one of His guitars...ugh...help...